Thursday, April 19, 2007

The Amazing Turd Twister!

If you enjoyed sculpting with Play-Doh, you’ll love The Turd Twister.

Fits comfortably. Just insert the extruder ring between yer butt cheeks (not up yer arse!) and wait for nature to take its course.

Use one of the many templates to create exciting excremental designs. For example…

SID might like this one…

And here’s one for Tazzy and Piggy

The Turd Twister Starter Kit includes a plastic trimming knife and a Safe-T-Floss™ Retraction Cord if you end up like one of the poor sods in yesterday’s posting.

Dishwasher safe.

Order yours today.

Customers who bought this item also bought Stinky Steve, who's been having trouble coaxing out a stubborn poo.


  1. oooh, that picture looks just like steve before his hair transplant.

    yay! first!

  2. I think Piggy would need a dustbin lid to create his turd twister.

  3. this is artistry taken to a whole new level. imagine what martha stewart could do with this!
    especially if she goes back to prison.

  4. CONNIE: I’m disturbed that I agree with you for the second time this week.

    FN: Apparently Martha’s a big proponent of recycled toilet paper. I don't like the sound of the phrase myself. Conjures up all sorts of images.

  5. Cheeky cunts.

    I almost bought a Turd Twister a couple of years ago, you know. I didn't. But I did consider it.

    Stinky Steve. How very perceptive of that particular company.

    Very realistic, I imagine.

    I wonder if there's a Carly version? Or would that be too much for white trash like us?

  6. It would be a ferris wheel for Piggy.

    *wonders if they have a ferris wheel at Alton Towers*

  7. Oh and a shamrock has three leaves!

  8. PIGGY: I almost sent you one for your birthday but I figured you already own shares in the company.

    SID: Excuse the delay but I’m busy writing The Definitive History of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts.

    Genius takes time.

  9. No. They don't have a Ferris Wheel at Alton.

    They do, however, have 'Enterprise' which is sort of like a Ferris Wheel, but on it's side.

    It gathers speed, then lifts itself upright, scaring the piss out of OAP's and the vomit from the younger generation.

    Great fun!

    And I'll have you lot know that my poo's are slender and sleek, smell of Calvin Klein 1 and are carried down gently into the toilet water by dainty little butterflies.

    Unlike SID's which splosh into the pan like jacket potatoes.

  10. PIGGY: Your poo smells of pork scratchings and SID's of dingle pies that are past their sell-by date.

  11. That'll be Tazzy's that smell of pork scratchings.

    Mine - I insist - smell of CK1.

    I find myself agreeing on the matter of SID's shit though.

  12. Why does Stinky Steve have shorts made of doilies?

  13. PIGGY: SID's poos also smell like the carrot he stuffed up there last week has finally rotted.

    IVF: Steve's a girlie man. Hence the doily knickers.

  14. I wanted to recycle poo in the compost,but SB was having none of it,even though, after time of course, I was going to eventually sell it on as cheap tobacco.


    WV vaguj

  15. SID: You’re such a cheap bastard that I’ll bet you nick bog roll from work.

    As for the compost, you can request that they toss you onto the heap when you die to save money on a funeral.

  16. i would suggest someone light a match but i'm afraid someone would go up in flames.

  17. Now I know what to get everyone for Christmas.

    Along with a box of laxatives...ya know, to make for fun play in the loo.

  18. I read this post twice and nowhere does it say the thing for SID is a shamrock. NORMAL people would instantly assume it is a four-leaf clover in that picture. But then again, it was an Oirishman making the comment.

    Yeah, I'm getting bitchier as the pregnancy progresses.

  19. Dink just looked at the picture of Stinky Steve and asked "Is that gonna help me poop?"

    I might have to order her one.

  20. Yes, one look at me will scare the shite out of most small children and pets.

  21. Steve, that is one statement that has come forth from your keyboard that is oh so true.

    Glad you are on your way to admittance.

  22. *still laffing at Dink*

    And Maidy? Get a floating Stinky Steve to place in the toilet bowl for JT to use as target practice.

  23. Holy Freud Dude Batman!

    Is there no limit to the 'depths' of your depravity?
    Now I have to throw out all of my son's Play-D'OH!