Sunday, November 02, 2008

Drunk of the Day

Welcome to another installment of Drunk of the Day.

Here we shall examine the wacky hijinks that folk get up to under the influence of alcohol.

Before we get started, let it be known that Mistress MJ secretly longs to drive a Zamboni but she is most likely to go off the boards like this woman…

THE DRUNK: Unnamed female Zamboni driver, age 34.

THE DISTRICT: Kingsville, Ontario, Canada. (approximately 35 kilometres southwest of Windsor, Ontario.)

THE DEED: The woman was charged with impaired driving after she was seen operating a Zamboni erratically at an arena, hitting the boards and falling asleep, slumped over the wheel.

A number of citizens told police, "I think the Zamboni driver is drunk."

The police sergeant observed the driver operating the machine in an erratic manner and missing large portions of the ice surface.

Police reported that she was found to have a flask of vodka in her front pants pocket.

THE DENOUEMENT: The woman is scheduled to appear in court in December on charges of impaired driving and having a blood alcohol level over 80 milligrams.

And in other Zamboni-related news, Republican vice-presidential candidate and hockey mom Sarah Palin claims that she “always wanted a son named Zamboni.”


  1. I like how the Zamboni® is tricked out with fancy chrome wheels!

  2. I thought she'd want her son to be named Puck. Or maybe that's too white trash?

    The zambone driver didn't keep her flask in her front bottom? Isn't that where IVD keeps his gin?

  3. I would if I had one, 'Petra. Which I don't.

    Track Palin looks like he's a little bit (OK, a lot) poofy in that Daily Mail photo. Is no one manning the door of our exclusive club anymore? It seems anyone's allowed to join.

  4. I remember I was so drunk that I got up to my balls in trouble.

    But enough about yer ma.

  5. I quite fancy doing the sweeping for a curling team. You've got to keep that ice in pristine condition.

  6. XL: I forgot the ®!

    Eroswings and Boxer have nothing on you.

    They're not even awake yet!

    CYBERPOOF: She kept the vodka flask in her “pants” which will make the Brits titter as “pants” means “underpants” in the UK but means “trousers” here in Canada.

    Let’s not get started on the word “fanny” and it’s cross-cultural confusion.

    IVD: Is Track Palin gay?

    This guy thinks so.

    MAXI: Leave me Ma out of it, ya mucksavage.

    GEOFF: You could join the Men With Brooms.

  7. What....????!!! Sarah Palin. OMG. Completely potty. I need a drink....and a lie down.

  8. Who you calling a mucksavage, ya dirtbird?

  9. Yes I did think 'pants' meant 'knickers'! Sadly, I found the fact that she kept a bottle of vodka stashed in her knickers perfectly acceptable. I've done it. Haven't we all?

  10. Sarah Palin had 2 chances to name a son Zamboni. What was she waiting for? Wouldn't have been any more unusual than her other choices.

    I seriously hope Track is gay. It might make that rigid fundamentalist bitch rethink her narrow life view.

  11. i fucking loved it!!!! great one!!!!

    i always wanted to date a zamboni driver!!! well at least one date...

  12. SCARLET: It’s always an open bar here at Infomaniac.

    Help yourself but mind you don’t trip over Beast.

    MAXI: Ahgobollocks.

    SCARLET: See my avatar.

    PEEVISH: Tell us how you really think.

    Vote early.

    DAISY: You can have your way with me once I’ve got the job.

  13. i'll drink to that, sugar..whatever it is! i think drink is the only thing getting me through this move! xoxox

  14. Donald's nephews are called Tick, Trick and Track in the German edition.
    I do not follow these American nonsense too closely, but IS this lady really that stupid?

  15. SAVANNAH: You know that drink is the answer.

    You just can't remember the question.

    MAGO: Yes.

  16. Just checking to see how many punsters made reference to the BON in Zamboni.

    I'll bet the inventor's nickname was Boner..oh much?

  17. COPPENS: We posted comments at the same time.

    You snuck up from behind with that boner!

  18. If she's named him Track or Puck, same difference.

    He looks good though, I'm still confused how they let him join. They should exclude him just because of his name.


  20. Where are the rest of yer posts? its IBD. Palin maybe stupid but I'd bang that yoke.

  21. FROBI: I haven’t seen your pigeon but I’ll enlist the help of the others tomorrow on Blogging Roundup.

    CYBERPOOF: If it had been twins she could have called them Track and Field.

    BEAST: I picture you driving a BIG WHEEL.

    KNUDSEN: Unlike you, I am not the World’s Greatest Blogger and cannot be expected to churn out 17 posts in one day just because it is International Blogging Day.

    I’ll leave that to the Pros.

  22. The next two will be Puck and Zamboni?

  23. Sarah, Condoleezza, Catwomen. Why are all the pretty ladies evil?

  24. please tell me tickersoid is joking.

  25. I wanna drink from that bottle!

  26. Is it really International Blogging Day or did Knudesn make that up?

    Says who?

  27. I've decided to try writing the lamest f*cking comment ever...
    here goes..

    Sam Boneknee of Zanzibar invented the Zamboni on Zantac.

    Wow that was easy!

  28. I've never driven a Zamboni, or even really wanted to, but I do know how to drive a tractor... it's sooooo boring going round and round a field cutting hay though. No alcohol was involved either - needed to stay in one piece, thanks. Perhaps the Zamboni would be more fun...

    I've always wanted to operate a backhoe - I think digging big holes in the earth with one of those puppies would be way cool!

    Okay, so maybe I am not normal. Whatever!

  29. Donn, that really IS f*cking lame!

  30. BITCHES: I don't have time to answer the rest of you personally. Try to get here earlier FFS.

    I'm working on Monday's Blogging Roundup and I'm behind schedule.

    Ponygirl, stop tormenting Donnnnn and Mago, stick THIS in your mouth.

  31. p.s. to Ponygirl...

    First Nations is jonesing for a backhoe too. It was on her blog within the past couple of weeks. Look for yourself. Do I have to do everything around here?

  32. MJ, what is it I am supposed to stick in my mouth? Your linky thing didn't work. Does it taste good, or involve some kind of pleasure?

    And what did I say to torment Mago? Does he dig chicks who operate heavy machinery???

  33. Well, I suppose if I lived in the boondocks and froze my a$$ off at work everyday, I'd be a drunk, too.

  34. LMAO ! Yes, Heff loved his taco !

  35. HEFF: Are you still drunk?

    I believe this comment was meant for our Blogging Roundup post.