Monday, June 09, 2008

Where’s My Peanuts, Dammit?

Yesterday, there weren’t enough applicants for the position of flight attendant on Infomaniac Airlines.

Therefore, I’ve had to serve the passengers myself. The drunks, the screaming children, the bottom pinchers, the airsick, those up in arms because the peanuts aren’t free anymore …the list goes on.

I’m failing at this job miserably as I don’t possess the patience necessary to deal with people and their constant whining and complaining.

It’s time for me to go back to headquarters where I can put my feet up on my desk and boss people around.

Do you have any tales you’d like to get off your chest about dealing with the great unwashed, er, I mean the public? Whether it’s through work or public transit or just dealing with people in general?

Go on. Give us a good rant. It’s Monday.


  1. Yay! First!

    I'll come back later once I get home from work - I'm bound to have tales of fury to disclose then.

  2. I am not allowed to deal with the public.
    I cant understand why
    What with my winning personality an all

  3. IVD: You have all day to stew.

    And later spew.

    BEAST: Are you saying you regret the day you littered the town with your “CALL NOW FOR HOT BUM SEX” cards?

  4. Oooh! Those cards belong to Beast? I *knew* I should have picked one up out of the gutter and framed it!

  5. Why the hell do I come here? Oh, right, I love you. Christ. Someone smack me!

    You are such an insulting little bitch. But I guess that's what makes you special. Right? Of course I'm laughing. What? You think this is simple? Hey, I'm dealing with lots of shit right now, so cut me some slack honey!

    I'm taking a break. I'll see you on the other en of mesg erlte

  6. Give me a couple of hours back at work and I'll be able to write endless sagas on the topic

  7. T-BIRD: Never mind the cards.

    You should have picked BEAST up out of the gutter.

    SUZANNE: “mesg erlte”…

    Say what?

    You stop blogging for a few days at least, young lady. Doctor’s orders.

    Don’t make me come over there with my nurse’s uniform and thermometer.

    CYBERPOOF: Right now I imagine you’re still on a Kylie high so I don’t want to bring you down.

  8. You are so correct, I'm definately on a Kylie high.

    While I'm flying high with KM Air would you be a dear and get me some peanuts?

  9. CYBERPOOF: Get your own damn peanuts.

    *flings soiled flight attendant uniform at CyberPoof*

    It will look better on you anyway.

  10. I'll put that on tomorrow after you've washed it.

    Hope it's ok with you that I wear my 7 inch stilettos with that.

  11. If I started ranting/whining/bitching about my dealings with the general public on a DAILY basis, I would never stop. I would fill your entire comment box with story after story of stupid people who call and ask stupid questions.

    Great. The phone is ringing. Again.

    Let me be the Flight Attendent. If anyone gives me lip I'd flatten them.

  12. Only 7 inches? I'm shocked.

    Surprisingly, I've had a rather good day. Although one of the more delightful 'Customers' that I spoke to today had earlier told a colleague to 'eat shit'.
    How my colleague kept a straight face, I don't know. I would've burst out laughing!

  13. I know IDV, but consider I'll be on a plane in turbulence. Most likely. Also taking into consideration that MJ isn't known for going all out so imagine the plane.

    Could be holes in the floor and one wouldn't want spilling stuff down the crotch of some middleaged woman.

  14. I only regretted it when the vicar found out it was me that put his phone numbers on the leaflets.
    Honestly these clerics have absolutley NO sense of humour and know some langauge that I would imagine constitutes at least one dealy sin !

  15. I didn't know there were any job openings on Infomanic Airlines or I would have applied for the Mile High Club...I was off-line all weekend. Here's my rant about the stinky public: Public Transporation Stinks

  16. CyberPetra, I'm thinking the plane will be a cardboard box with a couple of chickens sellotaped to the sides...

  17. ... with Short Round saying "No more life jacket Meester Jone!"

  18. The public? You mean that screaming besoffene verdammte Arschlöcher in the city? There is "Weinfest" (public drinking, pissing and vomiting), there is this stupid ball-games-nonsense public viewing included, what adds to said gulping and vomiting the use of horns and noise-making-device - the scum is always rising.
    Hopefully they beat each other to shit and run over each others with their flag-decorated cars. The surviving should be drowned in the river.

  19. id like to be in charge of those waiting to join the mile high club...

  20. oh... you wanted a rant on this one eh?

    i fucking hate getting the wrong parts... from kentucky. try and rationalize with a person from kentucky. go ahead and lemme know how far that gets you... and see if the next time your parts from them are correct either...

  21. eh I have a whole blog dedicated to my winging and moaning.....seems like i'd be taking the piss if I started on here too......

  22. I think one of the worst things is when you have identical twins and some stupid fuck comes up and asks you, "Are they twins?" No, this one was more two minutes before his brother. Gesh, here's your sign moron.

  23. When my delivery arrived from the grocery store today, the fudgsicles were all melted. Miserable bastards.

  24. CYBERPOOF: You’ll wash it for me.

    BOXER: I suggest you leave the phone off the hook for the day.

    Or, speaking of hooks, give ‘em your right hook.

    IVD: Nobody in the work world can hurt me with name-calling because you bitches have called me every name under the sun and I thank you for that.

    CYBERPOOF: If you intend to spill anything down crotches, I’d like to know what it is because maybe I’ll order what they’re having.

    BEAST: That “Vicar of Dibley” show led us all astray thinking they DID have a sense of humour.

    RANDOM: You have just described the public transit system in MY city.

    Honestly, they must all be the same.

    By the way, one day I’ll be posting about it and that’s where I’ll tell you that one day I got on the bus, smelled the most foul stench, and yelled out, “OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE!” and got off at the next stop.

  25. IVD: So you think my plane is a “cardboard box with a couple of chickens sellotaped to the sides.”?

    Ha ha. You won’t think it’s so funny when we have to make an emergency landing on water and the cardboard goes soggy!

    T-BIRD: Hang on lady, we going for a ride!

    MAGO: And that attitude is precisely why you’re the man for the Customs job.

    VOICES: I tried to rationalize with someone from West Virginia once.

    Is it the same thing?

    MANUEL: I thought you might be able to advise me on the bum pinchers.

    CECILE: Same people who ask overweight women when is their due date.

    LEAH: Welcome to Infomaniac!

    I’ve seen you ‘round at Voices’ and Beasts’ and Random’s and more.

    Please let me know which blog is your main blog.

    Is it Weather? Or Swap?

  26. Tales of the public, I am fresh out of. Tales of the pubic, now that's another story.

  27. CHAMP: Tales of the pubic?

    Go on, then.


  28. I think you already know...puking midgets, horny transvestites, greasy long haired drunken wankers, rich stay at home jewish housewives, overly emotional gay guys on ecstasy, chain smoking "persian" "hard" "men"....I have dealt with them all and more. You have to laugh don't ya?

    i fucking hate getting the wrong parts... from kentucky. try and rationalize with a person from kentucky. go ahead and lemme know how far that gets you... and see if the next time your parts from them are correct either...

    Me too!! You ask for wings, they give you fucking drumsticks, you ask for original breasts, the fuckers give you crispy thighs. How difficult can it be? There are only 4 parts to choose from...retards.

  29. Hello again MJ--my blog is Weather. Drop by anytime. The swap one is my compulsion for handmade dishcloths and such. I might give that one a pass if I were you...

  30. EDDIE: Oh how you regaled us with tales of transsexual midgets and later, motel hell.

    But I’m also enjoying the new Eddie Waring who speaks of sweaty arse cracks and sex with Swiss cheese.

    Always entertaining.

    LEAH: Thanks for the invite.

    We all have compulsions.

    Eddie’s is transsexual midgets.

    Yours is handmade dishcloths.

    All are welcome here at Infomaniac.


    *taps ear and says something under breath while motioning to unseen ninjas in the dark to pee in planters and remove all the old man porn from hard drives*

    just sayin, jeeeze....

  32. VOICES: I've more old men in the closet, willing to pose.

    If you're going to pee, use the Roadbag, not the planters.