Pastor Bowen passed out purple bracelets to his congregation and offered them a challenge. "If you catch yourself complaining, gossiping or criticizing, take the bracelet and move it to the other wrist."
So every time you complain, you must move the bracelet to the other arm and begin all over again 'til you've gone 21 days without complaining.
Apparently, when you reach 21 complaint-free days, you will find that your entire life is happier, more loving and more enjoyable.
Complaint Free Quick Start Collection: Book, T-Shirt, Bumper Sticker and Bracelet ONLY $19.95 U.S.
But we at Infomaniac WELCOME YOUR WHINGING!
And you can whine here for free!
Go on and have a good old kvetch, a moan, a damn good RANT!
List the things you don’t give a fuck about.
Yay, first!
ReplyDeleteI'm a fan of whinging and general complaints. But I tend to mutter under my breath than voice specific concerns. I blame my upbringing.
I'm about to go to work, so I'll pop back later with a ton of moaning. But here's one to keep you going: Tim's playing a bit to hard to get, for my liking. I don't think he understands the rules!
ReplyDeleteI fucking hate not having any fucking disposable income. I also fucking hate the fucking fact that this is likely to continue for the next 6 months.
ReplyDeleteFuck fuck fucking arsehole bastard.
Why oh why oh why have I run out of shower gel AGAIN is some bastard breaking in while I am at work and drinking the stuf
ReplyDeleteAND there is no food in the fridge
AND dont get me started on Elton Fecking John.
This is the worse fucking post since my last one, no maybe the one before the last one, some cunt commented on me and a antivirus box came up, yeah like I'll click on that, stupid cunt didn't like my Robert Mugabe post I reckon so thought he'd give me the clap well I deleted like I do any dickhead i don't like and then what do you know my rash has got scales on it, yeah MJ like the ones on the sides of the inside of yer mouth that you said were nothing oh and I had to tell off Perez hilton for slagging off Jessica Alba, Alba means Scotland so he can fuck right off, then theres those cunts that say, "smile it can't be that bad" well what the fuck do you know? my PE teacher molested the kids well except me, what the fuck is wrong with that? talk about complexes.
ReplyDeleteWankers who think turning off the hall light for half an hour is a political act that's going to save the planet.
ReplyDeleteThe planet is going to be saved when we're all too poor to waste anything and nobody's going to vote for that are they?
Families. Children. "Improved" council waste disposal schemes where your rubbish is collected fortnightly instead of weekly. Menstrual cramps. Women who say "speaking as a mother" as if it gives them some sort of moral superiority. Reality TV. Dinner parties. Cellulite: what's the fucking point? Halifax adverts. If you don't live in the UK, feel thankful that you're not subjected to Halifax adverts on the telly. Weddings. People who bang on about organic food. People who feel they have to see counsellors when there's nothing wrong with them. People who have to "talk about their problems" with all and sundry. Heat magazine. People who complain about everything.
ReplyDeleteFor starters I wish to lodge a formal complaint against the following people for being born: Pastor Will Bowen
ReplyDeleteRush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly
Ryan Seacrest
Dick Cheney et al
Omar Khadr and his entire f*cking family get the f*ck out of my country and stay the f*ck out!
Wow this feels sooo good..
if kvetchin is wrong,
I don't wanna be right!
Having to work. I mean, I've been doing the fucking lottery for ages so shouldn't it have been my turn to win by now. Maybe they forgot how long I'd been buying tickets for it. Fuckers. Look, I can't be expected to work, have a social life AND bring up a kid. Why isn't the government butting it's nose in about this, it does on everything else.
ReplyDeleteFucking fuckers.
Rugby, cricket, show jumping, the Royal Family, stocks and shares, "talent" shows, EastEnders, individual children's education, Bono on stage with an economist, cars, Amy Winehouse's health, sudoku, Facebook, the 100 most powerful blogs, REM, binge drinking, Britney Spears' minge.
ReplyDeletewv - fartfi
BILLY: Perhaps you’ll be encouraged to become more vocal by reading the comments of all the seasoned whingers beneath you.
ReplyDeleteRead and learn! Then come back and have another go at it.
IVD: Would you like me to have a word with Tim?
T-BIRD: Why don’t you have a word with OLD KNUDSEN?
He can put you to work right away and there’s the end of your financial woes.
BEAST: Elton Fecking John has been using your flat while you’re at work for an extra-marital affair.
After a shag, he and his lover head for the shower (hence the shortage of shower gel) and, having worked up an appetite, raid your fridge.
And I blame them for that stain on your couch.
KNUDSEN: I’m reporting you to the Bishop of Leeds.
After reading your last post, I’ll take the high road and not take offence when you inferred that my stench trench needs a makeover.
I do, however, consider it a public service that you’ve announced Manuel’s (Hot in Belfast!) rates on your blog. £10 an hour is so cheap that even T-BIRD can hire him.
TICKERS: Don’t look behind you.
There’s a carbon footprint on your arse.
And if I may have a turn at whinging, I am sick of the term “carbon footprint.”
BETTY: Please expound on the Halifax adverts. Is there a site I can click on to view these so that I too may suffer and feel closer to you, my British cousins?
What have you got against ‘Heat’ magazine? That’s my window, aside from your blog and Coronation Street, into all things English.
I could do a long posting, no, create an entire blog about menstrual cramps. Who is the joker responsible for creating them? While I’m reporting KNUDSEN to the Bishop of Leeds, I’ll have a word with him about it.
DONN: C’mon. I know you’ve got more in you. Get back in the ring and tell us what you really think.
BBB: Repeat the mantra “fucking fuckers” over and over ‘til you reach enlightenment.
Then send me $19.95.
GEOFF: How do you feel about the Royal Ascot?
Has Britney’s minge ever caused you to binge?
Who is more annoying: Bono or Angelina Jolie?
And why haven’t you and Betty adopted a Vietnamese orphan or two?
I'm tired of those stupid colored bracelets that are supposed to cure the world of everything from cancer to breast cancer and now: WHINING?
ReplyDeleteBah!
(I can probably do better, but I'm just getting to my third cup of coffee.)
-allergies
ReplyDelete-asthma
-the elections
-the oscars
-that fishy aroma that drifts down from up north whenever mj flashes her taco at a cop
-the emmys
-Americas next idol
-dancing with the stars
-when knudsens' ostomy aperature gets clogged
-militant vegans
-...who feed their dogs vegetarian diets
- people who think they are vampires, animals or dead
-snot
-how the paint peels off the north side of my house whenever mj flashes her taco at a cop
For your delight: http://uk.youtube.com/results?search_query=halifax+adverts&search_type=
ReplyDeleteTake your pick from any on offer. The awful Howard is so "famous" that he's appeared on The Office (or was it Extras?)
it really bothers me that im the only one who seems to be able to communicate with the dead and that the fuckers just wont leave me alone.
ReplyDeleteBOXER: Why is there no coloured bracelet for menstrual cramps?
ReplyDeleteI could snap it brusquely against my skin every time I feel a particularly evil cramp and a recorded voice from within would say, “Pain? I’LL give you something to cry about!”
Come back after you’ve had an espresso coffee.
FN: Fishy aroma?!
I was honoured that Inner Voices gave me a Seal of Approval.
But when I found out that YOU got one TOO, it cheapened the experience.
May KNUDSEN’S ostomy aperture open upon you.
BETTY: I feel your pain.
Yet I’m impressed by the fact that in the Bollywood number, they rhymed ‘chutney’ and ‘Putney’.
VOICES: At least you don’t have KNUDSEN’S problem.
Aliens collect his sperm in the middle of the night and are using it to create a master race.
kes a good point about militant vegans.
ReplyDeleteMeat is murder.....FUCK OFF AND DIE
I dont eat anything with a face.... no shit RUG MUNCHER
Just think how much healthier I am than you......THATS WHY YOU LOOK LIKE YOUR ON A DAY OUT FROM AN AIDS CLINIC IS IT ????
pimping me twice in one week! fucking stoked! oh wait i was supposed to continue bitching about something... um, i hate it when people who drive slow dont pull the fuck over. even when ive been throwing beer cans at them and trying to run them off the road. some people have the fucking nerve eh?
ReplyDeleteperhaps nations could be voted off the approval list next week, stay tuned...
ahahahahahaaaa....
*turns head, twitches and yells at someone that no one else can see*
funny, the word verification thing was: phrmsxxx just thought youd like to know.
Royal Ascot - cunts.
ReplyDeleteBritney's minge made me winge.
Bono is more annoying.
We'd rather adopt a Vietnamese pot bellied pig.
BEAST: You sound like a man who’s had a dodgy kebab.
ReplyDeleteI wish they would munch that fireside rug of yours.
VOICES: By slow drivers you really mean Canadian tourists on Highway 1, don’t you?
Nations doesn’t need any more excitement in her life now that her son, St. Francis of Assisi has descended to the Earth and is spreading the seeds of the Nations Empire.
So I’ll take anything else you’d planned on giving her.
GEOFF: Remember that the pigs grow up to be rather large.
Yet they’re probably cleaner than children and they wouldn’t ask for pocket money on weekends.
Kids
ReplyDeleteMy Ovaries
Our clients
my other boss
the bitches in this office
Any man I'm not porking
Short people
Ugly folk
top 40 music
.....I'm sure i'll think of more, just let me get off from work and get REALLY going
At the moment I am irritated by: the lack of toilet paper (there's a couple of strands left) I'll have to go and buy some and in the shop there will be lots of people walked round as if in a daze and getting in the way and they'll have one checkout open and a queue going out the door and it'll take ages and I don't know what to have for dinner and and and and. You get the idea.
ReplyDeleteJapanese Whale Trawlers
ReplyDeleteChinese Shark Trawlers
Korean Dog Coats & Entrées
Michael Vicks and Dogfights,
..but I love Catfights!
Anal Roberts and his University
Danny Bonadouchebag
Scott Baio is 46 and Retarded
Reality show Big Brother
Souljaboy
Nazis
Walt Disney's frozen head
breast reductions
cellophane
The Anti-Car Government.
ReplyDeleteSalesmen/women.
The AA (Automobile Association, not Alcoholics Anonymous)
Retarded fuckwits at work - Go and bother someone else you lazy, good-for-nothing, moronic mouth-breathing bags of scum!
Greasy T-zones.
Dry H-zones.
Lack of disposable income - I'm with you on this one T-Bird.
Tesco.
Rap & RnB.
Fat neighbours with gardens full of crap!
Dingbat drivers - Look where you're fucking going and use your indicators, you twats!
Blue carpets.
Marshmallows.
Cauliflower.
Thoughtless, selfish people. Especially, thoughtless, selfish old people.
Oh, and: Yes please, MJ. If you would have a word with Tim...
ReplyDeleteOk Knuddy - I need some cash ASAP. Put me to work.
ReplyDeleteI also hate it when people say "You're single? Why on earth are you single?" They then invariably list all of my positive attributes and then pause and examine me intently... as if they are going to find the defect responsible for my most horrid condition.
Don't. Fucking. Act. All. Superior.
Your husband perves at my boobs over dinner when he thinks no one is looking.
QUCIFER: Someone forgot to take her happy pills.
ReplyDeleteBILLY: Chez Infomaniac there is always an “emergency roll.”
Don’t tell me you used up the emergency roll and didn’t replace it?!
*offers Billy a Wet Wipe in the meantime*
DONN: The Disney Store chain could be saved from bankruptcy by making molds of Walt Disney’s head.
I’d like one on a stick. With eyes that flash red. And a tongue that flicks in and out.
IVD: If you’d travel by Broom more often than Car, you would be a happier person AND you’d lessen your carbon footprint. Damn! There’s that phrase again!
Please explain your aversion to blue carpets. What have they ever done to YOU?
Tim needs some sense knocked into him. Perhaps your greasy t-zone is putting him off.
T-BIRD: A tip for when you go to work for KNUDSEN.
He likes women to address his willie as “Kenny”.
Don’t expect cuddles. And you’ll have to make the tea.
On second thoughts...I think I'll pass.
ReplyDeleteKenny? Hmmm.
I'm curious, MJ, what would you do with a Walt Disney head with red glowing eyes and a flicking tongue?
ReplyDeleteA comfort on those nights, when the lights go out, perhaps?
T-BIRD: You'll come begging when you're down to your last dollar.
ReplyDeleteBINGOWINGS: I'd entertain the Seven Dwarfs with it.