EXCLUSIVE NEVER BEFORE SEEN PHOTO OF MR. MUTLEY!
(click to experience the thrill of super-sizing)
Never before has the man behind Mutley the Dog been seen on the Internet. (Apart from an online dating site.)
Remember. You saw it here first, folks.
Welcome to a new series on Infomaniac.
From time to time, Infomaniac will conduct an up-close-and-personal interview with an Infomaniac reader.
Today we feature MUTLEY THE DOG!
All the way from Bridport, England.
And so we begin…
For this interview I’d like 12 bottles of Evian natural spring water in my wardrobe room (leave the toilet seat up in case I deplete my supply) and a bowl of dry Eukanuba (take the odd-sized bits out) ready upon arrival. And beetroot juice for him.
INFOMANIAC: Everyone wants to know about the star of the show; your dog.
MUTLEY: Hes a smelly vicious and elderly jack russell terrier. He used to be a very active dog now he mostly likes sleeping.
INFOMANIAC: What makes Bridport THE place to be in England?
MUTLEY: It has a unique smell from the euro-abattoir and the beetroot pickling plant. It used to be a centre for ropemaking - but since the closure of the rope makery everyone is unemployed. People will do ANYTHING for money - like Cuba but not so sunny. The radiation spills have created a unique wildlife locally.. you can have a moustache without everyone thinking you are gay. The mullet is still in fashion... local girls do it for cigarettes.. Eggs are easy to come by .. its easy to bribe the Police...
INFOMANIAC: How are you doing in your goal to become an Internet millionaire?
MUTLEY: Very well I think !! I have made US$ 22 in the last year from ads!!
INFOMANIAC: How's your love life?
MUTLEY: Its looking up - looking up girls skirts that is!!
The Lovely Bonita: Has Mutley finally fallen for her charms? Or will he keep it professional as just her oboe tutor?
INFOMANIAC: What is the most bizarre request you've had sexually?
MUTLEY: I have never had a sexual request - do women make requests other than 'stop that' and 'please go away'?
INFOMANIAC: Our female readers and a few of the men want to know… what makes you the perfect catch?
MUTLEY: I am covered in scales and poach easily. No!! Thats my little joke! I have an enormous dong and I am rich - er... I am not the perfect catch - but any fat ugly women reading who are a bit desperate might think otherwise...
INFOMANIAC: Describe your personal fashion style. Including your undergarments.
MUTLEY: I wear clothes from ALDI - which are famously stylish - I have 2 pairs of undies - lime green - one to wear - one to 'wash'... I have a leather jacket and some sandals as well as work shoes and boots. Sometimes I dress as a woman.
INFOMANIAC: Take a look around your home. What do you see?
MUTLEY: There is a terrifying howling gale outside the window and a hole in the wall of the bedroom. I have a kitchen/living room with a fridge and a Baby Belling as well as a sink. There is a toilet - mushrooms grow there.. It is a fourth floor 'flat' with exciting views of rooftops!! Huge waves are rushing at the house and I may lose power any moment. Also its freezing cold.
INFOMANIAC: What are your hobbies?
MUTLEY: Allotment, fishing, collecting bus tickets, parking my car. Sleeping.
INFOMANIAC: According to your road tests, what would you say is the best alcoholic beverage to get you sozzled the fastest?
INFOMANIAC: Where do you want to be in 10 years?
MUTLEY: Still in bed I hope - snoozing.
INFOMANIAC: Given this opportunity, is there anything you'd like to say to Infomaniac's readers?
MUTLEY: Oh.... er.....hello?
Mr. Mutley will now take questions from the audience.
To visit Mutley the Dog’s blog, click here.
Come back again soon.
You could be the next featured guest on Infomaniac Interviews!