Today we continue our ‘Poor Poor Pitiful MJ’ theme as I bemoan the fact that all you Brits are spending Mother’s Day with your mummies, eating Simnel Cake.
Yet I, an orphan, cannot enjoy the company of my mum since she passed away years ago.
(insert sounds of sobbing here)
Mother’s Day isn’t until May in Canada but that’s beside the point.
You and your mummies are all stuffing your faces on Simnel Cake, which, ‘til Geoff posted about it , I had never heard of nor eaten.
But apparently it’s what you do on Mother’s Day over there. And more Simnel Cake again at Easter.
Although I’ve never seen a Simnel Cake on Coronation Street so can it really be real?
I don’t suppose you’ll save me a slice.
You won’t even think about me, will you?
Alone.
Motherless.
Sans Simnel Cake.
Have a slice of Battenburg laced with some Canadian Club.
ReplyDeleteIt always cheers me up
Simnel cake? It's what we're all doing?
ReplyDeleteErm...
I've never heard of it either.
Most mothers over here, as far as I'm aware, will be eating nothing but chocolates all day.
And why does the cake in that pic have Easter chicks on it?
ReplyDeleteWhat the fucks that got to do with Mother's Day?
Exactly Piggy! I don't get the Easter chicks either.
ReplyDeleteNever heard of Simnel Cake and I don't even know when mothers day is in Denmark, nor do I really care.
I'm a rubbish son you know - for more than one reason.
Poor MJ, you can have my mother.
I am declaring myself MJ's blogging mother. So get me a present .And make it a big one
ReplyDeleteNo - simnel cake is for Easter, not MOTHERING Sunday and i haven't had chocolates yet. grr
ReplyDeleteGARFY: I had to Google ‘Battenburg’ as that must be another one of your obscure (to me) UK sweets along with Tunnocks Teacakes.
ReplyDeleteCanadian Club is swill. May I have a dram of Jamesons instead?
PIGGY: The cake in the pic is the Easter version of Simnel Cake, apparently.
I just can’t believe this is a popular UK tradition if I haven’t seen it at Roy’s Rolls alongside his Eccles cakes.
CYBERPOOF: Mother’s Day in Denmark is in May, like ours, so that gives you plenty of time to think up an excuse to be out of town.
Another boat show, perhaps?
BEAST: A pressie? Here. Have a banana.
And a Simnel Cake.
Read me a story, mummy?
BITTERSWEET: Next you’ll be telling me that Newton & Ridleys is a fictional brewery.
That sells fake beer.
ReplyDeletePIGGY: Next you'll be telling me the streets of Manchester aren't cobbled.
ReplyDelete*cries*
Ditto Mj, my mum passed away a few years ago.
ReplyDeleteI will be eating chocolate in her honour!
FROBI: Maybe Beast will be your mummy too.
ReplyDeleteOr Piggy and Tazzy could adopt us and we'll go to live in their house in Barnsley with Piggy as our mummy and Tazzy as our daddy.
No wait. SID's my daddy.
Whatever will become of us?
*mixes a chocolate martini for Frobi and cries again*
Meanie
ReplyDeleteNo simnel cake for my mum. She's doing so well controlling her diabetes and her cholesterol tablets have just been upped...
ReplyDelete"Don't get old, Geoff" she told me.
She's gone to my sisters for a meal for six. She's taking a gravy boat, a tureen, a trifle and a copy of the Daily Mail with her. No kitchen sink, though.
Perhaps MJ, you and Frobi and I shall get lucky and get adopted by Angelina Jolie...
ReplyDeletehell, I'll even settle for Madonna...
GEOFF: Don’t fret about your mum’s health.
ReplyDeleteTomorrow there’ll be a headline in the Daily Mail that shouts BRITISH SCIENTISTS DISCOVER CURE FOR DIABETES! LOWER YOUR CHOLESTEROL AT THE SAME TIME! AND STILL EAT TRIFLE!
I suppose she’s already read this.
BINGOWINGS: Are you orphaned too?
*weeps again*
*weeps more at the thought of Angelina or Madonna as my mummy*
I'd not heard of simnel cake before I met Geoff. Mind you, his mother is mad.
ReplyDeleteI think these days buying your mum chocolates for Mother's Day just isn't enough. You're supposed to pay for her to spend a week getting her feet massaged in a Swiss health clinic, or something like that.
BETTY: Does this mean I have to massage Beast's feet?
ReplyDeleteGeoff is my light onto the wacky world of Britdom. Well both of you are, really.
I think you're ALL mad.
bitch
ReplyDeletepiss
whine
moan
Waaah waaah fucking waaah.
Glad to see some things aren't changing.
word verif: zolta ... I like that word.
Simnel cake? Never tried it. Not sure what a simnel is either.
ReplyDeleteHave a chocolate sandwich instead. O lucky MJ.
MAIDY: Who do you think I learned all THAT from?
ReplyDelete*stares hole through Maidy's shirt*
KAPI: That chocolate sandwich is the reverse of an oreo cookie, isn't it?
I am a poor wee orphan my mammy she is dead, my daddy was a drunkard and wouldn't buy me bread, I sit beneath the window and hear the organ play, and bless my poor wee mammy whose underneath the clay.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the dooner, I'm off to *hug* me mammy.
*horizontally*
KNUDSEN: Poor you? Poor ME! I don't even remember me Da. I was a wee baby when he died.
ReplyDeleteDid they send you to Father Flanagan's Boys' Home?
Were you raised on gruel?
I frequently judge how Brit something is by whether or not I've seen it on Coronation Street.
ReplyDeleteHugs for MJ!
ReplyDeleteGuys, we don't get Corrie over here - let alone Eastenders. It's our way of distancing ourselves from the Empire.
Simnel cake's active ingredient is Marzipan? I'm going to catalogue that in *untouchable* right next to most of English cusine. Black pudding indeed.
Good gods! I've just got home from visitng The Mother and realised that I didn't get any simnel cake!! The horror! And I love marzipan, too.
ReplyDeleteI did, however, come away with a box of six mini Mr Kipling Battenburgs.
(To reuse an old unfunny phrase) Marzipan is for life, not just Christmas/Easter/Mother's Day etc.
Father Flanagan's Boys' Home
ReplyDeleteAh the brutal memories are flooding back. 3 floggings a day whether we needed it or not.
DINAH: I'm dubious about IVD's claim that there's such a thing as mini Mr Kipling Battenburgs.
ReplyDeleteI'm almost certain Dev's Corner Shop doesn't stock them.
T-BIRD: Would you like to sample IVD's "Spotted Dick"?
IVD: See comments to Dinah and T-Bird.
KNUDSEN: I've a nice fresh birch switch here if you'd like to revisit your past.
You can have mine.
ReplyDeleteGEO: If it's true that men marry women that remind them of their mothers, that means your ma is like Maidy.
ReplyDeleteSo no thanks.
A what cake? I imagine I'm not the first to ask this.
ReplyDeleteAnd Corriemelation Street - rots your brain. Don't do it.
BBB: I’ve only just weaned myself off EastEnders.
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time.
Oh, Simnel cake. I remember that.
ReplyDeleteBtw, was it named for one of Cromwell's genocidal maniacs that Knudie fought with?
CONAN: Hello Conan Drumm and your lovely Irish bum.
ReplyDeleteSimnel was Knudsie's instructor at the Killamory jet fighter school.
That is sad %(
ReplyDeleteI wish that there was something that I could do to cheer you up.
Something legal anyway.
LORD T: Sending me a pic of your bare bottom would cheer me up tremendously.
ReplyDelete