Monday, August 18, 2008

Devious Dealings

Mushi mushi. Yes, this is (garbled voice). No, you cannot speak with Mistress MJ. She is riding mechanical bull. In bikini. With PIE!

We interrupt your scheduled Infomaniac self-pleasuring session to announce a disturbing development.

Mistress MJ has been kidnapped by the Yakuza…the Japanese Mafia!

She was forced into a bikini; a difficult situation considering her addiction to HobNobs, and made to ride a mechanical bull whilst throwing pies at scantily clad women!!!

Those who frequent these underworld sporting matches call it “Japanese Bikini Rodeo Pie Fighting.”

If you feel you must watch, do not subject yourself to more than a couple of minutes of this filthy footage.

Such is the skill of the Yakuza that you cannot recognize which one is Mistress MJ.

I think they’ve turned her Japanese. I really think so!

Bitches: Something must be done! We must not stand idly by. What would you do in this situation?


  1. I only care about one thing,

    first, first, first, first.


  2. Actually, I DO care. Uhm. Er.

    Should we send Old K over to rescue her? Maybe he could sell some CD's while he's there.

  3. Or maybe he can send nudey pics of his wee wee.

    That is known to revive the dead.


  4. The first thing I would do is call my cable company to get this channel on my TV, stat!

  5. I've seen all this before when MJ invited me over to taste her pie.

    MJ is the one on the right by the way. After she used my face as a stool for several hours I would be able to recognise that peachy butt anywhere.

  6. The first thing I am going to do is have a nice cup of tea and help meself to Miss MJ's hob nob stockpile , she wont be needing those for a while

  7. i would eat pie!

    (and bake some more)

  8. What would I do?
    Take the money and buy more Hob Nobs.

  9. I am prepared to pay a ransom of a packet of boiled sweets and a well thumbed copy of Readers Wives to ensure Mistress MJ's release.

    Failing this Mistress MJ must commit hari kiri.


  10. Boxer-san, Awa-san, Carnalis-san, and Kaz-san: Come with me, Gaijin bitches.

    Bikinis for all.

    Much pie awaits.

    Eros-san, Bollix-san, Beast-san and Garfer-san: Manly recruits I find here for Yakuza training.

    Make to wear Yakuza hair styles.

    New Yakuza-mans teach wanton gaijin bitches to ride mechanical bull.

    Making gaijin-girls sit on laps for rides of life.

    Pie for afters.

  11. What would I do?

    Pull the fucking head off it, like a half starved village idiot trying to milk a cow, and shower you all in an arc of liquid silk.

  12. Recommend that Mistress MJ sit on the pie.

  13. I'd stay. It's Japan for fuck sake. Sushi and Sake.


  14. Will they be dipped in chocolate or vanilla sauce too? A little closer to heaven ...

  15. Crump-san has tight grip on own samurai sword.

    Mistress MJ make farts on pie. Not edible now. Dipping in chocolate sauce cannot be helpful.

    Everyone have round of sake.



  17. Mistress MJ never come back to hear sweet guitar riff of HEFF Man.

    Words of praise fall on deaf ears.

    When you testing Suntory beer? Possible superiority of Sapporo.

  18. Dear Yacuzzi

    Please, please. I beg of you. Please don't expose mistress MJ in a fluffy pink bikini.

    The world is not, and probably never will, ready for that.

    Your only solution is to release her to Mr. Fumijuki and let her fly back to Canada where she belongs. In a big parka with matching ski trousers.


    Member of the Danish Gay Council.

  19. make it sound like you're having a lousy time or something. HEY! MR HEAVILY TATTOOED POMPADOUR BOY THERE! hire this red ass! i'll throw your pie, baby!

  20. Yakuza-Man want romance with CyberPete-san.

    CyberPete-san good for bum fun.

    Homosekushuaru liking anaru, yes?

    Nations-san have powerful FU. Good for pie throwing.

    Also good for making fist to put up bums of Yakuza-men.

  21. Don't ask me what I would do...I'd get on that mechanical bull and get me some pies.

    I'd also down about 10,000 hob nobs too.

  22. All this fuss , Dinner at Cafe C is often worse

  23. *submits resume under guise of employment at pie place, plans on stuffing mj into a duffel bag to sneak her out and return her to his house*


    *return her to the mother land*

  24. Mr. Yucuzzi do you even have to ask?

    Just let our MJ go.

  25. Random-san freaky gaijin chick.

    Break off penis.

    No good.

    Shirako now being served for Beast-san.

    Anybody else like delicacy?

    Voices-san good with heavy equipment.

    Fixing busted mechanical bull?

    Danish bum fun back for more.

    Can’t get enough of Yakuza-Man.

  26. I really can't be arsed rescuing her just drop a few more nukes and let God sort out his own.

    'Nip' the kidnapping in the bud.

  27. Knudsen-san admirable for Fenian Cocksucking tales of valour.

  28. ARGHGHGHG - Let me at those tiny people! They run in fear from me. I'll eat them for breakfast and maybe spit this MJ out.

  29. Riding the super dildo, throwing all that fartpie around and bound for a sake-coma - MJ must be enjoying every minute, Maybe the fluffy pink is a little too annoying, but heavens - that can be changed: Just free the MJ-twins - yes I know not too original - anyway Yakuzaman-san - I hope you employed old Araki for the time of MJ's stay to snap evry possible picture!
    BTW I thought earlier about all these cute Japanese beauties being dipped in pudding and sprinkled with cherries ... aw you Japanese know how to celebrate!

    If you do not give back MJ in an exceptable (unstained) state some parts of you will be chopped, not just the small finger you know.

  30. Mistress MJ your
    absence is a wide gaping
    chasm in my heart

  31. Presence of GODZILLA!

    Mago-san and T-Bird-san enemies of Yakuza-Man.

    Release RODAN!

    Flying reptile! Pterodactyl from hell!

    Blast you with atomic breath!!!

    Everyone else eat pudding.

    Back up plan involving releasing of flying monkeys.

  32. Mistress MJ has been kidnapped by the Yakuza…the Japanese Mafia!
    Everyone stay calm!
    I'm well connected with the Italian Mafia in Boston ... I'll talk to a guy who will talk to a guy. We'll get MJ back and take a piece of that Bikini Rodeo Pie Fighting prize money too!