Thursday, October 22, 2009

I’m Listening

Tell your troubles to Mistress MJ …

49 comments:

  1. I got no problems. I'm first!

    **skips around looks for XL**

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  2. OK, that's not true. I have high cholesterol, high blood sugar and I was told to cut back on my sugar AND alcohol intake.

    Good thing I didn't mention the heroin. Whew.

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  3. wait, i am cool with second. i haven't been close to second in ages! i mean, i was first last week, but that was a fluke. what's this post about anyway? xoxoxoxo

    Oh Hai boxer!

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  4. 3rd! That's the bronze medal!

    Oh Hai Boxer & Savannah!

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  5. OH, Mistress, where do I even begin?

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  6. Problems? The dentist prescribed Vicodin. I've got no problems!

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  7. Oh hai Savannah - Second is the new First!

    Oh Hai XL and Leah! XL, may I have the name and number of your dentist?

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  8. I have to do some serious de-cluttering this weekend.

    That's a lot of stuff I have to sort through, and it's going to take up all of my free time.


    And what kind of health plan do I need to access a health care provider of that caliber? She looks very well endowed with competence and compassion.

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  9. Does that mean she's a double C cup, Eros???

    My troubles? Oh, you don't want me to begin... do you?

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  10. Oh Hai, Boxer, Savannah, XL, Leah and Eros!!!!

    ~waves happily~

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  11. Well, after all that, I have to skeedaddle now. Gots ta get some sleep - getting up before the crack of freakin' dawn for a day shift.

    Have a wonderful evening, everyone!

    Toodle-ooooo!

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  12. I'd probably have more issues after a session like this. LOL

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  13. You are naked. Put on some clothes for gods sake

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  14. Definitely something wrong with that guy. He's looking at the ceiling.

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  15. Holy fucking missile tits! I'd party with her.

    Wil Harrison.com

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  16. Dear Miss MJ , I keep seeing nekkid people , especially on Fridays
    Is it fatal ???

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  17. Dear Mistress MJ

    I think I'm getting bored with porn. It's all the same and the acting's terrible. It's getting so I'm starting to follow the plot.

    How can I make porn and wanking the center of my existence again?


    Only watching six hours a day,
    Kapitano

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  18. I can't find a Christmas tree.
    Sx

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  19. her boobies are weird, can we have some sexy boobies please and thank u mistress mj

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  20. Boobies are in all shapes and sizes
    And are wonderful to be*hold*
    They are soft and warm and cuddly
    Especially when it's cold

    Implanted ones are horrible
    You might as well play with a balloon
    They look and feel like silly putty
    I'd rather suck on a prune

    And as I lie here gazing up
    Two pillows catch my eye
    I wonder how on earth I managed
    To type this whilst I was lying on my back

    I'm a poet and don't realise.

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  21. All my soufflees are falling.

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  22. BOXER: I got no problems. I'm first!
    **skips around looks for XL**
    OK, that's not true. I have high cholesterol, high blood sugar and I was told to cut back on my sugar AND alcohol intake.
    Good thing I didn't mention the heroin. Whew.


    Here at Infomaniac, you may ignore your physician and indulge in cakes and ale.

    And the shooting gallery is down the hall and to the right.

    SAVANNAH: second...*sigh*
    wait, i am cool with second. i haven't been close to second in ages! i mean, i was first last week, but that was a fluke. what's this post about anyway?


    Judging by your confused state, you’ve already been to the shooting gallery.

    XL: 3rd! That's the bronze medal!

    If commenting had an Olympics, you’d win the gold.

    LEAH: OH, Mistress, where do I even begin?

    We suggest at the beginning.

    XL: Problems? The dentist prescribed Vicodin. I've got no problems!

    You make me wanna sing along.

    BOXER: Oh hai Savannah - Second is the new First!
    Oh Hai XL and Leah! XL, may I have the name and number of your dentist?


    I believe it’s the dentist from Little Shop of Whores.

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  23. EROS: I have to do some serious de-cluttering this weekend.
    That's a lot of stuff I have to sort through, and it's going to take up all of my free time.
    And what kind of health plan do I need to access a health care provider of that caliber? She looks very well endowed with competence and compassion.


    Now can you see why your President is endorsing health care reform and citing Canada as a role model?

    PONITA: My troubles? Oh, you don't want me to begin... do you?

    No. I don’t.

    MICHAEL RIVERS: I'd probably have more issues after a session like this. LOL

    Especially when I remove my steno pad and go all Sharon Stone on you.

    CYBERPOOF: You are naked. Put on some clothes for gods sake

    How can I when you’ve borrowed every frock in my closet?

    GINRO: Definitely something wrong with that guy. He's looking at the ceiling.

    That is where we keep our pencils.

    WIL: Holy fucking missile tits! I'd party with her.

    But would you spank her?

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  24. BEAST: Dear Miss MJ , I keep seeing nekkid people , especially on Fridays
    Is it fatal ???


    *measures Beast for coffin*

    KAPI: Dear Mistress MJ
    I think I'm getting bored with porn. It's all the same and the acting's terrible. It's getting so I'm starting to follow the plot.
    How can I make porn and wanking the center of my existence again?
    Only watching six hours a day,
    Kapitano


    *Krazy-glues Kapi’s willy back on*

    There. You’re good to go again.

    SCARLET: I can't find a Christmas tree.

    The first one to mention Crimbo goes to the oubliette!

    JELLY MONSTER: her boobies are weird, can we have some sexy boobies please and thank u mistress mj

    Maxi put you up to this, didn’t he?

    GINRO: Boobies are in all shapes and sizes
    And are wonderful to be*hold*
    They are soft and warm and cuddly
    Especially when it's cold

    Implanted ones are horrible
    You might as well play with a balloon
    They look and feel like silly putty
    I'd rather suck on a prune

    And as I lie here gazing up
    Two pillows catch my eye
    I wonder how on earth I managed
    To type this whilst I was lying on my back

    I'm a poet and don't realise.


    The Infomaniac All Girl Revue want to set this to music.

    LEAH: All my soufflees are falling.

    Isn’t a soufflé just a glorified CAKE?

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  25. I recently purchased a pair of trousers from NEXT and when I got them home I noticed they had three legs and no gusset, am I entitled to a refund?

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  26. MITZI: I recently purchased a pair of trousers from NEXT and when I got them home I noticed they had three legs and no gusset, am I entitled to a refund?

    Keep them.

    First of all, roll up the third leg and insert it discreetly into your belt loop.

    If a tear or hole develops in one of the legs, cut it off, and then simply unroll the third leg and voila!...your trousers are like new again!

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  27. Nope I just love boobies in general, well nice big ones real or fake

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  28. WooHoo! PYE record label here I come!

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  29. JELLY MONSTER: Nope I just love boobies in general, well nice big ones real or fake

    Yay! Hoorah for boobies!

    GINRO: WooHoo! PYE record label here I come!

    Oooooooo…you and Des O'Connor.

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  30. I'm in Spain and my postcard is in Manchester.
    How can I sleep for the next four nights?

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  31. You can have the lemon yellow pants suit with pink feather trim back.

    I would not be caught dead near it, let alone wear it.

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  32. KAZ: I'm in Spain and my postcard is in Manchester.
    How can I sleep for the next four nights?


    You MUST return ASAP!

    In the meantime, we suggest copious amounts of vodka as a sleep aid.

    CYBERPOOF: You can have the lemon yellow pants suit with pink feather trim back.
    I would not be caught dead near it, let alone wear it.


    And you can get my cha cha heels off your big feet!

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  33. "Kaz said: How can I sleep for the next four nights?"

    Tell him to leave you alone.

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  34. How do you stop panic attacks? I woke up with a start and began to shake like Elvis last night!

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  35. Dear Mistress MJ, I have this sore on my ass that won't go away...can you help me?

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  36. GINRO: "Kaz said: How can I sleep for the next four nights?"
    Tell him to leave you alone.


    KAZ is irresistible therefore this is not a reasonable solution.

    GEOFF: How do you stop panic attacks? I woke up with a start and began to shake like Elvis last night!

    Well Lawdy Miss Clawdy, you’re All Shook Up.

    But I believe XL has some Vicodin.

    RANDOM: Dear Mistress MJ, I have this sore on my ass that won't go away...can you help me?

    The sore on your ass is punishment for being away for so long.

    Deal with it or I’ll give you something to REALLY cry about.

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  37. Dear Miss MJ , Being a 50 something male ,I find myself frequently dressing as a Frumpy Old Maid. Should I run for local public office???

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  38. ANON: Dear Miss MJ , Being a 50 something male ,I find myself frequently dressing as a Frumpy Old Maid. Should I run for local public office???

    Oh, hello Mr. Frobisher.

    PIGGY: Beast troubles me.

    Beast was in church last Sunday.

    That alone is cause for concern.

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  39. Troubles?
    None.

    You got mail?

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  40. Dear Mistress,

    I think I may be a homosexual. What can I do about it?

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  41. I've been taking dance lessons. This is really hot, I think Des O'Connor would approve -

    Face Down

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  42. CYBERPOOF: No way!!

    Way.

    MAGO: Troubles?
    None.
    You got mail?


    Mail? Uh, no.

    Should I?

    JASON: Dear Mistress,
    I think I may be a homosexual. What can I do about it?


    Come on over and rearrange my furniture.

    And then style my hair.

    The whole time you’re doing this you should be singing show tunes.

    And while you’re at it, I’d like some poppers.

    GINRO: I've been taking dance lessons. This is really hot, I think Des O'Connor would approve -
    Face Down


    You’re awfully stiff.

    Try swiveling your hips a little more.

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  43. As the actress said to the bishop. *flutters his eyelashes*

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  44. Well doctor MJ it all started some 35 years ago when my parents decided to raise me as a girl...

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  45. GINRO: As the actress said to the bishop. *flutters his eyelashes*

    That’s lovely, Miss Ginny.

    AYEM8Y: Well doctor MJ it all started some 35 years ago when my parents decided to raise me as a girl...

    They must be very proud of you now that you’ve been featured in the Truck Stop Fall Fashion Preview.

    MAGO: Yes.

    Oh my!

    I’ll check my box (ahem) in the morning!

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