Thursday, April 26, 2007

British Venn Diagram

I sometimes pause when trying to sort you lot from “over the pond.” Usually it’s not an issue but once I’ve had a jar or two, then the fun begins.

You’ve got your British Isles, your United Kingdom, and your Great Britain.

The British Isles = England, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland.

The United Kingdom = England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland.

Great Britain = England, Scotland and Wales.

It’s enough to confuse an ignorant Canuck.

Let’s not even consider the Isle of Man and the Channel Islands.

Lucky for me and my fellow Canuckleheads, there’s the handy Great British Venn Diagram to make sense of it all.

And who gets called what within these groupings? Would I get a thumping for calling a Scot a Brit, for instance?


  1. Where on the Map is The Peoples Republic of Yorkshire ?

  2. You'd probably get a thumping for calling a Scot anything but a Scot.

    Unless it's Piggy and then you'd probably get an anal fisting.

  3. Let’s not even consider the Isle of Man and the Channel Islands

    lets not even if they are lovely people. I'd give you a hug and tell you what a joy you are if you called me a Brit.

  4. Connie is quite correct (the first bit of what he said, anyway).

    A Scot is a Scot.

    I consider myself to be Scottish first, then secondly a European.

    On official forms and stuff, I refer to myself as 'ScotBrit' which annoys the fuck out of the officials who seem to think I should use either 'Scottish' or 'BritScot'.

    Roll on Independence Day! Scotland free from the clutches of those twats in Westminster at last.

    Contrary to all the fuckwit scaremongers opposed to the breakup of the union, I personally think it would be the most fantastic thing to happen.

  5. If Scotland got independance would all the Scots leave England and go back? Like fuck they would - there are far more Scots living outside Scotland than live there!

    They are heavily subsidised by the English fincially - getting out far more than they put in. And as for North Sea Oil it certainly doesn't benefit joe public! (it's running out anyway)

  6. I'd be happy to for Scotland to be independant. That way we won't have Scottish MP's voting on English matters, have less to pay in tax as their subsidies would be cut and finally we would be able to stop Gordon cunting Brown from being Prime Minister.

  7. Call me what you want, I'm not proud to be anything.

    Half Cornish (some of them want independence, too), half Kentish, I am a Cornish Kent.

    p.s. I thought Churchill gave away the Channel Islands to the Nazis.

  8. Wrong. British Isles my hole. The republic is not part of the British Isles, let's get that clear right now.

  9. Everybody in the British Isles hates each other. The Scottish hate the English, the Welsh hate the English, northerners hate southerners and vice versa. I grew up in the West Midlands, where everyone hates people from Birmingham. In my Midlands hometown, a bloke was beaten up in a bar because he lived a mile away.

    Don't even get started on inter-football team rivalry.

  10. The other night the Canadian Braodcorping Castration had a feature on Scottish Independence.
    It was interesting that the 'separatists' studied our situation with Quebec and found that the Quebecois had gone about it all wrong..No DUH!
    Although Scotland and England are divided by a common language I do agree that Scotland is a 'brand' and very distinct. It will be interesting to see what happens.

    Here in Canada the writing is on the wall, should Quebec continue to pursue their Nationhood they will suddenly find themselves separating from Upper Canada because the rest of the Provinces will split into their own entities or join the USA.

    If you look at successful european models, countries with distinct small populations are very successful..I fear that remnants of Colonialism like us may well be destined for the dustbin of history.

    OK I'm off to watch Braveheart!

  11. You'd get as much of a thumping calling a Scot a Brit as someone who called a Canuck an American.

    I KNOW Canada is not part of the US but we all share the same landmass.

    We tried that separate sovereign stuff here, certain states wanting to govern themselves and forgo federal government.

    That resulted in a little scuffle between 1861 - 1865.

  12. I’m not sticking my oar into this debate for fear of being anally fisted. Although I’d rather get the fist than a hug from the “new and improved” Happy Knudsen. Maidy learned the hard way not to call Canucks “Americans” when she took a lacrosse stick to the head. Tony, I’m getting you a compass but it won’t do you any good. Geoff really is a big Kent, isn’t he? And just when I was wondering when the filthy Irish would open their gobs, in walked Kav. Why do the English hate the Welsh? Anyone? I’ve often wondered but no one wants to talk about it. HE, could you please email me when the Corpse is broadcasting this type of fare? I haven’t been paying attention what with Coronation Street being preempted for the Stanley Cup playoffs. And finally, speaking for my own homeland, I wish that Alberta would separate and that Celine Dion will stay in the U.S.

    Please carry on.

  13. Would all the Scots leave England? Erm... If all the fucking English will depart from Scotland, yes.

    As for Scottish MP's voting one what happens in England.... You mean like all the English gits that decide what happens north of the border?

    Scotland at the moment does not, despite popular myth, enjoy true parliamentary independence on all matters. It's very few, in fact.

    What little parliamentary 'independence' Scotland does enjoy at the moment is, remember kiddies, in the clutches of MP's made of of the Scottish Labour Party. Led by...... The leader of their English puppetmaster. Best not to forget that tiny wee point, eh?

  14. Good work opening a can of worms.

    Thick-o Canuck.

    And we don't WANT Celine!

  15. Who would have thought a heated topical debate on Infomaniac!

  16. *mixes cocktail. sits back. watches shit hitting fan*

    This is better than Edmonton versus Calgary. Or Toronto versus the rest of Canada.

  17. *pulls up chair next to MJ*

    Got anything without alcohol in it?

    *pats belly*

    Trying to watch me girlish figure.

  18. MAIDY: Have a Virgin Martini. It's just the olive.

    Wait. The words "virgin" and "Maidy" cannot be used in the same sentence.

  19. *loads bong, pulls up a beanbag chair-leatherette-and waits until i can see the whites of their eyes*

    hey, flick a girl an olive down here!

  20. FN: I'm too busy flicking my bean to flick you an olive. Get up and get it yourself.

  21. * puts on rubber gloves to remove olive/bean-or-whatever-the-Hell-it-is from my seat with MJ, Maidy & FN *

    Hmmm... I don't think there's enough gin in this.

  22. and another know how I go on and on about the Alaskan border STEALING half of the BC coastline...
    I think the Federal Government exhumed the same sonofabitch who pulled that borderline out of his ass and commisioned him to zig zag Victoria Island so that the Northwest Territories could hit 110 degrees longitude WTH?!

    I know this has nothing to do with Scotland but speaking of separating, once the other Provinces get annexed by the States,
    Quebec is towed back to France, and
    Global Warming really kicks in,
    all of the diehard Canucks will be forced to move farther North..

    Yukon go if you'd like, but I'll have Nunavut!

    Badabing Badaboom Thank You I'll be here all week!

  23. Ms MJ

    No Venn diagram is needed. The sundry islands of the English archipelago ("The British Isles") were subdivided by us, the English, or rather the Vikings, who were English, and Alfred the Great, who lived up to his name, and was also English, in the year 873. William the Conqueror, who was also a Viking and therefore English too, and who arrived in 1066 by Eurostar, with his friends, confirmed the division and made it permanent.

    The Scotch live north of Berwick-upon-Tweed, because no one else will: it is freezing cold up there between August and May, and in June and July the natives are eaten alive by midges.

    The Welsh inhabit the main island, but far enough west that we do not have to smell them or look at their women, who are exceedingly ugly, except perhaps for Catherine Zeta Jones, who is actually a Viking and thus English; however her bosom may be getting a little droopy for some tastes, but her geriatric husband, Mr Douglas, is obviously a Scotchman with such a name, although his father pretended to be a Viking and hence English: moreover one of his father's Viking colleagues, a Mr Curtis, seemed to be rather Jewish, and as you know persons of that persuasion are welcome in England, so he was an honorary Englishman too.

    The Welsh are also very mean and bandy-legged. We tolerate a few of them in English because they make good servants below stairs. Above stairs we sometimes employ Scotchmen.

    The Irish we have confined in a penal colony to themselves on the western approaches to the English Isles, where they bear the brunt of the rain. We do not employ them as servants at all, because of their fondness for spirituous liquors, although a few find lowly work as television presenters and general-purpose pseuds commenting on cultural matters, which, as I am sure you know, the English rightly disregard as non-U.

    I say nothing of the Cornish, except that they are backward and pitiable; and now that the lead mines have been worked out, they subsist on our generosity, though they show precious little gratitude.

    I hope this sets the record straight and brings the squabbling to a dignified close.

  24. And now for the difficult question. Exactly what and where is "middle england"?

    It's the places inhabited by people who're not rich enough to be called rich or poor enough to be called poor.

    It's the home of all those people who're terrified of their country being overrun by strange foreign types, even though they go for days without seeing anyone foreign.

    It's the towns where the Cult of Diana far outweighs christianity, and there's no actual atheists.

    It's those areas where everyone's got an education, but no one knows anything. Everyone has rock solid opinions on everything, which change with each newspaper headline.

    Oh, and around half of middle england is smeared across the south coast. Except for the bit I live in.

  25. IVF: You don't taste the gin because I’m a vodka martini kinda gal. You can’t taste it ‘til its worked its magick.

    HE: No, I don’t know how you go on about the Alaskan border STEALING half of the BC coastline... do tell.

    Quebec SHOULD be towed back to France because Ontario needs more coastline for beaches now that Cottage Country is full of all them damned Yuppies.

    MR. WARMINGTON: I’ll revert to calling you the more informal “Warmi” when your one-week-long status as “New Cunt” is over and you become a seasoned veteran.

    I notice you’ve referred to the Scottish as the Scotch. I was taught never to utter that word unless ordering up a glass of single malt. I think that may bring more of a thumping onto my head than calling a Scot a Brit, don’t you agree?

    The debate is by no means over but I thank you for attempting to set the record straight and for enlightening me about the bandy-legged, mean-spirited Welsh. They sound like a nasty bunch.

    KAPI: And all this time I thought “Middle England” was home to Hobbits.

  26. *looks at the olive*

    I was hoping for something else like maybe a soda or a juice. Even a virgin Mai Tai would be nice.

    And Hobbits lived in Middle-Earth, you daft cow.

    But I mean "daft cow" in a loving way.

    Now go get me my drink.

  27. MAIDY: I'll mix you a refreshing Cardinal Punch mocktail.

    It's a combo of orange, lemon and cranberry juice.

    Just like you, it's "a little tart."

  28. *blushes*

    You say the sweetest things.

    Ta for the drink.

  29. I love Venn diagrams.

    The English don't hate the Welsh. The Welsh hate the English. It is very galling to the Welsh that the English don't hate them, just think they're undesireable. That's not the same as hating.

  30. TICKERS: Could it be the Welsh are undesirable because they're mean and bandy-legged? I've learned something here today.

  31. Have to go.....lynch mob gathering.......

  32. You can spot the Irish easily enough. They'll be the ones holding the Triple Crown, and possibly even the World Cup if all goes according to plan later in the year.

    (I refer to Rugby Football, of course, not Association Football.)