What's Up, Bitches?

Mistress MJ is too lazy tired to visit all of you so please summarize what you've been blogging about these past few days.

I’m Back, Bitches!

Mistress MJ was shocked to discover Infomaniac in shambles following her absence.

She is particularly upset with Beast who thought it amusing to dance about the premises with Mistress MJ’s panties on his head…

It was also uncovered that Beast had rigged a catapult out of one of Mistress MJ’s bras and had been firing peanuts and cheese puffs into the crowd and that you ALL participated in the madness.

As a result of your unruliness, Mistress MJ is unplugging the vodka fountain.

Let that be a lesson to you.

Party Time!

Mistress MJ is fecking off to Montreal for a few days.

She’s left the liquor cabinet unlocked, assuming that you are all adults who can take care of yourselves and act responsibly.

See you back here on Monday.

And a happy Thanksgiving to all our American bitches.

Vent-O-Spleen

[via]

Our Mr. Cookie is going through a rough patch at the moment as you know if you read his blog or if you saw his "Vent-O-Spleen" comment on our “Cake” post.

Mistress MJ knows for a fact that many of you are experiencing difficulties in your lives right now.

Some of you have lost loved ones, you’re caring for someone’s who’s ill, your own health is a concern, you have financial problems or job worries, etc., etc.

At a time when big celebrations are coming up (American Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays) you are expected to act like nothing’s wrong; like you’re part of one big happy-go-lucky family.

We here at Infomaniac know the pressures you face and that you need a place to, as Mr. Cookie puts it… "Vent-O-Spleen".

So go ahead. Throw a floor lamp. Fart on a cake. Smoosh pumpkin pie into each others’ pants.

Whatever it takes.

"Vent-O-Spleen"

And remember to breathe.

We’re all in this together, bitches.

Note: Mistress MJ cannot respond to all your comments personally today so please take it upon yourselves to dialogue with each other.

Cake

A woman.

A cake.

What’s the worst that could happen?

Motel Girls

Required reading!

Stop what you’re doing and pick up a copy of Motel Girls by Orrie Hitt.

As members of the Infomaniac Book Club AND as employees of the Infomaniac Inn, you have a duty to read this.

And make sure that a copy is placed in the nightstand of each motel room!

Infomaniac Inn - Now Hiring

If you read yesterday’s post, you know Mistress MJ plans to buy a hotel/motel to accommodate you on overnight visits.

She couldn’t make up her mind between the “Bad Hotel” or the “Pink Hotel” but fortunately, Hayward came up with a solution…

“Buy both of them. Of course you'll need a bevy of new employees to keep things clean.”

[via]

That’s where you bitches come in.

The Infomaniac Inn is now hiring.

Submit your résumé today.

The Infomaniac Inn

In our previous post, we read the sordid truth about those side street hotels “for men only.”

Mistress MJ is toying with the idea of purchasing one of these hotels/motels as a place to accommodate you for the night when the rooms at Infomaniac headquarters are fully booked.

Which of the two properties I’ve looked at so far do you prefer?...

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The Gay Jungle

We hope you’ve finished reading Carnival Mistress as we’re moving along to our next Infomaniac Book Club choice…

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The Gay Jungle by Donald Evans.

To summarize:

MALE HUSTLER ON TIMES SQUARE…The sordid truth about those side street hotels “for men only.” A SHOCKER about gay boys, wild parties, hustlers, Broadway “queens” and Times Square “aunties.”

BOLD…PENETRATING…SHOCKING!


Tea and cake, anyone?

Was I Just A Good Time Girl?

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It’s a question you might want to ask yourselves, Bitches.

Infomaniac Book Club

Welcome to the Infomaniac Book Club.

This month’s selection is Carnival Mistress: The Story of an Easy-Loving Cooch Dancer by Stan O'Dair…

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Read and discuss.

Tea and cake will be served.

Saturday Night

I don’t know about you Bitches but Mistress MJ’s Saturday night has already started!...

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See you back here sometime on Sunday with a new post.

Girls’ Night Out

It’s another wild weekend ahead as a gaggle of Infomaniac Bitches prepare for a night on the town.

Jason, Normadesmond and Hayward gather round as Cookie applies her makeup…

Meanwhile, Princess, CyberPete and AyeM8y are already painting the town red!...

[pics via]

Have fun tonight, ladies!

Filthy Friday

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Career Paths

Before you became the great career success that you are today, surely there were some snags along the way.

After all, you had to pay the rent.



So what’s the one job that didn’t make it onto your résumé?

We Have a Winner!

It was a tight race but the winner of the Fast Cheap and Out of Control deluxe back seat air freshener (by one vote!) is BEAST!

MISS JANEY was a strong contender, what with her actually living up to the title of Fast Cheap and Out of Control with her stint in prison. That and the fact that her car stinks of dog, big time.

It’s really no surprise that BEAST walked away with this prize as he is notorious for his poor hygiene habits and distinctive aroma. And, of course, his famous “stinky duvet”.

Frobisher, who knows Beast personally, summed it up thusly…

“Its a toughie - but it has to be Beast - i have been in his car, and he slows right down when coming to corners.”

Here, once again, is Beast’s winning entry…

Ma Beasties chickpea curry is the least of it. If Frobisher has been sneackily feeding Mr C's hell hounds with some dodgy old franfurters he found cheap at a car boot sale , Lloyd sounds like deflating bag pipes in the back of the car and there is a not so delicate hint of bowel in the air , you can see people sniffing and checking their shoes when we stop at traffic lights....its embarrassing. AND if Mr C has been eating KFC you spark up a fag at your peril

****KABOOOOM*****

One wonders what Beast will do with his prize air freshener.

We suggest affixing it to his underpants…

Yes, folks. These are an actual pair of Beast’s underpants. Don't believe me? Then click here. I think you can see what we’re dealing with here.

Additionally, Beast might be counseled to attach the prize air freshener to a previous prize that he won … The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts!...

That is if Miss Scarlet and Mistress MJ don’t confiscate The Shorts first with their evil conspiracy.

Thanks to everyone who participated in the Fast Cheap and Out of Control Contest!

Let’s have another competition soon, shall we?

Vote - Fast, Cheap and Out of Control

The choice has come down to Beast or Miss Janey in our Fast Cheap and Out of Control Contest.

We shall ask you to vote for either BEAST or MISS JANEY as the worthy recipient of the Fast Cheap and Out of Control air freshener.

But first, a little background on each of our contestants' entries…

BEAST needs this air freshener primarily to cover up his stench whereas MISS JANEY needs this air freshener because she lives up to the phrase “Fast Cheap and Out of Control”…plus there’s a bit of an odour factor with her as well.

You be the judges.

BEAST

Beast’s entry needs a bit of explaining for those of you who (luckily) don’t know him well or if you are American and haven’t the foggiest what he’s going on about. We have thoughtfully provided a glossary as explanation before we present his entry:

Ma Beasties Chickpea Curry: A pungent gastric-disorder-inducing culinary dish created by Beast’s mum and served up at the Café C where Beast is an employee.

Frobisher: An Infomaniac Bitch, friend of Beast, and drag artiste (aka Mavis Boyle of the famed “Crap Bingo With Mavis” Cabaret Night at Café C).

Mr. C.: Domineering, slave-driving proprietor of Café C. Makes Beast’s life a misery.

Mr. C’s hell hounds: Mr. C’s dogs, Alfie and Lloyd. Beast is frequently called upon to dogsit Alfie and Lloyd and chauffeur them about in his car.

Lloyd: One of Mr. C’s dogs.

Dodgy: Brit slang for “suspicious” or “shady”.

Car boot sale: British equivalent of an outdoor flea market. Brits sell their wares from out of their car “boots” (trunks).

Spark up a fag: Brit-talk for “light up a cigarette”.

And now (finally), BEAST’s entry in the contest is as follows:

Ma Beasties chickpea curry is the least of it. If Frobisher has been sneackily feeding Mr C's hell hounds with some dodgy old franfurters he found cheap at a car boot sale , Lloyd sounds like deflating bag pipes in the back of the car and there is a not so delicate hint of bowel in the air , you can see people sniffing and checking their shoes when we stop at traffic lights....its embarrassing. AND if Mr C has been eating KFC you spark up a fag at your peril

****KABOOOOM*****

MISS JANEY

Miss Janey, it turns out, really lives up to the title “Fast Cheap and Out of Control”.

We recommend that you read her posts about her prison ordeal (a tale of drugs, drunkenness, reckless driving, a Madam recruiting prostitutes, a hooker with a speech impediment, the best places to find johns, crack addicts, fierce hair and five dollar blow jobs) before casting your final vote.

Here is her entry…

Miss J is inordinately competitive in contests because she feels like she never wins them. So she's comin' out strong & wrong here. What better proof of being fast cheap and out of control than having spent time in jail?

http://missjaneys.blogspot.com/search/label/the%20hoosegow

Also, Miss J's car stinks of dog, big time.

So you decide, bitches.

Who should win the Fast Cheap and Out of Control deluxe back seat air freshener?

BEAST? Or MISS JANEY?

Vote now, bitches!

Fast Cheap and Out of Control Contest

Tell us why YOU should have this fast cheap and out of control Deluxe back seat air freshener…

The prize

We’ll select our favourite answer later this week and send this Deluxe prize to the lucky winner.

Contest - Coming Soon!

Sunday's Sins

Check all that apply to you...

(click to enlarge)
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Saturday Night Fever

It’s the weekend, bitches!

[via] and [Jason]

Friday Night

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Filthy Friday

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Note: Mistress MJ will pop ‘round to visit you all sometime this weekend.

Closed for Remembrance Day

Infomaniac is closed for Remembrance Day.

Mistress MJ is going here...

See you on Friday.

Farewell, Piggy

We are gathered here today to bid farewell to our cute wee Piggy (John) who passed away on October 2nd.

Today is Piggy’s funeral in England. Our thoughts are with Piggy’s loving partner Tazzy (Martin).

Through the tears of the past month, I’ve had laughter too when I think back on all Piggy’s pranks and cutting jibes and the fun we had together.

It’s time to dry my eyes as it was Piggy’s wish to go out with a laugh.

Piggy asked that the song “Nellie the Elephant” be played at his funeral and sure enough, Tazzy is seeing to his request.

And we here at Infomaniac would like to honour that request as well.

So grab the beverage of your choice and raise a glass to the spirit of our cute wee Piggy.

Consider this an online funeral … with a difference. It’s a sing-a-long!

Sing along with us to “Nellie the Elephant”. Lyrics are provided below the video clip.

"Nellie The Elephant"

To Bombay a travelling circus came
They brought an intelligent elephant
and Nellie was her name

One dark night she slipped her iron chain,
and off she ran to Hindustan
and was never seen again

oooooooooooooooooo...

[Chorus:]
Nellie the elephant packed her trunk
and said goodbye to the circus
off she went with a trumpety trump
trump trump trump
Nellie the elephant packed her trunk
and trundled off to the jungle
off she went with a trumpety trump
trump trump trump

Night by night she danced to the circus band
When Nellie was leading the big parade
she looked so proud and grand

No more tricks for Nellie to perform
They taught her how to take a bow
and she took the crowd by storm

oooooooooooooooooo...

[Chorus]

The head of the herd was calling far far away
they met one night in silver light
on the road to Mandalay

oooooooooooooooooo...

[Chorus x2]

Farewell, Piggy. Your spirit lives forever in our hearts.

Off you go now with a trumpety trump.

Amazing Flying Penises!

It’s a known fact that Ms. Nations has the market cornered on flying babies but we here at Infomaniac have filled the flying penises niche.

[via]

You first saw flying penises here last week in this post.

They’re not going to go away anytime soon.

So saddle one up today!

Note #1: A contest will be held next week. In the meantime, we have other business to attend to.

Note #2: Friends of our cute wee Piggy, please drop by on Wednesday for a special farewell.

Question

Your opinion, please.

We haven't had a competition around here since May/June with the Win A New Boyfriend contest and the Miss Cocks In Frocks competition.

Is it time we had another contest here on Infomaniac?

Another Saturday Night

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Get Outta Town!

It's the weekend!

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Care to join me for a spin in the MistressMobile?

Filthy Friday

We're not certain exactly what is going on here nor what is being said...

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Your comments, theories and/or translations welcome.

Gay Buddies

Do you have a gay buddy?

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Tell us all about him!

Operation Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts

The phones are ringing off the hook since Beast published this flight of fancy.

As you can see, Miss Scarlet simply can not keep up with the calls…

We here at super secret crime organisation Sphincter 
Infomaniac Headquarters, deny any knowledge of the whereabouts of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts.

Nor will we confirm or deny that Miss Scarlet is "sending secret messages to her watching minions by flashing semaphore with her tartan knickers".

That being said, we have reason to believe that Miss Scarlet is being followed…

[via]

En route to The Plaid Room...

No good can come of all this.

This, That and the Other Thing

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Today’s post has no focus so don’t go looking for any hidden meaning.

Instead, we present a potpourri of thoughts and images.

It’s been a month since our cute Wee Piggy passed away.

Oh how I miss you, you whinging ginger cunt.

Next …

Ms. Nations has taken up smoking…

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Beast is on to Miss Scarlet’s plan to intercept The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts…

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And finally…

Beware of the flying penises…

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There are an awful lot of them about.