Wednesday, April 30, 2008
The Gay Scene
Can you help the poor sod who wandered onto my blog through a Google search asking, “How to fit into the gay scene?”
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Daisy’s Favourite Post
It’s time for another installment of Your Favourite Post.
Today’s submission is courtesy of Daisy in the good ole U.S. of A. and is entitled Wax on…wax off.
I’ve copied and pasted Daisy’s fave post below rather than linking to her blog. Daisy must use caution because of work issues so her blog is by invitation only.
Wax on…wax off
"This story was sent to me in an email and upon sharing it with a friend of mine, she told me she experienced an identical situation on her honeymoon...it has given us hours of laughter...enjoy..."
-- Daisy
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy , painless removal - The Epilady , scissors, razors, Nair and now ....the Wax read on........
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with kids . I then had a thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours; 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.'
So I headed to the site of my demise ; the bathroom. It was one of those ' cold wax ' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or whatever else ) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss, How hard can it be ? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. ( Ya Think ! ? ! )
So I pull one of the thin strips out, It's two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees, ( 'Cold Wax, yeah....right ! ) I lay the strip across my thigh, Hold the skin around it tight and pull, it works ! OK, so it isn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this ! Hair removal no longer eludes me ! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next strip I move north. After checking the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship, I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet, using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).
I inhale deeply and brace myself.. RRRRRIIIPPP!!
I'm blind !!! Blinded from pain... OH MY GAWD!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip, CRAP!! Another deep breath and RIPP!! Everything is spinning and spotted.
I think I may pass out... must stay conscious... must stay conscious, Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I easy my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip... It's not ! I touch... I am touching wax!!!
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!!!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!
I get in the tub-the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment- I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain??? God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!.
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located. 'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'
She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggest I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.While we go through various solutions, I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in cold wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace... the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and... OH MY GAWD!!!!! The scream probably woke up the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. 'IT WORKS!!'
'It works!!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE...ALL OF IT!.
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now, Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color.
Today’s submission is courtesy of Daisy in the good ole U.S. of A. and is entitled Wax on…wax off.
I’ve copied and pasted Daisy’s fave post below rather than linking to her blog. Daisy must use caution because of work issues so her blog is by invitation only.
Wax on…wax off
"This story was sent to me in an email and upon sharing it with a friend of mine, she told me she experienced an identical situation on her honeymoon...it has given us hours of laughter...enjoy..."
-- Daisy
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy , painless removal - The Epilady , scissors, razors, Nair and now ....the Wax read on........
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with kids . I then had a thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours; 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.'
So I headed to the site of my demise ; the bathroom. It was one of those ' cold wax ' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or whatever else ) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss, How hard can it be ? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. ( Ya Think ! ? ! )
So I pull one of the thin strips out, It's two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees, ( 'Cold Wax, yeah....right ! ) I lay the strip across my thigh, Hold the skin around it tight and pull, it works ! OK, so it isn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this ! Hair removal no longer eludes me ! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next strip I move north. After checking the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship, I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet, using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).
I inhale deeply and brace myself.. RRRRRIIIPPP!!
I'm blind !!! Blinded from pain... OH MY GAWD!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip, CRAP!! Another deep breath and RIPP!! Everything is spinning and spotted.
I think I may pass out... must stay conscious... must stay conscious, Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I easy my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip... It's not ! I touch... I am touching wax!!!
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!!!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!
I get in the tub-the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment- I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain??? God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!.
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located. 'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'
She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggest I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.While we go through various solutions, I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in cold wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace... the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and... OH MY GAWD!!!!! The scream probably woke up the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. 'IT WORKS!!'
'It works!!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE...ALL OF IT!.
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now, Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Celebrity Arse – Thierry Henry
Today’s request for Celebrity Arse comes to us from Kaz in Manchester.
She’s looking for a bit of that va-va-voom…
THIERRY HENRY’S ARSE
Kaz, baby. Thierry here. My arse is for your eyes only. When I get you alone I’ll show you my fine, firm, round buttocks and let you bounce coins off my buns.
In the meantime, feast your eyes on my steely thighs…
How would you like to see them wrapped around your head, Kaz darling?
Kaz, how you excite me! I’m afraid I’ve let my love for you slip out!…
Enjoy the ride, you hot thing…
Hear my prayer that Kaz may return my love…
Say you’ll be mine. Don’t let me down, Kaz. Don’t let me down!…
I’ll be inconsolable!…
BONUS!...
CLIVE OWEN'S ARSE
Kaz? Clive here. Forget Thierry. Are you free for dinner and drinks?
She’s looking for a bit of that va-va-voom…
THIERRY HENRY’S ARSE
Kaz, baby. Thierry here. My arse is for your eyes only. When I get you alone I’ll show you my fine, firm, round buttocks and let you bounce coins off my buns.
In the meantime, feast your eyes on my steely thighs…
How would you like to see them wrapped around your head, Kaz darling?
Kaz, how you excite me! I’m afraid I’ve let my love for you slip out!…
Enjoy the ride, you hot thing…
Hear my prayer that Kaz may return my love…
Say you’ll be mine. Don’t let me down, Kaz. Don’t let me down!…
I’ll be inconsolable!…
BONUS!...
CLIVE OWEN'S ARSE
Kaz? Clive here. Forget Thierry. Are you free for dinner and drinks?
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Celebrity Arse – Gina Gershon
Today Infomaniac presents the first request in our new series, Celebrity Arse.
Today’s request comes from the American Psycho Bitch From Hell…yes, that’s right... Maidy.
GINA GERSHON’S ARSE
Now before you go kvetching about how that’s not a full moon, let me tell you that I have a five-minute rule.
If I have not found a full-moon celebrity arse photo for you within 5 minutes, you get whatever I find instead.
And how can you complain? She’s showing a tit too!
As a bonus, since I know you’re throwing a tantrum as we speak, here’s a shot of Stacy Keibler’s arse.
STACY KEIBLER’S ARSE – Bonus shot
Further bonus…clicking on the pics makes them big enough to lick.
Today’s request comes from the American Psycho Bitch From Hell…yes, that’s right... Maidy.
GINA GERSHON’S ARSE
Now before you go kvetching about how that’s not a full moon, let me tell you that I have a five-minute rule.
If I have not found a full-moon celebrity arse photo for you within 5 minutes, you get whatever I find instead.
And how can you complain? She’s showing a tit too!
As a bonus, since I know you’re throwing a tantrum as we speak, here’s a shot of Stacy Keibler’s arse.
STACY KEIBLER’S ARSE – Bonus shot
Further bonus…clicking on the pics makes them big enough to lick.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
T-Bird’s Favourite Post
It’s time for the first installment in our new series, Your Favourite Post.
Today’s submission comes all the way from Australia from the lovely yet slutty T-Bird of Strega Nona’s Super Number One Mecha Party Laser Blog. Don’t make me repeat that blog name.
CLICK HERE to read T-Bird’s all-time favourite post entitled “I hate Ayn Rand. Bad language warning.”
T-Bird
Reminder: You too can have your favourite post from your blog published on Infomaniac. Just email the link to me.
Today’s submission comes all the way from Australia from the lovely yet slutty T-Bird of Strega Nona’s Super Number One Mecha Party Laser Blog. Don’t make me repeat that blog name.
CLICK HERE to read T-Bird’s all-time favourite post entitled “I hate Ayn Rand. Bad language warning.”
T-Bird
Reminder: You too can have your favourite post from your blog published on Infomaniac. Just email the link to me.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Celebrity Arse – Russell Brand
Welcome to a new series on Infomaniac entitled, “Celebrity Arse.”
Today’s featured Celebrity Arse is …
RUSSELL BRAND'S ARSE
No, this is NOT a feature about which celebrity you consider to BE an arse.
It’s a chance for you to tell me whose celebrity arse you’d like to see featured here on Infomaniac.
My choice is Johnny Depp’s arse.
How about the rest of you?
Send in your suggestions today and, from time to time, they’ll appear on Infomaniac’s CELEBRITY ARSE.
Note: Russell Brand’s arse is a disappointment as it’s nowhere near as alluring as your arses.
Today’s featured Celebrity Arse is …
RUSSELL BRAND'S ARSE
No, this is NOT a feature about which celebrity you consider to BE an arse.
It’s a chance for you to tell me whose celebrity arse you’d like to see featured here on Infomaniac.
My choice is Johnny Depp’s arse.
How about the rest of you?
Send in your suggestions today and, from time to time, they’ll appear on Infomaniac’s CELEBRITY ARSE.
Note: Russell Brand’s arse is a disappointment as it’s nowhere near as alluring as your arses.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
So You Wanna Be A Lesbian
Does your wardrobe consist mainly of flannel shirts and Birkenstocks?...
Do you carry a chain wallet instead of a purse? ...
Are you handy with power tools?...
Is your turkey baster in the bedroom rather than the kitchen?...
Do you dream of driving a big rig? (that’s an articulated lorry for you in the UK)...
Do you play field hockey or rugby or softball?...
Do you know the names of every openly lesbian celebrity in Hollywood?...
Rosie who?
If you answered “yes!” to any of the questions above, you may have what it takes to become a lesbian.
Still not sure if the lesbian lifestyle is for you?
Contact Infomaniac and we’ll send a lesbian ‘round to convert you.
Act now! Limited time offer!
Photo via [The Søren Knudsen “Friends of Sappho” Collection]
Do you carry a chain wallet instead of a purse? ...
Are you handy with power tools?...
Is your turkey baster in the bedroom rather than the kitchen?...
Do you dream of driving a big rig? (that’s an articulated lorry for you in the UK)...
Do you play field hockey or rugby or softball?...
Do you know the names of every openly lesbian celebrity in Hollywood?...
Rosie who?
If you answered “yes!” to any of the questions above, you may have what it takes to become a lesbian.
Still not sure if the lesbian lifestyle is for you?
Contact Infomaniac and we’ll send a lesbian ‘round to convert you.
Act now! Limited time offer!
Photo via [The Søren Knudsen “Friends of Sappho” Collection]
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Your Favourite Post
Once upon a time, you must have written a post that you like above all the others.
Rummage about in your blog archives for your favourite post.
Then email the link to that post to MJ. (Email address is in my Blogger Profile.)
Once a week, depending on my mood and the tides, I’ll shine the spotlight on an Infomaniac reader’s fave blog post so that all of us may be blessed in reading your creative output.
I’m sure you’re all dying to know what my fave post is so click here to read it. (Shockingly, it’s safe for work.)
Now go and dig through your archives.
The first of these posts will appear this Saturday, April 26th so quit stalling and send me your links NOW.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Honk If You Love Old Knudsen
Today is the first meeting of my support group: Women Who Love Old Knudsen Too Much.
“Weemen want to do him and men want to be him and some men would also like to do him.”
“Lord of the painful 4-hour erection.”
“When Old Knudsen says he bucked yer Ma he probably has.”
Please do not enable me by suggesting I seek retail therapy here.
“Weemen want to do him and men want to be him and some men would also like to do him.”
“Lord of the painful 4-hour erection.”
“When Old Knudsen says he bucked yer Ma he probably has.”
Please do not enable me by suggesting I seek retail therapy here.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Heaven Scent
I am too damned tired to post.
Instead, here is a photo of a dog sniffing another dog's butt.
Instead, here is a photo of a dog sniffing another dog's butt.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Doctor, Doctor
Sure, you try to take good care of yourself. You follow a sensible eating plan, drink eight glasses of water a day and get plenty of exercise.
But you’re not perfect.
So fill in the blank…
My doctor would be shocked if he/she knew that I _______________.
But you’re not perfect.
So fill in the blank…
My doctor would be shocked if he/she knew that I _______________.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Foot Vagina
While I was tidying up from the party, I found this…
Okay, which one of you pervs left behind the vagina foot?
And what on earth were you planning to do with it?
Okay, which one of you pervs left behind the vagina foot?
And what on earth were you planning to do with it?
Monday, April 14, 2008
Tidying Up
Thanks to everyone who attended the Sunday Social Potluck yesterday on Infomaniac.
I'm all partied out...
I hope you enjoyed the camaraderie and that you made some new friends …
I would also like to thank those of you who stayed behind to tidy up…
Of course, there’s always one guy who just doesn’t know when the party’s over…
Let’s do it again sometime!
p.s. Does anyone else have the farts from FN’s three-bean salad?
I'm all partied out...
I hope you enjoyed the camaraderie and that you made some new friends …
I would also like to thank those of you who stayed behind to tidy up…
Of course, there’s always one guy who just doesn’t know when the party’s over…
Let’s do it again sometime!
p.s. Does anyone else have the farts from FN’s three-bean salad?
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Sunday Social
Infomaniac readers gather for fun and fellowship
We are gathered here today so that we may become better acquainted with our fellow Infomaniac brothers and sisters.
Those who choose not to participate in this social event will receive a Norwegian Fish Whipping from Mistress MJ.
Here’s how it goes…
Study Infomaniac's Blogroll.
Select at least one blog that you’ve never visited and/or commented on and click upon it.
I SAID CLICK ON IT! LET ME HEAR YOU CLICKING, DAMMIT!
Now read at least one entry on that blog.
Next…
Leave a comment on their blog as follows:
“I was sent here by MJ from Infomaniac.”
Feel free to add more to your comment if you wish.
Then…
Come back to Infomaniac and tell us which blog(s) you commented on.
Where do you think you're going? We’re not done yet!
When you come back we’ll all gather in the kitchen where we’ll share a potluck dinner.
What dish are you bringing?
Now get over to the Blogroll and meet some new people!
Make new friends the Infomaniac way!
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