Monday, August 25, 2008

Write This Post

Mistress MJ is knackered.

So she wants you bitches to write her post for her.

Go on! What are you waiting for, dammit?


  1. Okay class, today we will be testing your sense of smell. I shall be passing out (pardon the pun) several pairs of MJ's undies, of which you will do a 'scratch & sniff' test.
    Your assignment wil be to ascertain exactly how many different types of semen samples you can find in the crotch area.

    Bearing in mind that MJ is currently in the middle of a 12 day fuckathon with the merchant navy, I will be looking for the correct figures between 9 - 90.

    You may begin...... now.

  2. Baaaahhhhhaaaafucklllooooolllll! HOly shit that is so freakin funny bollix!

    I don't even know where to lovely! Check out my crabs!

    Well, come by and check out my last post for the mystery trip! A bit late but better late than never I say! LOL!
    Many hugs!

  3. I've got a pair here that are so fishy they've got fucking barnacles growing on them.

  4. Mistress MJ is fed up of working her fingers to the bone producing award winning works of art fit for the Pullitzer prize. Instead, she is reclining on a chaise longue wearing nothing but stockings and suspenders, while her army of child labourers (overseen by their cruel governess) get to work in producing embellished tales of derring do as undertaken by the suspendered one.
    Naturally, they are blindfolded to prevent them from seeing MJ's beauty *cough gag* for it would surely turn them mad were they to gaze upon it.
    When feeling energetic, Mistress MJ would occasionally work her fingers around the boner of the young man at the front of the class, who would naturally assume it's that slut sitting next to him who is playing with his python, but he fantasizes that it's actually the governess!

  5. This is in the days long before the invention of the computer and the interweb.
    These young people are being trained in advance to avoid the shock of seeing the pictures on Infomaniac.

  6. She calls herself Mistress MJ
    She don't care if you're straight or you're gay
    If you want genitalia
    MJ just won't fail ya
    And she does it each day for no pay!

  7. OMG that is how i learned to type! except it wasn't in black and white...and the teacher had a ruler she would snap on your hands if you made a mistake...yes i type fast and usually accurate now...go figure!

  8. Mistress MJ (standing) oversees her crack staff of S&M fetish gag writers.

  9. BOXER: Well done. It appears you’ve scared Eroswings away with your incredible Firstness.

    BOLLIX: If there really is a Scratch-the-Snatch-Patch, it’s your doing, not mine.

    Something dreamed up by your fevered imagination after ingesting too much haggis and spiked Irn-Bru.

    Merchant navy fuckathons are best left to our IVD who is currently servicing both the Russian and Australian fleets.

    ROBYN: Please do not encourage Bollix.

    MAXI: Isn’t it time you washed your pants?

  10. IVD: Thank you.

    Unlike the others, you’ve made an effort to be imaginative and create a proper posting.

    Albeit warped and twisted.

    KAZ: Judging by your retina burn, it’s obvious that YOU weren’t paying attention in class.

    GEOFF: I’m setting up a PayPal account as we speak.

    Please forward details of your bank account and credit card numbers.

    DAISY: Accurate?

    May I point out that you have neglected to begin sentences with upper case letters?


    XL: Or …Mistress MJ stands behind her staff of S&M gag writers, peering down their trousers at their cracks.

  11. And now it's time for...Monday Muff!

  12. Followed by:

    Tuesday Tits

    Wednesday Willy

    Thursday Turd

    Friday...hmmm, can't think of a rude word beginning with F.

  13. Kapitano: it's Friday Filth.... how could you not know THAT word???

  14. It's quite obvious to me They're playing "Guess Who Farted".

  15. Girls fart? Nah... surely not.

  16. how lazy are you!

    This is a do over. Get to it or mistrss cyberpetra will start cracking that whip

  17. KAPI: mmm…fellatio?



    PONYGIRL: Kapi is a decent man who is only visiting here for research purposes as he completes his PhD.

    HEFF: Pfffffffffttttttt.

    BOLLIX: Girls don’t fart, you say?

    Have you forgotten this?

    CYBERPOOF: Better a do over than a comb over.

    *looks disapprovingly at Mistress CyberPetra’s thinning pate*

  18. I'm traumatised for life after watching that, and I think I'm gonnae be sick.

    Wannae hold my hair?

  19. BOLLIX: Yes, I'll hold your hair.

    *grabs Bollix by the short and curlies*

  20. *clutches his head*

    Oi! I've still got a full head of hair!

    I'd never do a comb over

  21. My victory is hollow because it's clear Eroswings is off today.


  22. No can do here.

    1. I'm hung over.

    2. I'm hung over at work.

    3. I'm laying on my desk because I'm hungover at work.

    I wish I had the strength to be creative, but my head hurts way to damn bad.

  23. a photo of the mj dating service writers...

  24. I'll only wash my pants when they can tell me they need a wash, and not a minute before.

  25. Welcome to the Helen Keller Secretary College.

    You will learn to ignore all distractions and concentrate on your work.

    You will learn to type fast and accurate and if need be, in the dark when the lights go out.

    And by the time you graduate, you'll be able to tell from your heightened sense of touch whether the boss wants you get coffee or get down on your knees for some heavy dictation.

  26. if you do it too much it'll make you go blind?

  27. CYBERPOOF: Do you have enough hair for an Agassi Mullet?

    BOXER: He’s 27th. Ha!

    CATSCRATCH: Yesterday, when no one was around, I put my head down on my desk.

    I can’t blame it on a hangover though.

    VOICES: Dang. I should have saved that pic for a Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service day.

    MAXI: What are your pants telling you right now?

    EROS: I’d like you crawl across the room to bring me a coffee.

    TONY: Surprisingly, you’re still able to read this.

  28. whats happening mj? hows the 12 day work week going?

    *opens bag of popcorn to listen in on mj work week of wonder*

  29. VOICES: Why don't you just speak your mind and tell me that at least I don't have to operate heavy machinery for a living.

    Don't say anything to make me cross the border after work to come looking for you.

  30. "NExt time I hear bossbastard say WE keep that deadline I grab my axe and chop him - I'll chop it off sucker, no replacement possible whuhahahh ... that salat for lunch was a little ... hm better no think about ... Miller does his mirror trick again, aw sushuggs what next? will he fix small lenses on his shoes? Shoes! One reason to life for, if only ... Haensel und gretel gingen in den wald - who actually WRITES that garbage, check, recheck and forget workshy malcontents - who said that anyway? ... elevator to the scaffold would be better ... if I can't get outa here there will be blood ... or coffee? Coffee does it for now"

  31. I dont know the youth of today
    12 days work
    Try doing that and being on 24 hour call out and do additional kitchen bitch shifts at Cafe C, but does the Beast whinge and whine and get other people to write his blog for him
    oh no.
    And thats blatantly a picture of the Infomaniac ghost writing team who will go completely insane if they have to look at saggy old man meat and mounds of corpulent flesh for more than 15 minutes in any one hour , so they spend the rest of the time blinfolded ,recieving counselling .

  32. MAGO: Me thinks you need another day off.

    BEAST: "Does the Beast whinge and whine?"

    YES, he DOES!

  33. Um. EW!

    No, thank god no. I don't do mullets but I've not had my hair cut in way too long.

  34. Funny, I thought Hookers had better hours.

  35. CYBERPOOF: *approaches CyberPoof with scissors and "I Heart Sweeney Todd" t-shirt*

    BOXER: You'll be sorry for that.

    I'll lie in wait tonight for you to make your "Yay! I'm first!" comment.

    Then I'll delete it.

  36. no worries mj! cmon down, the minute men folk here are looking at the other border and no one pays any attention to people slipping in from canada.

    *sits in bushes humming mantra "this is my rifle, this is my gun, this ones for fighting, this ones for fun*

  37. I left that comment and then thought "oh crap, she knows where I work".


    *holds out candy?*

  38. A picture from the brochure of the Academy of Wonder Typing. Invisible Ink Ribbon Class.

  39. VOICES: We’re all nice, polite Canadians.

    Everyone loves Canadians.

    I’ll be stopping by Nations’ house first to use her toilet planter.

    BOXER: *spits stale PEZ out*

    Vee have vays of making you talk.

    JOE: They’re creating the Braille edition of Infomaniac.

  40. does that invlove firig ping pong balls from various orifii cyberpoof ?????

  41. CYBERPOOF & BEAST: Shouldn't the pair of you be in bed by now?

  42. I'm waiting for tips........and love but mainly for tips......

  43. I'm waiting for tips........and love but mainly for tips......

  44. MANUEL: Here's a tip...

    Learn how to operate the "Publish" button.

  45. **realizes I gave MJ Paco Treats instead of candy**


  46. BOXER: *mistakes Boxer for fire hydrant*

  47. There's just too much competition around here. I give up. I'm going to drink.

  48. RANDOM: Why don't you try dragging your drunken ass out of bed earlier to make it over here?

  49. mj how long have i been posting here and you are just now smacking me for capitalization...ffs what does a girl have to do around here to get a proper smack in a timely manner...geez louise!

  50. I'm waiting for my new wireless router from AOL to arrive in the post, in the meantime I can only comment.
    Get back to work you lazy ass.

  51. DAISY: Then there's Inner Voices and First Nations who use too many upper case letters.

    I'm fed up being the grammar police.

    ISTVANSKI: That's the first time I've heard that excuse for failing to update a blog.

  52. They are all writing to Bush in the alphabet he is used to.