Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Drunk of the Day

Welcome to a new series on Infomaniac entitled Drunk of the Day.

Here we shall examine the wacky hijinks that folk get up to under the influence of alcohol.

THE DRUNK: Keith Walendowski, 56.

THE DISTRICT: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, U.S.A.

THE DEED: Walendowski said he was angry because his Lawn Boy wouldn't start

He told police, "I can do that, it's my lawn mower and my yard so I can shoot it if I want."

THE DENOUEMENT: Walendowski could face up to an $11,000 fine and six years and three months in prison if convicted.

Walendowski is not the first to shoot an appliance or an inanimate object whilst drunk. Heck, even Elvis was known to shoot out a TV set or two without the influence of alcohol.

Presley had a habit of occasionally breaking out a firearm from his gun collection and opening fire at television sets and other items.

For example, entertainer Robert Goulet was performing on TV when Presley blasted his 25-inch RCA television.

"There was nothing Elvis had against Robert Goulet. They were friends," a Graceland spokesman said. "But Elvis just shot out things on a random basis."

And now my question to you, bitches…

Have you ever attacked an appliance or inanimate object? Or wanted to?
Details, please.

*police officers and psychiatric personnel are standing by*


  1. Yay first.

    Heheee ...

  2. Apart from the weekly fight with the duvet and cover....nothing

  3. YAY! Second!

    I was wondering when he'd make an appearance.

    He sure looks scary. Then again most mugshots do. To think of Nick Noltes.

    I've thrown a phone at someone once (I was never dragged to court btw) and thrown an alarm clock at the wall. But nothing that needs psychiatric personnel standing by though.

  4. Oh so YAY 3rd!

    (glares at Beasty)

    First drooping labias and now this.

  5. There are times when I want to toss out my old computer when it acts up!

    Well, well, CP having Naomi Campbell moment...is that why you don't have a regular housekeeper?

    The punishment seems a little extreme for shooting a lawnmower; he might as well have shot a landscaper...

    What's wrong with Elvis's eye? He looks like he got pistol whipped...Priscilla probably caught him shooting on a random lady...

  6. Well Bingowings..

    That could be it, although I didn't throw it at a housekeeper. I threw it at a (now ex)friend for several reasons I don't think I want to get into now. Never throw stuff at the people who clean your bathroom. They could be using your toothbrush.

    As for Elvis, maybe he got smurfed?

  7. I rarely touch domestic appliances, preferring to leave such menial tasks to my servants.

    I have been known to assault my servants when they perform their duties in a less than satisfactory manner.

    One has to keep the working classes on their toes.

  8. Hmmm...took a puter to an old fridge! Because the damn thing stopped working and made all my beer (that was stocked pile in there)...steaming hot that most of them blew off the caps....damn warm beer jizz everywhere! The damn dog was hammered by the time I walked through the door! Lucky bastard!

  9. I used to maim and throw my dolls across the room when I was a little girl, and cut their hair off.

    *starts laughing like a maniac*

  10. I have attacked a phone box punching two glass panels out, I also shunted a moped out the way when it boxed me in - smashing the wingmirror . . .

    . . . the list goes on and on

  11. looks like my ex-wife.......

    sounds bitter eh..

    having a bad day now that you ask

  12. I was once so furious with the Jaaaaz Fan (ex husband) that I attacked the (new) stainless steel sink with a cast iron frying pan.

    The damage was considerable.
    The Jaaaaz Fan was impressed.

  13. *makes note not to let Kaz do the washing up*

    If I had Elvis's gun I'd probably shoot the telly on a regular basis. When I'm on my treadmill and Gyles Brandreth or Carol Thatcher comes on screen.

  14. Is that stain on Elvis' upper lip from one of those fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches?

  15. In my previous job I was known for breaking every phone I used. I was on the phone talking 8 hours a day taking 100+ phone calls... and I had a habit of smashing the receiver back into the cradle and then banging it up and down. It made a fabulous noise and I always felt better after a truly stupid phone call. When they tried to get me to wear one of those headsets, I quit. (Boxing has greatly helped the smashing thing.)

  16. MAGO: Your first first!

    I’m so proud of you.

    BEAST: Who’s winning?

    CYBERPOOF: You throw like a girl, don’t you?

    EROS: Perhaps the bruise was a result of one of Elvis’s karate demos.

    Sing it now…Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting.

    GARFY: It’s hard to get good help these days, isn’t it?

    Would you like to borrow one of my houseboys?

    ROBYN: I’ll remember this as the day that I was introduced to a new term…

    “Beer Jizz”

    BETTY: I loved my stuffed animals but hated dolls.

    So much so that I threw a tantrum when I won a contest where the girl’s prize was a doll.

    They had to give me the boy’s prize instead… a dump truck.

    I wonder what became of the boy who got my doll.

    FROBI: Were you having difficulty sticking your card to the wall of the phone box?

    MANUEL: Who wants a cuddle?

    KAZ: I love how you’ve had so many men that you have to give them nicknames like the Jaaaaz Fan and the Folksinger to help us indentify them.


    Did I miss a posting?

    XL: Grease is the word.

    BOXER: I’m seeing a phone-hate theme here in the comments today.

    Perhaps this is worthy of a future posting?

  17. I do! How did you know?

  18. That was me saying that. I wonder why I wasn't registering as me. Hmm.

  19. "worthy of a future posting?"

    About time someone ripped the lid off phone-hate! Oh, wait. It's the idiots on the other end of the line. Never mind.

  20. I once broke a penis pump, but it wasn't out of rage.

  21. CYBERPOOF: Perhaps it was your evil twin commenting?

    XL: But do you yell at recorded messages like Mistress MJ does?

    HEFF: Damned show off.

  22. Miss MJ , I have been hassled by canadiens ALL DAY, and I hold you directly responsible for you fellow countrymen

  23. BEAST: What's gone wrong with your day?

    Do elaborate.

    *feigns interest*

  24. Hey, that's my boyfriend! Where did you find that photo of him? He looks so much better in that photo than he does in person. Maybe I need a new boyfriend...

  25. Sorry I was so distracted by that hot photo of my boyfriend that I forgot to answer your question:

    Yes, I have attacked my computer several times. This includes throwing it on the floor and stomping on it and also having it dragged down the hall by a freaked out dog when the power cord got tangled up in its legs. I'm surprised it still works.

  26. RANDOM: I hope your boyfriend doesn't go all Richard Pryor on your ass.

    He shot up his fourth wife's Buick with his .357 Magnum when she tried to leave him.

  27. We are not at home to Miss Sarcastic
    So I am not fecking telling you
    So there

  28. Can't say I've ever shot at anything. I've thrown my fair share of stuff across the room though... ashtrays, a toaster, phones....

  29. Evil twin, that's so bad soap opera.

    Oh nevermind. Could happen.

  30. BEAST: Fine.

    I spend quality time on your blog considering film recommendations for you and THIS is the thanks I get?

    You can burn in hell for all I care.

    CATSCRATCH: I threw a frying pan full of pancakes at an ex-boyfriend when he criticized my cooking.

    I am used to being the servee, not the server so he is lucky I cooked anything at all.

    *takes aim with new, as yet undented fry pan at Beast*

    CYBERPOOF: Do bad Danish soap opera.

  31. CYBERPOOF: That should say "So" not "Do"

    Beast, see what you've made me do?

  32. There is no such thing as a bad danish soap opera


  33. see the wages of sarcasm .
    But since I have been hounded by sarcastic Canadiens ALL day I am not surprised

  34. and not just sarcastic
    Brusque even

  35. WE GET DRUNK AND SHOOT SHIT ALL THE TIME!!! good and drunk too... you know them people in the hills everyones always making fun of with their moon shine and guns and inbreeding and stuff... theres my picture next to it....

    i had a computer take a break from working and i couldnt find the reboot back up discs, so we smashed it with and ax.. low and behold, the reboot discs come flying out of the case upon the second whack... i had put them in the case so i wouldnt lose them...

    hows my punk-u-a-tion today?

  36. Thank you, thank you, nevermind ... attacked things? Like a toilet door in the mensa because of rage after an insult coram publico? These laminated thingies really have no drag ... a lot must come together to make me do such a thing, but I thank God that guns are not available here. After all I tamed my irascability.

  37. Okay, I've figured out how Elvis got a black eye; he tried to cuddle you and got right boob jab in the left eye followed by a left boob hook to the lower lip. After a beating like that, He's All Shook Up; it's no wonder he had to buy a gun.

  38. BEAST: I have no patience with you anymore.


    You probably did something to warrant those Canadians going off on you like that.


    MAGO: Do Mensa members use the toilets?

    I thought they exempt.

    What did they insult you about?

    And what laminated thing in the toilets?

    I demand a translator now!

    EROS: Yes, Elvis is alive and trying to feel up my sweater puppies.

    Next crazy Elvis conspiracy theorist? ... form an orderly line to the right!

  39. ****sulking in the corner after being told off***

  40. I guess Mensa-members do their sittings just like another normal humans. Mensa, Latin for "the table", is where Europe's coming elite is slowly poisoned. I was insulted by a colleague and had to go away. Went downstairs to the restrooms and smashed one of the doors in front of one of these booths - a nice kick with the right food. These "doors" really have absolutely no protecting force ...

    Your theory is all wrong. MJs cuddling is the best cuddling you can get. It's all natural. And uplifting. So poor Elvis has to play with a substitute, Ersatz. Naturally that leaves traces ...

  41. I've always wanted to do go Office Space on a printer at work.

    I also swore like a fish monger's wife at my computer last night. It shut down with about an hour's worth of work... gone.

    Shitting bastard.

  42. BEAST: While you're sulking in the corner, put on this pinny and do some dusting for me.

    MAGO: Remind me to stay out of the way of your right foot.


    T-BIRD: Isn't there some kind of spell you can concoct to make the computer behave?

    You ARE a Coven member, are you not?

  43. I shot out an insanely bright "security" light that was interfering with my beauty sleep at College. One shot from about 75 yards. Wasn't drunk.

    Wisconsin and Minnesota are full of drunks. It's the proximity to Canada probably.

  44. Mago, that Mensa experience seems bloated, painful; hopefully it's not a monthly thing.

  45. TROLL: So didja get better lookin' after you shot out the light?

    EROS: Do not speak here of monthly issues.

    *looks crossly at Eros and prepares to fling uterus*

  46. I shot an Asteroid game with a crossbow and beat up my electric type writer, no I don't have anger issues, wot the fuck you looking at?

  47. you can't discharge firearms within city limits, that drunk should check on his rights a bit more.