Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Perv of the Day

Welcome to a new series on Infomaniac entitled “Perv of the Day.”

Infomaniac will, from time to time, seek out the perviest perverts and parade them pantless in front of you, the judge and jury.

We begin in your host country, Canada.

Crotch kicking

THE PERV: Jarrett Loft.

THE PLACE: Guelph, Ontario, Canada.

THE PERVERSION: Penis pummeling.

On seven occasions last April and May, Jarrett Loft approached women on trails in city parks and asked them to kick him in the groin.

One of the women, afraid of what he might do if she refused, kicked him repeatedly in the bollocks. Loft thanked her and pedaled away on his bicycle.

THE PUNISHMENT: 60 days in jail, to be served at weekends so that he doesn’t lose his machinist job.

In addition, Loft has been banned from parks, schoolyards, playgrounds, and from accessing the Internet.

Ball busting

Note: This is not an April Fool’s joke. Don’t believe me? Google his name, O ye, of little faith.


  1. two questions:

    Could I get Paid to do this?

    Is this considered an effective method of birth control??

  2. 60 Days for a bit of harmless fun?
    That's a bit of a kick in the bollocks.

  3. I.
    Just in hibernation.

    Now where is my cupcake and vodka? I am hungry and drunk.

    Don't tell. I am obsessed with Knudsen and his hat.

    I have one just like it.

    I wear it and his pic turns me on.

    Shhhh, its a secret darn you!!

  4. I do not want to put the boot in ...

    What an odd fellow - really I amsure the world gets stranger everyday..

  5. Banned from the internet??
    NOTHING is bad enough to deserve a punishment like that - especially a bit of harmless crotch kicking requesting.

  6. QUCIFER: Get paid for your hobby and wear fabulous costumes while you’re at it!

    Planned Parenthood does not advocate ball-busting as an effective method of birth control. Don’t give up your pill pack.

    BEAST: Sometimes Hoovering as a hobby just isn’t enough.

    Is that what you’re telling me?

    TICKERS: But they took away his Internet access!

    AWA: Oh, not another cap coveter!

    MUTLEY: I assure you, this type of thing while common in England, doesn’t usually happen here in Canada.

    KAZ: I’d rather be kicked in the crotch than be banned from the Internet.

    Loft’s common-law spouse said Loft told her he developed a "curiosity" after looking at various pornographic websites.

  7. I know a lot more women who would be into this than men.

  8. BBB: Perhaps this would be of interest to those lady friends of yours.

  9. Oh I see Nicole Kidman has finally given up her day job

    Looks like she finally found something she was good at

  10. CYBERPOOF: If it's Nicole Kidman, she must be thrilled to be wearing heels again.

  11. True, Tom Cruise didn't do much for her posture did he.

    Even though she spent the 80s and 90s in flats for him she still looked like that woman from Attack of the 50 foot woman.

    Wait Daryl Hannah was in that,

    oh the plot thickens

  12. oh wicked! im not the only one... i did see a special on that shit on hbo some years ago... i guess its a fairly popular thing. that guys wanna have their balls stomped... i dont see why its such a crime?!?! was he naked when he was requiring the park people to kick him in the nuts?

    *goes outside to "fall" on a fence post*

  13. Doesn't anyone play Scrabble anymore?

  14. That reminds me of the time I had to come to a rapid stop on my pushbike, landing squarely on the cross bar made my nuts end up round my ears and I couldn't breath for about 4 hours without whimpering

  15. I LOVE SCRABBLE! i even have it on my phone...

  16. Surely the fact that he thanked one of his victims is a sign of good manners...

    Common courtesy isn't so common anymore. Isn't it refreshing to find a gentleman in this day and age?

  17. I have a collection of ball bearings in my attic.

    So he's not the only Loft with balls of steel.

  18. I cant see the pleasure in it meself , but I suppose its probably more fun than watching 'Dancing with the Stars'

  19. CYBERPETE: You scandal-monger, you.

    VOICES: A special on HBO?

    Did you star in it?

    BOXER: Talk to Voices.

    Looks like he needs a sparring partner.

    Or maybe just a good pummeling.

    MR.GASKINS: Oh stop whimpering.

    Everyone knows you ride a girl's bike.

    Do you have a cameltoe since that incident?

    VOICES: See comment to Boxer.

    BINGOWINGS: Proof that chivalry isn't dead.

    GEOFF: I've lost my bearings.

    Now I know who has them.

    BEAST: I've never seen 'Dancing With the Stars.'

    Is it about astronomy?

    Are you in it?

    Do you moon the camera?

  20. What a nutter.

    Oh, and my WV is ufovip. I guess it's the UFO they abduct important people with.

  21. But of course, that's what I do

  22. I've got a moon for you.... oh wait, that was your comment to ME yesterday.

    My bad.

  23. damn, doesn't anyone play april fool's jokes anymore, sugar? ;-(

  24. T-BIRD: UFO = Unidentified Floating Object.

    They’ve thrown IVD into the pond.

    If he floats, he’s a witch.

    If he drowns, he’s innocent.

    CYBERPOOF: Too true.

    BOXER: That looks more like Uranus than a moon.

    SAVANNAH: I couldn’t do a joke because of the time difference.

    The tradition goes that you can’t pull an April Fool’s joke after 12 o’clock noon.

    And since I’m 8 hours behind the UK; that would really mess folk up.

  25. Ew. Guelph. Not surprised.

  26. Who knew a simple game of Rochambeau could get you arrested? What is this world coming to?

  27. DINAH: Spoken like someone who knows.


  28. OUCH !!! This is insane. Only a wimp of a man would do this.