Fill in the blank to describe the typical Infomaniac reader.
UPDATE!
After reading dozens of reader submissions and subjecting the responses to the scientific method, I have deduced that the Typical Infomaniac Reader is…
Not too bright yet far above average intelligence; possibly a little bit ghey; typically a poof or a dyke; drinks too much and falls down a lot; posts comments on blogs and can't remember them afterwards; ginger with an STD and too much time on their hands; amused by Canuck low-life, happy in the knowledge that MJ is thousands of miles away, glad to be slimmer than SID, always surprised and a little bit titillated; handsome (devastatingly so), debonair, witty, and a proud recipient of several Nobel prizes; practically perfect in every way; buff hotties who want me to oil their pecs and have unprotected sex in a hammock; depraved, misanthropic, morally ambiguous, voyeuristic, socially retarded, genetalially gifted, funny as hell, and predominantly Oyrish, Lebanese, Philadelphian, or Bi-Coastal; 86 yet young; pretending to be a twelve year old Asian girl; hoping for more more naked gorrila pics; slacking off at work; touching themselves while typing; ‘special'.......but not in a good way; wishing he was brave enough to read this in work; wondering why the fuck they visit?; alone...totally alone!; saying "Kill me! Kill me!"; wondering if nurse will hand out their medication dressed as a potato and drinking a bottle of Jameson's?; a spotty teenager that has just typed porn on their keyboard for the first time; a military dictator looking for a reason to bomb Cannuckland; frantically looking for the delete/Go back a page button; someone who just got a spaghetti noodle stuck in their sinus trying to replicate the head #17 trick; on public record as having been attacked by a Christmas tree; frequently visited by miniature farmers who WON'T STOP KNOCKING AT THE DOOOOOOOR; trying to figure out the meaning of “gunties”; embarrassed about the things they get themselves into; electronically tagged so they can't leave the house; a total pervert; impotent; masturbating furiously to the strains of the Canadian National Anthem played on the didgerdoo (That’s just SID, really); in need of therapy, exceeding the recommended dosage; Piggy and Tazzy; sex offenders; misfits; the dregs of society.
And, of course, a cunt!
Not too bright and possibly a little bit ghey.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a typical anything.
Drinks too much and falls down a lot. Posts comments on blogs and can't remember them afterwards.
ReplyDelete.. a ginger with an STD.
ReplyDelete...fucking wonderful. Although with perhaps a little too much time on their hands.
ReplyDelete...supposed to be working, not surfing, right now.
ReplyDelete...FAB!
ReplyDelete...amused by Canuck low-life
ReplyDelete...typically a poof or a dyke
ReplyDelete...someone with internet access
ReplyDelete...someone that'd appreciate a pic of Geo's cock
ReplyDelete...someone that'd appreciate a pic of MJ's gaping cavern being filled with concrete
ReplyDelete...someone that feels heartfelt sympathy for Mr MJ.
ReplyDelete...fantastic, gorgeous, salt of the earth goodness and the best friend you could ever wish for.
ReplyDelete...a cunt!
ReplyDelete(how could I miss out that one!)
...glad to be slimmer than SID.
ReplyDelete...quite content not to resemble E.T
ReplyDelete...happy in the knowledge that MJ is thousands of miles away.
ReplyDelete...happy that MJ didn't quit blogging after all.
ReplyDelete...would love MJ to convince Mr MJ to post - just once
ReplyDelete...would love MJ to tell us a tale from her teenage years
ReplyDelete...your friend, albeit thousands of miles away
ReplyDelete...fed up typing all these things in.
ReplyDelete... always suprised and a little bit titillated
ReplyDeleteHandsome, debonair, witty, and a proud recipient of several Nobel prizes.
ReplyDeleteOr a total pervert.
unusual, in the best possible way.
ReplyDelete...impotent.
ReplyDelete...86.
ReplyDeleteAll of the above!
ReplyDeleteFar above average intelligence, depraved, misanthropic, morally ambiguous, voyeuristic, socially retarded, genetalially gifted, funny as hell, and predominantly Oyrish, Lebanese, Philadelphian, or Bi-Coastal.
ReplyDeleteplaid, with a hint of lime.
ReplyDeleteyoung, smart and devastatingly handsome
ReplyDeleteand a total perv
hoping for more more naked gorrila pics...
ReplyDeleteslacking off at work...
pretending to be a twelve year old asain girl...
touching themselves while typing!
'Special'.......but not in a good way
ReplyDelete...wishing I was brave enough to read this in work and have made the 'cunt' comment.
ReplyDelete...wondering why the fuck they visit?
ReplyDelete...alone...totally alone!
...saying "Kill me!Kill me!"
...wondering if nurse will hand out their medication dressed as a potato, and drinking a bottle of Jameson's?
... a spotty teenager that has just typed porn on their keyboard for the first time.
...a military dictator looking for a reason to bomb Cannuckland.
... frantically looking for the delete/Go back a page button.
...typing in crap punchlines.
...someone who just got a spaghetti noodle stuck in their sinus trying to replicate the head #17 trick
ReplyDelete..on public record as having been attacked by a christmas tree
ReplyDelete...frequently visited by miniature farmers
please make the miniature farmers go away
ReplyDeleteplease i beg of you they WON'T STOP KNOCKING AT THE DOOOOOOOR
ReplyDeletelisten i am not joking here the miniature farmer will NOT GO AWAY
ReplyDeletehe's real
he's miniature
he farms
still trying to figure out "gunties".
ReplyDelete... practically perfect in every way.
ReplyDeleteOh, hang on. That's just me.
*reviews reader submissions*
ReplyDelete*still pondering the common thread*
hmmmmmm
I like them all...
ReplyDelete. . . electronically tagged so they can't leave the house
ReplyDelete...masturbating furiously to the strains of the Canadian National Anthem played on the didgerdoo.
ReplyDelete..in need of therapy!
ReplyDelete... exceeding the recommended dosage.
ReplyDeleteI'm at work for the next few hours but at the end of the day I'll study the results and come to a conclusion on the Typical Infomaniac Reader.
ReplyDelete*clears screen of SID gloop*
...Piggy and Tazzy.
ReplyDeleteembarrassed about the things they get themselves into......
ReplyDeletesex offenders, I myself have offended many during sex.
ReplyDeletemisfits the dregs of society.
ReplyDeletepuppy haters.
ReplyDeleteInsomniac readers are buff hotties like me. Hey MJ do you want to oil my pecs and maybe we can have some unprotected sex in a hammock?
ReplyDeleteBITCHES: The results are in and have been tabulated.
ReplyDeleteSee update in posting.
No wonder you like them so much.
ReplyDeleteHmmm. I think that description up there pretty well describes us all.
ReplyDeleteI forgot to add though, that I also come here to be educated about things like chocolate enemas. But am I a typical reader?
The Infomaniac Reader is one badass intelligent gorgeous fantabulous Frank Sinatra Ratpack loving lost in the times retro sexy ass occasional lush mother of four fine Maxim Playboy cover material allaround woman named Awa.
ReplyDeleteNow. Continue with your useless and completely unwarranted suggestions. As there is no better *burrrrrrrpppppp* (Pass the VODKA SHIT, I NEED A REFILL!) than AWA!
Ok, carry on.
Yay!!! Sixtieth!!
ReplyDeleteInfomaniac readers like describing themselves.
KNUDSEN: Aren't they just adorable?
ReplyDeleteDon't you want to give them all a cuddle?
T-BIRD: You're typical if you show an interest in the chocolate enema, which, by the way, is an ancient Mayan ritual.
Probably not unlike what you and the Coven of Hags get up to in your spare time.
AWA: Thank goodness we agree on that much.
*hears Awa yell, "I did it MY WAY!"*
Dooby-dooby-do.
KAZ: Don't bother yelling "Yay!!! Sixtieth!!" 'til Piggy's 60th birthday in April.
you forgot PLAID.
ReplyDeleteI only come here becuase my fit ass demands it
ReplyDeleteI like the abuse.
ReplyDeleteYes Geo we know, but you could have left the poodles out of it!
ReplyDeleteFN: The only plaid around here is on St. Andrew’s Day when both Piggy and Knudsen celebrate their Scottish heritage by wearing tartan gunties.
ReplyDeletePiggy goes commando every other day of the year.
BEAST: Your arse is very demanding.
My left tit told me to say that.
GEO: According to Piggy, a Typical Infomaniac Reader is “someone that'd appreciate a pic of Geo's cock.”
So how about it, Trucker Boy?
SID: Says SID as an Alsatian sniffs his crotch.
Poodles ,LOL!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI am still shy maybe after a couple of drinks.Wonder who's going to buy the first round?
Wow - how on earth could a chocolate enema help you see the spirits of your ancestors?
ReplyDeleteMaybe they'd come to bitch slap you for being such a knob end. Come one, this is cocoa! It goes in the other end.
Man, those Mayans were into some crazy stuff.
As for the coven, our rituals usually involve tea, a monocle, cravatt and dead parrot. That's all I can say.
GEO: Will you be ordering “Hair of the Dog?”
ReplyDeleteT-BIRD: I’m sure the Mayans tossed a few peyote buttons into the enema mix.
I don’t want to see IVD in a cravat, thanks just the same. Still, it’s an improvement on that hoodie he’s wearing today.
Hey, I was comment #69.
ReplyDeletetee hee
I don't tick all the boxes. Just the vast majority.
ReplyDeleteTICKERS: A belated congratulations on your Nobel Prize.
ReplyDeleteyou're still at this?
ReplyDelete...a figment of MJ's deranged imagination.
ReplyDeleteBOXER & KAPI: Come back tomorrow when I'll post something new.
ReplyDeleteUnless this really IS a pigment of my fragmentation, er, figment of my imagination.
Did you mention that your typical Ninfomaniac addict would not, under any circumstances, allow the CSI crew in their red goggles waving that fluorescent light over their keyboards!
ReplyDeleteOy-Yoy-Yoy!
HE: I thought we established they're pervs, not perps.
ReplyDeleteWhat the fuck did you just call me?!?!
ReplyDeleteK8: You heard me!
ReplyDeleteLet's round it off to a respectable 80 shall we..
ReplyDeleteVOILA!
... and there was me thinking 'its just me then...'
ReplyDeletealthough I'm not a bit ghay though, just occasionally camp...
My cousin didn't do the noodle, but got a leaf stuck up her nose and had to have it tweaser-ed out by a doctor at the local A&E
HE: Keep the ball rolling.
ReplyDeleteMR.G: I've heard about people smoking banana skins and sniffing nutmeg but a leaf up her nose?
You can camp it up all you like here.
Mind you don't trip over the petticoats of the other fellas on your way out.