Saturday, March 31, 2007

Arrival of the Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts!

They’re here! They’re here! The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts arrived in the post!

NOTE: This is not the actual competition yet. It’s just a tease leading up to the big day when you’ll have YOUR chance to win The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts.

Most recently, The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts have rubbed up against the bare nasty bits of Stevey of Dorset and Stupid Irish Daddy SID.

Here’s our Stevey modeling The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts …

And feast your eyes on SID. PHWOAR!…

Where was I?

Oh yes. Overcome with lust by the knowledge that these very shorts had been close to Sex Gods Stevey and SID, the first thing I did when I got my hands on the package was to tear it open with my teeth and sniff the shorts.

Luckily, neither Stevey nor SID had washed the shorts since wearing them.

And don’t get me started on the stainage! Filthy bastards.

Long story short, I’ve been wearing The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts on my head all day.

How does The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Competition work?

One of these days I’ll post a photo of myself wearing The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts.

You submit a caption and the best caption (as picked by MJ) is the winner.

MJ then sends The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts to the winner.

The winner, in turn, must post a pic of themselves on their blog wearing The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts and so it continues.

It’s that simple!

YOU could be the next lucky winner of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts!

So many people (other than Steve and SID) have donned The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts in so many different countries that The Shorts deserve a posting of their own regarding their illustrious history.

So while I’m writing The History of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts and preparing the competition for you, stay tuned. I’ll get to it as soon as possible.

In the meantime, want to see a sample competition? Here’s Steve’s Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts posting including all the captions that were submitted. MJ’s winning entry was the poem, “A Fag Hag’s Christmas,” written about Steve’s wife Carly and her Christmas with Steve and Piggy.

If you’re new to the concept of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts and asking “eh?”… call the Elf Chat Line in Scunthorpe for more information…

Friday, March 30, 2007

Filthy Friday

Infomaniac presents an astounding variety of inflatable dolls with something for everyone.

Inflate your date

Blow-up doll hand pump so you don’t waste your breath before the fun begins

Gobblin Granny comes with her own false teeth

Recommended by Old Knudsen as it’s modeled on his dream lover Shirley

Lovin’ Lamb

This one has Tickers written all over it

Pregnant Fantasies Love Doll

Model based on “PERGnant” Psycho Bitch Maidy

Erotic Love Piggie

What a Cute Wee Pigster. Oink!

Peter Pecker party doll and ring toss game

Which one of you modeled for the misshapen head?

Can’t get enough inflatable action?

A bevy of blow-up dolls here.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Knobs and Shafts

Gear shifts, stick shifts, gear levers… Call them what you will.

Here are a few to shift you out of neutral.

6-Speed Gear Toilet Plunger

Down Shift Toilet Handle
(a shifter for the shitter)

This one shifted me into overdrive!…

Penis gear shifter

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Too Tired to Post

I’m too tired to post. So instead of reading Infomaniac, please visit 2 bloggers who’ve been away for a while. They’re old friends to some of you but new faces to others. Welcome back.

First up…

Geo of Shooting 4 Fun.

Married to that American Psycho Bitch Maidy. Poor bugger.

Drives a big rig.

Likes to shoot stuff.

Gay men want to do him.

Straight men want to be him.

Next up…

Maddie of Ridicluelessness.

Celebrity-bashing babe from Alabama.

Married to Billy (himself a former blogger) and he’s a cop so be nice to her.

Try not to confuse Maddie with Maidy.

Maidy is the Philadelphian psycho bitch married to Geo and Maddie is the celebrity-bashing Alabamian.

And don’t get me started on blogger names Kav and Kaz and Taz.

No wonder I’m tired.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Stinky Scot Barred for Breaking Wind

Stewart Laidlaw was banned from his local for passing foul flatulence.

Regulars at Thirsty Kirsty’s in Dunfermline, Fife, were fed up with Laidlaw’s fetid farts.

Laidlaw blames the new smoking laws for his expulsion.

"No one could smell anything when the pub was full of cigarette smoke,” said Laidlaw.

Pub landlord John Thow countered with, "He revels in this and does it all the time and it's absolutely foul, it would make you sick. Since the smoking ban he's made a career out of this. He has been warned and asked politely to stop it on many occasions…. when he drops one he'll shout and wave his arms so everyone can smell it."

Laidlaw has been served “last odours.”

News item here.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Blogging Roundup

A peek at ‘the week that was’ with (more than) a handful of Infomaniac’s readers.

A word to those bloggers who don’t find themselves listed on the Roundup this week…

I’m still knackered from the party but I’ll strive to do better next week. Perhaps I need to hire help to compile this list. Unfortunately, my man slave had the week off.

Now let's get on with this week's sordid lineup...


Cute Wee Pigster and his Superhero

Tazzy and Piggy spend a weekend at Alton Towers amusement park with Steve and Carly, The Smunts.

Stevey: Rent boy
“Be gentle with me, fellas.”

Taz and Pig have since checked themselves into therapy to recover from the experience.

For Tazzy and Piggy's side of the story, visit their blog.


The Smunts really are Cunts

Steve and Carly relate their version of a weekend at Alton Towers with Tazzy and Piggy.

I’m jealous because that fag hag Carly had the thrill of seeing Tazzy clad only in a towel. On a scale of 1-10, Tazzy rates an eleven on the Phwoar Factor.

On the other hand, I wouldn’t really want to be Carly as she had to play the role of “fluffer” to keep Steve hard for Tazzy and Piggy…

Read both Taz and Pig’s account of the weekend and the Smunts account. Then make up your minds for yourselves as to which story is the more believable.

The truth is out there.


Tickers exposed

Tickers revisits his old flat in Cardiff and recounts how he exposed himself from his bedroom window.


Try not to look so excited

Psycho Bitch whinges throughout the entire week.

Would someone please induce her labour?

You’d think she’d be thrilled that her man Geo is back. Perhaps she’s sulking because she’ll have to share Geo with Tazzy and Piggy and now Frobi too.


TANK you for finally posting something, Geo.

Geo’s big gun


Frobi asks us, “Do you like the picture above? It was sent to me by the lads of the 2nd Royal Tank Regiment! for some reason they seem to think I'm a single, 18-year-old blonde called Debbie!”

I have to say I’m surprised at Geo for sending this saucy pic to Frobi.


Paddy: Finland’s finest Fenian

Our Paddy dragged himself painfully through the week after a weekend of drinking and clubbing.

The agony and the ecstasy.


Yorkshire’s Polish Prince eats Rag Pudding in a greasy spoon. I had to Google ‘rag pudding.’ You Brits and your odd cuisine.

Then off he went in search of culture (in Oldham) as he attended a production of ‘Look Back in Anger’. Tony manages to anger the Jimmy Porter character.
"That will give you something to be Bloody Angry about,” mused Tony as he left the Theatre.

All that and he managed to visit his Mum in Burnley!

But wait! Tony’s holding a competition! You have to choose which photo is the pic of Tony and if you’re correct, you get to decide what your prize should be. The fucker rigged it so I couldn’t win.


Isn’t one of these a useless tit?

Genetically modified weemen, selling his spare parts, sailor boys, and much more. Knudsen (Old Bitter Balls) delivers.


Eddie contemplates the indignity of death on the bog.


Geoff (Contains Mild Peril) reviews 'Shaggy Blog Stories: A Collection of Amusing Tales from the UK Blogosphere.'

And pays tribute to all the girls he’s loved before.

Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, such a pair of teasers
Mamma mia, does it show again?
I mean the women, not the geezers


Witness Betty’s frightening hallucination involving Val Doonican and puppet pigs Pinky and Perky.


You’ll recall how Geoff and Betty had new windows fitted last week?

Well life gets even more exciting in BlogLand as Kav gets a new garage!


HE asks what we’d order for our last supper.


Portrait of the sports writer as a young blogger
(photo illustration by Homo Escapeons)

WW has been ordered to return to Earth to cover the World Women’s Hockey Championship.


Mutley deals with a crazed spammer, then relocates from Wales back to sunny Bridport.


Areola Borealis

Our lovely lady Awa needs cheering up.

Old Knudsen offered to sex her up but she turned him down.

So go on over there and give her some love.


Lynda asks for a peek at Farmer Giles’ cock on The Woman Who Only Wanted Me For My Cock - Part Seven.


Pru’s cousin Edith provides photodocumention of a midsummer’s night argument between Jessica Alba and her boyfriend Cash Warren.


Nurse Kaz informs us about the risks of leaving our homes.

Most accidents requiring hospitalisation (38%) occur in the home.

And the safest activity at a mere 1% of accidents? Vist Kaz to find out. And get out your charge card.


FN takes a trip down memory lane to her life in the Seventies.

Caution: Don’t read the bit about the anal fistula if you’re eating your lunch.


IVF’s had enough coverage for one week so let’s skip over him.


Looks like there was room for Geoff and Betty on Vicus’ list of Welcome Wagon hosts but no room for the likes of me.

Let’s ignore Vicus then too, shall we?


Chelly (However) fights the urge to take up pole dancing.

Go for it, Chelly!

And finally...


“How’s it goin’, eh?”

Welcome Alasdair!

Look what we’ve got ourselves here… another Canuck!

Alasdair lives in Canada’s Northwest Territories.

He likes to get his cardio system going with outdoor sports and viewing porn on the Internet when not watching wildlife documentaries.

Credit goes to Alasdair for creating the new title of our weekly newcomer segment, now known as “New Cunt of the Week.”

He doesn’t have a blog so if you want to know more about him, ask him yourself here in the comments section. If you don’t hear from him right away, it’s because he’s out sled dog mushing or snowshoeing or ice fishing or building an igloo or whatever it is they do on the Tundra.

Give Alasdair a warm Infomaniac welcome.

Sunday, March 25, 2007


I was so busy with party preparations that I neglected IVF’s birthday on March 22nd.

Please accept my apologies.

Here’s a prezzie to make up for it…

This gift is really wasted on you what with that gaping man snatch of yours. But it's the thought that counts.

Happy Birthday, Connie!

Happy Birthday, Connie!

Help yourself to the leftover cake from my party.

And here’s your prezzie…

On the box it says, “Have a friend join in or go solo.” I suggest you call Piggy.