I know the answer! Pick me! Pick me!
Can you help the people who’ve arrived on Infomaniac via Google searches, looking for the answers to questions such as these?…
What to do when you can't roll a joint?
Is it ok for men to paint their toenails?
Is it safe to finger your arse?
If you know the answer to any of the above questions, please leave your answer in the comments box.
I have the answer to number one and I guess I never told you how I found your blog?
ReplyDeleteIs it safe to finger your arse?
ReplyDeleteYes...It's also more fun if you have someone else do it...for free.
1.Ask your local butcher.
ReplyDelete2 & 3. Not if your driving
BOXER: Infomaniac: giving readers a cheap high since 2006.
ReplyDeleteEDDIE: You’re desperately in need of a little fun, aren’t you?
After all, you’re the man who saves sausage grease “to lube up the inside of toilet roll inner tubes on my lonely weeknight hotel stays.”
Poor lonely, lonely Eddie.
BEAST: Lives may be saved because of your sage advice.
Besides, you need to keep that finger free to flip the bird to drivers who cut ahead of you.
1. Dump the contents into chocolate cake mix.
ReplyDelete2. Yes! Oh, gods Yes!! Anything to make feet look less hideous.
3. Not if one's had an "Alexis Colby" manicure...
1: Inject it
ReplyDelete2: Only if you wear socks with your sandals
3: Yes - but keep away from your ass.
1, Try one of those handy little machines your husband keeps next to the pipe cleaners. Failing that girls, you could always bake your hash into a delicious cake. Remember to take a moment to straighten your dress and apply a little lipstick before your man comes home. It's those little things that'll make all the difference to him when he's returned from a hard day at the city.
ReplyDelete2, In theory yes. Be careful to apply primer first followed by at least three applications of undercoat, taking care to head to drying times. Finnish off with two top coats before flatting down. After flatting, always remove excess dust with a tack rag, (available from all good hardware stores and paint specialists) and applying the final thinned coat. Don't listen to those who say you should rub down between coats, I suspect they've only read about this and not actually done it. It's a waste of time and will mostly undo the work of the previous coat. Flatting down the penultimate coat is all that's necessary providing successive coats were applied before final hardening of the previous coat so the two will still bond. For that extra gloss, polish off the top coat starting at 1500 grit and moving onto progressively fin polishing pastes.
Follow these instructions and your toe nails will have a high gloss durable finish that'll last for years.
Final note, probably best not to mention this to the chaps.
3. Not too sure about this sort of thing. Probably best to cut your finger nails and wash your hands afterwards, using a stout nail brush. You don't want all those germs to be transfered to the family evening meal after, do you? Your husband would be furious if he came home to a wife reeking of feces, no matter how flawless her appearance. Marigold gloves could be used but these should be discarded safely afterwards (not down the lavatory bowl as this can cause blockages) and not used for further washing up.
I hope that clears things up. Just in time for me to slip into the drawing room, fix myself a brandy and a cigar and tune the wireless for the next episode of, 'Dick Barton, Special agent'.Dum, diddle-e-um, diddle-e dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum.......
It's not safe to finger my arse. If you try I'll backheel you in the bollocks.
ReplyDeleteIVD: Less hideous feet?
ReplyDeleteAlexis Colby?
Do you have ANY idea how much you sound like CyberPoof?
Was it a CyberPoof “gayer cake”?
KAZ: Don’t you DARE recommend the wearing of socks with sandals to our readers!
I’ve campaigned about the socks and sandals issue before and I won’t have you setting mankind back!
TICKERS: Thank you for your public service to this blog.
Now sing along with Ole Blue Eyes…
Hey, little girl, comb your hair, fix your make-up, soon he will open the door,
Don't think because there's a ring on your finger, you needn't try any more.
For wives should always be lovers too,
Run to his arms the moment that he comes home to you.
I'm warning you.
GEOFF: Are you implying I have bollocks?
*looks to make sure no one’s looking and then performs elaborate tucking ritual*
What to do when you can't roll a joint?
ReplyDeleteNo help here, for all my debauchery I remain completely drug free
Is it ok for men to paint their toenails?
Yes it is, yes It. IS (especially if they have cutesy Flinstone feet
Is it safe to finger your arse?
It is safe but I prefer to do that to someone else... and viceversa
1. give it back to your dealer and go get yourself a cocktail instead.
ReplyDelete2. Absolutely! Keep your toes festive for all occations.
KAZ: it is never acceptable to wear socks in your sandals
3. If your nails are short, yes. But it's so much fun if someone else is doing it for you.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete3.What to do when you can't roll a joint?
ReplyDeleteshoot yourself. just shoot yourself; end it now, give up, life is no longer worth living die die die die di
*ahem*
3. Is it ok for men to paint my toenails?
yes, it is ok for men to paint my toenails. then they can fold my laundry.
3.Is it safe to finger your arse?
if this were spelled correctly i might bother answering it. unfortunately it is not. too bad. because i had a REALLY GREAT answer too. oh yeah. i did. it was AWESOME. TOTALLY TOTALLY AWESOME. shame, really.
what to do when you cant roll a joint?!? finger yer arse while painting your toe nails... you must be a complete fucking moron if you cant roll a joint, better yet shove the unrolled joint up your ass! thats probably what happened to the guy who wanted to know if he could paint his toe nails... he could roll a joint...
ReplyDelete1. Use a pipe.
ReplyDelete2. Yes, as long as it is black.
3. Better to ask someone else.
FECKITY-FECK... *smack self in fore head, needs to learn to proof read his lame comments before he hits the publish button*
ReplyDelete"he COULDN'T roll a joint"
QUCIFER: Flintstone feet?
ReplyDeleteThey’ll chip their polish pedaling those Flintmobiles that are powered "through the courtesy of Fred's two feet."
CYBERPOOF: Thank you for setting Kaz straight on the issue of socks and sandals.
Do you see how IVD stole your answers?
Alexis Colby, for heaven’s sake!
FN: We here at Infomaniac do not cater to your demanding requests for American spellings.
Therefore, for example, color is colour.
And ass is arse.
Deal with it.
Go smoke a joint.
If you can.
Ha.
VOICES: Fortunately the question concerned toenails and not fingernails.
If you finger your arse when you’re painting your fingernails, imagine the streaking!
BILLY: Would you let a pipe-smoking man with black fingernails finger your arse?
Another even more peculiar question has come in and I’ll give him your phone number, if so.
Yes I did MJ. He is such an answer stealing theif
ReplyDeleteI think it's time for a good old catfight.
He can be Alexis Colby, I'll be Sable Colby.
He should tune in on Friday for my soap Friday entry.
Thief too
ReplyDeleteWhat to do when you can't roll a joint?
ReplyDeleteI don't do cooking questions.
Is it ok for men to paint their toenails?
as i only have one foot yer being a bit of a bastard today aren't you?
Is it safe to finger your arse?
Only if you trim yer nails.
Alexis Colby is hot!
ReplyDeleteCYBERPOO: Like this Sable and Alexis catfight?
ReplyDeleteSee you Friday. I’m hooked on your Danish soap operas.
KNUDSEN: I’ll paint your stump for you.
You’re too old for Joan Collins.
What to do when you can't roll a joint?
ReplyDelete*It's time to consider rehab, Snoop.*
Is it ok for men to paint their toenails?
*War paint is perfectly acceptable on any part of the male anatomy.*
Is it safe to finger your arse?
*Only if you use a condom...*
You are stealing my thunder MJ
ReplyDeleteThat was gonna be my Friday post. Now I have to do something else
Bitch!
No more Dynasty links please
Fabulous catfight isn't it!?!
I'll get that bitch!
BINGOWINGS: Paint on any part of the male anatomy?
ReplyDeleteThen you could be the next Pricasso!
CYBERPOOF: How was I to know?
I thought you were posting more Danish soaps on Friday! Or that's what I assumed when you said you're posting a soap.
Dynasty is all yours from now on.
I suppose you want rights to Dallas, too.
But I still want to see the fur fly between you and IVD.
Flintstone feet?
ReplyDeleteYes mj you know not with horrible mangy nails and incredibly horrid feet corn situations... and yes for people walking around barefoot all the time they sure did have precious men-feet.. trust as somebody who's date military I've seen some real live horror stories
I am going with the whole Dynasty angle as well -
ReplyDeleteI think for any of those questions the right answer is:
"What would Alexis Colby-Carrington- etc do?"
1. She'd kick you out of your house, marry Blake, divorce Blake and then push Linda Evans in the pool. Then she'd make Blake roll her one and then call the drug squad and have him arrested.
2. Alexis Colby-Carrington-Cruise-McHammer likes painted nails on her chihuahua. Of course she thinks it's ok for men.
3. Yes. Absolutely. Especially if you are Linda Evans and you have nails like Alexis. Very safe.
"please leave your answer in the box" heh heh....
ReplyDeleteMen painting their toes? Of course.Base coat, paint, top coat. Good for about two weeks. Look at mine. If you have nice feet then go for it! If you have caveman feet paint the whole foot!
ReplyDeleteConfucius say: "Man who go to bed with itchy bum wake up with smelly fingers."
****shuffles in*****
ReplyDelete( ! )
****sniggers****
***shuffles off***
QUCIFER: Next time you’re on a date, ask to see his feet first!
ReplyDeleteT-BIRD: Would you like a job writing soaps in Denmark?
The Danes need you.
VOICES: And you did. Heh heh.
MYTOES: I hold you up as the example that it’s “okay for men to paint their toenails.”
And not just black!
BEAST: All this shuffling in and out.
You want me to paint your toes, don’t you?
Any colour preferences?
Maybe something in a terra cotta shade to match your fireside rug?
hey todays post at wdf is inspired/requested by you
ReplyDeleteMANUEL: Ta. We all wonder what goes on in the mind of a waiter.
ReplyDeleteIs it safe to finger your arse?
ReplyDeleteOf course not - you get get an anal fissure that way.
RICH: Thank you for your professional medical opinion, Rich.
ReplyDeleteHaving you on board this blog is like having a doctor in the house.
Could you have a look at my aching gluteal furrow while you're here?