Sunday, August 24, 2008

Pep Talk

As you recall, Mistress MJ is working 12 days in a row and at this point she’s worked 8 of those 12 days.

So far, as well as working hard, she’s been recruited by the Hire-a-Bitch Headhunting Agency; kidnapped by the Yakuza and forced to perform Japanese Bikini Rodeo Pie Fighting; acted in a Japanese “art film”; time and space travelled in a TARDIS; and forced to socialize on First Nations’ lawn in Washington State amidst the toilet planters.

Let’s look in and see how she’s doing so far, shall we?...

Oh dear. Her get-up-and-go seems to have got up and left.

How can Mistress MJ go from that state (pictured above) to this state?...

Your suggestions on how to improve her pep are welcome.


  1. Have a drink... perhaps a good old fashioned screaming Orgasm.

  2. I hate you Eroswings. OK, not really. I just hate being,


  3. P.S. Sorry you've got no Pep. I'd suggest a small Chihuahua named, Peppy.

  4. Howabout you take a long luxurious soak in the crick, fix up that purdy hair, and put on some underwear? (it is nearly September) Get your best dungaree's on and hitch up the mule and ride into town where there is sure to be some good ol fiddle music going on. Kicking up those heels Miss MJ will do you a world of good and revitalise your tired, worn and sagging body.

    Alternatively, you could always just try adding more fibre to your diet and hope the regularity will put more poop in your shoot, and more pep in your step.

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  6. A nice camomile tea can work wonders, my dear. Relaxes the mind and freshens the urine.

  7. I think what you really need is a new pair of shoes.

    Those ones are just not working for you.

    Must say that the pout is a bit Sophia Loren. Good on you!

  8. You need a slave with Olypmic strength tongue muscles under that desk to cater for your every horn!

  9. Get a tank of whatever Dennis Hopper's character was sniffing in Blue Velvet.

  10. If that second advert is to be believed beheading and mounting your head on a spring will work wonders ......however the Beast feels this is a little extreme and ofers the advice that 'love eggs' may brighten your day (and make you walk like your chewing a toffee)

  11. EROS: I don’t have the energy to scream.

    Would a whimper suffice?

    BOXER: Are you suggesting my puppies aren’t adequate?

    BOLLIX: *challenges Bollix to a banjo duel and struts off in Daisy Dukes*

    PUPPY&HIPPO: As per your suggestion, I am mixing a chamomile tea enema, directions as follows:

    Dilute 1 glass (250ml) of the Chamomile Concentrates with 2 glasses (500ml) of distilled water. The solution must be at body temperature. Retain for 15 minutes.

    The process, if successful, will be photographed and mailed to your home, as a way of thanking you.

  12. CYBERPOOF: The Fall shoes are tempting me like candy in the shop windows.

    A powerful allure not unlike your attraction to Olympic swimmers in speedos.

    MAXI: Now you’re talkin’!


    XL: “Where's my bourbon? Can't you fucking remember anything?”
    --Frank Booth

    BEAST: *shoots love eggs out onto Beast’s platter of Ma Beastie’s chickpea curry*

    Bon appétit.

  13. sugar, you are a daily bright spot on my horizon! ;-) xoxo

  14. Ha Ha Ha

    Very brave cyberpoof I feel a horrible retribution coming on for that comment :-)

  15. damn these eggs are over done

  16. The Secret Is Not To Get A Lather?

  17. SAVANNAH: And you are a wet spot on mine.

    CYBERPOOF & BEAST: Consider yourselves lucky that Mistress MJ is not PMS-ing today.

    TONY: Lather?


  18. Do some drive by shootings and pop a raccoon in the microwave on high for five minutes.

    Always works for me.

  19. You need more lanoline. That means more sheep and that means Wales....or New Zealand.

  20. GARFY: I'll pop a cap in yo' ass.

    TICKERS: And just where the hell have YOU been?

  21. vandalism. nothing lifts the spirits like vandalism.

    and cocaine.

  22. NATIONS: Vandalism and cocaine?

    *knocks over Nations' toilet planters whilst high on coke*

  23. Electro-shock therapy.
    Insert finger in outlet.

  24. JOE: Cruel and unusual.

    Do you work for the government?

  25. Sorry ... I hadn't eaten dinner yet. I was mad because the wife was late getting home. I had dinner prepared and it was getting cold. While I waited for her I made cruel and unusual comments. Forgive me. I'll give you a new answer ...
    Take Two ...

    How about a good old fashioned chair race. MJ seems ready to go. Feet up and hold on! If we can get going fast enough we can smash into something so hard that MJ's head will spring right off her shoulders making her smile and her hair twinkle.
    That better?

    Dinner was ruined and she said I should have timed it better.