Infomaniac will, from time to time, seek out the perviest perverts and parade them pantless in front of you, the judge and jury.
THE PERV: An unnamed naked vicar, in his 50s.
THE PLACE: Yorkshire, England.
THE PERVERSION: The vicar underwent surgery to have a potato removed from his arse.
The clergyman insisted he had not been playing a sex game.
Nurse Trudi Watson of Sheffield Northern General Hospital said: “He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been hanging curtains naked in the kitchen when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and on to a potato."
For more examples of foreign bodies that have “accidentally” been inserted up arseholes, please refer to Infomaniac’s “Shove It Up Yer Arse” post.
Why was the good Father naked in the kitchen?
ReplyDeleteThere are easier ways to mash potatoes!
Thank goodness they were able to exorcise the demonic potato that possessed the holy man's a$$!
The good vicar was testing his RONCO Butt-O-Matic® Potato Peeler!
ReplyDeleteEROS: Isn’t one Naked Chef in Britain enough?
ReplyDeleteXL: Followed by a good rubdown with his Tater Mitts™!
what the potato greased?
ReplyDeletejust wondering.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteBOXER: "You know it's a good recipe if it starts with a stick of butter."
ReplyDelete-- Paula Deen.
I could see how that could happen. He should have been a priest not a vicar.
ReplyDeleteOne potato
ReplyDeleteTwo potato
Three potato
Sit!
KNUDSEN: Isn't it time that vicars had as much fun as priests?
ReplyDeleteJOE: Where did you grow up?
I don't remember that game on the playground.
I'm sure they've heard their fair share of explanations like that.
ReplyDeletePoor dear has nothing else to play with after the alter boys were made off limit.
There seem to be an awful lot of perverts in Yorkshire?
ReplyDeleteActually, I don't know why I'm surprised...
Probably Piggy's local priest , trying out Piggy's revolutionary way of 'mashing' potatoes
ReplyDeleteThe second picture looks more Yorkshire sized.
ReplyDeleteNever accidentally...
ReplyDeleteSx
Was it a new potato or an old one - there is a considerable difference in size! I think it was prob. a "King Edward" or "Maris Piper"
ReplyDeleteIt's better he plays the tuber than a choir boy.
ReplyDeleteDear Mistress MJ, regarding the position you mentioned and the proposal you made - I am interested and feel flattered. Besides from taking care and caring for your utmost satisfaction, what would my obligations also include? Is there a special clothing order set? Do I have access to all possible rooms of interest? I am sure we can find a pleasing arrangement both sides can happily participate.
ReplyDeleteYours sincerely Mago
He was only attempting to starch his drawers.
ReplyDeleteCYBERPOOF: Why don’t we hear more about Danish pervs?
ReplyDeleteIVD: The nation is crawling in Filthy Yorkshiremen.
BEAST: Remember their church group “The Mongs”?
Website no longer available but I recall that they referred to me as “The Devil’s Whore”.
KAZ: As I’m a foreigner, you’ll have to educate me on such matters.
SCARLET: Mistress MJ is amused by the fact that it is mostly men who have these sort of “accidents”.
FROBI: Maris Pipers are the perfect “wedge” potato!
ReplyDeleteTICKERS: Wait ‘til you hear him play the tuber solo on "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida".
MAGO: One step at a time.
First of all, tell me why you’re well suited for the position.
Frankly, I don’t think you want it badly enough.
GEOFF: VicHAR!
There once was a vicar from Kew,
Who preached with his vestments askew,
A woman named Morgan,
Caught sight of his organ,
And promptly passed out in her pew.
I shove all kinds of things up my arse, my taste in clothes, music and films.
ReplyDeleteBecause we aren't pervy over here.
ReplyDeleteWe are pure as snow.
And who is the victim in all of this? Why that poor potato! I certainly hope that potato gets some counseling!!!
ReplyDeleteThere once was a vicar named Cole
ReplyDeleteWho liked to stick spuds up his hole
For one up the bum
Doth maketh one cum
And it's good for mind, body, and soul
It always annoys me when I fall on foreign objects. I recently fell on a Zulu.
ReplyDeleteMAXI: I don’t doubt you have potato breath as well.
ReplyDeleteCYBERPOOF: I’m surprised you haven’t been asked to leave the country.
RANDOM: Sadly, the trauma has turned it into a couch potato.
GEOFF: Inspired!
Add this one to your poetry blog.
The one that says, “A poem a week? It's sure looking bleak!”
This is the perfect update!
CHAMP: That wouldn’t have happened if your Head of Security (Beast!) had been pulling his weight.
these chips I'm eating taste funny..........
ReplyDeletegah...
ReplyDelete"want fries with that?"
Because I'm an angel
ReplyDeleteTONY: Hold on….YOU’RE a Yorkshireman.
ReplyDeleteDid this make headlines in the Pennines?
VOICES: Don’t ask for fries in Ohio.
CYBERPOOF: The Devil made you say that.
*gags at ohio stunt man*
ReplyDeletei guess one could say the vicar wished he wouldnt have supersized his order...
VOICES: *wonders if he enjoyed a Big Gulp on the side*
ReplyDeleteYuck. Just yuck.
ReplyDeleteT-BIRD: Yuck?
ReplyDeleteThat makes a change from your usual “ewwww”.
perhaps the person "taking the order" misunderstood "for here please" as "in the rear please"
ReplyDeleteIf you follow the Willy Pics link on me blog you can find a nice photo of a willy potato!
ReplyDeleteI have your ma breath.
ReplyDeleteThe vegetables rendered me temporarily speechless. Oddly, much worse than malformed human genitalia. That first, red fellow popped unbidden into my head when I was in the voting booth today.
ReplyDeleteVOICES: yuk,yuk,yuk.
ReplyDeleteMUTLEY: Help me find the willy pics.
There is so much going on over there from Smutfest to A Pocket Guide to Wildflowers.
MAXI: No. Yer ma.
LEAH: I’m pleased to have been part of your electoral process.
"Du bist 'n babe, ich will Dein Badewasser saufen"
ReplyDeleteUnknown 80s German "rapper"
MAGO: Before you can drink my bathwater you must draw me a bath.
ReplyDeleteTemperatur may reach from "warm" to "peel skin"
ReplyDeleteIngredients? Oil, salt, diverse scents and tastes like roses, violets, grasses, lemon and citron or maybe you prefer wooden tones?
The treatment after is very important. A soft massage from head to toe and back with oil and or without moisterizer. Soft and warm rags and bathrobes, a comfy chair or a recamiere. Takes some time but it may make you feel happy.
(No, I am no masseur.)