Sunday, June 08, 2008

Infomaniac Airlines is Hiring

Infomaniac Airlines is recruiting personnel.

If you think you have what it takes to work for our dynamic airline, tell us which position you fancy and why.


Jobs are available for pilots, flight attendants, baggage handlers, ticket sellers, mechanics and more.

Or is there a career niche at Infomaniac Airlines that we’ve missed and you think you could fill it? Tell us about it and we’ll create a position just for you!

Fly high with Infomaniac Airlines!


  1. Aha... competition for my Derrie-Air. Fly Derrie-Air, bringing new meaning to being an industry heavyweight. No extra charge to join our frequent flyer program... the Mile High Club.

  2. I still dont understand how a big heavy lump of metal can fly on the sky.Saying that , The idea of frisking passengers for bombs does appeal..........

  3. First off, the man on the cover looks like Timothy Dalton. It's a little upsetting.

    Secondly, you mention pilots, flight attendants, baggage handlers, ticket sellers, mechanics and more.
    What does more include?

    I'm just curious.

  4. Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.

  5. We'll be serving discount beer after takeoff Geoff.

    Afterall it is MJs airline.

  6. BOB: And is their theme tune “Londonderry Air”?

    Or “Derry Air” for the Catholics?

    TONY: You beat all the others by a whisker
    For the position of frisker

    (I did that before my morning coffee)

    CYBERPOOF: You can be the fluffer.

    GEOFF: I suppose you’ll want to takeover from the drunk pilot.

    Caution: Link leads to The Mirror.

    CYBERPOOF: Serving beer at takeoff?

    Who can wait that long?

  7. while i cannot exactly "fill" a position...i can fit with several...and in the air nonetheless sounds interesting...and a bit uplifting...besides i think i need a new career, got anything for a daisy?

  8. Dibs stewardess with a moustache!

    ...result of a catholic upbringing, folks. nothing to see here. move along. *twirls 'tache ends threateningly*

  9. AWW damn, I wanted to be the stewardess with a mustache. I guess I'll have to settle for the luggage packer. I'm the woman with the sign that reads "Caution Wide Load"

  10. DAISY: You can form a “daisy chain” with some of our other staff members.

    NATIONS: You’re obviously looking for an excuse to stop shaving.

    CECILE: We’ll need that “Caution Wide Load” sign if Manuel’s a passenger.

    We’re charging him extra for that big sugarloaf of his.

  11. you think there will be any joiners or will i just be the daisy at the head of the line?

  12. (I,m Going To Regret asking but.........) What On Earth is a "Banana Hammock"?
    By The Way, I bought some "Red Bananas" in the supermarket last week but i dont have a clue what to do with them! I peeled one & it was as raw as shit.........Help!

  13. DAISY: If CyberPoof doesn’t faint at the Kylie concert tonight in Copenhagen, he’ll be first in line.

    TONY: It’s a thong swimsuit for men.

    It cradles your, um, bananas.

    See a pic of Borat in a banana hammock.

  14. Ah !Thongs Aint what they used to be.................

  15. TONY: I've an overwhelming desire to misquote Led Zeppelin and say "The Thong Remains the Same".

  16. I specialize in inspecting undercarriages. When can I start? I have my own flashlight.

  17. EDDIE: You start today.

    Be sure you get your rust protector well into all the crevices and let it penetrate deeply.

  18. I'd like to help all those women who wish to join the Mile High Club.

    And having MJ pay me for doing this as part of the "Infomaniac Airlines Experience" would just be all the better!

    I think we should have a Mile High Club section of the plane with a huge bed and room for toys - the other passengers wouldn't want to be seeing some of what would be going on. Of course, some would - maybe we could get money out of them too. Seems to be how airlines are going these days - pay-per-view....

  19. Be sure you get your rust protector well into all the crevices and let it penetrate deeply.

    I'm looking for dead stowaways...sure to find a couple.

  20. NWT: You're far too chipper about this exciting career opportunity.

    Therefore, you'll do it for free.

    And I charge extra for peanuts.

    EDDIE: Is that Old Knudsen gasping for fresh air and looking green around the gills?

    While you were away, he moved to California.

    You could be neighbours!

  21. Sorry bitches there won't be any flights until Wednesday.

  22. KNUDSEN: You're hired!

    And by the way, the pilot wants to see you.

    Says he has something that needs tightening in the COCKpit.

  23. I'm more in the landing business ...

  24. "Surely you can't be serious."

    "I am serious... and don't call me Shirley."

  25. MAGO: We could use a man like you in Customs.

    GEOFF: Looks like you picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue, too.

  26. can I be in charge of Customer Service? I think you're going to need it and I'm great with dealing with complaints... I start whining right back at them and eventually they just get tired and hang up.

  27. Ticket agent! Piss me off and I'll put you next to the busy bathroom on the long flight...if I'm going to put you on the plane at all!

    Or flight engineer (3rd pilot); I can still wear the hat and drink, knowing that there's another who'll have to take over first when the lush captain passes out...

  28. I'd've thought CP would've picked security, making people take off their shoes while he judges them...

  29. As your jets will be for 'executives'
    only I feel emboldened to nominate myself as a baggage handler.

    I like nicking stuff.

  30. BOXER: Your four vicious Chihuahuas would be an asset to the company as well.

    EROS: CyberPoof wouldn’t have liked the security uniform.

    Unless it was trimmed in marabou feathers.

    BITTERSWEET: If you’re in charge of popcorn, you’re automatically in charge of the in-flight movies.

    Why not start with “Fearless” starring Jeff Bridges?

    The one where his plane has a terrible crash scene?

    GARFY: So THAT’S how my panties went missing!

  31. Customs? That means I can rake in? One for you - one for me. Drop that and bend, where's the glove ... You do South America? Fine. I'll make you rich.

  32. Infomaniac Airlines?? No worries. It'll probably remain some puddle jumping shite airline that services Canucks and walruses only.

    Surprised I didn't see a picture of a prop engine plane as the mothership for the fleet.

    Did they even have airplanes when you were growing, cunt? I don't mean that age wise. I meant ... did Canadians even have such sophisticated forms of transportation or was it strictly the railways and hot air balloons servicing that backwoods country?

  33. and I will put aside my "do not put clothes on them or die" policy and find them some appropriate uniforms.

    Can Paco be the Pilot?

  34. MAGO: Just be warned that when I ask you to do a “cavity search” I’m not asking you to play dentist.

    MAIDY: For years we made do with Flintmobiles.

    BOXER: Paco will need these Flying Aces goggles.

  35. 63mago too late as always4:36 AM, June 09, 2008

    Somewhere under all that shit the gold is hidden ...

  36. MAGO: You’ve done something different but I can’t quite put my finger on it …

    Is it your hair?

  37. I'd love to be a bitchy flight attendant. Love it, love it, love it. It's expected behind that sweet smile and small drop of cola that there is an evil bitch lurking...

    That would be me.

  38. DIVA: Here's your contract.

    Sign right here.

  39. Looks like I've found a flight crew for Infomaniac Airlines:

    Pilots in India often fail alcohol tests