Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Daisy’s Favourite Post

It’s time for another installment of Your Favourite Post.

Today’s submission is courtesy of Daisy in the good ole U.S. of A. and is entitled Wax on…wax off.

I’ve copied and pasted Daisy’s fave post below rather than linking to her blog. Daisy must use caution because of work issues so her blog is by invitation only.

Wax on…wax off

"This story was sent to me in an email and upon sharing it with a friend of mine, she told me she experienced an identical situation on her honeymoon...it has given us hours of laughter...enjoy..."
-- Daisy

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy , painless removal - The Epilady , scissors, razors, Nair and now ....the Wax read on........

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with kids . I then had a thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours; 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.'

So I headed to the site of my demise ; the bathroom. It was one of those ' cold wax ' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or whatever else ) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss, How hard can it be ? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. ( Ya Think ! ? ! )

So I pull one of the thin strips out, It's two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees, ( 'Cold Wax, yeah....right ! ) I lay the strip across my thigh, Hold the skin around it tight and pull, it works ! OK, so it isn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this ! Hair removal no longer eludes me ! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next strip I move north. After checking the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship, I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet, using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).

I inhale deeply and brace myself.. RRRRRIIIPPP!!

I'm blind !!! Blinded from pain... OH MY GAWD!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip, CRAP!! Another deep breath and RIPP!! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out... must stay conscious... must stay conscious, Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I easy my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip... It's not ! I touch... I am touching wax!!!

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!!!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!

I get in the tub-the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment- I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain??? God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!.

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located. 'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'

She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggest I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.While we go through various solutions, I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in cold wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace... the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and... OH MY GAWD!!!!! The scream probably woke up the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. 'IT WORKS!!'

'It works!!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE...ALL OF IT!.

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now, Nothing hurts.

I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color.


  1. Ha Ha Ha . Sounds extremely nasty . Ma Beasties chickpea curry would have cleared that blockage , and Beastie's salad cream would have taken care of the rest :-)

  2. That was hilarious - I was cringing in sympathy and embarassment!

    I wonder if CyberPetra would consider waxing instead of Veet? Methinks the results may be funnier. For us, obviously. Not him!

  3. That sounds like the most incredibly painful experience in the entire history of hair.

    Awesome post!

  4. Aaeeiiieeeyy-chihuahua!
    This story made me cringe in my own swimsuit area...I was glued to my seat as I read it.

    What an incredible tale of courage and perserverence. Apparently that stuff turns into surgical glue when it hits the perfect temperature.

  5. I've heard they use this same technique for torture on terrorists.

  6. that is truely a funny post! nice work daisy...

  7. Oh I've tried cold way

    believe you me, I'm never doing that again

    I feel for you sistah!

  8. Thanks,this had me rolling on the floor laughing. Great post.

    oh lordy, you poor...oh dang!

  10. Hi everyone. I'm supposedly out doing "research" today and studying up on a rather boring topic for someone ...not having fun as you would suspect.

    Thanks for stopping by to read Daisy's submission!

    Gotta go. See you later.

  11. sssooooo... does this mean there is no antique porn photos then?

    *wanders around talking to self about lace and frilly things*

  12. Great story. I feel so bad for her but she has a great story to share for years. She should have shaved it off to start with and use a little wax at a time to get the rest. What do I know, I have never waxed and never will! Thanks for the laugh!!

  13. RRRrrrrrratsch ... when I'll do the next interrogation ... :)

  14. hey MJ what your favourite post? From anywhere?

  15. MANUEL: Try to keep up, would you?

    I'll email you.