Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Meanwhile, Down in the Oubliette

Oubliette: (noun) A dungeon with a trapdoor in the ceiling as its only means of entrance or exit.



As many of you know, Mistress MJ has an oubliette underneath the Plaid Room.

Ginro, unbeknownst to us, used our credit card to do a bit of sprucing up and DIY in the oubliette. He is the one who spends the most time locked up down there, after all. But is a cocktail bar really necessary? We don’t want you all to get too comfortable.

Anyway, our question to you is this …

Is there anything else you’d like to add to the oubliette?

Or shall we keep it minimalist?

Note: The trapdoor has been painted over as it was discovered that one could look up through it from below and see Mistress MJ’s Secret Lady Place.

41 comments:

  1. What about adding a bidet as wikipedia defines it: "intended for washing the Secret Lady Place and Male bits, inner buttocks, and anus."

    Okay it didn't say "Secret Lady Place" or "Male bits" but it sounds much better than "genitalia."

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  2. Random Chick! How did you beat me or XL?

    I am not worthy.

    and sooo glad to see you've returned from vacation land.

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  3. p.s. I see nothing wrong with adding an espresso machine?

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  4. i think some pixie lights and an airhorn when activated is in order.

    if you're gonna go, it might as well be in a flurry of lights and hilarious laughter.

    and maybe some dirty talk. may as well go all horned up.

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  5. A wet bar is always a plus.

    How about one of those makeup tables with the lightbulbs around the mirror and perhaps a closet to put your frocks?

    There might be more but as you haven't brought me my hot chocolate and Oreos yet I haven't slept. Still waiting, I told you I can't sleep until I've had that.

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  6. I think an emergency call to Colin and Justin is in order.
    We don't want another interior decoration horror like the plaid room do we

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  7. Oh HAI Cyberpete. I second the wet bar. Here! Here!

    where's XL?

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  8. Let's do something with the floor!

    Oh Hai Boxer & Pete! I have been playing with the bidet!

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  9. XL is motionsick from the microfilm rolling. Can we have a reading room there, next to the bar. And newspaper service.

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  10. I like my oubliette’s to be miserable and the decor to be absolutely dismal. I haven’t heard any real suggestions so far...I prefer a nice uncomfortable Bed of Nails in the center of the room. An Iron Maiden would look lovely in the corner and the fireplace should have a coal hod for heating up and storage of red hot pokers. Some Racks lined up along the wall for stretching and a huge Flaying Station on a platform for the stripping of human flesh should take a place of prominence. Just a few of the basic torturous furnishings found in my Bottle Dungeon.

    I design punishing devices for my special clientele, we need to discuss these matters Mistress over a nice Impaling that I have planned in the garden as a highlight for my weekend satanic orgy, of course your invited...

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  11. Cyberpete, I don't share my Oreos lightly you know...

    Speaking of which, we've got to put a biscuit tin, and an ashtray.

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  12. Oh Hai XL, did you also install the new toilet seat cover?

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  13. Were can I get a pair of those bitchin' Flash Gordon shorts ?

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  14. RANDOM: What about adding a bidet as wikipedia defines it: "intended for washing the Secret Lady Place and Male bits, inner buttocks, and anus."
    Okay it didn't say "Secret Lady Place" or "Male bits" but it sounds much better than "genitalia."


    One of you would try to drink out of it, I’m sure.

    BOXER: I see nothing wrong with adding an espresso machine?

    We don’t want you lot all hepped up on caffeine.

    It’s all we can do NOW to keep you under control.

    KEVIN: i think some pixie lights and an airhorn when activated is in order.
    if you're gonna go, it might as well be in a flurry of lights and hilarious laughter.
    and maybe some dirty talk. may as well go all horned up.


    Air horns and hilarious laughter?

    Sounds like it involves clown porn.


    CYBERPOOF: A wet bar is always a plus.
    How about one of those makeup tables with the lightbulbs around the mirror and perhaps a closet to put your frocks?
    There might be more but as you haven't brought me my hot chocolate and Oreos yet I haven't slept. Still waiting, I told you I can't sleep until I've had that.


    Mistress MJ sees through your request for a makeup table and closet.

    It’s a flimsy excuse to try on her frocks and tart yourself up with her cosmetics.

    Oh and apparently Roses is more sympathetic to your Oreos craving.

    BEAST: I think an emergency call to Colin and Justin is in order.
    We don't want another interior decoration horror like the plaid room do we


    And don’t even think about donating any of your stinky duvets.

    Especially your SpongeBob SquarePants bed set.

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  15. XL: Let's do something with the floor!
    Oh Hai Boxer & Pete! I have been playing with the bidet!


    Regarding the floor … is this another attempt to satisfy the CanCon regulations?

    Stop drinking from the bidet. It is not a cat bowl.

    MAGO: XL is motionsick from the microfilm rolling. Can we have a reading room there, next to the bar. And newspaper service.

    We do not want to induce that "schwirbulant" feeling in our guests.

    A reading room with newspapers, perhaps.

    But microfilm? Nein.

    AYEM8Y: I like my oubliette’s to be miserable and the decor to be absolutely dismal. I haven’t heard any real suggestions so far...I prefer a nice uncomfortable Bed of Nails in the center of the room. An Iron Maiden would look lovely in the corner and the fireplace should have a coal hod for heating up and storage of red hot pokers. Some Racks lined up along the wall for stretching and a huge Flaying Station on a platform for the stripping of human flesh should take a place of prominence. Just a few of the basic torturous furnishings found in my Bottle Dungeon.
    I design punishing devices for my special clientele, we need to discuss these matters Mistress over a nice Impaling that I have planned in the garden as a highlight for my weekend satanic orgy, of course your invited...


    Thank goodness someone with experience and a sense of dungeon décor has shown up to guide us.

    What does one wear to an impaling?

    ROSES: Cyberpete, I don't share my Oreos lightly you know...
    Speaking of which, we've got to put a biscuit tin, and an ashtray.


    No smoking in the oubliette.

    What type of bikkies? There are HobNobs in the pantry. Will those do?

    HEFF: Were can I get a pair of those bitchin' Flash Gordon shorts ?

    Ming the Merciless is mincing about in them now.

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  16. An LSD/Midazolam dispenser wouldn't hurt especially if people will be waterboarding each other.

    Ooh-ooh, you know what?
    An airtight alibi and a Time Machine would be awesome!

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  17. Excuse me but seeing as I am the one spends most time down there...!!!

    Ayem8y's suggestions are completely out of the question I'm afraid. Well I'm not afraid but it's just a turn of speech as I am sure you are aware. Thanks to Mistress MJ's credit card we not only have the cocktail bar and full Internet access with 56 inch flat screens on one wall, but there is a nice huge sofa that fits in the corner and one of those new-fangled toilets from Japan with lots of buttons etc. but I don't know what they do yet. And although she's painted over the trapdoor I have managed to sneak a little night-vision spycam into her boudoir.

    Workmen are, as I type, fashioning out a little sideroom which is going to be the library.

    I have managed to get daily deliveries from M and S too!

    Just think what else I could have done if she hadn't hidden that card, dammit!

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  18. “What does one wear to an impaling?”

    Something low cut and sexy preferably in red in case splatter should spill it won’t be so noticeable.

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  19. DONN: An LSD/Midazolam dispenser wouldn't hurt especially if people will be waterboarding each other.
    Ooh-ooh, you know what?
    An airtight alibi and a Time Machine would be awesome!


    You’re in charge of hermetically sealing all open passages.

    Are you up for it?

    GINRO: Excuse me but seeing as I am the one spends most time down there...!!!
    Ayem8y's suggestions are completely out of the question I'm afraid. Well I'm not afraid but it's just a turn of speech as I am sure you are aware. Thanks to Mistress MJ's credit card we not only have the cocktail bar and full Internet access with 56 inch flat screens on one wall, but there is a nice huge sofa that fits in the corner and one of those new-fangled toilets from Japan with lots of buttons etc. but I don't know what they do yet. And although she's painted over the trapdoor I have managed to sneak a little night-vision spycam into her boudoir.
    Workmen are, as I type, fashioning out a little sideroom which is going to be the library.
    I have managed to get daily deliveries from M and S too!
    Just think what else I could have done if she hadn't hidden that card, dammit!


    Are you referring to the Toto Luxury Toilet?

    “This toilet has so many features that it is more intelligent than most DVD players. For example, it is wireless. A control mounts on the wall to control its many functions like a warm air dryer, catalytic air deodorizer, heated seat, oscillating spray massage, and a front and back aerated warm water spray. It also has an autoflush feature, of course. A heated seat will help keep you cozy on cold winter mornings.”

    Now get out of my boudoir and take that spycam with you!

    AYEM8Y: “What does one wear to an impaling?”
    Something low cut and sexy preferably in red in case splatter should spill it won’t be so noticeable.


    I have just the thing.

    Is twist fringe acceptable?

    And what will our favourite truck stop trollop be wearing?

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  20. Sorry but I can't hear you MJ. I have The Mediæval Bæbes playing Lick The Maypole at full blast.

    *Hmmm, now where is that autocam control? Shoulod I tell her that I have also fitted a nightvision spycam under her toielt seat too?*

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  21. And got so excited that I forgot to chick my spolling?

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  22. Hob Nobs won't do I'm afraid. Oreos.

    It's okay, I bring my own.

    What d'ya mean no smoking?

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  23. "A dungeon with a trap door in the ceiling"? Do you mean a flat with a loft/attic?

    Oh, I can't be doing with all these fucking semantics today.

    What would I like to add? I suppose a piss bucket would be a good start.

    And a small snack bar, kitted out with microwave sausages. Perhaps a small fridge stocked with cans of fizzy orange?

    And a fold up bed. That'd save on space. There's a sale on as B&Q Home Depot at te moment, so it wouldn't cost very much.

    Not much need for a sink and running water, or anything. Not in a dungeon. It'd look a bit out of place.

    A couple of pet rats would probably be quite a good addition too - especially if they are of the opposite sex. I know (I've been told) how dungeons are supposed to be over-run with them and it'd be sure to be soon enough.

    The sqeaking would help alleviate the silence too.

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  24. “Is twist fringe acceptable?”

    As long as you do the shimmy and shake off the excess and spray us all with blood.

    “And what will our favourite truck stop trollop be wearing?”

    My usual red cloak/homosexual caftan and underneath a leather jockstrap with built in cock ring and removable cod piece.

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  25. Is an oubliette like a giant secret lady garden? Perhaps we could get the Eiffel tower down there?
    Sx

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  26. ...damn it.... secret lady PLACE....
    Sx

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  27. Ms Scarlet, I don't think it's a secret lady place as Ginro seems to have taken up residence there...

    Or perhaps there's a reason for his implants?

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  28. Oh I don't know Roses, some women have secret lady places that could host a rugby team down there. Which reminds me of the time I came home from work once and could hear the muffled sound of an orchestra. Could I work out where it came from? And would my ex-wife tell me? All she did was sit there with a smile on her face.

    But anyway...yuck! Aaaargh! Scrap the toilet-cam! No-one warned me that Beast was wandering around Mistress MJ's place unannounced! OMG! The sight is burned onto my retinas and even if I shut my eyes it plays out...AAAARGH! The pain!

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  29. GINRO: Sorry but I can't hear you MJ. I have The Mediæval Bæbes playing Lick The Maypole at full blast.
    *Hmmm, now where is that autocam control? Shoulod I tell her that I have also fitted a nightvision spycam under her toielt seat too?*
    And got so excited that I forgot to chick my spolling?


    I’ve a mind to lock the trapdoor and throw away the key!

    MAGO: Is leather out of choice?

    Certainly.

    Note that ayem8y is wearing a leather jockstrap with built in cock ring and removable cod piece.

    ROSES: Hob Nobs won't do I'm afraid. Oreos.
    It's okay, I bring my own.
    What d'ya mean no smoking?


    The oubliette and, in fact, all rooms chez Infomaniac are smoke-free.

    I’ll send the houseboys out for Oreos if it means that much to you.

    PIGGY: "A dungeon with a trap door in the ceiling"? Do you mean a flat with a loft/attic?
    Oh, I can't be doing with all these fucking semantics today.
    What would I like to add? I suppose a piss bucket would be a good start.
    And a small snack bar, kitted out with microwave sausages. Perhaps a small fridge stocked with cans of fizzy orange?
    And a fold up bed. That'd save on space. There's a sale on as B&Q Home Depot at te moment, so it wouldn't cost very much.
    Not much need for a sink and running water, or anything. Not in a dungeon. It'd look a bit out of place.
    A couple of pet rats would probably be quite a good addition too - especially if they are of the opposite sex. I know (I've been told) how dungeons are supposed to be over-run with them and it'd be sure to be soon enough.
    The sqeaking would help alleviate the silence too.


    Squeaking? Or squealing?

    Is that an ‘oink’ I hear?

    I’ll bring some packets of pork scratchings in for you.

    XL: Wallpaper!

    We sincerely hope that no one clicked on that link of yours.

    We wouldn’t want anyone to be frightened during their stay in the oubliette, now would we?

    AYEM8Y: “Is twist fringe acceptable?”
    As long as you do the shimmy and shake off the excess and spray us all with blood.

    “And what will our favourite truck stop trollop be wearing?”
    My usual red cloak/homosexual caftan and underneath a leather jockstrap with built in cock ring and removable cod piece.


    We had always assumed that caftans were de rigeur for the older homosexual (like Mr. Peenee) so we’re shocked to find you wearing one.

    And in such a bold colour!

    *shimmies in surprise*

    SCARLET: Is an oubliette like a giant secret lady garden? Perhaps we could get the Eiffel tower down there?
    ...damn it.... secret lady PLACE....


    PLACE not GARDEN.

    Must you bring your unruly bush into EVERY conversation?

    ROSES: Ms Scarlet, I don't think it's a secret lady place as Ginro seems to have taken up residence there...
    Or perhaps there's a reason for his implants?


    See Ginro’s comment, below.

    GINRO: Oh I don't know Roses, some women have secret lady places that could host a rugby team down there. Which reminds me of the time I came home from work once and could hear the muffled sound of an orchestra. Could I work out where it came from? And would my ex-wife tell me? All she did was sit there with a smile on her face.
    But anyway...yuck! Aaaargh! Scrap the toilet-cam! No-one warned me that Beast was wandering around Mistress MJ's place unannounced! OMG! The sight is burned onto my retinas and even if I shut my eyes it plays out...AAAARGH! The pain!


    One whiff of the air should have informed you that Beast is on the loose down here.

    *sprays Febreze liberally*

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  30. Roses: Awwww you are a sweetheart.

    How do you take your Oreos?

    That's the kind of affection one needs after 23 days in America with Dullface. MJ, you should learn from this.

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  31. CYBERPOOF: What I've learned from you is not to travel with boring men.

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  32. WIL: MJ - Your Lady Place is a secret?

    I’m not sure I like your tone, Wil.

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  33. And that is a VERY good lesson aswell!

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  34. WIL: Wil, you sucketh? LOL.

    Ha! No chance.

    You’re teetering on the edge of suckethdom but not enough for you to topple into the abyss.

    CYBERPOOF: And that is a VERY good lesson aswell!

    Pity you didn’t listen to us in advance.

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