Tuesday, July 01, 2008

CANADA DAY

Today is Canada Day, Canada’s national holiday.




Remember that Planet Oz post where we examined what makes Australians a unique people?

Infomaniac will employ a similar outline to show you foreigners what makes Canada such a great nation.

Let’s get started, shall we? Observe and learn.




Our houses are well-insulated against the cold Canadian winters…






We have an efficient transit system…


Snowshoes




The snowmobile or “Ski-Doo”




Laugh at our funny fashion sense…


Canadian hockey commentator Don Cherry, known for his sartorial statements.





Sample our Canadian cuisine…


Poutine: The Canadian holy trinity of fries, gravy and cheese curds.




Kraft Dinner: A staple of the Canadian diet, I’ve gone on at length about “KD” here.




Fiddleheads




Beaver Tails





Nun's Farts




Maple Syrup




Nanaimo Bars





Butter Tarts




Canada is the donut capital of the world.




Get buzzed on our hooch…


Screech




We’re a nation of sportsmen…







A land of unique and fascinating wildlife…


Marmot




Musk Oxen




Moose



Yes, most of our wildlife starts with the letter “m”.



But let’s not forget our national symbol, the beaver…






Our towns have names that make us titter…



Dildo, Newfoundland




Come By Chance, Newfoundland



Punkeydoodles Corners, Ontario





We have funny money…



The Loonie is our one dollar coin, so named because it bears the image of a loon on one side.



Our two dollar Canadian coin? Yup, it’s called the Toonie.



The rest of our bills look like this…






Every Canadian has a wad of Canadian Tire Money stuffed into his wallet…


Canadian Tire Money can be used to buy automotive products and camping equipment and caulking guns and lots more crap at the Canadian Tire store.




We’re a land of manly men…


WW and Donn…ROWR!



And buxom babes…


MJ



and


Pamela Anderson turns 41 on Canada Day. . Her age has finally caught up to her bust size.




Our telly shows us the way we are…


Trailer Park Boys




Our leaders, just like yours, are buffoons…


Prime Minister Stephen Harper




Our police are on horseback…


Dances with hooves: The Royal Canadian Mounted Police ‘Musical Ride’ is a spectacle showcasing the equestrian skills of the Mounties.




We have a lot of big stuff (future post on Canada’s big roadside attractions to come)...


The Wawa Goose in Wawa, Ontario


Yes, that’s a Canada Goose which, as you may know, produces big droppings…







And now let’s play you out with Stompin’ Tom Connors (popular Canadian folk singer) singing The Good Old Hockey Game…



Stompin’ Tom and hockey. It doesn’t get any more Canadian than that, folks.





THE END

76 comments:

  1. Nice Canadian Honkers you've got MJ.

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  2. What a way to start and end a post, God bless Canada! oh and Blogjinx as I just mentioned the film Slapshot today.

    So do you buy chaulk often?

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  3. BOB: Nice of you to say so because not everyone appreciates the much maligned Canada Goose.

    KNUDSEN: I keep my caulking gun fully loaded.

    I like to make sure the caulk gets into all the cracks and crevices.

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  4. Absolutely LMAO, MJ! Great post - just love it - and yes, I am proud to be a Canadian!

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  5. I think I'll emigrate, I've been practising saying eh and drinking Canadian Club.

    Or perhaps not.

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  6. convict at work4:09 AM, July 01, 2008

    I've been thinking of emigrating to Canada too.

    I've been practicing eating beaver.

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  7. O Canada!

    I luv the Canadian Beaver! It's ability to go down on so much wood is legendary!

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  8. Canada ... a very nice and promising country (except for the food: The sweets are always good but this "fiddleheads" just look awful, whatever that may be I will not touch it): Your post wakes up wanderlust, you did not live without having seen come by chance! Maybe there is the "Wet spot" coffee house?

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  9. PONYGIRL: Welcome to Infomaniac!

    I recognize you via WW and Donn.

    As you can see, the others have sullied my blog with their irreverent comments about our national symbol, the beaver.

    GARFY: Yes but can you order a case of beer?

    It’s called a “two four” here.

    You won’t get a decent cuppa tea and you’ll be hard pressed to find your Tunnocks Tea Cakes.

    CONVICT: Practicing eating beaver?

    Stay where you are until you get it right.

    EROS: Couldn't resist a beaver joke, eh?

    Well YOUR national symbol is bald!

    I’ll knit it a wee tuque, shall I?

    MAGO: Fiddleheads are curled baby fern fronds served with butter and lemon juice. A good source of vitamins A and C.

    G’won. Give ‘em a try.

    We have a White Spot restaurant.

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  10. God Bless Canada & the Canucks

    God Bless BC Biker Bud

    Pancakes for tea

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  11. Do you ever drink Canada Dry?

    And where's the obligatory mention of Lady Celine?

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  12. Happy Canada Day, slag!

    I'm glad you mentioned the beaver. I haven't had chance to eat any Canuck beaver tail but I've had my fair share of the Yankee version.

    The the hotties at the beginning and end of the post.

    As for poutine, I'm actually considering trying it now.

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  13. Breakfast in Canada ... not my favorite ... they got the whole "bacon" thing messed up.

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  14. You had me at HUGE ROADSIDE ATTRACTIONS...

    I know, I'm a dork.

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  15. FROBI: And we have a Marijuana Party.

    GEOFF: I may drink Canada dry this week as I cleared the shelves of hooch in the liquor store, knowing it would be closed on a statutory holiday.

    As for Canada Dry the beverage, it was the ginger ale of choice in the Infomaniac childhood homestead.

    Celine Dion didn’t make the cut. I’ve apologized on behalf of my nation for her in previous posts ‘til I’m blue in the face.

    The Americans are welcome to her.

    MAIDY: It figures that any mention of beaver would bring you out of the closet.

    Don’t eat poutine from any fast food establishments.

    Only from someone with a Québécois background.

    JOE: More details, please.

    Are you referring to Canadian back bacon, per chance?

    DIVA: I am a bigger dork as I have visited many of our roadside attractions AND yours.

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  16. Hm, "Farnwedel" - I thought it to be some disgusting part of a fish or an animal. I like things fresh from the meadows. But that "Tripple O"- burger (worldfamous) also looks good.

    Happy Canada Day! These Maple leafs are all right from front and from behind.

    *Humming O Canada*

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  17. Curiously enough you don't mention that Celine Dion is Canadian.

    Hmmm.

    The Ski-doo looks fun. Did you know there is a boat called a Sea Doo?

    A wealth of maritime information I am. Yes.

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  18. Loved the post MJ!!! Happy Canada Day up Canada Way....

    The maple leaf is flying proudly in my yard today :-)

    And you didn't mention beer, for some strange reason. Maybe you're not such a hoser after all?!

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  19. Forgot to mention - you do have great hooters MJ :-) I'm sure Maidy agrees - being a Yankee beaver eater and all....

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  20. You ARE dedicated to your country... leaving your va-kay to write a post.

    That Moose picture is cracking me up so I'm giving him safe passage to the U.S. You will soon find him fat, wearing sun glasses and living in a trailer park.

    God Bless Canada!

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  21. Crackin post! What an education.

    I'm a bit worried about 2 things-

    1: Fiddleheads - are they vegetarian or living creatures?

    2: The Musk Oxen - a bit scary, but I must have the number of his hair stylist.

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  22. I SAW MJ's BEAVER
    ****runs off sniggering***

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  23. MAGO: “Farnwedel”…sounds like the way I walk after I’ve eaten too many fiddleheads.

    As for the Triple O burger, I am reluctant to eat anything with special sauce that comes from the kitchen of a restaurant nicknamed “Wet Spot”.

    CYBERPOOF: We’ve had quite enough of Celine around here.

    She’s been in Vegas long enough that she’s an American.

    As for the Sea-Doo, they’re made by a Canadian company called Bombardier.

    I prefer a canoe or a kayak myself.

    NWT: I cut out any mention of beer as the post was becoming unmanageably long.

    I had intended to write about how the name of the “Brewer’s Retail” was changed to “Beer Store” to simplify it for the drunks who had difficulty remembering the name “Brewer’s Retail”.

    I never leave my hooters alone in the same room as Maidy.

    That’s just asking for trouble.

    BOXER: Thank you for commenting on my dedication.

    Your postcard (yet another indication of dedication) is in the mail.

    I've no intention of posting anything new tomorrow.

    Or the next day, for that matter.

    KAZ: Fiddleheads are plants. So it could be argued that they’re living creatures.

    The musk oxen’s fur even covers its udder!

    You wouldn’t want to freeze your nipples off in a Canadian winter, now would you?

    BEAST: I’m sure it’s the first beaver you’ve seen all year.

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  24. The musk oxen’s fur even covers its udder!

    I learned something new today, now can I go home?

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  25. Happy Cananda Day!

    I'm glad that you've explained what fiddleheads are - They looked disgustingly like bugs to me.

    And what the hell is that Moose laughing at?

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  26. Love Canadian girl....or should I say girls.

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  27. I learnt something and I laughed.....just like being at school.......minus the hot lady with the lovely bottom.....

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  28. Love the Canada Day post!!

    Beautifully done.

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  29. BOB: Udderly.

    IVD: That’s the look the moose gives you just before he charges.

    MYTOES: Do you have a harem of Canadian girls?

    So many you lost count?

    MANUEL: The educational potential of this blog is sadly overlooked.

    PIXMAKER: Hows tricks, Pix?

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  30. I hope your postcard to me shows that buxom you without the green shorts over your head...

    Vive la (or is it le) Canada!

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  31. WW: La or le?

    If you can't tell the difference between masculine and feminine, you're in for trouble.

    I'd like to be a fly on the wall on your next date.

    Hint: Run away at any sign of an Adam's apple.

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  32. hope you had a good celebration, eh...

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  33. How many Canucks does it take to screw in a light bulb?

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  34. So THAT'S why you put the green shorts over your head -- you couldn't airbrush out the Adam's apple.

    As far as being a fly on the wall for my next date, well, you could be my Cyrano de Bergerac, with breasts.

    "Yep,that's a real woman."

    "Nope, I don't think so..."

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  35. DAISY: It was a sea of flag-waving, red and white clad patriots out there, eating beaver tails and butter tarts.

    TROLL: I'll have to consult the Canadian Electrical Contractors Association and get back to you.

    WW: Cyrano de Bergerac?

    I'm keeping my nose out of this.

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  36. Trailer Park Boys and Ice Maidens. I'm there, dudette.

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  37. As any of you weird Canadians would do MJ.

    Leslie Nielsen is Canadian?

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  38. ISTVANSKI: I don't know if you can watch Trailer Park Boys in Croydon but apparently it's a big hit in Poland.

    Unfortunately, it's censored in the U.S.

    CYBERPOOF: Leslie Nielson is indeed a Canuck.

    The list of Canadian comedians is extensive and as long as your .... arm.

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  39. Heh, how about that.

    They are showing Trailer Park Boys on TV here late Friday night. I thought it was something *ahem* else.

    Boy was I disappointed, and I didn't stick around to see if it was any good.

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  40. I like your post but what on earth is Curd Cheese with gravy? I am going to have to investigate this furtjer...

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  41. DAMN! I'm late again!

    Happy "Belated" Canada Day!

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  42. As long as you've got access to piratebay.org, you can watch anything, anywhere.

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  43. CYBERPOOF: It’s good.

    But you wanted bad.

    MUTLEY: To make poutine, white cheese curds are placed on the fries (chips in the UK) and hot gravy is poured on top.

    I’ve never had good poutine outside the province of Quebec though so you’d be well advised to stay away from it if you see it in Devon.

    RANDOM: We have to get you an alarm clock.

    Or Bloglines.

    ISTVANSKI: Bookmarking now.

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  44. That picture of Stephen Harper never fails to crack me up. So, so awkward.

    Mmm, poutine.

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  45. DINAH: He's an embarrassment to the country.

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  46. I'm so late, I think I'm pregnant. Boy that would suck. Oh crap, I just opened up a big can o worms. Just make them chocolate covered and we'll all be ok. Well, Happy belated Canada Day. I hope you had a nice day.

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  47. CECILE: Yes, you're late, dammit.

    See if I show up on time to your Fourth of July!

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  48. I'm a lot late too - I thought you were on holidays?

    Happy Canada Day!

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  49. T-BIRD: I AM on holidays.

    Didn't you read the fine print in giant letters that said I'd be doing a Canada Day posting?

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  50. Will you do a 4th of July-post too? Hmm, how many countries do we have on this globe?

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  51. I guess it's better late than never. I guess.

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  52. MAGO: No July 4th posting from me as there will be enough flag waving from the American bloggers and I’m just representing the underdogs.

    Perhaps we could celebrate Liechtenstein’s anniversary next.

    CYBERPOOF: How about Gay Trailer Park?

    CECILE: I'll let it go this once.

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  53. You'all have some horrible looking food , the poutine looks nasty , but the Beavers tails looks like the deep fried gusset from a pair of your old knickers......please enlighten us as to what it actually is ????
    Plus the donut is an abomination , they should be filled with jam and dredged in sugar ....anything else is the work of beelzebub and his minions

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  54. That's in August. And it is no underdog but a mobbed up tax-embezzlement-oasis in the middle of Europe. A kind of stain. A little like Monaco, but not as charming.

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  55. I like the muff visible in the top pic.

    Ear muff, that is. How very canadian that cold ears could be repackaged as erotic.

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  56. Fine print is for chumps, MJ! How else do you think I got stuck with Dora for a best friend?

    I didn't realise it'd be a million year contract.

    That chick in the Canada bikini has enviable glutes.

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  57. I knew you couldn't stay away until July 9th. Happy Canada Day.

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  58. BEAST: You can only dream of my deep fried gusset.

    Beaver tails? They’re deep-fried dough sprinkled with powdered sugar and cinnamon.

    Good with maple syrup and whipped cream too.

    Why don’t you consider serving them at Café C?

    MAGO: Being the size of a postage stamp, I thought Liechtenstein a good choice but I see the error of my ways.

    Rather than an underdog, it’s a yappy little dog.

    KAPI: We do whatever we can with the resources at hand.

    With competition like the sexy Italians and the romantic French, how can we possibly compete except to don earmuffs?

    T-BIRD: You are Dora’s bitch for life.

    I wonder if she’s leaving the panther painting to you in her will.

    RICH: I said in the GIGANTIC fine print that I’d be posting on Canada Day.

    I’m convinced you lot only look at the pictures.

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  59. Oh now I just must watch Dude Suck My Dick....

    Me loves those spoofs

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  60. Have you woken up from a Kraft Dinner and donut induced coma yet?

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  61. if canada is so great HOW COME THE ENTIRE POPULATION IS HERE??? this never ceases to amaze me! yay, a canadian holiday! LETS ALL GO TO AMERICA TO CELEBRATE EH?! LETS ALL GO TO WALMART AND CIRCLE AROUND THE PARKING LOT THREE OR FOUR HUNDRED TIMES EH?! DO SOME SHOPLIFTING! TRY ON A BUNCH OF PANTS AND THEN HANG THEM BACK UP ON THE RACKS FULLA SKIDDIES, EH?!
    *sneaks across border and loots abandonded cheese stockpiles*

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  62. CYBERPOOF: I like to turn the sound off when watching gay porn and make up my own dialogue.

    AWA: More like a rum cocktail coma.

    I may or may not post again before my vacation is over.

    Hard to say at this point.

    *lapses back into coma*

    NATIONS: Stay away from our cheese stockpiles but help yourself to the cheese curds.

    You can make your own poutine.

    Your pants are of inferior quality and are not good enough for my delicate posterior.

    Also, I find the gussets rather abrasive.

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  63. That's hilarious!

    You must do that and record it and email it to me.

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  64. I seem to remember that you posted that same pic of the lass in the Canadian bikini and the boots last Canada Day. It's my understanding that the day is intended to thank the British for creating Canada and for nurturing it through it's childhood into the fine country that it is today. If you really want to thank the British or at least one of us, please send me more pictures of her preferably without the bikini. If you don't have any more pictures of her, then I suppose I will make do with some candid shots of yourself.

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  65. http://www.spiegel.de/international/europe/0,1518,563874,00.html
    Maybe that is of some interest for you, maybe not. Personally I think they carry them ladies the wrong way, but who am I to discuss such a sport?

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  66. CYBERPOOF: You may not find it so funny when I reveal to you that I make one character (the poofiest one) speak with a Danish accent.

    I call him Pete.

    EDDIE: Where the hell have YOU been?

    I'm on my way out for the evening but will check your blog tomorrow to see if you've finally updated.

    And I used that maple leaf bikini pic in this posting NOT my last Canada Day posting, thank you very much for reminding us all that I may recycle photos from time to time.

    Because of your insolence, I shant be sending you any pics of bikini woman nor of me, for that matter.

    MAGO: Those wacky Finns.

    And to think it’s gone worldwide!

    I’m not heavy enough to make it worth the prize though.

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  67. Don't worry, the Panther is mine. It's part of the contract. That's the part I did read.

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  68. Dam , the old bag isnt back yet.
    Another Filthy Friday missed
    ****Big Sigh***

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  69. Well obviously!

    You would, wouldn't you?

    The cheek

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  70. Canada can't have the Hanson brothers! They are among the few U.S. players. :)

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  71. Saw this and nearly died watching the video. Called Rob in (you know he's played hockey since he was 5 or 6), we laughed together. He said "That's damn good."

    What a great post. All of it. My Dad used to travel to Canada all the time and in my teen I remember he wanted to move there. Now I know why!

    XO

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  72. Also in my "teens." Most parents would be grateful to have a kid just in his/her teen. Wow, only one year hell!!!

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  73. T-BIRD: Lucky you!

    BEAST: You should be at the gym, shouldn’t you?

    Work on that flabby arse of yours while you’re there.

    CYBERPOOF: Hee hee.

    XL: Welcome to Infomaniac!

    Well all right then. Take the Hanson Brothers.

    We’re happy just having the McKenzie Brothers.

    SUZANNE: Recently, CBC's rights expired to the Hockey Night in Canada theme tune . A tune so familiar with its ‘Dunt-da-DUNT-da-dunt’ beat, that Canadians nationwide were upset. Understandably so, as the theme was broadcast on TV for every hockey game since 1968 and was a signal to gather round the telly to watch the game.

    Some of us are hoping that Stompin Tom’s “The Hockey Song” will become the next “Hockey Night in Canada” theme song.

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  74. still hungover from canada day, sugar? where's my postcard? xoxoxo

    ;-)

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  75. SAVANNAH: I mailed it on Friday so give it another few days to reach you.

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