Win A New Boyfriend Winner!

Congratulations, CyberPete!

You win a new boyfriend!

This amazing “Grow Your Own Boyfriend” is on its way to you in Denmark. Just add water and watch him grow 600% his size in water!


WARNING: Choking hazard!

Why does CyberPete need a new boyfriend, you ask?

Let’s hear it from CyberPete’s own mouth…

“because I'm sad, needy and desperate for love.”

Bitches, have you ever heard anything so tragic?

May we suggest volunteers from our audience to comfort him?

Jason is our runner-up with this retort…

“Because I've always wanted to date a choking hazard.”

Our third place winner is Michael Guy with this spin on the situation…

"I don't need a new boyfriend per se but is there a 'f*ck me like the bitch that I am' substitute?"

We would like to take this opportunity to note Michael Guy’s comment in yesterday’s post, as follows…

“AND just for the record bitches the last time I got lucky was the Reagan era. I just don't, as my friends say, "put myself out there." Which is true once one's heart has been trounced into the deepest darkest dirt pit of despair by someone who was supposed to love you.”

Still on the topic of Michael Guy, have you had a look at his man titties?

Thanks to everyone who participated in our Win A New Boyfriend contest.

Oh, and CyberPete?

We’ll be expecting a post WITH PHOTOS when you and your new boyfriend have your first date!

Win A New Boyfriend! – Voting Day

The prize…


Grow a Boyfriend! Mr. Right grows 600% his size in water! Place your grow item in room temperature water. It will begin to grow within 2 hours and will be full size in 72 hours. When removed from water it will slowly shrink back to its original size. Your grow item can be grown again and again!

Earlier this month, we asked you to tell us why you need a new boyfriend (or girlfriend, as the case may be).

Well now it’s time to vote for your favourite. The bitch with the most votes wins a new boyfriend.

Everyone is welcome to vote but you cannot vote for your own entry.

Simply select your fave plea for a new boyfriend/girlfriend from the following list. The name of each blogger is under their entry …



I want a Grow A Girlfriend, because I can enjoy her company whenever I want and put her away without worrying about her complaining or nagging about my friends or habits or my penchant for sci fi and video games, fishing and the firing range.

And I don't have to worry about her hogging all the covers at night or using all the hot water, taking forever to get ready and complaining about having nothing to wear, and I won't have to deal with monthly meltdowns and mood swings.

- Eroswings


The REAL question is--why does HE deserve ME!?

- Michael Rivers


Maybe a grow your own dildo that doesn’t talk back. I just want the size and shape of a boyfriend. This grow your own boyfriend sounds enticing but I’m still trying to remove the dent in my mattress from the last occupant. Now I know why you need a new mattress...bad boyfriends leave bad boyfriend energy burred in your mattress.

Do they make a grow your own cat?

Actually I don't want another boyfriend. I'm kind of in the market, the black market, for a gay slave with a ball gag so he can't talk back.

But I don't want to have to grow him or water him everyday.

- Ayem8y



I don't need a new boyfriend per se but is there a 'f*ck me like the bitch that I am' substitute?

- Michael Guy


I don't like my sister's boyfriend - if I had a substitute I could push the one I don't like over a cliff.

- Lulu LaBonne


Things have been a little slow in that department for some time now. Willing to consider reasonably convincing post-op.

- XL


As far as I'm concerned, the more the merrier.

- Miss Scarlet


And What... may one ask... does one do with a new home groan boyfriend?

If only we wer'nt on water restrictions... the pleasure he would bring.

No more snoring, grunting and dutch ovens. Food crumbs and toenail clippings to discover in those hidden nooks and crannies.

No complaints of "turn off that light i'm trying to sleep"... just when I get to the juicy bit of the penny dreadful I'm reading. Oh the un interupted reading I would enjoy. What Bliss. Utter Bliss...

- Princess


Because I've always wanted to date a choking hazard.

- Jason


What flavours does this boyfriend come in? Josh Brolin? Connor Trinneer? Simon Reeve? Tim?!
Hold the sprinkles, please.

- Inexplicable DeVice (IVD)


I need a new boyfriend because:

* I want to make the old one jealous so he'll come back to me.

* It'll give me the excuse to personally deliver it to Michael Rivers for his comment.

* It'll be good to watch something grow 600% and know I did it.

* Piggy's already got all the boyfriend he can handle. All any of us can handle. Including the love handles.

* I can take him out on a dinner date and say "Oh, don't you want yours?" - and scoff his food like I'm doing him a favour.

* I can leave him in my bed to make it look like I'm asleep - while I climb out the window to go partying all night.

* I can send Infomaniac some photos of it when it's fully, um, erect.

- Kapitano


because I'm sad, needy and desperate for love.

- CyberPete


sure, send me a new boyfriend and i'll shoot him in the fucking back just like the last one.
max, MAX....turn on the water!

- Normadesmond


kabuki -star of both stage AND screen - has had to carry the garbage out since 1986. That is the only reason to have a boyfriend, and that is all I would have him do. Unless I spilled something. "Boyfriend - absorb that spilled mai tai." (Instead of absorbing everything in my refridgerator) PLUS - even megastars get lonely. Or so i have been told.

- kabuki zero




That’s it, bitches!

You have all day Monday and Tuesday to vote.

The winner will be announced on Wednesday!

Win A New Boyfriend!

Tell us why you need a new boyfriend and you could win

A NEW BOYFRIEND!



Yes, it’s the Grow Your Own Boyfriend!

Mr. Right grows 600% his size in water! Free movie and dinner date, he never snores, never looks at your credit card bills, he's polite, always there when you need him, never argues and always agrees, he always shuts up, he doesn't chew with his mouth open and he doesn't look at you like you're nuts when you buy another pair of shoes. True love in 72 hours.

Instructions For Use: Place your grow item in room temperature water. It will begin to grow within 2 hours and will be full size in 72 hours. When removed from water it will slowly shrink back to its original size. Your grow item can be grown again and again!

Disclaimer: This toy is in no way intended to represent living people. Any resemblance is purely coincidental and not intended to harm anyone.

WARNING: Choking hazard!

So hop to it, bitches!

Simply tell us why you need a new boyfriend and we’ll vote next week on the best reasons.

This post will be up on Tuesday and Wednesday to give you time to come up with a winning entry.

Note: Straight males and lezzers may substitute the word “girlfriend” for “boyfriend” but you’ll still get the “Grow A Boyfriend” as a prize if you win.