Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Blogging Roundup

A peek at ‘the week that was’ with (more than) a handful of Infomaniac’s readers.

If you didn’t make the Roundup list this week, stop your whining. This is all I have to say to you






And now let’s move on to those whose blogs I lingered longer on this week.



MAIDY:





Thanks to inspiration from SID and Charlie on the PA Turnpike, Maidy changes her tagline to ‘Illegitimi Non Carborundum.’

Translation: Don’t let the bastards grind you down.

And to Maidy I say, “Vescere bracis meis.”

Translation: "Eat my shorts."




GEO:


Geo debates whether or not to head the big rig north to Canada. Mostly to see if we have the Maple Leaf on the bottom of our national bikinis. I think you’ll find that we do indeed…







The fool also tries to tell us Canucks (me and Spikey, specifically) that he’s been to a Tim Hortons to stock up on donuts when it fact it was the lesser and inferior Dunkin’ Donuts.

I’ll get you for that little white lie, Geo. Stay tuned later this week.



FROBI:






Frobi extols the virtues of melon balling.





TONY THE FILTHY YORKSHIREMAN:




I needn’t have bothered praying to St. Isidore, the patron saint of computers.

Turns out that “it was fluff wot done it.”

Tony hadn’t cleaned the air vents (ever, no doubt) so his PC was clogged with fluff and it overheated.

You don’t want to know what he found behind his PC tower.





OLD KNUDSEN:







Old Knudsen has the cheek to post about my obsessive hand washing!


And we find out how he spends his Thursday afternoons



Penis Enlargement Club





SID (Stupid Irish Daddy):


SID’s come down with the manflu.

I took this pic of him whilst his guard was down…





Get well soon, Mucker.




TAZZY AND PIGGY:


Tazzy and Piggy jump into the TazzyAndPiggyMobile and drive the “5 and a half fucking hours” to visit The Smunts in Dorset.



The “fucking hovel” in Dorset with the “piss-stained sheets, mice in the biscuit tray, carpets that would more appropriately have been called 'velcro' and powdered milk for our coffee.”





STEVE AND CARLY:


The Smunts welcome Tazzy and Piggy to Dubious Dorset but are too lazy to get a posting and pics up.

UPDATE: The Smunts have finally posted.


Pic of Stevey in Yorkshire flat-cap via Tazzy and Piggy






AWAITING:


And speaking of Steve, Awa celebrates Easter with a disturbingly cuddly Stevey bunny…







GEOFF:





Geoff tucks into a Simnel Cake.

Once again, an ignorant Canuck MJ must consult Wikipedia to find that Simnel cake is a light fruit cake, similar to Christmas cake, covered in marzipan and eaten at Easter in England and Ireland.



BETTY:





Betty is overcome with joy to watch BBC’s Val Doonican Evening.

And yet again, MJ consults Wikipedia to uncover the phenomenon that is Val Doonican.




FARMER GILES’ COCK BLOG:


At last! The long-awaited climax to The Woman Who Only Wanted Me For My Cock.




BILLY (¡Oye Billy!):


Billy scares the bejesus out of us all by posting Celine Dion singing AC/DC’s ‘You Shook Me All Night Long.”





I am ashamed to be a Canadian.




EDDIE WARING:





Horses with knob cheese, Black Power condoms, free donuts from a crotch-ogling waitress, and a trip to the dentist where he finds out his prostate is fine.

A typical week in the life of Eddie Waring.





BOCK THE ROBBER:






When in need of a good rant I visit Bock the Robber.

Highlights from recent postings include:

You'll what? No floggings? No keel-hauling? No hanging up by their thumbs?

Ah for fuck's sake, Jesus. If ye cannae tak a joke, what's the world comin' tae? Surely we can work somethin' out? I mean, you're probably pissed off, what wi' bein' crucified an' all, but -

And we all fuck off, back to the Hotel Bland, for more mescaline, Bourbon Whiskey and brown acid.





KAZ:






For even more ranting, let’s turn it over to Kaz.

Kaz takes on the Tories, specifically David Cameron.






FIRST NATIONS:







FN warns against getting your tattoo done by very dirty, very old drunks with gonorrhea.




HE (Homo Escapeons):





It’s science fair time with HE.

Try this at home…

“Einstein said that TIME slows down the faster that you travel. I can prove that this also happens the faster that you try to pee.”



WW (Snippets from Spaceship Orion):






*Ignores WW ‘til he stops blogging about hockey*

*Waits for hell to freeze over*



TICKERS:






Tickers celebrates David Thomas Day in Wales.








MUTLEY THE DOG:





Mutley goes home with a transvestite female gnome.




PRUNELLA DE VILLE:






Britney Spears shows up at Evil Pru’s garage sale.



CHELLY:


Making plans for Nigel


*ignores Chelly ‘til she quenches my Brit soap star cravings with the Nigel Harmon video she promised me*

*even though she did a perfectly good Sam Robertson video*




SPIKEY:







Spikey “rolls up the rim” and wins a free Tim Hortons coffee!

You must be Canadian to understand the hard-on-inducing thrill of rolling up the rim.

47 comments:

  1. Yayyy! I'm first yet again!

    Take that, slackers!

    I got as far as the penis enlargement club and for some reason could not continue.

    *must go and purify my brain now*

    *get hacksaw*

    ReplyDelete
  2. *encourages Awa to hacksaw her head off live on webcam*

    Anyway... (fave word)...

    The only line that mattered in this post:

    "I am ashamed to be a Canadian."

    Yes. And so you fucking should be.

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's not often we see the word *censored* on INFOMANIAC.
    Strange it should appear on a plastic gnome's penis!

    ReplyDelete
  4. The reason the gnome's censored is because MJ's going down on it and they found tha image too disturbing. Even knudsden shuddered when he saw it uncovered.

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  5. A girl in a maple leaf bikini and a roll up the rim.... omg! Im done!

    ReplyDelete
  6. You were serious about St. Isidore of Seville.I thought you had made her up! I thought she was The Patron Saint Of Oranges????

    ReplyDelete
  7. It was to a Timmys!Dunkin Donuts could never make a dounut like that. I had got a dunkin donuts coffee earlier.And no the rimming is only in Canada. If not upper state New York would invade Canada turning it into the 51st state.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Would that mean we would get Buffalo ??? No thanks. We already have Hamilton!

    ReplyDelete
  9. AWA: You were turned on by that penis enlargement pic, weren’t you?

    PIGGY: Apologies on behalf of our nation for giving you Celine Dion.

    But we invented penicillin!

    KAZ: Ironic, isn’t it?

    CONNIE: I’m going Joan Crawford on you.

    *makes note to leave Connie off Roundup next week too*

    SPIKEY: *hands Spikey a moist towelette*

    TONY: *prays to the patron saint of transvestites that St. Isidore will forgive you for calling him “her”*

    GEO: I think you’ll find that rimming is universal.

    *smirks*

    SPIKEY: I’ll take Buffalo over Hamilton. Buffalo has several Frank Lloyd Wright houses and buildings; Buffalo’s grain elevators were the inspiration for the Bauhaus movement; there’s the historic and funky Allentown district; parks designed by America’s greatest landscape architect, Frederick Law Olmsted; the Kleinhans Music Hall designed by the Saarinens; the incredible funerary architecture of Forest Lawn Cemetery including Tiffany stained glass… need I say more?

    ReplyDelete
  10. BUT.... In 1964, Tim Horton opened his first Tim Horton's Donut Shop in Hamilton, Ontario. Need I say more?

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  11. Why in the flying fuck would WE want Canada as the 51st state? It's bad enough we have the likes of all of New England and Alaska. I'd annex both to Quebec, Ontario, and the Yukon if it were possible.

    I wouldn't even vote for Canada as a territory. England already has that covered anyhow.

    And we do SO have Timmys here. And as always, it's probably BETTER than the Canuck version.

    Admit it, you fuckers contribute NOTHING to this world. Anything you attempt to do, we in the states take it, improve on it, and call it our own.

    Now go back to carving totem poles like the good little pine nut eating lumberjacks you are.

    ReplyDelete
  12. And take Celine Dion back to Canada before she ruins Las Vegas forever and take her to an ac/dc concert.
    *where she should get pelted with rocks*

    ReplyDelete
  13. MAIDY: That "Admit it. You love me" comment was for you. I got swept up in the emotion of the moment.

    GEO: Admit it. You love Celine Dion.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ok you got me,But only when she is licking your Fatty batter off of French toast.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Geo, sweetie, love of my existence ... if you call it "fatty batter" one more time, I'll allow MJ to beat you unmercifully with a lacrosse stick.

    It's FANNY batter, you goofyass redneck!

    ReplyDelete
  16. GEO: If WHO is licking it? Celine? Or Maidy?

    MAIDY: It WILL be fatty batter if I eat any more Tim Hortons donuts.

    But thank you. Someone had to correct him.

    *laffs at Geo*

    ReplyDelete
  17. I think Canada should withdraw the water supply to the States.

    Yes, that'd be excellent.

    Oh and as for Penicillin - WRONG!

    A quick look herewill educate you thick Canucks.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Fucking link wont post!

    Try here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penicillin

    ReplyDelete
  19. PIGGY: We invented the zipper.

    And if you'd kept your zipper done up, you wouldn't need the penicillin.

    ReplyDelete
  20. *begs for intravenous penicillin*

    The only link to penicillin and Canada is that their both mouldy cultures.

    ReplyDelete
  21. SID: Zip it! Ziiiiip. Ladies and gentlemen ExZIP IT A. I'm Zippi Longstocking! Would you like a suckle of my Zipple?

    ReplyDelete
  22. PS. It was insulin (Frederick Banting) not penicillin you idiots!

    ReplyDelete
  23. SPIKEY: Is that a Tim Hortons gift certificate in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

    Penicillin. Insulin. I knew it was something injectable. Did we invent heroin too?

    ReplyDelete
  24. Horses with knob cheese, Black Power condoms, free donuts from a crotch-ogling waitress, and a trip to the dentist where he finds out his prostate is fine.

    A typical week in the life of Eddie Waring


    That's just the stuff I had time to write about. There was also a puking midget, and an unfortunate incident involving mexican food and a blocked toilet.

    ReplyDelete
  25. EDDIE: Have you considered hosting your own game show?

    ReplyDelete
  26. Stick your hand in and find out.. but my guess it is a Gift Certificate. All $5's!!

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  27. SPIKEY: How disappointing. It's a Timbit.

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  28. Perhaps,,, but it's a SnackPack of 10 cream filled!

    ReplyDelete
  29. SPIKEY: (Turn your speakers on.)

    Make mine a six pack of crullers, eh?

    ReplyDelete
  30. Filthy disgusting fucking sites every fucking one of them.

    ReplyDelete
  31. BOCK: Your blog is like a breath of fresh air in comparison.

    ReplyDelete
  32. She want's your cock, Bock.

    *wonders if Kirk ever said that to Spock - Yes, I can almost hear it already: 'I want your cock, Spock'

    ReplyDelete
  33. PIGGY: Shut up. I was just warming up with the foreplay. Now you've gone and spoiled it.

    As for Captain Kirk, there's another Canuck for ya.

    ReplyDelete
  34. MJ: Some of us have to work!

    Beam me up Scotty!

    ReplyDelete
  35. SPIKEY: Some of the rest of us have to work too. Just not 'til later in the day.

    Isn't time for your donut break yet?

    ReplyDelete
  36. Nigel won't take off anything other than his shirt. I'm trying to work something out. :)

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  37. CHELLY: It's far easier to get Leslie Grantham to take it off.

    STEVE: Go on then. Give your jaw a rest. Save some of that tongue action for Carly.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Being the good Jew I am I prefer the "Four pounds of backbacon" myself!

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  39. And take Kirk back to Canada the free loader. And later this week I'll show you "Fatty batter" silly Canknuckle head.
    *And fix this dam thing I always have to re enter the code twice*

    ReplyDelete
  40. SPIKEY: CANADIAN back bacon.

    GEO: Please don’t show me the fatty batter.

    As for Kirk, you’d miss him if he left the country.

    Who else are you going to try to send back to us? Alex Trebek?

    ReplyDelete
  41. GEO: I'll take "Trucker Lingo" for $1,000, please Alex.

    ReplyDelete
  42. quite interesting article. I would love to follow you on twitter. By the way, did anyone learn that some chinese hacker had busted twitter yesterday again.

    ReplyDelete