Monday, February 18, 2008

30 Heads Are Better Than One

The following is a passage from the book Ozma of Oz by L. Frank Baum.

Now I must explain to you that the Princess Langwidere had thirty heads--as many as there are days in the month. But of course she could only wear one of them at a time, because she had but one neck. These heads were kept in what she called her "cabinet," which was a beautiful dressing-room that lay just between Langwidere's sleeping-chamber and the mirrored sitting-room. Each head was in a separate cupboard lined with velvet. The cupboards ran all around the sides of the dressing-room, and had elaborately carved doors with gold numbers on the outside and jeweled-framed mirrors on the inside of them.

When the Princess got out of her crystal bed in the morning she went to her cabinet, opened one of the velvet-lined cupboards, and took the head it contained from its golden shelf. Then, by the aid of the mirror inside the open door, she put on the head--as neat and straight as could be--and afterward called her maids to robe her for the day. She always wore a simple white costume, that suited all the heads. For, being able to change her face whenever she liked, the Princess had no interest in wearing a variety of gowns, as have other ladies who are compelled to wear the same face constantly.

Of course the thirty heads were in great variety, no two formed alike but all being of exceeding loveliness. There were heads with golden hair, brown hair, rich auburn hair and black hair; but none with gray hair. The heads had eyes of blue, of gray, of hazel, of brown and of black; but there were no red eyes among them, and all were bright and handsome. The noses were Grecian, Roman, retrousse and Oriental, representing all types of beauty; and the mouths were of assorted sizes and shapes, displaying pearly teeth when the heads smiled. As for dimples, they appeared in cheeks and chins, wherever they might be most charming, and one or two heads had freckles upon the faces to contrast the better with the brilliancy of their complexions.

One key unlocked all the velvet cupboards containing these treasures--a curious key carved from a single blood-red ruby--and this was fastened to a strong but slender chain which the Princess wore around her left wrist.

When Nanda had supported Langwidere to a position in front of cupboard No. 17, the Princess unlocked the door with her ruby key and after handing head No. 9, which she had been wearing, to the maid, she took No. 17 from its shelf and fitted it to her neck. It had black hair and dark eyes and a lovely pearl-and-white complexion, and when Langwidere wore it she knew she was remarkably beautiful in appearance.

There was only one trouble with No. 17; the temper that went with it (and which was hidden somewhere under the glossy black hair) was fiery, harsh and haughty in the extreme, and it often led the Princess to do unpleasant things which she regretted when she came to wear her other heads.

What would you do if, like Princess Langwidere, you had 30 heads?

And how would you handle the hot-headed Head Number 17?


  1. That Baum cunt was a fuckwit, he hated the native injuns something rotten, I see nothing wrong with a little hot head.

    Worzel Gumage was the king of good head.

  2. KNUDSEN: Good head?

    Is that what they meant by Worzel Gummidge Down Under?

    Did he ever go doon on Barbara Windsor?

  3. I'd keep number 17 on all the time and chuck the others away.
    A princess should be harsh, fiery and haughty, otherwise who's to know she's a person of power?!

    Also, glossy black hair would go with most of my wardrobe.

  4. IDV - Like your glossy black crotchless panties?

    Or your starfish?

  5. IVD: You really must do something about that glossy back hair.

    *hands IVD an Epilady*

    And have that sac waxed while you’re at it.

    Piggy: Those are SID’s glossy black crotchless panties.

    I insist IVD give them back.

  6. I hope he rubs them in donkey doo first.

  7. PIGGY: First IVD has to retrieve them from the sailor he serviced last night.

    He won’t bother laundering them before he returns them to SID as SID would want it that way. You know how he loves the smell of the sea.

  8. I bet Diana and Grace wished they had had 30 heads.

    I'd wear the head with the smallest mouth so I could fit into those skinny ballgowns.

  9. I would like a Keef Richards head, which I would use to terrify young children.

  10. GEOFF: If Di had extra heads we wouldn’t be left with THE LEGACY.

    GARFY: Would you prefer Keef’s pre-concussion head or his post-concussion head?

  11. Did she have a like hangover head?

  12. i don't need 30 heads...i have the original number 17!

  13. So the princess had many different hair least on her head. But was she bothered that the hair on her head didn't match her, um, other hair?

    Or did she have another cabinet containing...other parts? So she could mix and match.

  14. MUTLEY: A hangover head?

    Have you been snooping in my closet?

    DAISY: So, are you haughty?

    Or a hottie?

    KAPITANO: The Princess has access to the Merkin Museum.

  15. Head Number 17 will live the longest. Bottling up your feelings and not shouting at people shortens life expectancy!

  16. KAZ: I'm now at work and sporting Head No. 17 much to the dismay of my colleagues who have gone into hiding from my Type A, haughty but healthy personality.

    TONY: So you are!

    *hides from Tony*

  17. depends mj...on the person and if they piss me the hell off or not :) otherwise i am a pussycat...hiding the claws, but keeping them sharp always!

  18. If I had thirty heads, I'd throw twenty nine of 'em away. Sod that for a game of soldiers. Think of all the shampoo you'd get through!

    I'd give Number 17 a lobotomy. It didn't do me any harm.

  19. #17 is a keeper. Afterall, anger is a form of passion!

    I can't imagine having some head every single day of the month....
    except for the months that land on a knuckle of course.

  20. DAISY: Mee-OWW!

    BETTY: You could use Piggy's shampoo.

    He won't be needing it now that he's lost all his hair.

    Oh wait. You don't want shampoo especially formulated for gingers.

    HE: You haven't had head in a long time, have you?

    So long that you've turned blue!

  21. I don't know if I could wear a different face every day. Maybe different hair, but not a face.

    Number 17 sounds gorgeously unbalanced. I'd make sure I'd taken my anti-psychotic meds on the days she comes out to play. And keep all the bunnies away from her. Keep her busy so she can't think about crack and busting Blake out of jail.

  22. T-BIRD: Wait 'til Head #17 finds out that Blake has been trading autographed pictures of her for heroin in the slammer.


  23. I'd carry the heads by the hair and jump out from behind doors and stick them all up in peoples faces. meanwhile I'd just be all running around with just my bare disgusting bloody neck-stump hanging out. #17 would be my favorite head. I would feed it spaghetti and gross people out when it fell out the bottom.

    well i would.

  24. FN: Damnation, Nations.

    Can't you see it's the supper hour?

    And I just finished a plate of spaghetti, dammit!

    *hurls across the border*