Showing posts with label Kitchen Queen Contest. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kitchen Queen Contest. Show all posts

Monday, December 03, 2012

Behind the Scenes at the Kitchen Queen Contest

Infomaniac let's you peek behind the curtain to see the goings-on at the Kitchen Queen Contest.

Here we see Norma attempting to bribe the judges with her Salty Ding Dong…



Here we see the other four winners talking behind Norma’s back (planning to cut a bitch)…



Here we see Ms. Nations devouring Cookie’s famous Sweet and Sour Brisket…


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Here we see Cookie’s reaction when her name is announced as grand prize winner…



Here we see Cookie rush the stage to accept her prize…


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Here we see Mr. Peenee, (Miss Runner-Up) wearing Cookie's crown after he's tripped her on her way back to her seat...



Here we see Mitzi’s reaction when her Jammy Rings fail to make the shortlist…



Here we see Huggy Jon who has “no comment” after a judge sat on his vol au vent…


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Here we see Topher planning to "pie" the winners with his Blue Ribbon Apple Pies…


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Here we see a vigilante committee of disgruntled contestants planning to take the Fab Five DOWN…



And finally, here we see Mistress MJ cleaning up after the contest is finally over…



Thanks for one hell of a swell contest, Bitches!

NOTE: Check out Cookie's "We're All Winners on Infomaniac" post here.

Sunday, December 02, 2012

Announcing the Winning Kitchen Queen(s)!



Are you ready for the news?

Well, hold onto your hats because we have a five-way tie, Bitches!!!



Five, count ‘em, FIVE Infomaniac Bitches will share the Kitchen Queen crown!

Congratulations to Cookie and his Sweet and Sour Brisket; Normadesmond and his Salted Caramel “Ding Dong” Cake; Kevin (KDNA) and his Poulet au Paprika; Wally and his Peanut Butter Pie; and yes, believe it or not, LX and his Traditional Cranberries!

CONGRATULATIONS, LADIES!

Wait a minute, Bitches. Where do you think you’re going?...



Out of the vehicle, ladies.

Unfortunately, the DINNER OF A LIFETIME grand prize in Sumas, Washington at the home of Ms. First Nations can only be awarded to ONE of you Bitches.

So Mistress MJ hired a consultancy firm to put your names into a computer database and select a winner…



Therefore…

COOKIE’s name was selected from the list of five Kitchen Queens to dine chez Ms. Nations in Sumas, Washington.

AND Cookie will receive a charming handmade “Kitchen Queen” card, written by our Miss Scarlet in her exquisite calligraphy.

CONGRATULATIONS TO COOKIE, NORMA, KEVIN, WALLY and LX!
You’re ALL sharing the Kitchen Queen crown!



Thanks to everyone who voted and participated in the Infomaniac Kitchen Queen Contest!

And thanks to Ms. Nations and Miss Scarlet for providing the prizes!


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And that about wraps it up, Bitches!

Saturday, December 01, 2012

Who Will Wear the Kitchen Queen Crown?

Voting for the Kitchen Queen has ended and our panel of judges are making their final decision.



The winner of the Infomaniac Kitchen Queen Contest will be announced sometime this weekend.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Vote NOW for the Kitchen Queen!

It's time to vote for the Kitchen Queen, Bitches!


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EVERYONE is welcome to cast a vote regardless of whether or not you've submitted a recipe.

Clicking on a recipe's title will take you to the full recipe post for any particular Bitch.

Take your time to consider the merits of each recipe before casting your vote.

Voting is open all day Thursday and Friday. A winner will be announced sometime on the weekend.

Let's review the recipes, shall we?

1. UTE's German-Style Casserole...


2. LX's Traditional Cranberries...


3. HUGGY JON's Fantaisie sur Glace...


4. KEVIN's Poulet au Paprika...


5. MITZI's Grandma Ermintrude’s Jammy Rings...


6. NORMA's Salted Caramel “Ding Dong” Cake...


7. FIRST NATIONS' Raviolis with Sauce...


8. MR. PEENEE's Potatoes Dauphinoise...


9. TOPHER's Blue Ribbon Apple Pie...


10. COOKIE's Momma Koblentz's Sweet and Sour Brisket...


11. WALLY's Peanut Butter Pie...


Good luck to all our fabulous contestants!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Coming Soon

At your stations, ladies...



You will soon be judged.

Your entries in the Kitchen Queen Contest are simply divine.


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And so are you.

Thank you, once again, for your patience.

Kitchen Queen Contest Scandal!

Round about the cauldron go;
In the poison'd entrails throw.




Double,double toil and trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.


It has come to our attention that three jealous Bitches have tampered with the recipe entries of the other Kitchen Queen Contest contestants.

You WILL be found and disqualified!

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Say Amen, Bitches

Pray that you win the Kitchen Queen Contest.


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Judgement Day is coming soon.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Blind Taste Tests

In advance preparation for the Kitchen Queen Contest voting day, Mistress MJ has arranged for you all to blind taste test all the recipes that have been submitted.




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Would anyone care to comment on their findings?

NOTE: The official voting day will take place sometime next week. This is simply a blind taste test.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Wenis Wednesday

Coming Soon...


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Well, soon-ish.

Apologies for the delay.

We here at Infomaniac guarantee that you'll have your chance to cast your vote in the Kitchen Queen Contest sometime next week.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Fed Up

Norma is clearly displeased by the delay in posting the Kitchen Queen Contest's voting day...



It's enough to drive her back to her sick bed.

Friday, November 16, 2012

The SMEG

ANNOUNCEMENT: All ELEVEN of your recipes have been posted for the Kitchen Queen Contest.

Miss Scarlet has kindly lent us her SMEG to store your cakes, casseroles and assorted goodies whilst we await the judging portion of the competition…



Mistress MJ must take a few days off do do this, that, and the other thing…mostly the other thing.

She will return as soon as possible (sometime next week) so that we may arrange a voting day for your magnificent recipe entries.

See you Bitches soon!

Filthy Friday – Kitchen Queen Edition


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Have you enjoyed the Kitchen Queen Contest so far, Bitches?

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Kitchen Queen Contest Entry #11 - Wally's Peanut Butter Pie

Kitchen Queen Contest Entry #11 - Wally's Peanut Butter Pie



First of all, you all need to know that I am a professional Chef, and possess a certain degree of celebrity. When Mistress first gave notice of this contest, I thought "Yeah! "I can excuse myself!"", like it was the Olympics or something...
Then I sobered up & had some coffee. (Yoko would understand, trust me).

This is not to imply that an amateur chef or a good home cooker could not have one f'ing fantastic recipe, not at all. In fact, the best recipe books you could get are from churches, with church ladies, giving away family recipes to one-up each other! (Martha would understand, trust me).

BITCHES, all.

Being a great Chef is quite like being a great Prostitute; If you are any good at it, you will be used & sore.
Do, please excuse me as I am used, bitchy & sore...

And then you have to deal with the constant plagiarism; I've had restaurants steal ideas, decor, recipes and even my mantras du jour & open up a place a few miles away from me. (Ozzy would understand, trust me).

But, what to share?

I have been so, so busy lately that I will go back to the first rule of cooking:

#1 K.I.S.S. - Keep It Simple Stupid.

So I have decided to submit a life & time saver of a dessert recipe, that is in keeping with my new province:

PEANUT BUTTER PIE

Pre-bake one deep-dish pie shell and set aside

Whip till creamy:

1 1/4 Cups softened smooth peanut butter

2/3 Cup softened butter (or quality margarine)

1 teaspoon vanilla

Add and whip till smooth:

2 Cups confectioners sugar

In a separate bowl, whip till frothy:

3/4 Cup heavy or whipping cream

Add cream to butters, whisking at a steady rate, then pour into pie shell and chill for twelve hours minimum.

Now, I have been drizzling melted bitter chocolate over my pies (as pictured), but it could be served in any number of ways...

Imagine it with a strawberry jam sauce...

How about an Oreo cookie crust in place of a pie crust?

What if I used almond or cashew butter instead?

Mostly the mind reals......


And my all time favorite order from one Henry Mancini:

"Turkey on white, hold the mayo....."

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Kitchen Queen Contest Entry #10 - Cookie's Momma Koblentz's Sweet and Sour Brisket

Kitchen Queen Contest Entry #10 - Cookie's Momma Koblentz's Sweet and Sour Brisket



Momma Koblentz's Sweet and Sour Brisket

1) 5-6 pound beef brisket with the fat. No one likes a dry brisket.
2) 1 cup brown sugar
3) 2 packages of Lipton Beefy Onion Soup
4) 1 TBS of white vinegar

You'll need heavy aluminum foil and a meat roaster, and this needs to be made a day before you need it. It has to mellow overnight.

PREPARATION

Seam together two sheets of heavy duty foil (along the width) tightly and place on counter shiny side up.

In the middle of the foil, empty one of the Lipton Soup packages.

Place the meat, fat side up, on the dry soup mix.

Empty the second container onto the fat and rub it in

Carefully bring the sides of the foil up and neatly seal the meat completely up in the foil as air tight as possible.

Place this into a metal roaster lined with foil. Place the lid on the roaster and put this into the over at 325 degrees (F) for 4-5 hours.

After cooking is complete, remove from over, remove the roaster lid and CAREFULLY open the foil and dump the brown sugar onto the hot meat and quickly seal the foil back up.

Let cool, then place in the fridge over night.

SECOND DAY

Remove from fridge, open the foil and pick off the cold white fat. Throw this away.

Remove the meat, move the pan drippings to a sauce pan and bring to a simmer. Add in the vinegar stir and let cool.

Using an electric knife, slice the meat against the grain into thin slices. NEVER slice the meat with the grain.

Place the sliced meat, fat side up on a Pyrex dish, pour the liquid sauce from the pan over this meat, and then cover with foil. Reheat for an hour at 350.

Serve with Uncle Ben's Wild Rice, which has a nice counter point flavor to the meat and the sauce.

For leftovers, build a sandwich on Challah with Swiss cheese. Throw some butter into a skillet and then toast (like you would a grilled cheese sandwich) the sandwich till the bread gets a nice brown color. Yummy!

NOTE: DO NOT Try this with a crockpot. Jesus will cry if you do this. Trust me.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Kitchen Queen Contest Entry #9 - Topher's Blue Ribbon Apple Pie

Kitchen Queen Contest Entry #9 - Topher's Blue Ribbon Apple Pie



I didn't think I had any recipes with me being that most of my knick-knacks, trinkets, bibelots, treasures and fur pieces, are in storage in sunny Bonita Springs Florida. However, I discovered this gem in my trusty 1980's era briefcase and knew that I just had to share this with you Bitches. I discovered this at a restaurant in Chicago called "The Prairie" (I believe it was in Printer's Row) and soon it made it's way to the pages of Bon Appetit (January 1993). This is a deep dish apple pie with some nuts (insert pun here), a bit of carmel/chocolate and all the tartness you deserve (well, maybe not ALL). Scrumptious can not begin to describe the taste of this dish and if I had the means (and the test kitchen) to make it again, this would be a fabulous prelude to......

Blue Ribbon Apple Pie

8 servings

Crust
2 cups all purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup (1 stick bitches) chilled (not frozen) unsalted butter and cut into pieces
1/3 cup chilled solid vegetable shortening, cut into pieces
1/3 cup sugar
1 large egg, beaten
1 teaspoon distilled white vinegar
2 tablespoons ice water (approx measure)

Combine flour and salt in medium bowl. Cut butter and shortening in, with a fork, until the mixture resembles coarse meal. Stir in sugar, egg and vinegar. Mix in just enough ice water, 1 tablespoon at a time, to form dough that holds together. Divide the dough in half and flatten each half into a disc. Wrap each in saran wrap and chill 4 hours or overnight.

Filling
2/3 cup packed dark brown sugar
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 all purpose flour
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 pounds tart green apples (such as Granny Smith) - peeled, cored and cut into 1/4" slices
1/4 cup (1/2 stick Bitches) unsalted butter

Combine first 7 ingredients in a large bowl. Add apples and toss them to coat. Melt butter in a large heavy skillet over medium high heat. Add the apples and cook until the apples are slightly softened....about 10 minutes.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F...on a floured surface, roll out 1 dough piece to a 14 inch diameter round . Transfer the dough to a 9" deep dish glass pie dish. Fit the dough into the dish and turn the edges leaving 1/2 inch overhang. Fold the overhang under and let it rest on the rim (it's tired after all that pounding - take a sip from the vodka fountain, if parched) Line the crust with foil and fill with pie weights or dried beans. Bake 10 minutes. Remove the foil and weights/beans and bake until the crust is set but has no color - about 5 minutes.
Cool.

Streusel
3/4 cup all purpose flour
4 1/2 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons (that's 1/4 stick Bitches) unsalted butter
3 1.4 ounce chocolate covered English Toffee Bars (such as Heath), chopped

1 large egg beaten with 2 tablespoons water (glaze)

Combine the flour and sugar and using a fork, mix in the butter until it resembles coarse meal and then stir in the toffee.

On a floured surface, roll out the second disc of dough to 14" round diameter. Mound (not mount but hey, whatever) the apple filling into the pre-baked pie crust and sprinkle the streusel over the pie. Top this with second crust. Trim the dough leaving a 1/2 overhang and pinch the crusts together (as in a gentle pinch, not a titty twister) to seal the edges. Brush pie with the glaze. Cut 5 slits into the stop to allow steam to escape.

Bake until the crust is golden and the apples are tender - about 55 minutes. Cool the pie one hour.

What you do with it, and/or serve with it, is completely up to you.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Kitchen Queen Contest Entry #8 - Mr. Peenee's Potatoes Dauphinoise

Kitchen Queen Contest Entry #8 - Mr. Peenee's Potatoes Dauphinoise



Potatoes Dauphinoise

This recipe has a lot going for it. Mainly, it's completely delicious, but also, it's foolproof, forgiving of meager talent and attention spans and it's from Julia Child, so you can casually mention "Yes, it's one of my favorites of Julia's recipes" implying you have knocked out her pâte brisée by the handsful. Also, it's ingredients are so basic you can count on scoring them anywhere, even a 7-11, if it comes down to that.



3 pounds potatoes (Yukon Gold are way the best, but anything will do)
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1/2 tablespoon salt
1 quart half-and-half

Wash your hands.

Heat the oven to 400

Peel the potatoes and slice as thin as possible. This is where having a food processor comes in handy. Don't have one? Suck it up and slice them by hand. THIN. Quit whining, I've done it, so can you, lazy cow. Do not rinse the potatoes or store them in water. They may turn a little brown. Big deal. You are such a whiny cow.



Put the garlic on a cutting board and pour the salt over it. Using the back of fork mash them together to make a paste. Oddly enough, when I was making this batch for these photos, I went to look up the recipe, the first time in like a decade of cranking it out and I found Julia calls for a TEASPOON of each. She was probably drunk when she wrote that, so just ignore her and go with a Tablespoon of garlic and a HALF Tablespoon of salt.



Get a big pot, like a dutch kettle, put the garlic/salt paste in the bottom, pour in enough half-and-half to cover it and stir it up vigorously to combine.

Dump in the potatoes, then the rest of the half and half and stir gently. Wash your hands. Your dinner guests might not know where you've had them, but mrpeenee has a pretty good guess. Since the potato slices all stick together, you have to reach in the pot and gently separate them so the half-and-half can get in there.

Bring to a gentle boil over pretty high heat and then turn down to medium to simmer for 2 -3 minutes. Stir occasionally to scrape up the deliciousness from the bottom of the pot. Try not to wander off and start looking at porn while waiting for this, but if you do, it's no big deal.

Julia says to then pop the whole thing in the oven, but my experience is if you use the same pot to both boil and bake, cleaning is a torture. Instead transfer it all to a large, shallow casserole that you've coated liberally with a nonstick spray. Put the casserole on a cookie sheet cause when the milk infused with potato starch cooks over, it is a mother fucking beast to clean. Bake at 400 for 45 - 50 minutes.

I have friends who really like the slightly scorched, black crusty bits the best. Freaks.

This is one of those blessed recipes which is actually better the next day. Heat it up in a low-ish oven, covered with foil for 20 - 30 minutes. Wash you hands before you stick your finger in to see if it's hot.

Friday, November 09, 2012

Kitchen Queen Contest Entry #7 - Ms. First Nations' Raviolis with Sauce!!!

Kitchen Queen Contest Entry #7 - Ms. First Nations' Raviolis with Sauce!!!


This makes enough to feed three people, with leftovers for lunch!

RAVIOLIS WITH SAUCE!!!

FILLING: Make one day ahead of time and refrigerate, then bring to room temp for use.
-1 ten 0z. bag of spinach, cleaned and stemmed, chopped fine (use a cuisinart...do not puree)
-1 eight-oz ball mozzarella cheese, shredded
-1/2 cup myzithra cheese, grated
-1 tbl. garlic, pureed (more or less, to taste)
-3/4 cup white onion, pureed
-1/3 cup dry bread crumbs (more or less, to perfect consistency)
-Sour cream or whole milk yogurt to moisten
-1 tsp dry oregano, or to taste
-Salt and pepper to taste

Mix ingredients by hand. The consistency should be just moist enough to hold together when formed into a ball, so err on the side of dryness to begin with.


...not quite this dry. But I found a picture of a Croc on fire, and fire makes things dry, and...yeah.

PASTA
Three cups of WHITE all purpose flour
-1 whole egg
-5 egg yolks
-2 tbls olive oil
-Milk to moisten (aprox. 1/2 cup...the amount added will depend on the humidity of the room)
Dump all this into the Cuisinart . Screw you Marcella Hazan. You say it's not authentic if you don't mix this by hand on the counter, fine; then you can just come over to my house and do it yourself. Yeah I thought not.

Dump this out onto the counter and lightly knead, adding milk or flour as needed until it forms a heavy, non-sticky dough. Cover and let set at room temp at least 1 hour. (This needs to be at room temp to 'work' properly, too, so if you have to refrigerate it, take it out a couple of hours beforehand and let it sit until it's up to speed, which is about 75km. It's better if you make it the day you use it, though.)


...this picture bears no relevance to the following.

Now:
Cut dough into 4 pieces. Have plenty of flour on hand for dusting.
-If you have a pasta machine, roll the dusted dough through the 5 setting, fold over, (just this once!!) and run it through again. Take that sheet and thin it through the 3 and then the 2 and set aside on the floured board.

-If you just have a rolling pin (or a wine bottle, like I used for 16 years) then take each piece one at a time, and roll out as flat as you can, fold it over once and then roll it out once more until it is just shy of transparency.
Now simply blop lumps of filling onto one half of the sheet of dough, leaving about 2 inches between each lump. Spray a little water on the filling side, then flap the other half of the dough over the top of it and press all around the lumps with your fingers. Now cut them out any which way, which is very tasty and picturesque and leaves no waste.

Cook in boiling salted water for 2 minutes, drain, then serve immediately with a sauce. OO look, here's one:

AWESOME SAUCE for all your awesome needs


Make this one day ahead of time.
BLEND (in a blender, geeze):
-Olive oil - choose a green, bright, fruity one. The more gunky the better in fact.
and
-Plain old tomato sauce out of the can (be fancy and use San Marzano, although it doesn't matter in the slightest)
with
-A tiny, tiny dab of mayonnaise to emulsify it all. You want a thinnish carrier, like a salad dressing or a soup consistency.
Dump in a bowl and add:
-Chopped black NICOISE olives, (rinse BRIEFLY to remove some of the salt)
-Chopped green MANZANILLA olives (again, rinse BRIEFLY to remove some of the salt)
...and yes, the variety matters.
-Minced garlic to taste
-lemon zest, about 1/2 tsp
-Freshly ground black pepper to taste
Go light with the sauce. These are all very strong flavors. You just want to smooch the raviolis with a little pizazz.
-Top with chopped roasted hazelnuts. THIS MATTERS. You'll see.

And there you go! Is done! Eat it now!