Saturday, October 31, 2009

The Haunted Vagina

While you’re out trick or treating tonight …



Beware of Mistress MJ’s haunted Secret Lady Place!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

35 comments:

  1. I don't need to read this to know that vaginae are scary

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  2. That wee wisp of a girl has circulatory problems... she looks rather pale in the middle and flushed in the extremities.

    How odd.

    Just like this place.

    But I keep coming back!

    And third, by the way. ;-)

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  3. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"

    Mistress, I hear an echo!

    Oh Hai Savannah & Ponita!

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  4. Froth.

    The Haunted Vagina -
    "Hello" he called. "Hello...ello...ello...llo" echoed back to him.

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  5. I can't see for the cobwebs.

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  6. Tip to others exploring The Haunted Vagina-

    If you see flies buzzing around, get out as fast as you can. Or buy some fly spray. But I wouldn't recommend that as it doesn't taste nice. Alternatively you could purchase some fly-papers and hang them around the bed decoratively, or even attach some to your ears so they hang down like trendy earrings.

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  7. Ghost sperm? That's a terrifying thought.
    Sx

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  8. I it haunted by the ghost of an old kipper !!!
    ***sprays febreze***

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  9. Ooh, careful Beast. Some of that went in my eye.
    Hey, wait a minute... If you're spraying Febreze to get rid of the kipperness of MJ's haunted vag, then I must have taken one hell of a wrong turning to end up in it, too.
    Gah! Bloody crop circles.

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  10. I would say yours is scary enough on it's own.

    I'll have nightmares for weeks now.

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  11. The best part is that this is a real book whose tagline is "It's difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead."

    I shall be extra-scared this year as I make the rounds trick-or-treating.

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  12. Why does one have to choose either trick or treating?

    I dare say I choose both.

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  13. @Cyberpete: There's a difference?

    @MJ: Why isn't a vagina a female vagrant?

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  14. This makes one wonder about Carlton Mellick I and II ...

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  15. Kapi: I just assumed. Honestly I know absolutely nothing about the female anatomy

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  16. Your lady place hasn't been a secret for donkeys years. Don't delude yourself.

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  17. That was at MJ, just in case Cyberpete thought I meant him.

    Although saying that... I suppose it applies in his case too.

    Filthy cunts.

    Literally.

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  18. Did anyone hear anything? It sounded like voices from a grave.

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  19. It's nothing an old priest and a young priest, some holy water, and a day at the spa can't fix!

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  20. CP, you probably just heard a queef.

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  21. That's a real book? Now I've heard everything!

    Hey, maybe that book can make it on the Oprah Book Club...you know Oprah's vagina has to be haunted.

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  22. KEVIN: I don't need to read this to know that vaginae are scary

    Careful or I’ll bite you!

    SAVANNAH: SECOND!!!!

    Your enthusiasm indicates that Napa Valley wine is going down well with you.

    PONITA: That wee wisp of a girl has circulatory problems... she looks rather pale in the middle and flushed in the extremities.
    How odd.
    Just like this place.
    But I keep coming back!
    And third, by the way. ;-)


    The only flushing around here is the sound of PIGGY trying to flush a particularly nasty turd down the toilet.

    XL: "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"
    Mistress, I hear an echo!


    Are you yodeling in the canyon?

    GINRO: Froth.
    The Haunted Vagina -
    "Hello" he called. "Hello...ello...ello...llo" echoed back to him.


    Another canyon yodeler, I see.

    JASON: I can't see for the cobwebs.

    *bitch slaps Jason*

    For that remark, I’ll be over soon to fist your piñata.

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  23. GINRO: Tip to others exploring The Haunted Vagina-
    If you see flies buzzing around, get out as fast as you can. Or buy some fly spray. But I wouldn't recommend that as it doesn't taste nice. Alternatively you could purchase some fly-papers and hang them around the bed decoratively, or even attach some to your ears so they hang down like trendy earrings.


    Right.

    I’ve had enough of you.

    To the oubliette!

    SCARLET: Ghost sperm? That's a terrifying thought.

    More terrifying than Sausagops?

    BEAST: I it haunted by the ghost of an old kipper !!!
    ***sprays febreze***


    Mistress MJ is disturbed by this morning’s paranormal activities.

    She sat down to watch the morning news on telly and what is the first thing that appeared?

    A commercial for Febreze!

    Are you trying to get back at me for eating your precious Sausagops?

    IVD: Ooh, careful Beast. Some of that went in my eye.
    Hey, wait a minute... If you're spraying Febreze to get rid of the kipperness of MJ's haunted vag, then I must have taken one hell of a wrong turning to end up in it, too.
    Gah! Bloody crop circles.


    Speaking of kippers, I’ll have you know that one North American Indian myth states that "a meat-eating fish inhabits the vagina of the Terrible Mother."

    And see my comment to Mago.

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  24. CYBERPOOF: I would say yours is scary enough on it's own.
    I'll have nightmares for weeks now.


    I’d keep the lights on tonight if I were you.

    LEAH: The best part is that this is a real book whose tagline is "It's difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead."
    I shall be extra-scared this year as I make the rounds trick-or-treating.


    Finally SOMEONE around here has done her research and investigated the book.

    Fab tagline, isn’t it?

    I want to read his entire oeuvre.

    CYBERPOOF: Why does one have to choose either trick or treating?
    I dare say I choose both.


    Kapi’s right.

    There IS no difference if you’re doing it right.

    KAPI: @MJ: Why isn't a vagina a female vagrant?

    I’m waiting for the punchline.

    MAGO: This makes one wonder about Carlton Mellick I and II ...

    I want to read “The Faggiest Vampire” next.

    And then, in a fit of inspiration, I’m going to ghost-write IVD’s autobiography and entitle it “The Faggiest Witch.”

    PIGGY: Your lady place hasn't been a secret for donkeys years. Don't delude yourself.
    That was at MJ, just in case Cyberpete thought I meant him.
    Although saying that... I suppose it applies in his case too.
    Filthy cunts.
    Literally.


    CyberPoof’s Secret Lady Place is all over the Interwebs.

    And see my comment to Ponita.

    CYBERPOOF: Did anyone hear anything? It sounded like voices from a grave.

    See comment from Eroswings.

    EROS: It's nothing an old priest and a young priest, some holy water, and a day at the spa can't fix!
    CP, you probably just heard a queef.


    That was CyberPoof’s fanny fart we heard.

    RANDOM: That's a real book? Now I've heard everything!
    Hey, maybe that book can make it on the Oprah Book Club...you know Oprah's vagina has to be haunted.


    Thank you for not saying va jay jay.

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  25. Think I'll have "Ultra Fuckers" first.

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  26. MAGO: Think I'll have "Ultra Fuckers" first.

    Apparently it’s a work of absurd suburban horror in the tradition of Mellick's previous short novel, The Menstruating Mall.

    We’ll be expecting a book review from you.

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  27. Haunted Vaginas Indeed!! Happy Halloween!!

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  28. MICHAEL RIVERS: Haunted Vaginas Indeed!! Happy Halloween!!

    Happy Halloweenie, Michael!

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  29. *echoes up from the oubliette* Something spooky happened to blogger over here. This is the first time today I've been able to access it. The Haunted Vagina must be bigger than we thought.

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  30. Blogger went down on me as well, Ginro. And nicked my tache.
    Sx

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  31. I'm frightened to know hwo to respond to that Miss Scarlet, other than to wonder how Blogger could get so lucky and why wasn't it me?

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  32. GINRO & SCARLET: I’m sorry I missed out on the action.

    MITZI: You’ve gone all porcine!

    One thing’s for certain … you’ll never be a boar.

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