How Not To Decorate Competition – Voting Day

It’s time for you, the judges, to vote for the worst item of home décor sent in by our very own Infomaniac readers.

It’s not going to be easy. Your homes are all full of cheap tat!

Submissions were sent in by Anonymous Boxer, Cher, CyberPete, Dora, First Nations, Frobisher, Geoff, IVD, Old Knudsen, Prunella Jones, Random Chick, Tatas and WW.

There are a total of 19 submissions as follows and they’re in alphabetical order according to the blogger’s name:



#1. Chihuahua Figurines – from Anonymous Boxer

Why is it that if you you’re a dog owner, people send you loads of crap related to that breed?

Such is the case with Anonymous Boxer who has FOUR Chihuahua dogs: Paco, Mickey, Stella, and Lucy.

Her friends have christened her the “Crazy Chihuahua Lady” and insist on heaping useless figurines upon her…











#2. Teddy Bear Chair from Cher
#3. Yogi Man – from Cher



Each of these items is hideous enough on its own but Cher decided to put them together in one pic to double our horror.

#2 is a Teddy Bear Chair that Cher can’t throw out as it was a gift from her mum.

Don’t you think it would look right at home in Tazzy and Piggy’s house?

#3. Yogi Man looks like he’s auto-fellating himself.

Cher says, “I'm not a buddist and hate this yogi man that Rob and I got as a wedding present. I mean really hate it. It creeps me RIGHT OUT.”




#4. Christmas Wreath – from Cher



For someone who said she doesn’t have much crap around the house, Cher has sent us a third submission.

Here’s what Cher has to say about the wreath…

“My other entry is this wreath that was given to me by my 70 year old plus neighbour. Its so tacky, but she made it with her own two arthritic hands, and i feel so obligated to display it outside my front door during the christmas season.

Sometimes I think that the Yogi Man is actually crying because of the tacky christmas wreath.”





#5. Christmas Decorations – from CyberPete



Take a good look at this Santa and gnome sent in by CyberPoof.

For someone who’s always asking me to post pics of buff young men, don’t you think these two look more like the fat old hairy guys I usually post?

Do you have a secret yearning for fat old poofters, CyberPete?





#6. Panther Painting – from Dora




"We have the black panther poster that hangs in the house. The story behind it is one of domestic bliss and me giving in.

When MG and I moved in, I had many different art works. A Mattise and my favourite being to lino block prints from an Australian Author. I hung these around the house and it was all going along fine until about a week into living together she pulled out the panther.

"Where will this go?" MG asked."Ummmm...." was all I could think of.

She tried some different places, but in the end I put the panther in the spare bedroom. The panther scares me. That's just putting it lightly, the whole look of this "thing" is just fugly.

Well it stayed in the spare bedroom until one day I came home and found that my prize Matisse had been replaced with the panther.

"Ummm, why is this here?" I yelled

"I want to put it somewhere, somewhere people can see it! I really like it babe...blah blah blah..." she replied

So I put it in the hallway. My thought is that people will mostly just walk past it and not look directly into the eye of this evil masterpiece. MG thinks it's there because I wanted it on display.

WRONG.

Ahhh, domestic bliss!"







By now you need a break from crap overload so take a deep breath and then go on.






Now on to First Nations who should have a separate category of her won.

First Nations’ submissions will convince you that she has nothing but crap in her household.

I had to limit her to 4 submissions as she was getting carried away on a crap adrenalin high.

#7. Platypus - from First Nations



“He can do the innuendo, he can dance and sing...!
swimmin' in my bathtub-he dont' leave a ring
he fits right in with all my things!
and folds my Dirty Laundry!”

“I got him when I was collecting vintage doggie postcards years ago. He's a hand-painted postcard from about 1908-1920....? in there. And he looked strangely like my Opie dog, so I had him displayed with all the other doggie postcards and insisted it was an aboriginal Opie.”




#8. Alligator Head - from First Nations




“Small alligator head, dried and laquered, with black marbles where the eyes should be. Our buddy Coon Dog used to work as a guide at a gator farm...just like Joe Dirt! And when they went back for a vacation, he brought that back to me as a gift! That, and a half-bottle of hot sauce he ganked off a table at the airport lounge. Because bikers are thoughtful. Strange, but thoughtful.




#9. Aunt Jemima Poster - from First Nations



(click to enlarge)

“Aunt Jemima is a framed ad out of an old magazine. Look closely....nobody gets out of it alive! I particularly love the lobotomized expression on young wife's face, husbands crazed glee and his exclamation, 'Swell pancakes honey! You're a wizard!" De simple, easy directions are on de side ob ebery box!! God, what a country.




#10. Harley Gas Tank – from First Nations




“It’s a Harley Davidson peanut-style gas tank painted with extreme opal metalflake, with a number 13 on it. Which is in my front room, in my entertainment center. My husband uses it as an example piece of the type of paint he does...and it IS a masterpiece of automotive paint technique; this is a really, really difficult and expensive color to shoot. But....its...in my....HOUSE.”





#11. Toilet Birds – from Frobisher



According to Mr. Frobisher, these are “two lovely plastic birds, not sure what breed, lovingly perched on a tree trunk. This priceless heirloom is cleverly arranged on top of the toilet cistern in the bathroom.

But it doesn't end there, oh no. See the little hole on the tree trunk? Its a sensor and when it "senses" someone approaching the toilet for a dump, the birds break out in beautiful song, tails wagging up and down, to serenade you while you complete your intimate body functions.”







#12. World Cup Willie – from Geoff




Geoff says…

“Attached is a dear possession of mine, World Cup Willie, the mascot from the 1966 World Cup. He was discovered when my parents decorated our newly purchased house in 1966.

He is a very small plastic lion and is mounted on a ball bearing so you can roll him if you want.”




#13. Velour-Cord Chair – from IVD (Inexplicable DeVice)




IVD explains…

“Here's my despicable entry: A vile green, jumbo-velour-cord, tube framed chair. It's one of two I was given by mum & dad when I first moved here. The only reasons that I still have them is that they're very comfortable and I can't be arsed to take them to the dump. I keep saying I'll re-cover them, but I'm just kidding myself.

This one is next to the dining room radiator and window - I like to sit in it and read when it's cold. The other one is in the space under the stairs next to the Demon Box.

Colin & Justin would have a fit if they saw them. I, obviously, would be mortified seeing as I'm a big fan of theirs.”



#14. Gnomes – from Old Knudsen



“Here are my Gnomes, Zebihomb on the right looks friendly but he is always telling me to kill hoors. Jambone with the pick gives me ideas for posts and if I don't use them he attacks my morning wood with his tool.”











#15. Dead Tarantula – from Prunella Jones




Says Pru…

“It's my pet dead tarantula that I keep in the bathroom to scare nosy types away from peeking in my medicine cabinet.

Well I know I wont’ be reaching for the Pepto-Bismol at your house, Pru!





#16. Oogly Boogly Statue – from Random Chick




“Here's a ghastly statue my Mother In Law brought back from Africa. We call it our "oogly boogly" dude.”




#17. Coconut Monkey Money Box – from Tatas




Tatas’ mum and dad brought back this coconut monkey money box from their trip to South Africa.

No offence, Tatas, but I would have preferred a t-shirt that said, “My parents went to South Africa and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.”

Thanks for nothin’, mum and dad.

I suppose they would have got you a coconut bra but they don’t make the cup size that big.




AND FINALLY…

A couple of entries (there were many to choose from) from WW’s house.

He’s single, ladies!


#18. Blonde Beer Bottle Opener – from WW







#19. Breast Mug – from WW






RIGHT!

To summarize, here’s a handy list of the entries:

1. Chihuahua Figurines – from Anonymous Boxer
2. Teddy Bear Chair – from Cher
3. Yogi Man – from Cher
4. Christmas Wreath – from Cher
5. Christmas Decorations – from CyberPete
6. Panther Painting – from Dora
7. Platypus – from First Nations
8. Alligator Head – from First Nations
9. Aunt Jemima Poster – from First Nations
10. Harley Gas Tank – from First Nations
11. Toilet Birds – from Frobisher
12. World Cup Willie – from Geoff
13. Velour-Cord Chair – from IVD
14. Gnomes – from Old Knudsen
15. Dead Tarantula – from Prunella Jones
16. Oogly Boogly Statue – from Random Chick
17. Coconut Monkey Money Box – from Tatas
18. Blonde Beer Bottle Opener – from WW
19. Breast Mug – from WW



GET YOUR VOTES IN TODAY!

Tell us in the comments who you think has the crappiest item of home décor.

Make sure you indicate which number is your choice.

Get your vote in by 9:00 pm Pacific Daylight Time, Wednesday, June 4th. Use this World Clock to help you figure out what time that is in your part of the world. No late entries will be accepted.



Note: The grand prize will be announced tomorrow, Thursday, June 5th.