Infomaniac Is On Hols

Infomaniac is on vacation until July 9th.

Be that as it may, I’m going nowhere since I spent my travel budget on shoes. Needless to say, I don’t shop for shoes at Payless.

Mostly, I’ll be lazing about in the sun, imbibing fruity cocktails and thumbing my nose at the peons. All the while wearing fabulous shoes.





I’ll be taking a wee bit of a blogging break but don’t miss my special CANADA DAY POSTING on Tuesday, July 1st!

And if that’s not enough dedication to Infomaniac’s beloved readers, I offer you…


POSTCARDS FROM A BROAD





That’s right, you lucky bitches.

If you email me your mailing address (my email address is in my Blogger Profile) Infomaniac will send you a holiday postcard!

My secretary is standing by with his pen poised to jot down your contact information…






Ta ta for now, bitches, and enjoy my blogging break.






Note: There's a Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service update beneath this post.

Brandine Gets Lucky

After only one day up and running, Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service is a success!

Thanks to everyone who helped Brandine get lucky…



Brandine with unidentified Infomaniac reader

Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service

The staff of Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service (pictured above) have been busy matching up prospective clients with you, Infomaniac’s readers.


Infomaniac’s new dating service series has a new name!

The winning name as chosen by you lot is Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service.

The winning title was created by Old Knudsen and a prize will be mailed to him.

Titles tied for second prize were Very Last Resort Dating (also submitted by Old Knudsen) and Lowered Expectations submitted by new Infomaniac reader Bunny.

Infomaniac would like to thank all of you for participating in this competition. A job well done!

You’re quite the clever bunch when you put your thinking caps on and that is why the clients of Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service are so attracted to you.

Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service has received dating profiles from numerous clients who wish to meet Infomaniac readers. Our clients have heard that Infomaniac readers, some more than others, are gagging for a shag, er, um, I mean looking for love.

And now without further ado, Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service presents our first client…




BRANDINE


Due to a computer glitch, all of Brandine’s personal data has been erased.

So it’s up to you to guess what she does for a living, her likes, dislikes, hobbies, and what she’s looking for in a mate.

And why not tell us, dear Infomaniac reader, what you can offer this woman. Do you have what it takes to bring Brandine eternal happiness? We want to know!

“Name The Series” Competition – Voting Day

UPDATE: Tuesday, June 24th.



Attention voters: The ballot box has been tampered with, leaving Infomaniac no choice but to install a modern voting machine to ensure fairness to all.

A certain Ms. Nations has made a mockery of the electoral process by ballot stuffing: submitting multiple ballots during a vote in which only ONE ballot per person is permitted.

Those responsible voters who have already cast their ballots need not vote again. Your vote has been counted and duly noted.

Anyone who didn’t have a chance to vote yesterday may vote today. I remind you… ONE VOTE PER PERSON. The list of eligible titles may be viewed by scrolling down to the end of this posting.

Ms. Nations will be brought to justice as a large wheel of Canadian cheddar shall be rolled across the border and onto her Clematis.

Yesterday’s post resumes here…


I’m turning this competition over to you, bitches.



I had every intention of making the choice myself for the best Infomaniac dating service title.

But the response was so overwhelming and the suggestions so good that I simply can’t pick a winner on my own.

I had to whittle down the entries to 30 titles although we received many more submissions.

Vote today for your favourite title!

No, you can’t vote for your own title. Vote instead for the next best thing.

I’ll tally your votes at the end of the day and the winner will appear in Tuesday’s post along with a new “date” who wants to meet you.





Here are your selections. One vote per person. Hop to it.


Bleak House Dating Service
Boobs and Balls Dating Service
Booze, Bros and Broads
Bottom of the Barrel
Chicks, Pricks, 'n' Kicks
Clickadick n Clickachick
Click-n-cum.com
Dating For Dummies
Desperate Dirty Daters
dialadick.com
Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service
Finger Licking Filth Service
Hideous Hookups
I M HRD R U WET.COME
Last Call.com
Lowered Expectations
Lumps, Chumps, and Humps
Marvelous MJ's Perv Emporium
Meat and Greet
MJ's Meat Swap
Slobs and Sluts
Snatch and Grab
Snatches and Catches
Tap Dat Arse Dating Service
The Wet Spot
Thunderlust Café
Trailer Hook-Ups
Uglies Bumping Uglies
Venus and Penis
Very Last Resort Dating

“Name The Series” Competition

All this weekend, Infomaniac will be holding a contest, so if you’re not all drunk by now, put on your thinking caps and help a bitch out, would you?

There’s a prize in it for you if you do.

Infomaniac is planning a new series.

An online dating service to be exact.

With men and women like this one…



…who are just dying to meet Infomaniac readers like you for a little slap and tickle and hide the pickle.

I’ve had a headache all day and can’t come up with a name for Infomaniac’s dating service series.

So if you can leave a suggestion or two, the name I choose will be declared the winner and a crap gift will be mailed out to you.

I just hope the winner isn’t in Australia as that last compo cost me a small fortune.

The winner will be chosen on Monday and a new potential date will be featured.

Get to it bitches.

Name my dating series.

Filthy Friday - Vintage Homo Fest

(Click the pic to blow it up BIGGER! Oh yeah!)

Footloose

Running shoe-clad feet continue to wash up on the shores of the west coast of Canada.

Yet another human foot has been discovered; the sixth to float ashore on British Columbia’s coast since last August.

Five are right feet and one is a left foot.

The feet’s owners have yet to be identified.

Police have not ruled out foul play and are not certain if the incidents are connected or not.

Theories abound but no one has the answer to these perplexing cases.

Therefore we must turn the mystery over to you ... Infomaniac's readers.

What’s going on?




News story here.

Perv of the Day

Welcome to another installment of “Perv of the Day.”

Infomaniac will, from time to time, seek out the perviest perverts and parade them pantless in front of you, the judge and jury.

THE PERV: Mohammed Ismail Ariffin.

THE PLACE: Singapore.

THE PERVISION: Serial armpit sniffing.

The 36-year-old man was convicted of smelling his victims' armpits and inappropriately touching them.

He molested 23 women over the course of 15 months, smelling their armpits and touching them in lifts, staircase landings and their homes.

THE PUNISHMENT: 14 years in jail and 18 strokes of the cane.

Caning on the buttocks is an additional punishment for male criminals in Singapore for offences ranging from vandalism to illegal possession of drugs and rape.

Book Title of the Day

If you’ve already read everything on Beasties Book Club Holiday Special list, try Fag Slave to the Muscle Gods.




Would anyone like to provide a brief review?

Having actually READ the book is not a requirement.

Mute Monday - Old Man

Welcome, bitches, to my first Mute Monday!

Mute Monday is a meme where each week you're given a theme and you post photos or illustrations to express that theme in your own personal style. In keeping with the “Mute” bit, you try to express it visually rather than verbally although text is permitted. Then on Monday, you go to The Troll Report and say “I’m UP” in the comments section with a link to your blog.


And now without further ado, Infomaniac presents Mute Monday.

The theme this week is “OLD MAN”.












Next week’s Mute Monday theme is “AROMA”. I think I may be back for that one too.

Green Thumbs Up Bums

Following up yesterday’s World’s Greatest Gardener post, today we continue our peek into the yards and gardens of First Nations, Inner Voices and Beast.

LET’S START WITH BEAST IN BOURNEMOUTH, SHALL WE?...


Things are looking a little droopy in Beast’s garden.





Perhaps his solar frog will brighten things up.





This topiary arse could only be improved by inserting a ripe banana, don’t you think?





Beast gets lonely from time to time and this lovely lady is the perfect companion.






MOVING ALONG NOW TO WASHINGTON STATE WHERE WE DROP IN AT RANCHO FIRST NATIONS…



Looks like Nations has added an extra toilet planter to her yard for when company drops in.





Speaking of company, Nations is always prepared for a garden party.





Nations loves to visit the Dutch settlement of Lynden, Washington and bring back souvenirs.





Nations keeps her Barbie collection under the weeping elder. Bring your own action figures and join in the fun.






TRAVELLING SOUTH DOWN THE COAST OF CALI-FOR-NYE-AYE, WE COME TO THE ESTATE OF INNER VOICES…



The front porch got torn off in a tornado so the porch swing has been secured to a tree. Works real good!





Nobody's in the front yard so let’s ring the doorbell.





Looks like Voices is out back relaxing in the pool.





Voices and The Missus show off their yard art.




I hope you have enjoyed your lawn and garden tour.

Now bugger off. I’ve a Chia Pet to attend to.

World’s Greatest Gardener

Bend over, bitches and take my gardening greatness up your arses!


I’m getting sick and tired of listening to First Nations and Inner Voices and Beast drone on and on about how great their gardens grow.

For starters, there’s Nations with her batshit magongo strawberries and asparagus. And her "I’m-craftier- than you-are" use of golf shoes and miniature dump trucks to make funky planters. And you can’t read her blog without translating from the Latin; Lychnis flos cuculi and Aquilegia Canadensis, for example. Frankly, it’s all Greek to me.

Then there’s Voices with his FOURTEEN VARIETIES OF TOMATOES and record-breaking, SEVEN-FOOT-TALL-SUNFLOWER out by the swimming pool (a glorified oil drum is more what the pool looks like).

Last and definitely least, there’s Beast and his unique garden accoutrements: namely, his brassiere planter and his topiary dolphin and his Barbie Stone for sacrificing virgins.

Bloody showoffs, all of them.



Nations and Beast pictured together with expression of smug superiority.




Voices emptying his hose all over the trailer park.




So to all you GARDEN BLOGGERS, I would like to say…


My garden kicks ass!




Behold MY garden! Top THIS, you garden hoes!...

Filthy Friday

Continuing with this week’s Infomaniac Airlines theme, all passengers must line up to have a full body inspection.




MJ will be personally responsible for inspecting Celts in kilts…

I’m Looking Through You

When you fly, would you prefer to pass through a body scanner or have a pat-down?

Now you can choose.




A new full-body scanner booth being tested by the U.S. government as a replacement for airport metal detectors can see through the clothing of passengers.




The booths emit "millimetre waves" that go through cloth to identify metal, plastics, ceramics, chemical materials and explosives.




It allows the security screeners -- in a separate room -- to clearly see the passenger's sexual organs as well as other details of their bodies, but the face is blurred to protect the passenger’s privacy, said the Transport Safety Authority.




And to prevent security officers from printing themselves a copy of naked passengers for their own pleasure, the images will not be stored.



Yeah, right.

Album Cover of the Week

“Understand Your’e Swede” by Jimmy Jenson, The Singing Swede.

Portable Pee Bag for Men

Last year, Infomaniac posted about a variety of female pee devices in “Women Who Pee Standing Up” and in “Shenis Envy.”

Now, thanks to an email I received from Yorkshire’s biggest poofs, Infomaniac reveals a special pee gadget especially for men.

Ladies and gentlemen, The Roadbag! The pocket urinal for men.





Got a minute and a half? Then watch the video (in German but informative nonetheless) on the “How it Works” page.

This man could have used a Roadbag!...