Sunday, September 30, 2007

Book Title of the Day

The Sheriff of Dyke Hole

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Happy Birthday, CyberPete!

He comes from a land of Tuborg and kippers
His shoes are sparkly ruby slippers
He’s charming and funny and oh so gay
Wish CyberPoof a happy birthday!

Friday, September 28, 2007

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Caption This!

Happy Birthday, Frobi!

Frobi, if you’re reading this from sunny Spain as you convalesce from mole removal, I’ve a little pressie for you.

Ben Cohen’s knickers!…

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The Latest Winner of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts

Inexplicable DeVice (IVD) has finally wrapped up The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition.

The winner of the latest Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition is Eroswings (formerly known as YNF…and now, thanks to SID, Eroswings is also known as EuroSwinger) for this poetic caption…

IDV thighs,
IDV thighs,
Every morning you greet me.
Long and White,
Smooth and Bright,
You look horny to meet me.

Blossom among Hoes
May you Bloom and Glow
Bloom and Glow forever

IDV thighs
IDV thighs
Be STD free forever

Now, of course, being the nosey buggers that we are, we want to know all about you, EuroSwinger. Where do you live? What city? What country? We need to know where The Shorts are headed to next. And if they’re going to a good home. Besides, I need the info to update The Definitive History of the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts.

AND … all new male readers MUST email me a pic of their bare arse. (Click here to see other Infomaniac readers’ bare arses.) Snap to it, EuroSwinger.

Read all about the grueling final selection for a Shorts winner here on IVD’s blog.

Congratulations, Eroswings EuroSwinger! Wear The Shorts proudly!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Happy Birthday, Alasdair and Kaz!

Double birthday greetings go out today to Canuckistan’s Alasdair (aka nwtrunner) and our favourite Mancunian minx, Kaz.

Happy Birthday, Alasdair!

Alasdair lives way up north in Canada’s western Arctic. As a tribute to him on his special day, I’ve composed a pome:

He’s from the land of ice and snow
Where’s there’s nowt to do but ski, you know
And hope for some fellatio
From a friendly Eskimo

Happy Birthday, Kaz!

Kaz needs no introduction (ask any man in Manchester) and here’s a wee pome for her as well:

A good time gal from northern Blighty
Table dances in her nightie
She loves her vodka, she's a lush
Her antics make the punters blush

Please join Infomaniac in wishing these two remarkable characters best wishes on their big days.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition – Make It End!

Only YOU can make The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition end by submitting your winning caption.

The deadline has been extended and according to Inexplicable DeVice (IVD)…

Due to an inexplicable... Let's just say 'glitch', I've extended The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition by 24 hours. So, you now have until 12 noon (GMT) Monday 24th Spetemeber to get your caption in.

I'll announce the winner later that day, or on Tuesday morning.


Thursday, September 20, 2007

The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Want YOU!

Please help release these Shorts from their prison on Inexplicable DeVice’s body…

The deadline to win The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition rapidly approaches. Enter by midday Greenwich Mean Time on Sunday, September 23rd. You could be the lucky winner!

Let’s take a peek at IVD in his usual street attire so that we may all recall what he looked like before The Shorts came into his possession…

Photo via Tazzy and Piggy

Since donning The Shorts, IVD’s gone through quite a transformation as seen here in this collection of photographs by SID

By the time the compo is over…

After being force-fed potatoes by SID…

As you can see, these Shorts desperately need a good home.

Only YOU can stop the abuse. Only YOU can stop the stainage.

Free The Shorts.

Do the right thing and enter the compo here.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

A Toast to Kaz

I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host.
-- Dorothy Parker

Congratulations, Kaz! I won’t say why in case one or your old aunties is reading this blog. But I knew you could do it. I knew you could say it. Especially since I found out that you table danced in a seedy underground nightclub in Belgium.

Everyone…this round’s on me in honour of our Kaz.

To Kaz!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Danish Pastry

Piggy and I spent the better part of the evening discussing how to achieve world peace and eliminate poverty and global warming.

So it was only natural that the conversation should steer from those issues to that poofy little Danish pastry, CyberPete.

Two things in particular are on our minds:

1) What does he look like?


2) Which name best suits him?

We also tried to imagine his sex life but we both got nauseous thinking about it. Piggy supposes it involves CyberWhatever posing as a 12-year-old girl to entertain toothless Krauts.

So let’s address these issues one at a time…

1) What does he look like?

I’m sure you’re all familiar with the national symbol of Denmark, The Little Mermaid?…

Well, I think CyberPete looks just like her…

2) Which name best suits him?

What name shall we use to address CyberPete from now on? He’s not fond of CyberTwat although I think that name is as apt as any other. So let’s review the possibilities.

Please select your fave name for CyberPete or suggest one of your own:



Sunday, September 16, 2007

The Return of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition

He’s teased and taunted us for months.

Remember when he tossed The Shorts into the cement mixer and tried to bury them in the back yard?…

And who can forget when he enticed us with a bit of scrawny KFC leg?…

Well FINALLY Inexplicable DeVice (known affectionately as IVD) is holding The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition!

It's on NOW! And you could be the next winner!

Submit your captions on IVD’s blog by midday Greenwich Mean Time on Sunday, September 23rd. And don't forget to read the rules he's posted.

Go! Now! Here to Inexplicable DeVice’s blog. See him pictured in The Shorts as never before!

Our clever wee witchy has even created a map to show where The Elf Shorts have journeyed so far …

(click to enlarge)

Are you new to Infomaniac and wondering what this is all about? Then check out The Definitive History of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts.

Note: Don’t be put off about entering the compo by all the captions that SID and I left. We’re both previous winners of The Shorts and tend to get a little swept up in the moment. Remember, YOU could be the next winner!

Go there. Now!

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Free Hugs

Gardening, yoga, bubble baths, medication … and I still want to smack somebody!

Yet I’ll make every attempt today to be a better person.

So I’m giving away free hugs to anyone who wants one.

*Offer good for one day only*

*Apply only to affected area*

*Do not exceed recommended dosage*

*Sanitized for your protection*


Somebody help me, wouldya?

UPDATE: Problem solved. Thanks Old Knudsen!

I can’t figure out how to post my avatar to my Blogger Profile.

This makes me officially more technologically-challenged than IVD, who managed to create quite a brilliant map of The Elf Shorts on his blog.

Yes, I’ve already read the instructions on Blogger and I still can't make sense of it.

Suggestions welcome.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Caption This!

(click to enlarge)

Caption this, bitches!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Choose an Avatar for MJ

What do you mean, this avatar is already taken?

UPDATE: The stripey legs wins as my avatar! Now if only I could figure out how to add it to my Profile.

Shockingly, I have discovered there are other MJs in the Blogosphere!

Other MJs who occasionally leave comments on some of the same blogs I visit. And they, like me, do not have avatars. Confusion could ensue.

So I’m asking you bitches to help me choose a photo for my Blogger Profile. Here are the options…

MJ models The Shorts from The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition…

MJ dead drunk in Elf Shorts…

MJ with a troll head…

Cigar smoker #1…

Cigar smoker #2…

Please select one of the above or offer a suggestion of your own.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The Filthy Bitches of Infomaniac

It started out innocently enough.

Bloggers Maidy, First Nations, Prunella Jones and MJ were enjoying a summer outing together…

A pleasant, sunny day at the lake…

Then, and I’m not making this up… you can check yesterday’s comments if you don’t believe me.

Then, Pru said to me, “I have a girl crush on you.” And Maidy (not surprisingly) added, “I’d fuck ya.” And First Nations chimed in with, “I'd do ya too.”

Filthy bitches! The lot of them!

Maidy, FN and Pru praying for MJ muff

Before you know it, those 3 wenches had me rolling around in an undisclosed lakeside cabin (possibly the same cabin where Smunty did Tazzy and Piggy)…

That trio of trollops got so wrapped up in their little game that they didn’t notice me slip away…

I’ve left the three hellbound harlots there in the cabin for the remainder of the day.

Just as I’m leaving you, my bitches, for today I have other business to attend to.

See you Wednesday.

Tell me what happens next.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Say Something Nice to MJ Day

G’won. I dare you.

Say something nice to me.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Polka Mass

Shouldn’t you heathens be at Polka Mass?

But wasn’t it America’s Polka King, Frankie Yankovic, who said, “In Heaven There is No Beer!”?

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Update

Wondering whatever became of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts?

Wonder no more. Somewhere in Norwich…

The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts as modeled by IVD.

IVD, do you call those bony drumsticks LEGS? These are legs…

MJ drunk on the heady scent of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts.

The Wee Witch of Norwich, Inexplicable DeVice (IVD), promises to FINALLY hold The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition starting the week of Sunday, September 16, 2007.

One can only wonder what filthy pose he’ll end up in once he’s had a nip of gin.

I’ll keep you updated.

Friday, September 07, 2007