Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Doctor, Doctor

Sure, you try to take good care of yourself. You follow a sensible eating plan, drink eight glasses of water a day and get plenty of exercise.

But you’re not perfect.



So fill in the blank…

My doctor would be shocked if he/she knew that I _______________.

28 comments:

  1. Yay I am first. I have no idea I have never seen my Doctor

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  2. read this drivel on a regular basis.

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  3. was only at 10 percent body fat when I should be at 8.


    I'm so fat I hate myself, you need to love and validate me lady MJ.

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  4. MJ's doctor would be shocked if he/she knew that she... Had a sheep stuffed up her gaping wound.

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  5. ...believe more in Eastern medicine, than I do in her ability to help me.

    Aww..fuck it. she doesn't know I'm gay. SUKKA!

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  6. Brad , heave your fat ass over here and have a another donut.... see I knew I had that nurturing gene.

    Dora if being gay was a medical condition most of MJ's readership would be in intensive care :-)

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  7. BEAST: This won’t hurt a bit.

    Just turn your head and cough.

    VICUS: As your doctor, I am concerned about your hairy palms.

    BRAD: May I suggest an enema treatment using Ma Beastie’s chickpea curry?

    You’ll be model thin in no time.

    TATAS: I’ll thank you to stay on topic and tell us about YOUR doctor.

    DORA: You can sway your doctor to the Eastern side when she finds your hidden Ben Wa balls.

    BEAST: *hands Beast a nurse’s uniform*

    Put this on and clean up after Brad.

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  8. ...once went to a kinesiologist. (Fucking weird).

    Because I'm such a sensible patient and do what I'm told.

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  9. .....regularly have steak for breakfast, it keeps my man ass in such fine doughy condition....

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  10. GEOFF: What was wrong with your kin-ees?

    MANUEL: Your man ass could be even doughier if you would allow me to tenderize your steak tartare.

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  11. ...knew ANYTHING ABOUT ME WHATSOEVER.
    basically i only let the poor man listen to my lungs and read the results of my blood work.

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  12. ...am trying not to drink so much....

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  13. ...maybe switching to another health care provider!

    ...think that fried chicken and BBQ brisket and ribs for breakfast is a sensible meal, that substituting the 8 glasses of water with 8 glasses of alcohol is fine.

    ...once pilfered a package of plastic medicine cups to make jello shots...

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  14. FN: I’m having a listen to your lungs right now.

    If you were more in tune you could join Beast and Voices’ Butt Bongo Fiesta Band.

    VOICES: I can help.

    Give me all the bottles in your liquor cabinet.

    EROSWINGS: The jello shots that you served at my party, by any chance?

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  15. im sorry i should have finished that.

    ...trying not to drink so much...water.

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  16. Voted Tory.

    It's a Welsh thing.

    And no, I don't vote Tory.

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  17. hideously....accurate.
    there are compensating factors, though. i can spit like a camel! and iwth far deadlier results, too. watch.


    no really. stand right there. now watch.

    seriously. dont move. ok.

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  18. VOICES: You’ll need these if you’re drinking too much water.

    TICKERS: Holy Margaret Thatcher, Tickers.

    FN: Duck and cover, everyone!

    Loogie alert!

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  19. ....I picked him purely because his name sounded cute

    I haven't met him so I wouldn't know

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  20. ..wanted to look like Clint Eastwood when I am 70! He still has lats and a waistline, and look at his tight ass!
    James Garner is all squishy, he looks like he has been trapped in a giant clam for 5 years. Sutherland looks as skinny as a reservation dog and Tommy Lee needs to call Adnan Khashoggi and 'buy some arms'!

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  21. *wonder if those will work for his verbal diarrhea as well*

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  22. I still take my mum's valium - SIX years beyond the 'use by' date.
    Only one left.

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  23. CYBERPOOF: Isn't it time you booked an appointment about your anal fissures?

    DONN: Believe it or not, I've never taken a good look at Clint Eastwood's 77-year-old arse.

    Tommy Lee Jones needs a good moisturizer before he ends up like Keef.

    VOICES: I wouldn't want to cure you of your Logorrhoea.

    KAZ: I'm almost certain Nations can resupply you.

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  24. ...have butt sex with MJ.

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  25. MATT: I'm shocked too.

    I must have left the back door open.

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  26. You're late, it's after 11!

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  27. DONN: Maybe where YOU'RE from.

    Keep your pants on.

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