Tuesday, November 16, 2010

We Have a Winner!

It was a tight race but the winner of the Fast Cheap and Out of Control deluxe back seat air freshener (by one vote!) is BEAST!

MISS JANEY was a strong contender, what with her actually living up to the title of Fast Cheap and Out of Control with her stint in prison. That and the fact that her car stinks of dog, big time.

It’s really no surprise that BEAST walked away with this prize as he is notorious for his poor hygiene habits and distinctive aroma. And, of course, his famous “stinky duvet”.

Frobisher, who knows Beast personally, summed it up thusly…

“Its a toughie - but it has to be Beast - i have been in his car, and he slows right down when coming to corners.”

Here, once again, is Beast’s winning entry…

Ma Beasties chickpea curry is the least of it. If Frobisher has been sneackily feeding Mr C's hell hounds with some dodgy old franfurters he found cheap at a car boot sale , Lloyd sounds like deflating bag pipes in the back of the car and there is a not so delicate hint of bowel in the air , you can see people sniffing and checking their shoes when we stop at traffic lights....its embarrassing. AND if Mr C has been eating KFC you spark up a fag at your peril

One wonders what Beast will do with his prize air freshener.

We suggest affixing it to his underpants…

Yes, folks. These are an actual pair of Beast’s underpants. Don't believe me? Then click here. I think you can see what we’re dealing with here.

Additionally, Beast might be counseled to attach the prize air freshener to a previous prize that he won … The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts!...

That is if Miss Scarlet and Mistress MJ don’t confiscate The Shorts first with their evil conspiracy.

Thanks to everyone who participated in the Fast Cheap and Out of Control Contest!

Let’s have another competition soon, shall we?


  1. geez, you step away from the counter for a few minutes and look what you miss.

  2. FIRST!!!!

    Oh, the fix is IN here at Infomaniac. Oh my yes inDEED. I see. I see how it is. Oh yes I do. Gosh...Beast wins AGAIN. How interesting. Random draw. Um-hm. Yup.

    *nods knowingly*

  3. dammit desmond don't you have a monkey to bury? *waves poky out of date air freshener shaped like a fricken' pine tree*

  4. *runs off sobbing*

    I can't even be FIRST!!!!!!

    *trips over unburied monkey*

  5. Is Miss Scarlet going to attempt to intercept this as well?

  6. I see a pattern developing here...
    Oh Hi XL...
    I guess you're out of klink then?

  7. Yeah NO SHIT theres a pattern developing, Princess.

    *four and a half beers into drowning my sorrows*

  8. Congrats to Beast. His need is definitely the greater.

    Miss Janey, have a glass of champagne dahling, drown your sorrows in style.

  9. Actually I would like to donate my prize to Miss Janet , if that's possible Miss Mj , as I can't live with the knowledge that the poor girl is driving around reeking of dog . Social death on wheels , the poor thing .thanks to everyone who voted for me ;-)

  10. Well, this is all most unorthodox. A prizewinner giving up his prize. It’s almost chivalrous, that is if it weren’t Beast we’re talking about.

    Let’s see if Miss Janey actually WANTS it, shall we?

    *sprays Febreze liberally in Beast's direction in the meantime*

  11. Miss J was honored to even be among the nominated! They're all so talented, and Miss Streep is one of her idols so... oh, wait. Wrong speech.

    Hearty congrats to The Beast! Actually his situation DOES seem in desperate need of some air freshener.

  12. Miss Janey .Once again for the hard of hearing and the infirm .
    Y O U A R E N O W T H E W I N N E R

    for god sake , shout in her ear trumpet Miss MJ and freshen her coctail

  13. Oh good grief.

    Is it up to me once AGAIN to sort things out?

    I'm off to Miss Janey's now to inform her of her prize.

  14. I know why he did it. I made him feel guilty because I whined.


  15. That and the fact that he's embarrassed that his tattered pants are on display for all the world to see.


  17. I'm gutted.

    After endorsing him and all that. What a major disappointment.

  18. *wipes a tear from the corner of her eye*

    I just love a happy ending.

  19. I hope thats not the infected eye Miss Roses
    ***spays TCP***

  20. TCP? What a strange name to give to one's pet, Beast. I hope she needed spaying and this isn't just some attention seeking reality stunt? You know: Live spaying on Internet!!!

  21. Aw, technicolour, wide silver screen, music gushing up ... Tara!

    And for heavens sake ... *grabs gasmask*

  22. MJ are those not your filthy pants?

    I recognise that stain.

  23. Those knickers aren't fit for dusters. However, if you've fallen on hard times you could always sell your used drawers here The ones with a Neapolitan gusset go for a small fortune. So I'm told.

  24. Mistress MJ fears that Miss Janey may have succumbed to the fumes from Beast’s pants.

    MISS JANEY: Please email Mistress MJ with your contact info so that she might send you the prize. (see Blogger Profile for email address).

    *considers selling panties on Mitzi’s “used drawers” link*


  25. I want an Iron Cross for visiting here ...

  26. "People check their shoes" HAHAHA!

    Fix or not, Beast is on a roll this year. I certainly hope that he's buyin' lottery tickets.