Monday, August 25, 2008

Write This Post

Mistress MJ is knackered.

So she wants you bitches to write her post for her.

Go on! What are you waiting for, dammit?

Posted by at

55 comments:

  1. Jenny11:57 PM, August 24, 2008

    hellloooo Eroswings.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Barlinnie2:25 AM, August 25, 2008

    Okay class, today we will be testing your sense of smell. I shall be passing out (pardon the pun) several pairs of MJ's undies, of which you will do a 'scratch & sniff' test.
    Your assignment wil be to ascertain exactly how many different types of semen samples you can find in the crotch area.

    Bearing in mind that MJ is currently in the middle of a 12 day fuckathon with the merchant navy, I will be looking for the correct figures between 9 - 90.

    You may begin...... now.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Unknown4:02 AM, August 25, 2008

    Baaaahhhhhaaaafucklllooooolllll! HOly shit that is so freakin funny bollix!

    I don't even know where to begin...my lovely! Check out my crabs!

    Well, come by and check out my last post for the mystery trip! A bit late but better late than never I say! LOL!
    Many hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous5:07 AM, August 25, 2008

    I've got a pair here that are so fishy they've got fucking barnacles growing on them.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Inexplicable DeVice5:20 AM, August 25, 2008

    Mistress MJ is fed up of working her fingers to the bone producing award winning works of art fit for the Pullitzer prize. Instead, she is reclining on a chaise longue wearing nothing but stockings and suspenders, while her army of child labourers (overseen by their cruel governess) get to work in producing embellished tales of derring do as undertaken by the suspendered one.
    Naturally, they are blindfolded to prevent them from seeing MJ's beauty *cough gag* for it would surely turn them mad were they to gaze upon it.
    When feeling energetic, Mistress MJ would occasionally work her fingers around the boner of the young man at the front of the class, who would naturally assume it's that slut sitting next to him who is playing with his python, but he fantasizes that it's actually the governess!

    ReplyDelete
  6. KAZ6:25 AM, August 25, 2008

    This is in the days long before the invention of the computer and the interweb.
    These young people are being trained in advance to avoid the shock of seeing the pictures on Infomaniac.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Geoff6:33 AM, August 25, 2008

    She calls herself Mistress MJ
    She don't care if you're straight or you're gay
    If you want genitalia
    MJ just won't fail ya
    And she does it each day for no pay!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Daisy8:02 AM, August 25, 2008

    OMG that is how i learned to type! except it wasn't in black and white...and the teacher had a ruler she would snap on your hands if you made a mistake...yes i type fast and usually accurate now...go figure!

    ReplyDelete
  9. LẌ8:40 AM, August 25, 2008

    Mistress MJ (standing) oversees her crack staff of S&M fetish gag writers.

    ReplyDelete
  10. The Mistress9:30 AM, August 25, 2008

    BOXER: Well done. It appears you’ve scared Eroswings away with your incredible Firstness.

    BOLLIX: If there really is a Scratch-the-Snatch-Patch, it’s your doing, not mine.

    Something dreamed up by your fevered imagination after ingesting too much haggis and spiked Irn-Bru.

    Merchant navy fuckathons are best left to our IVD who is currently servicing both the Russian and Australian fleets.

    ROBYN: Please do not encourage Bollix.

    MAXI: Isn’t it time you washed your pants?

    ReplyDelete
  11. The Mistress9:31 AM, August 25, 2008

    IVD: Thank you.

    Unlike the others, you’ve made an effort to be imaginative and create a proper posting.

    Albeit warped and twisted.

    KAZ: Judging by your retina burn, it’s obvious that YOU weren’t paying attention in class.

    GEOFF: I’m setting up a PayPal account as we speak.

    Please forward details of your bank account and credit card numbers.

    DAISY: Accurate?

    May I point out that you have neglected to begin sentences with upper case letters?

    THWACK!

    XL: Or …Mistress MJ stands behind her staff of S&M gag writers, peering down their trousers at their cracks.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Kapitano10:26 AM, August 25, 2008

    And now it's time for...Monday Muff!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Kapitano10:29 AM, August 25, 2008

    Followed by:

    Tuesday Tits

    Wednesday Willy

    Thursday Turd

    Friday...hmmm, can't think of a rude word beginning with F.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ponita in Real Life10:54 AM, August 25, 2008

    Kapitano: it's Friday Filth.... how could you not know THAT word???

    ReplyDelete
  15. Heff10:55 AM, August 25, 2008

    It's quite obvious to me They're playing "Guess Who Farted".

    ReplyDelete
  16. Barlinnie11:10 AM, August 25, 2008

    Girls fart? Nah... surely not.

    ReplyDelete
  17. CyberPete11:24 AM, August 25, 2008

    how lazy are you!

    This is a do over. Get to it or mistrss cyberpetra will start cracking that whip

    ReplyDelete
  18. The Mistress12:14 PM, August 25, 2008

    KAPI: mmm…fellatio?

    Felching?

    Fisting?

    PONYGIRL: Kapi is a decent man who is only visiting here for research purposes as he completes his PhD.

    HEFF: Pfffffffffttttttt.

    BOLLIX: Girls don’t fart, you say?

    Have you forgotten this?

    CYBERPOOF: Better a do over than a comb over.

    *looks disapprovingly at Mistress CyberPetra’s thinning pate*

    ReplyDelete
  19. Barlinnie12:34 PM, August 25, 2008

    I'm traumatised for life after watching that, and I think I'm gonnae be sick.

    Wannae hold my hair?

    ReplyDelete
  20. The Mistress12:37 PM, August 25, 2008

    BOLLIX: Yes, I'll hold your hair.

    *grabs Bollix by the short and curlies*

    ReplyDelete
  21. CyberPete12:42 PM, August 25, 2008

    *clutches his head*

    Oi! I've still got a full head of hair!

    I'd never do a comb over

    ReplyDelete
  22. Jenny1:06 PM, August 25, 2008

    My victory is hollow because it's clear Eroswings is off today.

    *sigh*

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous1:10 PM, August 25, 2008

    No can do here.

    1. I'm hung over.

    2. I'm hung over at work.

    3. I'm laying on my desk because I'm hungover at work.

    I wish I had the strength to be creative, but my head hurts way to damn bad.

    ReplyDelete
  24. INNER VOICES1:31 PM, August 25, 2008

    a photo of the mj dating service writers...

    ReplyDelete
  25. Anonymous1:32 PM, August 25, 2008

    I'll only wash my pants when they can tell me they need a wash, and not a minute before.

    ReplyDelete
  26. eroswings1:43 PM, August 25, 2008

    Welcome to the Helen Keller Secretary College.

    You will learn to ignore all distractions and concentrate on your work.

    You will learn to type fast and accurate and if need be, in the dark when the lights go out.

    And by the time you graduate, you'll be able to tell from your heightened sense of touch whether the boss wants you get coffee or get down on your knees for some heavy dictation.

    ReplyDelete
  27. tony2:45 PM, August 25, 2008

    if you do it too much it'll make you go blind?

    ReplyDelete
  28. The Mistress2:53 PM, August 25, 2008

    CYBERPOOF: Do you have enough hair for an Agassi Mullet?

    BOXER: He’s 27th. Ha!

    CATSCRATCH: Yesterday, when no one was around, I put my head down on my desk.

    I can’t blame it on a hangover though.

    VOICES: Dang. I should have saved that pic for a Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service day.

    MAXI: What are your pants telling you right now?

    EROS: I’d like you crawl across the room to bring me a coffee.

    TONY: Surprisingly, you’re still able to read this.

    ReplyDelete
  29. INNER VOICES3:03 PM, August 25, 2008

    whats happening mj? hows the 12 day work week going?

    *opens bag of popcorn to listen in on mj work week of wonder*

    ReplyDelete
  30. The Mistress3:12 PM, August 25, 2008

    VOICES: Why don't you just speak your mind and tell me that at least I don't have to operate heavy machinery for a living.

    Don't say anything to make me cross the border after work to come looking for you.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Anonymous3:29 PM, August 25, 2008

    "NExt time I hear bossbastard say WE keep that deadline I grab my axe and chop him - I'll chop it off sucker, no replacement possible whuhahahh ... that salat for lunch was a little ... hm better no think about ... Miller does his mirror trick again, aw sushuggs what next? will he fix small lenses on his shoes? Shoes! One reason to life for, if only ... Haensel und gretel gingen in den wald - who actually WRITES that garbage, check, recheck and forget workshy malcontents - who said that anyway? ... elevator to the scaffold would be better ... if I can't get outa here there will be blood ... or coffee? Coffee does it for now"

    ReplyDelete
  32. BEAST3:30 PM, August 25, 2008

    I dont know the youth of today
    12 days work
    Pfffffft
    Try doing that and being on 24 hour call out and do additional kitchen bitch shifts at Cafe C, but does the Beast whinge and whine and get other people to write his blog for him
    oh no.
    And thats blatantly a picture of the Infomaniac ghost writing team who will go completely insane if they have to look at saggy old man meat and mounds of corpulent flesh for more than 15 minutes in any one hour , so they spend the rest of the time blinfolded ,recieving counselling .

    ReplyDelete
  33. The Mistress3:44 PM, August 25, 2008

    MAGO: Me thinks you need another day off.

    BEAST: "Does the Beast whinge and whine?"

    YES, he DOES!

    ReplyDelete
  34. CyberPete3:45 PM, August 25, 2008

    Um. EW!

    No, thank god no. I don't do mullets but I've not had my hair cut in way too long.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Jenny4:10 PM, August 25, 2008

    Funny, I thought Hookers had better hours.

    ReplyDelete
  36. The Mistress4:25 PM, August 25, 2008

    CYBERPOOF: *approaches CyberPoof with scissors and "I Heart Sweeney Todd" t-shirt*

    BOXER: You'll be sorry for that.

    I'll lie in wait tonight for you to make your "Yay! I'm first!" comment.

    Then I'll delete it.

    ReplyDelete
  37. INNER VOICES4:32 PM, August 25, 2008

    no worries mj! cmon down, the minute men folk here are looking at the other border and no one pays any attention to people slipping in from canada.

    *sits in bushes humming mantra "this is my rifle, this is my gun, this ones for fighting, this ones for fun*

    ReplyDelete
  38. Jenny5:10 PM, August 25, 2008

    I left that comment and then thought "oh crap, she knows where I work".

    hee?

    *holds out candy?*

    ReplyDelete
  39. Practically Joe5:16 PM, August 25, 2008

    A picture from the brochure of the Academy of Wonder Typing. Invisible Ink Ribbon Class.

    ReplyDelete
  40. The Mistress5:26 PM, August 25, 2008

    VOICES: We’re all nice, polite Canadians.

    Everyone loves Canadians.

    I’ll be stopping by Nations’ house first to use her toilet planter.

    BOXER: *spits stale PEZ out*

    Vee have vays of making you talk.

    JOE: They’re creating the Braille edition of Infomaniac.

    ReplyDelete
  41. CyberPete5:32 PM, August 25, 2008

    *let's MJ do her thing*

    ReplyDelete
  42. BEAST6:03 PM, August 25, 2008

    does that invlove firig ping pong balls from various orifii cyberpoof ?????

    ReplyDelete
  43. The Mistress6:09 PM, August 25, 2008

    CYBERPOOF & BEAST: Shouldn't the pair of you be in bed by now?

    ReplyDelete
  44. Manuel6:21 PM, August 25, 2008

    I'm waiting for tips........and love but mainly for tips......

    ReplyDelete
  45. Manuel6:21 PM, August 25, 2008

    I'm waiting for tips........and love but mainly for tips......

    ReplyDelete
  46. Manuel6:21 PM, August 25, 2008

    twice apparently.....

    ReplyDelete
  47. The Mistress6:27 PM, August 25, 2008

    MANUEL: Here's a tip...

    Learn how to operate the "Publish" button.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Jenny6:35 PM, August 25, 2008

    **realizes I gave MJ Paco Treats instead of candy**

    runs.

    ReplyDelete
  49. The Mistress6:43 PM, August 25, 2008

    BOXER: *mistakes Boxer for fire hydrant*

    ReplyDelete
  50. Anonymous12:07 AM, August 26, 2008

    There's just too much competition around here. I give up. I'm going to drink.

    ReplyDelete
  51. The Mistress12:52 AM, August 26, 2008

    RANDOM: Why don't you try dragging your drunken ass out of bed earlier to make it over here?

    ReplyDelete
  52. Daisy4:22 AM, August 26, 2008

    mj how long have i been posting here and you are just now smacking me for capitalization...ffs what does a girl have to do around here to get a proper smack in a timely manner...geez louise!

    ReplyDelete
  53. Istvanski8:15 AM, August 26, 2008

    I'm waiting for my new wireless router from AOL to arrive in the post, in the meantime I can only comment.
    Get back to work you lazy ass.
    ;-P

    ReplyDelete
  54. The Mistress8:26 AM, August 26, 2008

    DAISY: Then there's Inner Voices and First Nations who use too many upper case letters.

    I'm fed up being the grammar police.

    ISTVANSKI: That's the first time I've heard that excuse for failing to update a blog.

    ReplyDelete
  55. UBERMOUTH2:53 PM, August 26, 2008

    They are all writing to Bush in the alphabet he is used to.

    ReplyDelete

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