Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Happy Birthday, Connie!

Happy Birthday to England’s biggest male lesbian: Connie the Convict.

Connie makes a grab for an unidentified woman’s tit

He's also beloved by the gays…

"The love that dares not speak its name"

I’ve baked Connie a cake but I promised Beast he could lick the icing.

We’re not sure what Connie does for a living but judging by the size of Casa Convict (a palatial estate somewhere in England) perhaps he’s a drug lord. Or a porn mogul.

Casa Convict

Does anyone know why Connie was sent to prison?

My guess, by looking at the photo below, is that he was jailed for a fashion crime.

Connie and his bitch, Tatas.

What the hell are Connie and Tatas wearing in the photo above? A tent for two?

And what is sniffing Connie’s arse, pray tell?

Madman Across the Pond

Right. Enough of Connie. Let’s get to the cake.

Enjoy your day, ya big lezzer.



    Happy Bithday old chap!
    I don't believe a word of MJ's conjecture but by all means feel free to e-mail me with your catalogue of choice 'seeds'.

  2. Blah, blah, while you were going on....

    I ate the cake.

  3. Happy Birthday Connie!

    You scrubbed up quite well in that first pic - Shame it went downhill from there... Or perhaps it's that contemptible cake that's left a nasty taste in my mouth?

  4. Happy Birthday Connie.
    Did the cake taste of pilchards Mr IVD ???

  5. Happy birthday!

    eeewwwww! Pilchards?!

  6. DONN: Or he could mail you some special white talcum powder for your delicate botty.

    BOXER: Eat THIS, bitch!

    *makes knuckle sandwich*

    IVD: The Queer Eye got their hands on him for that first pic.

    Looks like he forgot everything they taught him by the time he and Tatas threw the tarp over themselves.

    BEAST: You should know how it tasted.

    After begging me to lick the icing.

    T-BIRD: Pilchards are high in Vitamin D.

    Necessary to prevent rickets in Connie’s clammy climate.

  7. happy birthday Connie......get your freak on fella......

  8. MANUEL: Connie IS a freak.

    FROBI: Help yourself to a slice of cake to make up for the easter eggs you didn't get.

  9. missed yer blogiversary eh? good. but now ive been suckered into a birthday party? fuck. is there any whiskey at this party? i better get started, i mean if someone is going to make an ass out of themselves, it might as well be me. and get me some ball gagas, lets play pin the tail on the connie! with out all the squealing normaly associated with ass pricking... does anybody else see the unicorns???

    *staggers outside to pet the unicorns*

  10. VOICES: And when is YOUR birthday?

    *stocks up on ball gags*


  12. Happy birthday Connie

    Wow that has got to be the most gross looking cake I've ever seen


  13. Happy Birthday, Convict! Hope you get free time in the yard today! or better yet, a conjugal visit! ;)

  14. FN: At his advanced age, it’s a miracle he still has his teeth.

    CYBERSLUT: I slaved all day over a hot oven to bake that cake!

    *pushes CyberSlut into oven*

    *along with IVD*

    BINGOWINGS: Tatas will see to it that he gets his cake and eats it too.

  15. Happy Birthday Connie. Don't let the cake excite you too much. Cut back on the Viagra!

  16. I wasn't saying it was poorly made, because I'm sure it's quite a piece of work

    However the thing you decided to design the cake after is just not the most appetising of designs


    Now let me out

  17. MJ: Bitch. Show the boys when they surprised me but don't show the lovely clevage that was surrounding me in the last pic. Which a lezzer like me loves.

    I would like to thank my sponsors, the film board, my family and friends that supported me ...

    Fuck wrong speech.

    Thanks to everyone.

    *wonders if the cake was modeled on MJ*

    *realises MJ added the pilchards for that fresh MJ taste*

    I've got a big bottle of whisky and I'm in the process of getting smashed.

    Not too smashed as I hope to be eating tonight.

  18. looks like a sex offender, I didn't read the other comments I'm sure a load of people said thats why he was in prison.

  19. you wont believe me, but its september eleventh. yeah. and glad that there is a big bottle around, pass it this way when youve finished eh? damn unicorns keep eyeballin me... makin me fuckin nervous i tell ya.

  20. Vitamin D combats rickets! That should be on some sort of WWII propaganda poster for the benefits of sending our boys pilchards.

  21. MYTOES: All reports I've heard from Tatas indicate Connie's doing fine without the little blue pills.

    CYBERPOOF: Oh poor baby.

    Afraid of the big bad pudenda.

    CONNIE: There's only one thing you'll be eating tonight if Tatas has her way with you.

    The filthy bitch.

    *checks watch*

    By now you're completely sozzled anyway.

    Hope you had a good one.

    KNUDSEN: Sex with Tatas should be enough punishment for his crime.

    VOICES: September 11, eh?

    The anniversary of the TV premiere of "Little House on the Prairie." Gosh.

    Tell you what. If you stick around Infomaniac 'til September 11th, I'll throw YOU a party too.

    And if you're really good, I'll put you on my blogroll then too.

    Nyuck nyuck nyuck.

    T-BIRD: Have you done your bit yet and sent a pilchard to a boy in the army?

  22. ohhh, i'll be here. youll tire of me by then and move on to something else. no one remembers my birthday.

    *sniff, sniff*

    everyone stands around recounting the srories of where they were and shit...

    its perfect, i dont much care for birthdays. i prefer to drink and not be bothered. but if youve got some ball gags on the other hand....

  23. VOICES: This year will be different.

    That's all I'm saying for now.