Monday, April 23, 2007

Blogging Roundup

A peek at ‘the week that was’ with a wheelie bin full of Infomaniac’s readers.

nota bene: This week Infomaniac diverts from the usual synopses of your postings. Instead, we offer snippets of conversations lifted directly from your posts. Complaints? Take it up with management. Let's get on with it then...

TONY:





At times i gave my computer Cunnilingus.





STEVE AND CARLY (THE SMUNTS):





It’s amazing what you think of whilst coaxing a stubborn poo out.
-- Stevey




OLD KNUDSEN (OLD BITTER BALLS):





Fuck it they can suck my big warty cock.

I've never been too impressed with that John Travolta fella, ugly as fuck and has the acting abilities of my 4th wife faking her orgasms which is pretty crap.

The soft as shite Southern English wag their tails and sniff yer hole but thats just their way.

There was a bit of a reaction to the picture of the man with the bottle up his arse and as a bottle may be a bit extreme we all know that men like to stick their thumbs up their own arses while they're having a wank and I really doubt that we men are the only ones that buy butt plugs and beads of woe, then again I may just be the only one, ah fuck it.




TAZZY AND PIGGY:






Brain empty.
Nothing to write.
Hungry.
Back later.




SID (STUPID IRISH DADDY):




I have had the bum sex.




TICKERS:





If I tied my shirt tails under my chest and wore a cowboy hat, I'd be Jessica Simpson.

Just because I have a penis, it doesn't mean I'm any less of a woman.



BOCK THE ROBBER:





Jimbo!, I ejaculated.




VICUS:





Sadly, the clearest recollection I have, and I pray to the deities of all the major religions that I imagined this, was me and Ratty urinating off the balcony into St Peters in the early hours of this morning. I have no idea who won the contest for distance, but I was too inebriated to spell my own name. I can only hope that there were no pilgrims below, and that if there were, they did not believe that they were experiencing some sort of bizarre blessing.




IVF (INEXPLICABLE DeVICE):





Who could refuse? Clearly not me as I nearly slipped in my own drool scooping up the vouchers...

* scratches bum* and drinks juice from the carton *




FROBI:




Note from MJ: I love Frobi’s blog post labels so much that that’s what I’ll give you instead of his witty repartee……

Labels:

Hot dog sex dogging doggy style hot teenage sluts polish boys



KAZ:





How many more bloody clichés do you need?




BETTY:


Then again, I rarely laugh out loud at anything, and then usually only when I'm drunk.



GEOFF:

The part of the coastline we walked is called the 'Wantsum Walk'. It is so named because whenever you come across a group of hard kids, they ask you if you "wantsum, you fackin' cant?"




KAPITANO:





The same supplier offers a Penis Development Pump and a Sex Magnet for men. I rather like the latter - it sits in your pocket and "transmits its therapeutic magnetic field throughout the genital area".





MUTLEY THE DOG:





I have already learnt that it is wrong to shout “Geronimo!!” during sex and that “Brace yourself!!” is never considered seductive in bed.




MAIDY:





Don’t look at me ’cause I have no fucking clue.




GEO:






Action Man Geo was all action this week and little talk...

Here is my first try at making a video of a ww2 reenactment.




FIRST NATIONS:





What; you don't keep your assroll on a plinth?




EDDIE WARING:





fuck!! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! What a moron.




AWAITING:





Wanna hear about how my youngest boy stopped the bathroom sink with toilet tissue? DRAINO where the FRICK are you!!!? Or would you rather I tell you the one about how I was bombarded by little neighborhood kids asking for popsicles? Oh! I know! You are dying to hear about how some little PRESCHOOL JUVENILE DELINQUINTS BROKE THE HEADLIGHT OF MY BABIES’ 1939 REPLICA PEDAL TRUCK!!! I am so out to beat a little kid’s ass…I mean, I was in FULL BLOWN PREDATOR MODE on a KID.
I mean, dang, only so much SUPER GLUE can do!!





HE (HOMO ESCAPEONS):




C’mon now, in a couple of years the aging Baby Boomers will be rounded up and warehoused in giant Nostalgia Centres. There they can pharmacologically ‘Tune In and Turn On’ (relive the 60s and 70s) until they finally ‘Drop Out’!




WW (SNIPPETS FROM SPACESHIP ORION):





Turns out Stevie, the most conservative of Canadian prime ministers since Brian Mulroney sang When Irish Eyes are Smiling with Ronald Reagan in 1984 or whenever, can't dress himself.

Stevie refuses to go anywhere, a story this week said, without a fashion consultant from Toronto who picks out all his clothes in an effort to improve his public image and appearance.

Note from MJ: I absolutely must illustrate who WW is talking about. Yes, this is Canada’s Prime Minister…






PRUNELLA DE VILLE:





Once upon a time in Africa, there lived a hardworking dung beetle named Larry. Larry was a good provider and spent his days gathering plenty of poop to feed his five hundred children. All was well until the day Madonna came to town.




CONVICT:





BANG….. my left hand mirror hit his and after a few well chosen words in my helmet I carried on thanking my lucky stars that my mirror wasn't broken and I was okay.

Within a mile I had a GSX-R600 right up behind me beeping and flashing his lights, I thought there was further damage to my bike that he was warning me of so I pulled over and he followed.

As the guy lifted his visor he was crying with laughter, he told me that he had seen the BAST@~* cut me off and then filled me in of what happened next … Apparently I had knocked the Vans giant, electric, heated wing mirror and the glass popped right out with the electrics hitting the floor and amazingly staying in one piece, the van man had turned the air blue at me as I left.

On then seeing his mirror in one piece on the floor, he was unable to believe his luck until my new friend on his GSXR ran over it for me……

Still makes me smile now……




KAV:





Some of you mentioned you wanted to have an evil laugh competition, where we can judge each other for Best Evil Laugh.




SPIKEY:





Nevermind.




and finally…



NEW CUNT OF THE WEEK

Infomaniac welcomes D.C. WARMINGTON!





Another fucking Brit.

Mr. Warmington dwells in deepest rural Sussex with his disabled sister. Her disability is the consequence of an adventure with explosives and a dustbin in 1977 involving their nephew, an amateur scientist and would-be terrorist (don't ask).

The household is completed, or rather dominated, by his sister’s cat, Geoffrey, a monster of unreasonableness who makes Mr. Warmington’s life hell.

As well as maintaining his blog “D.C. Warmington,” Mr. Warmington sits on the editorial board of “Farthing’s Compendium of Essential Facts.” This is a monumental undertaking that consumes most of his time.

Mr. Warmington has an interest in entomology, especially in beetles.

None of the foregoing contains an atom of truth.

Please join me in welcoming Mr. Warmington to our Coven of Cunts.

20 comments:

  1. Tazzy and Piggy look totally ghey, Old Knudsen looks hot as usual, that maidy has one hell of a beer belly Tickers looks like a fruit, of course the Irish daddy has had bum sex that's what Fenians do just ask Bock about that, yes Eddie is a moron he once shaved his own eyebrows off as a joke, stop posting that picture of awaiting, its distracting, Kav is also irish thus the bum sex and that DC Warmington is a cunt he once charged at 400 Zulus with a pointed stick just to put the British Empire Willies up them, the bloke is on the edge, oh and MJ I'm breaking up with you as you use yer teeth too much, hurts like fuck and spoils the moment, I hope telling you in yer comments isn't insensitive or something.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ghey? Us? The cheeky old wrinkly cunt.

    *cries*

    Our rainbow umbrella looks rather good though. Sniffy bought one of them the same too. Her and Trumpy dragged us off to some poof and dyke gathering in a field somewhere last year.

    Fucking shite, so it was.

    The usual mish-mash of mincing, prancing Mary's, trannies, senile old cunts on the prowl for naive young boys on the lookout for some pocket money, ear-assaulting 'singers' on stage and a selection of 'community stalls' selling everything from 'I'm not straight' T-shirts to second hand dildo's.

    The day itself wasn't a complete waste of time, as it was rather pleasantly sunny. Warm enough to enjoy basking with a cheap and nasty ice-cream while slagging off Sniffy and taking the piss out of the size of Trump's arse.

    How we laughed at all the IVF lookalikes that wandered past us in their hideous fashion accessories.

    How we laughed at Sniffy's cardigan (really - she wore a 1950's style cardigan).

    Anyway (fave word), back on topic...

    (I'm rambling, aren't I? See - tha old cunt Knudsy is affecting my head).

    Oh and by the way, that wasn't a comment from our blog, stupid cunt. That was our entire post that you've copied to this place!

    Thick twat.

    *consults handy pocket-sized guide to copyright law*

    ReplyDelete
  3. She also copied a whole post from mine Piggy; the daft cunt.

    ReplyDelete
  4. She is, isn't she, look you.

    How come I spend the week doing loads of butch stuff and you just post about the girly bits....or the girls with.... boy... bits.

    Welcome to Mr Warmington.

    ReplyDelete
  5. KNUDSEN: You can’t break up with me ‘cause I’m breaking up with YOU. Wait a minute. We were never an item in the first place. Stop confusing me. Just because I found your false teeth up my arse doesn’t mean we had anything between us. Although your face was still attached to them. Oh, and if you had wanted a good gumming all you had to do was ask me to remove my dentures.

    PIGGY: Knudsen is right. You couldn’t possibly look more ghey if you had a flashing neon “GAY” sign over your heads.

    I hope you brought enough pocket change to dole out to the twinks at the GayFest.

    Don’t go turning your snout up at used dildos as some of them are dishwasher safe, you know.

    CONNIE: You should get down on your scabby knees and thank me for including you with the crap choice of postings you gave me.

    And that’s not your whole posting. I left out the boring-as-fuck preamble.

    PIGGY: Shut it. And shut MY mouth if Carly hasn’t gone and posted a comment!!! Have a look at the comments on the Crocs posting.

    TICKERS: Me thinks you were trying too hard.

    All that macho posturing. Wearing hiking boots. And those hairy legs.

    It just made you look like a big dyke is all. Which is still a lot butcher than usual.

    And I hope you brought talcum for the chafing from that thong you wore on the hike.

    At least you had the decency to acknowledge our New Cunt, Mr. Warmington. Everyone else seems to have forgotten their manners.

    SPIKEY: Eh? Huh is American.

    ReplyDelete
  6. She's such a fucking pedant, isn't she?

    ReplyDelete
  7. And angry ... very angry.

    *wonders where the hands of the clock are pointing this month*

    ReplyDelete
  8. Do I say fuck that often?......Fuck!

    ReplyDelete
  9. SPIKEY: Won any free coffees lately?

    PIGGY: Well somebody’s gotta keep some sense of order around here. What do you think this is? An amusement park?

    CONNIE: Bingo!

    *thumps Connie over the head with Kotex box*

    EDDIE: Yes you fucking well do!

    ReplyDelete
  10. It's a veritable Lovefest ain't it?

    Since every second word here starts with a 'C' and you are so interested in Brit Slang, you could probably start using the Yorkshire variant of 'cooint'.
    Cooint you?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Nope and it's all over but the crying....

    ReplyDelete
  12. "cooint" ?
    i never knew that was it was spelt.
    This is very educational.......a bit like The Open University Thow Nose.

    ReplyDelete
  13. HE: We could take a page out of SID's book and use the Chaucerian word "Queynte."

    Or the Kentish "Kent."

    SPIKEY: I expect you to start sobbing any minute now.

    TONY: Infomaniac: Come for the cooints. Stay for the education.

    ReplyDelete
  14. The day of judgement is at hand! You shall all be judged harshly and your souls shall be devoured and belched forth into the river of heads! The river of heads! So sayeth Prunella of the seventh level of Blargh!

    Oh, and greetings DC Warmington.

    ReplyDelete
  15. PRU: Lawd almighty Pru! What's happened to your eyes?

    You've scared away all the punters!

    But at least you were cordial to our New Cunt, Mr. Warmington.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Ewwww!

    Pru's using the image of that weird woman that can pop her eyes out of her sockets.

    I saw her on telly years ago (the woman that can pop her eyes out of her sockets, not Pru) and thought it was fucking revolting.

    I imagine MJ looks like that as she cums.

    I know IVF does.

    ReplyDelete