Filthy Friday - "Piss on it" Edition

You know what I'm talking about, Bitches.


[thanks, Kevin]

January 20, 2017. 



Piss on it.



Wake up and smell the coffee, America because it's happening.


For a helpful 9-step guide on what to do next, visit Cookie.

UPDATE: Thanks to an idea by LX, "Make America Urinate Again" merchandise is now available from The Infomaniac Shopping Network...

Piss on the Polar Vortex

Piss on the polar vortex.

Public Service Announcement #25

As Frank Zappa sang, "Don't you eat that yellow snow."


[via]

This has been an Infomaniac Public Service Announcement.

Note: A wind chill warning has been issued for my neck of the woods. The temperature as I speak is -26°Celsius but with the wind chill factor it feels like -37°C (-34.6 degrees Fahrenheit)! Frostbite on exposed skin may occur in less than 10 minutes. At these temperatures, we do not encourage you to pee your name in the snow, as is the Canadian custom.

While You're Waiting...

While you're waiting for the next installment of "Let's Bring Back," why don't you put on a fresh pot of coffee?

What Colour is Your Pee?

We here at Infomaniac know that you're bursting to answer this question immediately but first, go empty your bladder and make observations.

Consult the chart below and report back to us.



Now you may comment.

And remember to keep hydrated.

Public Service Announement #22

Just because David Bowie pees into a toaster doesn't mean that you should too.


[via]

Surely this is Photoshopped as we cannot believe that Bowie, who "in the mid-70s, when he was ravaged by cocaine, living off a diet of red peppers and milk and so paranoid that he apparently kept his own urine in a fridge lest persons unknown steal it" would pee in public.

Nonetheless, let this be a reminder to you that water and electricity do not mix.

This has been an Infomaniac Public Service Announcement.

Urinal Cake

Should the Infomaniac bathroom renovation include a urinal?


[via]

Should it include cake?

Meanwhile, Back at the Infomaniac Cocktail Lounge

[via]

Things have gotten out of hand.

Men Who Pee Sitting Down

Fellas:

Do you pee standing up? You’re a stehpinkeln.

Or do you pee sitting down? Then you’re a sitzpinkler.



MAPSU (Mothers Against Peeing Standing Up) is an organization of “concerned individuals who want to stop peeing standing up, support the victims (those who have to clean up), and prevent unnecessary urine stream fragmentation.”

Urine stream fragmentation? Is this an issue in your household?





The WC Ghost is a voice-alarm that shames German men from standing to pee at the toilet.

"Hey, stand-peeing is not allowed here and will be punished with fines, so if you don't want any trouble, you'd best sit down," one of the devices orders in a voice impersonating (former) Chancellor Gerhard Schroder. Another has a voice similar to that of his predecessor, Helmut Kohl.

WC Ghost


So tell us…

Is one method of peeing preferable to another? Is there any advantage in sitting to pee over standing to pee?

If you’ve always done it one way, try it another. Right now! And get back to us with the results.




Note: This is a FEBRUARY FLASHBACK from the Infomaniac Archives. Content in February Flashbacks may be slightly altered from the original posting. We welcome your comments but due to time limitations this month, Mistress MJ may not be responding personally to all your comments.

Public Service Announcement #3

[via]

Do not urinate on powerlines.

This has been an Infomaniac Public Service Announcement.

Pissing Contest Winner

Despite the whole of Italy casting their vote for Miss Scarlet, Infomaniac declares BEAST the winner of the Pissing Contest … by a landslide!


[photo via Kevin]


Beast wins the Pee Book entitled What’s My Pee Telling Me? We’ll be expecting a book report, Beast.

Miss Scarlet wins the consolation prize: A pack of Tena Lady pads …



Well done, all of you! Thank you for your participation.

Here’s something interesting I learned from reading What’s My Pee Telling Me? As you know, the book also covers information about poo and farts so we’re veering off the pee topic for a moment.

DID YOU KNOW?

An Australian study found that men fart an average of fifteen times a day while women let loose a mere eight times a day. The study also concluded, however, that women’s farts had higher sulfide content and smelled worse. Their scientific method? Subjects farted ito an aluminum bag. The gas was then removed with a syringe and expelled into the nostrils of eagerly awaiting judges.

Beast vs Scarlet Smackdown!

It’s a tiebreaker, bitches!

Beast and Miss Scarlet have tied in the Pissing Contest and now they must battle it out in a no holds barred smackdown!

This promises to be the bitchfight of the year, ladies and gentlemen!

Even bigger than the High Maintenance Queen Competition!



Who will take home the Pee Book?

Place your bets now for Infomaniac’s Pissing Contest winner.

Who is your money riding on?

Note: All rules are out the window!!!

Mistress MJ doesn’t care who wins and how they win it as long as there is a champion by day’s end.



Are you ready to rumble?

Pissing Contest – Voting Day

Mistress MJ has selected her six favourite entries to the Pissing Contest.

Now YOU be the judge.

Who amongst the following bitches should win a copy of What’s My Pee Telling Me?

Select your favourite! …



I need this book cos I need to know how to pee in a bush without getting my tights wet.
- Miss Scarlet



Mother's Day is just around the corner. I need this book.
- Michael Guy


I think I desperatly need this book . The other day Mr C told me it would be really really funny if I pee'd in a plastic bag and threw it at Frobisher while he was walking to work. Strangly Frobisher failed to see the funny side , so I obviously have a lot to learn about pee
- Beast



Because i'd place it right next to my autographed copy of, "what my piss told normadesmond" by virginia graham, as told to i.p. daily
- Normadesmond



I need this book because I NEVER have time to pee. I'm too damn busy. My bladder is upset with me and may be on strike. I constantly feel like my teeth are floating and probably have some kind of kidney disease. So you see, I really need this book. Perhaps, I also need to sit in on the meeting those nice ladies are having in that photo?
- Random Chick



Why? because it would complete my set. there couldn't be another in the series could there.....one shouldn't think too much about that
- Manuel (who previously won a copy of What’s Your Poo Telling You?)



Choose only one!

Pissing Contest

Enter our peeing contest and you could win a copy of What's My Pee Telling Me?

"In this entertaining and fact-filled guide, the authors of What’s Your Poo Telling You? Reveal the secrets and splendors of farts, poo, and their inevitable companion, pee.

Includes hilarious illustrations and enlightening explanations of bodily emissions, fascinating trivia, and case histories."

Plus, burning questions are addressed such as:

a) Will peeing on a jellyfish sting relieve the pain?
b) Why can’t men pee straight?
c) Does sitting on the toilet too long cause hemorrhoids?
d) Is it really possible to light your farts on fire?
e) Do men pee faster than women?
f) Is drinking urine good for your health?

This book is FLUSH with information!



Wondering how to win?

Simply tell us why you need this book!


Mistress MJ’s fave answers will be selected and voted on later.

Get your responses in by Monday evening to be eligible to win.

Note to Donn and Manuel: Even though both of you previously won copies of What’s Your Poo Telling You?, you are eligible to enter. Yippee!

Filthy Friday

Thanks, Kevin!

Perv of the Day

Welcome to another edition of Perv of the Day.

Infomaniac will, from time to time, seek out the perviest perverts and parade them pantless in front of you, the judge and jury.



THE PERV: Gary Cleary, 34.

THE PLACE: Orford, Warrington, Cheshire, England.

THE PERVERSION: Cleary, aroused by the sound of women urinating, was ejected from the Lord Rodney pub after going back and forth to the women’s toilets. He had been drinking heavily and had been listening to them urinate.

He was told to leave after a staff member found him. He then went into the Goldon Lion pub where he tried on a pair of heeled shoes.

THE PUNISHMENT: Released from custody with a strict warning from the judge.

Cleary has a string of convictions for indecent exposure and had been on remand for 118 days after appearing before Chester Magistrates for two further offences of exposure.

The judge explained, “You have got to stop behaving like this otherwise you are going to get into serious trouble. If you do this again or get into any worse trouble you will serve longer and longer orders. I hope this order will help you. Don’t do it again.”

Portable Pee Bag for Men

Last year, Infomaniac posted about a variety of female pee devices in “Women Who Pee Standing Up” and in “Shenis Envy.”

Now, thanks to an email I received from Yorkshire’s biggest poofs, Infomaniac reveals a special pee gadget especially for men.

Ladies and gentlemen, The Roadbag! The pocket urinal for men.





Got a minute and a half? Then watch the video (in German but informative nonetheless) on the “How it Works” page.

This man could have used a Roadbag!...

Filthy Friday – Golden Showers

If you’ve visited Ellie this week, you’ll know that she has a video camera set up in her bedroom.

It turns out that she’s been filming her late night sexcapades with Old Knudsen!

Ellie, darlin’. Have you learned nothing from all the celebrity sex tape scandals?

Were the follies of Rob Lowe; Pamela Anderson/Bret Michaels/Tommy Lee; Paris Hilton/Rick Salomon; Abi Titmuss/John Leslie, and Ulrika Jonsson/Stan Collymore not warning enough for you?

Their undercover antics on film were all leaked to the public.

And so it is with you and Old Knudsen.

I have obtained the “leaked” stills from the Pee Party video and present them here for your titillation.

For personal reasons, Ellie and Knudsen’s faces have been Photoshopped to resemble other people entirely, as their old Irish mams read this blog.







Ellie, having put a damper on the festivities, forces Knudsen to move the action to the bathroom…









Get your order in now at the Knudsen Shop for the soon-to-be-released DVD.

Shenis Envy

Back in March, Infomaniac posted about Women Who Pee Standing Up.

We mentioned a variety of devices designed for women on the go who wish to pish in a standing position.

Well it seems there’s a gadget we missed out on … the Shenis!


The Shenis is gold and twelve inches long. In other words, it really is the Equalizer. It also gives us girls a chance to pee on road trips. While boating. Camping. Even outside of bars if we want. Just like men. Most important, we can do it standing up.






BASIC INSTRUCTIONS:

Put in place
Pee
Belch
Scratch
Shake
Shake
Shake
Rinse
zip up

Pee like a man, now you can!

Women Who Pee Standing Up

Following yesterday’s “Men Who Pee Sitting Down” we bring you the female counterpart; Women Who Pee Standing Up.


I know, I know. I should have saved this posting for tomorrow: International Women’s Day.

What’s today then? Election day in Northern Ireland?






Piss on it. Let’s get started.



Ladies:

Wouldn’t it be a relief to relieve yourself freely like a man?

Sick and tired of long public restroom queues?

Do you acrobatically “hover” so as not to make contact with the filthy, syphilis-ridden toilet seat?

So what’s a gal to do?





Thankfully, we live in a day and age where manufacturers are hard at work catering to our pee fantasies.

Infomaniac presents . . . PEE GADGETRY!



URINELLE

Very simple to use. The URINELLE hygienic cone is held with one hand and springs into its correct shape simply by pressing either side. Its anatomical shape has been tested and adapts to all women. Thanks to its wide edge, there is NO RISK at all of urinating to one side of it and getting your clothes wet.

NB: The use of the Urinelle could feel strange at first. Be aware that the tube will feel warm.




P-Mate

The P-Mate is basically like a cardboard shoe with the toe cut off. You place the entrance of the 'shoe' directly under your urethra, between your legs, pee into the shoe and then make sure that the hole at the toe end is funnelling the urine out somewhere other than on your feet.

The Whiz





“We're the company whose products let women pee standing up like a guy, just by unzipping their fly.”

The Whiz’s claim to fame?

The Whiz Plus has helped three British women complete an arduous 580-kilometer to the magnetic North Pole.




Stadium Gal





The Stadium Gal is an undetectable female leg bag or “female urinary pouch.”

If astronaut Lisa Nowak had only known about Stadium Gal. An alternative to driving cross-country in a diaper.





TravelMate

The TravelMate cradle is designed to fit comfortably between the labia majora (the outer lips) and over the labia minora (the inner lips), forming a leak-free seal with the female anatomy. The urethral opening is then temporarily enclosed within the cradle so that urine has only one way out— down the tube and out through the tip. This patented design is why we’re able to make the TravelMate so small and discreet.

There’s no need to worry about breaking it. That’s because the soft, flexible, yet durable medical-grade plastic is a type that springs back to its original shape after being sat on, twisted, or otherwise bent.

River rafters, divers and other boaters will appreciate that TravelMates accidentally dropped in the water will float.

WHIZZY

(image will appear below in a second)


Write your name in the snow with the Whizzy!

Whizzy is a device that enables a woman to urinate from a standing position like a man. It is formed of heavy paper that slides virtually flat between your legs and opens to form a trough. Its unique and patented shape, angle and easy-grip handles make it very easy to use. It adjusts to each user's anatomy and stance. You stand naturally, with no bending or straddling necessary. It is disposable, and fits easily into purse, pocket or backpack.

It’s time for some market research. Go off and try some of these products and report back to us.

And tell us your “pee standing up” stories.

In the meantime, I’m gonna try out some of these gadgets to see how far I can pee. How much do you want to bet I can pee farther than some of our male readers? Especially SID. No contest there.