Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Doctor, Doctor

Sure, you try to take good care of yourself. You follow a sensible eating plan, drink eight glasses of water a day and get plenty of exercise.

But you’re not perfect.

So fill in the blank…

My doctor would be shocked if he/she knew that I _______________.


  1. Yay I am first. I have no idea I have never seen my Doctor

  2. read this drivel on a regular basis.

  3. was only at 10 percent body fat when I should be at 8.

    I'm so fat I hate myself, you need to love and validate me lady MJ.

  4. MJ's doctor would be shocked if he/she knew that she... Had a sheep stuffed up her gaping wound.

  5. ...believe more in Eastern medicine, than I do in her ability to help me.

    Aww..fuck it. she doesn't know I'm gay. SUKKA!

  6. Brad , heave your fat ass over here and have a another donut.... see I knew I had that nurturing gene.

    Dora if being gay was a medical condition most of MJ's readership would be in intensive care :-)

  7. BEAST: This won’t hurt a bit.

    Just turn your head and cough.

    VICUS: As your doctor, I am concerned about your hairy palms.

    BRAD: May I suggest an enema treatment using Ma Beastie’s chickpea curry?

    You’ll be model thin in no time.

    TATAS: I’ll thank you to stay on topic and tell us about YOUR doctor.

    DORA: You can sway your doctor to the Eastern side when she finds your hidden Ben Wa balls.

    BEAST: *hands Beast a nurse’s uniform*

    Put this on and clean up after Brad.

  8. ...once went to a kinesiologist. (Fucking weird).

    Because I'm such a sensible patient and do what I'm told.

  9. .....regularly have steak for breakfast, it keeps my man ass in such fine doughy condition....

  10. GEOFF: What was wrong with your kin-ees?

    MANUEL: Your man ass could be even doughier if you would allow me to tenderize your steak tartare.

    basically i only let the poor man listen to my lungs and read the results of my blood work.

  12. trying not to drink so much....

  13. ...maybe switching to another health care provider!

    ...think that fried chicken and BBQ brisket and ribs for breakfast is a sensible meal, that substituting the 8 glasses of water with 8 glasses of alcohol is fine.

    ...once pilfered a package of plastic medicine cups to make jello shots...

  14. FN: I’m having a listen to your lungs right now.

    If you were more in tune you could join Beast and Voices’ Butt Bongo Fiesta Band.

    VOICES: I can help.

    Give me all the bottles in your liquor cabinet.

    EROSWINGS: The jello shots that you served at my party, by any chance?

  15. im sorry i should have finished that.

    ...trying not to drink so much...water.

  16. Voted Tory.

    It's a Welsh thing.

    And no, I don't vote Tory.

  17. hideously....accurate.
    there are compensating factors, though. i can spit like a camel! and iwth far deadlier results, too. watch.

    no really. stand right there. now watch.

    seriously. dont move. ok.

  18. VOICES: You’ll need these if you’re drinking too much water.

    TICKERS: Holy Margaret Thatcher, Tickers.

    FN: Duck and cover, everyone!

    Loogie alert!

  19. ....I picked him purely because his name sounded cute

    I haven't met him so I wouldn't know

  20. ..wanted to look like Clint Eastwood when I am 70! He still has lats and a waistline, and look at his tight ass!
    James Garner is all squishy, he looks like he has been trapped in a giant clam for 5 years. Sutherland looks as skinny as a reservation dog and Tommy Lee needs to call Adnan Khashoggi and 'buy some arms'!

  21. *wonder if those will work for his verbal diarrhea as well*

  22. I still take my mum's valium - SIX years beyond the 'use by' date.
    Only one left.

  23. CYBERPOOF: Isn't it time you booked an appointment about your anal fissures?

    DONN: Believe it or not, I've never taken a good look at Clint Eastwood's 77-year-old arse.

    Tommy Lee Jones needs a good moisturizer before he ends up like Keef.

    VOICES: I wouldn't want to cure you of your Logorrhoea.

    KAZ: I'm almost certain Nations can resupply you.

  24. ...have butt sex with MJ.

  25. MATT: I'm shocked too.

    I must have left the back door open.

  26. DONN: Maybe where YOU'RE from.

    Keep your pants on.