Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy New Year, Bitches!

On behalf of the staff here at Infomaniac (Mistress MJ, The Houseboys, and The Infomaniac Dancers) we wish you a Happy New Year.

We hope you enjoyed yourself here in 2008 and that you’ll be back in 2009 for more madcap moments, zany hijinks, kooky capers and wacky shenanigans.

Oh and plenty more arse too!

Manuel’s arse: the life of any party!

But before you run off to your parties, pause for a moment to wish our southern belle, our Georgia peach, our minty julep, a happy birthday.


Really love your peaches, wanna shake your tree

See you in ’09, bitches!

Monday, December 29, 2008

Tea and Discipline

Mistress MJ’s displeasure with the lacklustre performance of her new houseboys has resulted in extra housework…a task she does not fancy at all.

Therefore, she is taking a two-day hiatus to discipline the houseboys…

Mistress MJ shows Miss Scarlet how it’s done

Miss Daisy was supposed to assist in the punishment but she’s been lured away for tea by the charming Mr. Ginro

As Mistress MJ is preoccupied, you may go elsewhere for your blogging jollies and come back again on Wednesday or you may stay and chatter amongst yourselves.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

MJ & Beast’s Book Club

Many times Beast and Mistress MJ have been asked to incorporate their separate book clubs into one.

But we could never come to an agreement on which titles to select and it was a source of constant argument.

Mistress MJ & Beast quarrel in “Scenes from a Stinky Duvet”

You see, Beast likes Chick Lit and Mistress MJ likes Dick Lit.

Beast enjoys nothing more than to chit chat about single, urban women and their man troubles as they shop for shoes and sip cosmopolitans ….hmmm.. sounds like we're describing a day in the life of CyberPoof.

Whereas Mistress MJ would rather discuss homoerotica; tales of backroom bumfun and blowjobs…hmmm…sounds like a night out with Mssrs. Frobisher, Hardhouse and Kapitano.

Needless to say, it’s been a constant power struggle between Beast and Mistress MJ as to which titles will be selected for their mutual book club.

Until now.

Today we’ll all be reading “Things You Can Do While You’re Naked.” This book is a guide to doing everyday activities in the nude.

Beast, put your frilly pinny on and serve the canapés while I gather everyone ‘round to discuss today’s selection.

Please turn to page 113 to read the Book Club study questions.

1. What everyday activity do you perform while you’re naked?

2. What would you like to do while you’re naked that you haven’t already done?

Beast, for example, likes to vacuum in the altogether…

Oh and just one more thing. Participants in our Book Club must be naked!

Thank you. Help yourself to tea and canapés as Beast comes around with the serving tray.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Houseboys from Hell

Mistress MJ was pleased to find a bevy of new houseboys under the tree this Christmas…

But trouble is already brewing.

Expectations were high as she packed them off to the kitchen to prepare her turkey dinner. But when she poked her head in later to check on their progress, she found them sipping cocktails and tittering; heads craned toward the table…

She strode toward the table and was greeted with this abomination...

Marching angrily into the adjoining room, she found another group of houseboys, aprons asunder, lazing about watching telly…

Then up in her bedroom there arose such a clatter, she hurried upstairs to see what was the matter…

That’s it. You’ve seen enough. Obviously Mistress MJ has no control over this new crop of houseboys and she’s beside herself with worry.

What should she do?

Friday, December 26, 2008

Filthy Friday

Mistress MJ fully expected to get her stocking stuffed but this is not what she had in mind…

And how was your Christmas, bitches?

Adieu, Eartha Kitt

Mistress MJ bids adieu to Eartha Kitt who died at age 81 on Christmas Day.

We featured you previously here and rest assured your voice will always be heard chez Infomaniac.

Heavenly houseboys await you...

Eartha Kitt - C'est Si Bon…

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas, Bitches!

Mistress MJ will be busy unwrapping her new houseboys for the next couple of days.

But don’t think she’s forgotten you. She’s made sure that Beast has a fresh bunch of bananas and there are sausages for the rest of you…

For those of you high-maintenance bitches who require entertainment while we're away, Infomaniac is pleased to present the Del Rubio Triplets. Because nothing says Merry Christmas like the heavenly intonations of three sexagenarians in mini skirts and go-go boots.

This clip is taken from Mistress MJ’s favourite Christmas show, Pee-Wee's Playhouse Christmas Special. Before the Del Rubio Triplets appear, you’ll see a few seconds of Pee-wee Herman with Cowboy Curtis (played by Laurence Fishburne).


If you’re in the neighbourhood, drop by on December 26th for your Filthy Friday fix.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, bitches!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Nigella’s XXXmas

I spritz the juice over my tits

Mistress MJ is away for the day. Normally, The Infomaniac Dancers would fill in for her but they’ve booked a few days off to perform at Radio City Music Hall on a double bill with The Rockettes.

Our friend Vicus, sensing my quandary, came to the rescue with a bit of festive fun to keep you entertained while I’m away.

Vicus tells me he’d like to have his baubles licked by Nigella Lawson. I found his confession rather shocking but after watching this clip, you’ll understand why he feels that way.

Viewers of a sensitive disposition, look away now…

And before you go, Infomaniac wishes a happy 50th birthday to that caffeinated Bostonian bitch, Rich.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Blogging Roundup

A peek at ‘the week that was’ with a handful of Infomaniac’s readers.


Like flies returning to shit, Yorkshire’s favourite poofs are back!

Be sure to drop by and say hello.

B.Y.O.B.B. ... Bring your own barf bag.


Oh bugger me! It looks like The Smunts have returned too!

Yes, it’s England’s favourite postie, Steve and his fag hag wife, Carly


Ms. Nations forces us to relive the horror of gym class.


Don’t hate Kaz because she is in sunny Spain and you’re not.

Kaz's Catalonian Caganer

"Caganer translates from Catalan to English as "pooper", and that is exactly what this little statue is doing — defecating."


In Old Knudsen’s “People You Meet” post, we’re greeted with a familiar face…



Tom (left) and his horsey

It’s time we re-introduced TOM to everybody as he’s been a bit shy about bandying himself about the Blogosphere lately.

Aside from Vicus, he has very few friends so we here at Infomaniac think it’s high time he got out and mixed with the rest of us.

Tom is from Devon, England. His interests include horses, organic gardening and “anything with Hugh Grant in.”

The most important thing you need to know about Tom is that he’s the Winner of the Betty's Utility Room 2006 Loverman Award.

Pop over and show him some love.

No, Tom! Don’t jump! We LIKE you, Tom! Oh wait…(clicks pic to enlarge) …are you wearing CROCS???

*sound of yodeling in the canyon as Tom disappears mysteriously over the edge*

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Where’s My Pressies?

Mistress MJ is knackered, having spent yesterday ensnared in the hustle and bustle that is Christmas shopping. Shopping for your pressies, I might add.

The hazards of leaving your shopping this late include getting stuck in queues and crowds and, it turns out, being poked in the behind with a tube of gift wrap.

And the traffic was a bitch, especially trying to transport a harem back in my sedan for Garfer.

Mistress MJ is now ready to receive her gifts from you lot.

Bring it on, bitches.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Christmas Shopping

As you can see, the houseboys have taken Mistress MJ Christmas shopping…

Unfortunately, she’s misplaced her shopping list.

So remind us again what pressies you want?

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Ball Pit or Bouncy Castle?

Supposing you woke up with a bouncy castle in your back yard…

Or a ball pit in your bedroom…

What would you do?

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The 12 Gays of Christmas

Mistress MJ cannot be with you today.

In her place, The Infomaniac Dancers have offered to step in to perform The 12 Gays of Christmas

And for those of you who would prefer a topic of conversation over entertainment, today’s subject is HOLLAND!

Famulus and Ginro clomp about Holland looking for leaky dikes

Note: I shall attempt to poke my head in now and again but no guarantees. Try to behave yourselves.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Pondering the Imponderable

"There's nothing certain in a man's life except this: That he must lose it."

We all have to go sometime but exactly how will we go? Quietly in our sleep?

Some of us will expire in more unusual ways, as I discovered whilst reading Wikipedia’s List of Unusual Deaths

1322: Humphrey de Bohun, 4th Earl of Hereford was fatally speared through the anus by a pikeman hiding under the bridge during the Battle of Boroughbridge.

1649: Sir Arthur Aston, Royalist commander of the garrison during the Siege of Drogheda, was beaten to death with his own wooden leg, which the Parliamentarian soldiers thought concealed golden coins.

1947: The Collyer brothers, extreme cases of compulsive hoarders, were found dead in their home in New York. The younger brother, Langley, died by falling victim to a booby trap he had set up, causing a mountain of objects, books, and newspapers to fall on him crushing him to death. His blind brother, Homer, who had depended on Langley for care, died of starvation some days later. Their bodies were recovered after massive efforts in removing many tons of debris from their home.

Collyer Brothers household? Or Beast's lair?

On 24 March 1975, Alex Mitchell, a 50-year-old bricklayer from King's Lynn, England, died laughing while watching the Kung Fu Kapers episode of The Goodies, featuring a Scotsman in a kilt battling a vicious black pudding with his bagpipes. After twenty-five minutes of continuous laughter Mitchell finally slumped on the sofa and expired from heart failure. His widow later sent the Goodies a letter thanking them for making Mitchell's final moments so pleasant.

Caution: Viewing the following "killer clip" may cause death...although Mistress MJ lived through it without so much as a mild guffaw. Killer bagpipe scene begins around 2:04…

What about you, bitches? How do you expect to die?

Catastrophic asteroid strike? Lockjaw? Frightened to death by faeries? Choking on a cheesy Wotsit? Pitchforks duel? Imprisonment in Mistress MJ’s oubliette?

Monday, December 15, 2008

Blogging Roundup

A peek at ‘the week that was’ with a handful of Infomaniac’s readers.

Nota bene: SATANIC CRAMPS FROM HELL prevented Mistress MJ from creating a more detailed Blogging Roundup this week. Well that and the fact that certain bitches wouldn’t shut up while I was trying to write it yesterday.

Now on with the show.


First up, we turn our attention to the Great White North where Canuckleheads WW and Donn get their first taste of VEGEMITE…

Needless to say, alcohol was involved…

CLICK HERE for the sordid story (with pics!) of Vegemite experimentation and debauchery….


Ms. Nations asks us, “What is your unusual talent?”

Not surprisingly, we learn that Beast can fart the national anthem.


And speaking of Beast

It's that time of year again for Beast’s Book Club: the Christmas Cracker edition.

So if you like girl-on-girl action combined with farting and tales of testicles, lube and international intrigue, sign up today for Beast’s Book Club.

*not associated with Oprah’s Book Club nor Richard and Judy’s Book Club*


CyberPoof is hosting a Christmas contest with a mystery prize if you guess correctly.


I have no idea what Old Knudsen was railing on about this week.

I just wanted an excuse to post this picture of him…

Boxer conducts an interview with her Chihuahua, Paco in which Paco opines on the $14 billion bailout plan for U.S. automakers and the pay raise for federal judges…

Word has it that Barbara Walters has seen this video and asked Paco to “sit!” for an interview but he told her that her people will have to get in touch with his people.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Cater To Me, Bitches

Shut up and click it

Mistress MJ has been busy all week knocking herself out for your entertainment.

A Christmas office party, Geoff’s birthday, and now she’s preparing Monday’s Blogging Roundup.

She hasn’t even had time to come round to visit you yet this weekend.

It’s time you lazy bitches did something for HER for a change!

So what’s it going to be then?

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Happy Birthday, Geoff!

Watch as the usually camera-shy Geoff make his full frontal (no, not that kind of full frontal) photo debut here on Infomaniac!

At last, Geoff has agreed to let his face be seen to the world…


Oooo, he's a looker, isn't he?

No wonder wife Betty prefers nights at home with you and your progressive rock to a night at the discotheque!

Er, Geoff? That photocopy you made of your arse at the First Annual Infomaniac Christmas Office Party?

Can we see it?

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Christmas Office Party

Welcome to Infomaniac’s First Annual Christmas Office Party!

It’s early but this party is already SWINGIN’!...

Obviously, the colour theme for this party was inspired by IVD.

By now you’ve worked up an appetite so let’s make our way over to the nibblies table.

Once again, I regret leaving IVD in charge of décor. It seems ORANGE is the colour du jour!...

RANDOM CHICK's radioactive cheese casserole

More orange food as XL brought Cheetos

CARNALIS baked a CAKE. Don’t click the cake link. Oops, too late.

We ask that you exercise caution in eating the following dishes:

GARFER’s pork scratchings…

Made with contaminated Irish pork.

And stay away from BEAST’s offering… “Ma Beastie’s Chickpea Curry.” It’s ALWAYS a risk!


OLD KNUDSEN makes a grand entrance in his rubberized codpiece…

CYBERPOOF, when you said you’d be wearing orange shoes, this is NOT what we were expecting…

Head cropped to prevent humiliation

CyberPoof told KAZ she should leave the Doc Martens at home and try a pair of stilettos. It all went so horribly wrong...

WW showed up in his Perry Como slippers and penguin pyjamas as he has a bad case of the dreaded MANFLU!...


Anyone want in on the card game with MISS SCARLET AND DAISY?...

Who doesn’t love a game of Naked Twister?...


EROSWINGS has something for everybody!...

And everybody wants to find Eroswings under their tree.

XL says, “Unwrap MY package first, ladies!”…

Time spent waiting by the hearth in the lobby for Saint Nick to deliver really paid off for HARDHOUSE!...


DJ BETTY starts us off with a little Val Doonican

Well done, Betty. Looks like your choice of tunes has caused that wallflower GINRO to loosen up and get down with the boss’s daughter…

RANDOM CHICK is taking requests…

HARDHOUSE finally works up the courage to ask KAPITANO

“May I have this dance?”

TONY gives an impromptu “Wellies Dancing” lesson…

Does anyone want to play with BEAST’s tiny organ?...


DONN’s “date” Monica Bellucci has him where she wants him…

Looks like somebody’s feeling spunky after their operation, eh Donald?


Uh oh. Somebody’s had too much to drink…

Poor BEAST. Won’t someone throw his stinky duvet over him to protect his modesty?

MAGO steals Post-it Notes from the stationery cupboard and is punished by Mistress MJ

HEFF gives the boss the finger…

PONITA mistakes the washing machine for a Jacuzzi…

INNER VOICES mistakes a potted plant for a toilet…

I think Ponita may have hung some mistletoe on this.

ANONYMOUS BOXER and LEAH are slugging it out over Old Knudsen

The plantar’s punch really did deliver a punch to SAVANNAH

Punch drunk

MANUEL arrives late to the party without time to change out of his waiter’s uniform. Already in a state of exhaustion, he hurriedly gulps down a triple Irish whiskey and promptly passes out…

You’ve seen Manuel’s arse…now see his navel!

1) Manuel’s navel
2) Manuel’s arse (who hasn’t seen it?)
3) Manuel’s bowtie cutting off his circulation


Infomaniac is saddened to report that GEOFF has been taken to hospital after an incident in the photocopying room…

No new posting ‘til Saturday so KNOCK YOURSELVES OUT, BITCHES!