Thursday, October 01, 2009

World’s Best and Worst Lovers

A recent survey of 15,000 globe-trotting women from 20 countries suggests that unhygienic German men are the worst in bed while hot-blooded Spaniards top the list of best in bed.



WORLD’S WORST LOVERS

1. Germany (too smelly)
2. England (too lazy)
3. Sweden (too quick)
4. Holland (too dominating)
5. America (too rough)
6. Greece (too lovey-dovey)
7. Wales (too selfish)
8. Scotland (too loud)
9. Turkey (too sweaty)
10. Russia (too hairy)

WORLD’S BEST LOVERS

1. Spain
2. Brazil
3. Italy
4. France
5. Ireland
6. South Africa
7. Australia
8. New Zealand
9. Denmark
10. Canada

What do you think?

Note: Mistress MJ was too busy entertaining you lot to take part in the research. The sacrifices I make for you bitches.

40 comments:

  1. no, two.

    FIRST and Antonio Banderas.

    oh, that's three.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Something about Spaniards make me drop my trousers in public and put my butt up in the air every time.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm only rough when the clients request it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh Hai Boxer.

    Antonio Baderas...yes I would, if only I could, I surely would...

    Thanks for that thought, it set me up for the day.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Good news: I'm in Spain.
    Bad news: I brought my English bloke with me.

    ReplyDelete
  6. "FIRST and Antonio Banderas"

    Pssst, Boxer. That's four.


    Oh Hai Boxer & Roses!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh Hai xl!

    I realise I was so taken with the thought of Antonio Banderas I didn't respond to the post. In this, I hang my head in shame...I have mostly known Englishmen...oh and 1 South African.

    Perhaps that's where I've been going wrong? Apart from hanging out with the fabulous Cyberpete.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oops, I tell a lie.

    My last bf was half Swedish and half English...

    ReplyDelete
  9. You nearly lost me to The Mail Online [not something I should admit to]and I drifted off.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  10. i think i've told all y'all enough about miss savannah, sugar! :) xoxoxox

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am obviously too boring to comment

    ReplyDelete
  12. I single handedly had Ireland at number one last year. The rest of them are bringing the average down.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I've been with all the nationalities listed except for South Africa and New Zealand.

    1. Germany. (too smelly) I agree, always ask them to give it a rinse under the tap first.
    2.England. Can be a bit coarse too (but I quite like that)
    3.Sweden too quick, yes! gives you time to move on to the next.
    4.Holland. Strange people with weird dress sense eg. red trousers, blue shoes and yellow jackets and one gentlemen I met wore sock braces!
    5.America too rough? You didn't hear me complaining, when I was passed around and used as the "Cum pig" at The Eagle bar in SF.
    6.Greece too lovey-dovey and they all have hairy backs too.(even the women)
    7.Wales. Can be quite demanding.
    8.Scotland too loud. Brace yourself Moraig, I'm coming in.
    9.Turkey.Hairy with dingleberries.
    10.Russia. Big willies!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Heino does not smell. He's coated in plastic. Personal hygiene for men was introduced in Germany only after 1871 with the military service. Since 1945 there is no more compulsory military service - so: peace or smell?

    ReplyDelete
  15. I will have to go with Holland and America then. Rough and dominating is just my cup of coffee.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Especially if they hold a lorgnette while they roughly dominate me.

    ReplyDelete
  17. BOXER: one word.
    no, two.
    FIRST and Antonio Banderas.
    oh, that's three.


    See XL’s comment.

    AYEM8Y: Something about Spaniards make me drop my trousers in public and put my butt up in the air every time.

    And might I say what a beautiful butt it IS!

    EROS: I'm only rough when the clients request it.

    Does it state that on your business card?

    ROSES: Antonio Baderas...yes I would, if only I could, I surely would...
    Thanks for that thought, it set me up for the day.


    Chew on this.

    KAZ: Good news: I'm in Spain.
    Bad news: I brought my English bloke with me.


    Not that I encourage this type of thing but distract him with something and then head out for the evening.

    My friend is currently visiting Spain and I sent her the survey.

    I expect I won’t hear from her for a few days as a result.

    XL: "FIRST and Antonio Banderas"
    Pssst, Boxer. That's four.


    And you said you weren’t good at math.

    ReplyDelete
  18. ROSES: I realise I was so taken with the thought of Antonio Banderas I didn't respond to the post. In this, I hang my head in shame...I have mostly known Englishmen...oh and 1 South African.
    Perhaps that's where I've been going wrong? Apart from hanging out with the fabulous Cyberpete.
    Oops, I tell a lie.
    My last bf was half Swedish and half English...


    Which half of your last bf was English?

    SCARLET: You nearly lost me to The Mail Online [not something I should admit to]and I drifted off.

    Consider yourself lucky.

    I usually get my facts from The Sun.

    SAVANNAH: i think i've told all y'all enough about miss savannah, sugar!

    I’m still trying to get over the image of you with Hollywood curls.

    BEAST: I am obviously too boring to comment

    Perhaps if you did a load of laundry once in a while and removed the barf bucket from your bedside table, you’d have some luck in the boudoir.

    MAXI: I single handedly had Ireland at number one last year. The rest of them are bringing the average down.

    Mistress MJ would have placed the Irish at number one … on the “best” list, just to clarify.

    ReplyDelete
  19. MITZI: I've been with all the nationalities listed except for South Africa and New Zealand.
    1. Germany. (too smelly) I agree, always ask them to give it a rinse under the tap first.
    2.England. Can be a bit coarse too (but I quite like that)
    3.Sweden too quick, yes! gives you time to move on to the next.
    4.Holland. Strange people with weird dress sense eg. red trousers, blue shoes and yellow jackets and one gentlemen I met wore sock braces!
    5.America too rough? You didn't hear me complaining, when I was passed around and used as the "Cum pig" at The Eagle bar in SF.
    6.Greece too lovey-dovey and they all have hairy backs too.(even the women)
    7.Wales. Can be quite demanding.
    8.Scotland too loud. Brace yourself Moraig, I'm coming in.
    9.Turkey.Hairy with dingleberries.
    10.Russia. Big willies!


    Obviously you are a woman of the world. They should have consulted you first and they could have saved themselves all that time and bother of interviewing thousands of other gals.

    Germany: Giving it “a rinse under the tap first” is good advice no matter what the nationality. It’s common practice in brothels so why not follow their lead?

    Holland: Infomaniac readers were once polled on their opinion on sock garters and the result was a thumbs down. Except for Leah who considered them an integral part of her Grandpa festish.

    America: Cum pig? Can you post photos?

    Turkey: Thank you for brining dingleberries to our attention. Not enough can be said about this horrendous lack of personal hygiene issue. Would you consider doing a post as a public service?

    Thank you for this enlightening look at the men of the world.

    Now get yourself out there and try on a few South Africans and New Zealanders.

    MAGO: Heino does not smell. He's coated in plastic. Personal hygiene for men was introduced in Germany only after 1871 with the military service. Since 1945 there is no more compulsory military service - so: peace or smell?

    You Germans drive a hard bargain.

    Oh pardon me … you’re Franconian.

    LEAH: I will have to go with Holland and America then. Rough and dominating is just my cup of coffee.
    Especially if they hold a lorgnette while they roughly dominate me.


    I’ll have you know that I’m counting on you to incorporate my lorgnette suggestion into your “object of fetish” plans.

    It’s high time the lorgnette was recognized as “the” fashion accessory.

    NWTRUNNER: Yaayyy, we're #10!

    Are you swelling with pride?

    ReplyDelete
  20. This post brings to mind "duck butter" as our vocabulary builder for today.

    ReplyDelete
  21. XL: This post brings to mind "duck butter" as our vocabulary builder for today.

    Thank you so VERY much for bringing this to our attention over the breakfast table.

    (Note the time here)

    ReplyDelete
  22. The mighty FlatButt Nation being absent from the list due to the selfishness of the compilers, their thought being 'Never advertise a good thing if you want it to stay that way'.
    *sashays off*

    ReplyDelete
  23. NATIONS: The mighty FlatButt Nation being absent from the list due to the selfishness of the compilers, their thought being 'Never advertise a good thing if you want it to stay that way'.
    *sashays off*


    Perhaps it is because the Flat Butts all smell of TOMATOES!

    ReplyDelete
  24. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Sorry about the delete...did not read the question properly. Now you know why I'm crap in exams.

    He wasn't lazy...just Swedish.

    ReplyDelete
  26. 2. England (too lazy)

    Hmmm?

    ZZZZzzzzz....

    ReplyDelete
  27. I made it to number 9!

    Damn I'm good.

    ReplyDelete
  28. ROSES: Sorry about the delete...did not read the question properly. Now you know why I'm crap in exams.
    He wasn't lazy...just Swedish.


    Try to follow instructions in future.

    And pay attention next time.

    *sigh*

    KAPI: 2. England (too lazy)
    Hmmm?
    ZZZZzzzzz....


    Work that arse, ya lazy bastard!

    CYBERPOOF: I made it to number 9!
    Damn I'm good.


    We’re curious as to what the Danes have that puts them ahead of Canucks.

    Well at least you can lord it over Donn now.

    ReplyDelete
  29. #1-9 wrong wrong wrong!
    Canada has Dimitri..HELLO!
    He even gives classes.

    http://www.dimitrithelover.com/

    ReplyDelete
  30. CYBERPOOF: He can come test me anytime!

    Oh here we go.

    DONN: #1-9 wrong wrong wrong!
    Canada has Dimitri..HELLO!
    He even gives classes.
    http://www.dimitrithelover.com/


    Mistress MJ wants to know…are YOU a graduate of Dimitri’s Lovemaking Program?

    And a reminder that “if you are penetrating less than 10 new female orifices each month, then you have not attained your full sexual potential.”

    DONN: Hai Pete
    ;)


    Oh dear gawd.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Dimitri likes big butts a tergo and wanking - as his avatar does all the time.
    I am sure he doesn't smell.

    ReplyDelete
  32. CYBERPOOF: Oh hai Donnn
    ;-)


    *forehead slap*

    MAGO: Dimitri likes big butts a tergo and wanking - as his avatar does all the time.
    I am sure he doesn't smell.


    Who DOESN’T like big butts?

    Dimitri probably smells of poutine.

    I am convinced that Franconians are much cleaner than men in the rest of Germany.

    ReplyDelete
  33. 5? on the best list? my arse.....how did we pull that off? did we get the judges drunk?

    ReplyDelete
  34. MANUEL: 5? on the best list? my arse.....how did we pull that off? did we get the judges drunk?

    You Irish blokes are #1 on Mistress MJ’s list.

    And yes, I probably drink more than the judges.

    ReplyDelete