Is your bottom worth big bucks?
A Lancashire grandfather has his buttocks insured for £1 million!
Graham Butterfield is the "bed bouncer" at the Silentnight bed firm in Barnoldswick.
Butterfield's duties involve bouncing on the beds and giving feedback on softness, textures and fillings. His reports help decide which beds go on the market and which beds go back to the drawing board.
"My bottom is not like the normal bottom. I have increased sensitivity around the buttock area ..."I want to make it clear that my bottom's super-powers are quite natural. I have no need of a special care regime."
Body part insurance is nothing new. It all started in the silent movie era when cross-eyed comedian Ben Turpin took out a $20,000 policy against his eyes uncrossing...
Actress Betty Grable was referred to as the "Girl With the Million Dollar Legs" because 20th Century Fox had her legs insured with Lloyd's of London for 1 million dollars each.
Grable’s gorgeous gams
Veteran English comedian Ken Dodd's buckteeth are insured for £4 million…
But Dodd’s are not the only "big bucks" teeth. America Ferrara, who plays the role of Ugly Betty, has insured her trademark smile for £5 million ($10 million).
Keith Richard's hand is worth worth £1 million...
Keef
But you don't have to be a star or a professional "bed bouncer" to insure your body parts. Anyone can order specialty insurance if you’re willing to pay an arm and a leg.
For example, a football fan insured himself against psychic trauma if England lost the World's Cup.
And a publican at the Bricklayers Arms, in Altrincham, Greater Manchester, insured his barmaid's breasts for £100,000 because he believed he would lose trade if anything happened to them.
Money-making mammaries in Manchester
So what about you, Infomaniac-reading bitches?
What body part of yours would you go out on a limb to insure?
Feel free to discuss the worth of your fellow bloggers’ body parts as well, should the mood arise.
Manuel’s arse: priceless
That grandpa with the booty powers sounds very, very GAY!!! Just look at his escort/whore ad picture. That must be some butt for him to be charging people a million pounds! (Or is the number of poundings he's received so far?)
ReplyDeleteI'd insure your fingers for a million dollars each...so that they may continue to type and keep me informed and entertained!
*perhaps another insurance policy to buy IDV-like flexifingers should you need them replaced*
I have a crushee on Manuel's lovely arse.
ReplyDeletei wonder if I can get insurance for the posible damage to my eyes from MJ's filthy friday postings. ???
ReplyDeleteHmmm. I don't think I have anything worth insuring. It's all starting to show it's age.
ReplyDeleteMaybe my rack.
The bottom and the barmaid are both from my bit of the world, so I think I'll join in.
ReplyDeleteI would insure my luscious lips.
They've never needed those implants or collagen injections.
Me and Angelina huh?.
Hmmm...interesting!
ReplyDeleteI would say my eyes and lips! And once boob job is complete those too! Damn it paid so much as it is for the 'girls'!
*wondering if bed bouncing will soon become a sport in some parts of the world...?*
Insure your rack T-bird so that I may stare at it on occassion...
ReplyDeleteor perhaps your brain so that when you die it can be donated to science so the world will know what made you so damn awesome.
(and have a huge rack)
I would insure my brain as it contains my literary muse and is therefore the source of my future riches.. The policy would pay out if my brain got broken..or lost or something and I would then have millions to make up for...
ReplyDeleteoh. I see.
i would insure my eyes...then my lips...my eyes change from green to blue depending on my mood and clothing i wear...my lips i have been told are delicious italian lips and nothing has been added or removed from either...
ReplyDeleteI insured my sensitive gaze against trauma induced by your vile images years ago.
ReplyDeleteConsequently I never need work again.
I challenge Kaz to a LIP OFF! I believe that my lippity lips are the lusciousest in the land..
ReplyDelete(hmm.. think it's the wine talking.. but they are pretty fat.. or is that phat?)
Gadzooks, is that a Human's ass? I thought it was a bear with the mange. Anyhay, I'd ensure my ears.
ReplyDeleteaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhh! or something like that
ReplyDeleteEROS: You should have your entire Texan torso insured for obvious reasons.
ReplyDeleteAnd IVD should have his flexifingers insured because there’s a danger he’ll break them off from constant wanking over your photo.
BOXER: Let’s not fight over Manuel’s arse.
There’s a cheek for each of us.
BEAST: Perhaps you should have your big bottom insured in preparation for the Norwegian fish whipping I’m going to give it.
T-BIRD: Dora thinks your rack is a good investment.
The dirty bitch.
KAZ: Kimba has challenged you to a lip-off.
You can start by kissing me and I’ll be the judge of their lusciousness.
ROBYN: Bed Jumping is off to a good start, as you can see.
DORA: Have you ensured the panther painting?
MUTLEY: I thought your muse was Bonita.
ReplyDeleteBrains are the only bits that Lloyd’s of London won’t insure.
Do you have another worthy body part?
DAISY: Your eyes change colour according to your mood?
What happens if you’re wearing plaid?
GARFY: You can haul your lazy arse off the Barcalounger right this instant and pour me a Guinness so I’m inspired to post more filth.
This posting was a bit tame, don’t you think?
KIMBA: I hope you haven’t developed the trout pout
of Amanda Lepore.
TROLL: Do not disparage the arse that save Infomaniac.
MANUEL: Your arse is my hero.
I am forever grateful to your arse for saving my blog.
*bends over to kiss it*
I would insure my keyboarding finger, my left nostril inhaler, and my giant heart that is so full of love and joy that it could burst at any second causing darkness to descend upon the land and there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth and the Unicorns will all die and Stonehenge will melt and the Seas will rise and plagues of multi coloured Vampyre bats will fill the air and my people will cry out for a sign and..
ReplyDeletewhoops..
hold on, I need to relight this thing..
hang on a minute..
DONNSTER: What about pestilence?
ReplyDeleteWill there be swarms of locusts?
Spare us from the plague of boils!
I'd insure my tongue.
ReplyDeleteMost of the things I most look forward to use it. Oh, and talking too.
I'd probably insure my hands (fingers included) as well it seems I must insure something.
ReplyDeleteDoes that bedhumper look a little like a young David Letterman?
KAPI: Especially now that it's summer.
ReplyDeleteWho doesn't love ice cream?
CYBERPOOF: Hands USUALLY include fingers.
*shoots puzzled look toward Denmark*
You need your hands to hold your cocktail glass.
And yes, there is a Letterman resemblance.
I would insure my gonads .....just becuase it sounds like a laugh . the premium is bound to be HUGE.
ReplyDeleteCan I collect for the trauma of seeing Keef's photo?
ReplyDeletehmmm... i dont really now what to insure... its all priceless... any suggestions?!?!
ReplyDeleteI'd insure my fangs (as well as my doubly opposable thumbs) - They're quite handy when I can't find a can opener.
ReplyDeleteperhaps i should insure my vocabulary and good spelling.
ReplyDelete*grumbles off after not checking for spelling mistakes in first comment*
BEAST: Your gonads aren’t big enough to hire an “Adjuster”.
ReplyDeleteBut you really should get your balls insured before I bust them.
XL: No.
Instead, click here for more of my Keef pics.
IVD: I recommend you insure your eyebrows, based on the number of times you’ve accidentally singed them off.
VOICES: I see you’ve answered your own question.
Know you now.
I mean now you know.
Look what you’ve done! It’s catching!
My butt also has superpowers...so Grandpa Butterfield ain't the only Super Arse in the world. My superpowers involved lots of gaseous fumes however. I think I can rid the world of evil-doers with it. I'd like to insure my butt AND bowels for a nice round $5 Million please.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
gah, thats twice now that ive seen the hairy manny ass in one day... that will be enough of that!
ReplyDeleteRANDOM: *hands Random a giant Odor-Eater insole to insert in panties*
ReplyDeleteVOICES: You know you want to see it again.
Save it as your wallpaper so you can see it every day.
ummm... no ifs ands or butts!
ReplyDeletethanks though...
Did Betty Grable's legs make Ben Turpin's eyes go like that?
ReplyDeleteIf you cross Betty Grable with Ben Turpin, do you get Betty Turpin?
Ken Dodd should insure his audience. At least three of them die of old age every time he does a show.
VOICES: Butt you don’t know what you’re missing.
ReplyDeleteFine. More for me then.
GEOFF: That’d be some hot pot.
You can catch Ken Dodd this weekend at the Festival Theatre in Malvern!
By the way, were you the football fan who insured himself against psychic trauma if England lost the World's Cup?
I would insure my blue eyes... either that or my blue balls.
ReplyDeleteDieser ARSCH ist einfach zum Schreien!
ReplyDeleteI know that we will have to see that monstrum over and over again, but it had to be saied at least once. If he insures his arse hair I'd happily help him to cash in, with a Zippo. Hotwax. GET that hair OFF MAN! argl ...
Hell, I wouldn't insure a damn part of me. In fact, I'd SELL my dick for a DOLLAR.
ReplyDeleteMATT: Blue balls?
ReplyDeleteI suggest you spend time visiting Knudsen Porn.
MAGO: I want to run my hands through Manuel’s hair.
HEFF: The other fellas here sent me pics of their pricks.
I suggest you do the same and we can auction your dick off on Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service.
I thinks I'd insure my tatas. They're worth it.
ReplyDeleteOh, HAIL NO !!! No-one posts the Pecker O' Heff !
ReplyDeleteCATSCRATCH: Oh yeah?
ReplyDeleteShow us.
HEFF: How about your arse?
God, You're desperate for material aren't you ?!?
ReplyDeleteHEFF: It's a requirement of all new male Infomaniac readers to send me a photo of their arse.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't want it posted, that's fine. It will go into my private collection.
Obviously you're either shy or you know your arse can't compete with the fineness of the arse of Manuel.
did you say "more of me then"? sounds interesting!
ReplyDeleteVOICES: No, I said "more of my KEEF pics".
ReplyDeletePay attention!
What's the gratification if I send a picture of my arse to you?
ReplyDeletemy ass is more pert and perky than manuels saggy old thing
ReplyDeleteMAGO: If you send me a photo of your bare arse, you’ll be immortalized here.
ReplyDeleteBEAST: Unlike you, Manuel is too classy to use his bare bottom as a fruit bowl.
I'm still trying to figure out who in their right mind would want to bounce on the bed with Graham Butterfield.
ReplyDeleteISTVANSKI: Bed bouncing appears to be a solo event but I could contact Silentnight on your behalf and see if they’ll hire a doubles team.
ReplyDeleteAnd while I’ve got you here, you can get busy and send me a photo of your bare bottom.
*scratches head once again and wonders what mjs "KEEF" is. feels dirty and starts thinking about unicorns instead*
ReplyDeleteCertainly. Would you like it photographed shaved / waxed or au naturelle?
ReplyDeleteVOICES: Remind me again of why I keep inviting you back to my blog?
ReplyDeleteISTVANSKI: It’s up to you.
Whatever best shows off your ASSets.
Be sure to let me know whether it is for public viewing on my blog or for my private collection.
Thank you.
Immortal?
ReplyDeleteTerrible idea. Bullshit to eternity? Never-ending Igor-bonk? Mini Mussolinis at the Hofschoppenfest - and NO ESCAPE?
Mueller-Thurgau will help me to end this miserable round of carmic diarrhoe I got trapped in.
The arse: Beautifully rounded meat, softskinned muscles, and in the centre of it a shit-spewing hole. You couldn't have figured out a better image for "All this what is".
MAGO: I’ll take that as a “no” then.
ReplyDeleteBut remember you have the option of sending it to me for my private collection, away from prying eyes.
It’s hard to compete with the glory of Manuel’s arse so I understand.
MJ...if i am wearing plaid i am usually in a very good mood...you kind of have to be to pull it off so they are blue...but when they turn green i have been told they have an evil sense about them and the expression on my face and words that are spurn are usually wasted as my eyes speak for me...
ReplyDeleteoooooo.... ive been invited!!!
ReplyDelete*does happy dance*
wait was that a un-invite?
*undoes happy dance in reverse*
so... ahhhh... ummm... whats happening with your keefster?
"It’s hard to compete with the glory of Manuel’s arse so I understand."
ReplyDeleteYou want to take advantage of my actual sitauation so I unnerstand.
My arse is fine. Nobody complained. A photograph could be arranged, aesthetically fullfilling, and - yes FN - it comes in vanilla; un-hairy; un-pimpled and muscular. It could serve as vera icon of the divine arse looking all over us: Man itself should knee in devotion of this divine creation.
Weib, knie' nieder: The arse is to come upon you!
*Splat!*
DAISY: Are you sure you don't have an evil twin?
ReplyDeleteOr perhaps multiple personalities like IVD?
VOICES: Don't make me sit on you with my keefster.
MAGO: Arrange for your vanilla; un-hairy; un-pimpled and muscular arse to be photographed and emailed to me a.s.a.p.
That's it blabbermouth. Sorry for the pimples - cheap food over the last months.
ReplyDeleteHave fun.
Ach, post coitum animal triste ...
i don't know MJ...do you think i should...what shall we name her?...oh ffs i am too tired...goodnight!
ReplyDeleteMAGO: True to your word, it's aesthetically fulfilling.
ReplyDeleteMistress MJ is pleased.
DAISY: What rhymes with Daisy?
Lazy?
CRAZY?
*shuffles feet* Aw, shucks! Thanks, Dora!
ReplyDeleteIstvanski. . I am sure the girlfriend wouldn't mind in the least. . Would she?
ReplyDeleteIstvanski. . I am sure the girlfriend wouldn't mind in the least. . Would she?
ReplyDelete