Thursday, June 19, 2008

Footloose




Running shoe-clad feet continue to wash up on the shores of the west coast of Canada.

Yet another human foot has been discovered; the sixth to float ashore on British Columbia’s coast since last August.

Five are right feet and one is a left foot.

The feet’s owners have yet to be identified.

Police have not ruled out foul play and are not certain if the incidents are connected or not.

Theories abound but no one has the answer to these perplexing cases.

Therefore we must turn the mystery over to you ... Infomaniac's readers.

What’s going on?




News story here.

44 comments:

  1. Yay! First!

    I think some amphibious creature is attacking unsuspecting runners, devouring them but spitting out the feet because it doesn't like the taste of rubber, dog shit if the runners had trod in some..

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  2. There's s'posed to be an 'or' between rubber and dog shit.

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  3. IVD: Amphibious creature?

    Maybe it’s Ogopogo!

    As for your crap grammar, don’t backpedal as I know you were trying to say rubber dog shit.

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  4. I need some new trainers , can you let me know when they get a matching pair , I wil toddle along and claim them from lost property.
    I have my suspicions miss MJ ....who do we know with a hatred of ugly shoes hmmmmmmmm

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  5. BEAST: I don’t know about all the shoe sizes but so far there’s a couple of size 12s, a 10 and a 10 ½.

    But that’s Canadian sizing.

    You’ll have to use this handy online shoe size conversion chart to see if they’ll fit you.

    Ugly shoes?

    Are you pointing the toe at me?!

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  6. The 10 1/2 might just fit , we will just have to wait till the other one washes up.

    No one blames you Miss MJ , an evenings dogging on the shore , jacked up on chocolate and freebasing cheese. A muscular young man out for his evening jog , Flaunting himself in those short shorts , well he is just asking for it ,
    A quick thwack to the back of the old noodles, drag the now compliant hunk off to the bushes to get 'better aquainted' and then as the passion peaks your eyes wander down the muscular thighs to those 'UGLY TRAINERS'.
    One can only imagine how the ugly shoe anger builds and explodes , you have to teach them a lesson
    Its only natural.
    Once Miss MJ is calm , there is just few body parts to lob into the sea and then all is normal , balance has been restored
    UNTIL THE NEXT FULL MOON
    MWA HA HA HA HA

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  7. Frankenstein has worn out his feet playing hopscotch...thus, the need to replace them frequently.

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  8. convict at work3:27 AM, June 19, 2008

    Heather Mills is looking for a new husband?

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  9. *Puts on tight jeans and starts dancing Kevin Bacon style*

    Been working so hard
    I'm punching my card
    Eight hours. For what?
    Oh, tell me what I got
    I've got this feeling
    That time's still holding me down
    I'll hit the ceiling
    Or else I'll tear up this town
    Now I gotta cut

    *Loose, footloose
    Kick off your Sunday shoes
    Please, Louise
    Pull me offa my knees
    Jack, get back
    C'mon before we crack
    Lose your blues
    Everybody cut footloose

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  10. Oh dear, the pesky pirates of the South China Sea have been chopping off feet again. They drift on the ocean currents.

    Never fear MJ, the RCMP are on the case and nobody needs to worry eh.

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  11. After 3 weeks away I come over here looking for naked old gits and all I get is feet.
    Never mind it's Friday tomorrow.

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  12. I can't help you with the feet but I have a freezer full of hands.

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  13. BEAST: Normally Mistress MJ would be the one giving YOU the thwack to the thighs (notice I did not say “muscular” thighs) for even suggesting such a thing.

    However, I recently bumped into an old paramour who invited me for a drink.

    I considered one-for-the-road for old time’s sake (a drink not a boink) but looked down to find him wearing socks with sandals.

    Big wooly socks with sandals.

    Can you imagine my horror?

    At that point my conversation with him ended abruptly and I bade him a final farewell.

    SOCKS WITH SANDALS!

    Come to think of it, he was a size 10.

    EROS: I’m not so sure that was part of Mary Shelley’s vision.

    CONNIE: Is it a coincidence that yesterday was Paul McCartney’s 66th birthday and another foot was found AND that Heather Mills is husband hunting?

    She won’t have a leg to stand on in court.

    Stop me before I make another Heather Mills joke.

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  14. EROS: You weren’t kidding about those tight jeans.

    I can tell your religion.

    And you’re singing falsetto.

    GARFY: The Mounties always get their Manolo.

    KAZ: Welcome back from the Costa!

    Didn’t you see enough naked men in Spain?

    We were certain you’d found a cabana boy and had run off for good.

    BBB: You’re quite the handyman.

    I won’t bail you out of jail you know.

    It’ll cost you an arm and a leg for a lawyer.

    PIGGY: Cocksicles.

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  15. Seems the last load of concrete for the mob was of poor quality ...

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  16. *snigger* at eroswings Footloose rendition.

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  17. dang, I read that. notice they never said if it represented six DIFFERENT individuals or three. or one guy with six feet. who you would think people would miss, although apparently not if he lived in Canada. yes, one centipede-humanoid mutant cheese harvesting slave from the provincial clone farm goes missing and nobody says diddly squat. typical.

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  18. Hel-LO!

    News Flash...
    Canada has converted to the Metric system so I believe that you should have stated that TWO running shoe-clad METRES have washed up on shore.

    Honestly!

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  19. The more I look at that pic, the more I think I'd love a pair of shoes just like those.

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  20. MAGO: Are you blaming shoddy Canadian workmanship?

    T-BIRD: If you liked that, you should hear Eros belt out, “Let’s Hear it for the Boy”.

    NATIONS: A centipede-humanoid mutant would add another level of interest to this story, it’s true.

    But what would really have made me sit up and take notice is if all the feet were wearing go-go boots.

    I’m just thankful they weren’t wearing Crocs.

    DONN: Metric?

    I still haven’t adapted to “the new math”!

    PIGGY: This footwear is more suitable for you.

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  21. Erm, isn't it fairly obvious?

    It's all these kids and their constant thrill seeking. First it's smoking, then it's drinking quickly followed by drugs, sex, joy riding, happy slapping and now they're whipping their feet off and chucking them in the sea.

    As for the strange right foot/ left foot disparity; there's always some poor kid that doesn't know which is the cool one and which isn't.

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  22. Naah, it's a new generation ... no more experience in craftmanship, no more proud in good work: It goes just bang slam blubb overboard. Nobody takes time. Concrete has to dry! Nobody uses barrels anymore. It's a shame.

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  23. Maybe some joggers were running by and lost their footing.

    I think its a college prank, go to the campasses and see if they all have their feet.

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  24. I've been hearing about this on the radio and what I find funny is the BC Police have said "they haven't ruled out homicide". WTF? 6 feet? Are they falling off of people???

    Icky picture. I love it.

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  25. I suppose they should start looking for the people who 'lost' them, no?

    Maybe they have called the bus company

    "Hi, this is really embarrassing, but I've seemed to misplaced my running shoe clad left foot on the M11. If you recover it, could you please call me? Thanks, bye"

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  26. HERGE: Kids these days.

    Although it sounds like you’ve just described Herge Smith’s typical day in Brighton.

    Can we look forward to a video clip?

    MAGO: Maybe they wanted to leave their footprints in the wet concrete à la Grauman’s Chinese Theater in Hollywood.

    KNUDSEN: The college kids used to dangle a Volkswagen Beetle from the bridge as their annual prank.

    If this shoe business is their idea of fun, they’ve lost their innocence and are no longer the merry pranksters of yore.

    BOXER: The quote from the police is, "This might take a long time. This is not CSI."

    CYBERPOOF: I don’t know what GPS device you’re using but if I were you, I’d return it for a refund because you’ve veered a few thousand km off track.

    There are no “M” routes in these parts.

    I think you may be on your way to the Docklands.

    Say hello to IVD while you’re there.

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  27. Actually I think the M11 is a bus route in New York?

    I won't be going to the Docklands for at least a few more months.

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  28. C'mon you guys...haven't you heard? It's a new weight loss fad here in the U.S. The Celebs started doing it at first, then they realized that they actually needed their feet for their fancy-dancy designer shoes on the red carpet...but us peons picked up on it...except we don't have assitants who can properly dispose of our feet, we had to just fling them in the ocean. Sorry to our Canadian neighbors about that...OOPS!

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  29. If this was happening in Florida then we would know that it would be Cubans manipulating the 'wet foot/dry foot' clause in the Immigration Laws...
    hey it's a helluvalot easier to get a leg up if you already have one foot in the door!

    But it's Canada? I mean Bin Laden could immigrate here if he applied...

    I'm 'stumped'.

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  30. I thought more in the direction of Johnny Roselli ...

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  31. CYBERPOOF: New York?

    You’re still on the wrong side of the continent.

    Shove that GPS thingy up your arse.

    RANDOM: Typical wasteful Americans.

    But did you know we send our trash to you?

    At its peak in 2003, Toronto shipped 142 truckloads of waste per day to Michigan until the “Stop Canadian Trash” agreement went into effect.

    DONN: Well now I know where you “stand” on the issue.

    You really put your best foot forward with that theory.

    MAGO: And they never found Jimmy Hoffa.

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  32. Canada isn't familiar with DNA? It isn't as if water erases it. Jeasus Christ. This isn't that complicated. Don't make me come up there.

    XO

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  33. Whoops, got side tracked! I came here to tell you that Just Bob wrote a hell of a post. Way too funny. You'll love it!

    XO

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  34. So will a lot of your friends. Well, I think Bob has a whole new fan base!!!

    XO

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  35. PRU: We're ankle-deep in it now.

    SUZANNE: "Don't make me come up there."

    What are you going to do?

    Put your foot down?

    You just came here early looking for Filthy Friday, didn't you?

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  36. Hey, where's Filthy Friday anyway? I don't like feet, so I really don't have much input for this one. I did slice up a necrotic big toe and culture it today though. It made me want to hurl. FEET!!! YUCK!!!!

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  37. OOOH! So that's what that smell is? I never knew! Thanks for clearing that up for me, MJ! I can sleep soundly tonight.

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  38. The theme music for the Newscast is by a 70s Canadian Rock Band,
    A Foot In Cold Water,
    I kid you not!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Foot_in_Coldwater

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  39. CECILE: Filthy Friday will be posted after your little "ankle biters" are in bed.

    RANDOM: Nothing like a little trash talk before bed.

    DONN: Don’t they have one foot in the grave by now?

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  40. Along with some Billionaires, BC had a large number of Hong Kong gang members emigrate there when the Commies took over Hong Kong from the Brits.

    Chopping off feet is a time honored custom among said gangsters.

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  41. TROLL: They’re still killing each other off on a regular basis so the violence hasn’t “run” its course yet.

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  42. See - THAT was done right. Old school.

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