Saturday, August 09, 2008

Drunk of the Day

Welcome to another installment of our new series entitled Drunk of the Day.

Here we shall examine the wacky hijinks that folk get up to under the influence of alcohol.

THE DRUNK: Douglas E. Smith, 49, who calls himself “Otis the Town Drunk”.

THE DISTRICT: Portage, Indiana, U.S.A.

THE DEED: Police officers arrested Smith after responding to a report of an intoxicated man stumbling around.

It was Smith’s 70th arrest.

Smith has been arrested for public intoxication so many times that people he sees at taverns occasionally approach him and ask for his autograph.

Smith has spent about half his adult life behind bars. (and in bars too, no doubt).

Smith brags that he can drink two cases of beer in a day, or can gulp down six bottles of wine or three fifths of hard liquor. He said he has walked around with a blood-alcohol concentration of 0.45, enough to put most people in a coma.

THE DENOUEMENT: No word yet as to what punishment will be doled out.

Suggestions from the Infomaniac jury?

Do you know an "Otis"?


  1. ahaha - I didn't even read the post. Know why??


  2. OK, back.

    your Worst Drunk posts always make me feel a little better about myself.

  3. IDV ? Although he's not so much seen stumbling around as he is laying arse up in the air down by the docks.

    I wonder if his liver is fully functioning. Hmmm. Doesn't strike me as the kind who has insurance or can afford a replacement.

  4. A gold star for Otis.

    You can't really blame him, there's not much else to do in Indiana.

  5. I like drunks, they have lower standards :-)

  6. Introduce him to either politics or the priesthood, he should fit right in with both camps and would be an overnight success.

  7. CyberPetra! You cheeky whippersnapper!

    Punishment for "Otis" should be to be engulfed by the monstrosity in the next post down.

  8. At least you are not trying to deny it

  9. There's a bloke who gets off the train at night after a hard day in the office - he smells of booze and his skin is red with large spots. He walks out of the station straight into the pub over the road. I'd like to know where he works.

  10. should there really be a punishment...isn't he punishing himself enough for everyone's satisfaction...and amusement, i'm sure...i've been to indiana...and no there isn't more than corn there!

  11. BOXER: Back on top of your game, I see.

    But for how long?

    CYBERPOOF: IVD’s rectum would make a good cup holder for a cocktail glass were it not so slack.

    GARFY: Having been once (never again) to Indiana, I agree.

    BEAST: Is that how you try to attract women?

    By lowering their standards through alcohol?

    BOLLIX: I’ll drink to that.

    IVD: There would be no 71st arrest as he’d never find his way out.

    GEOFF: And I’d like to read his blog entries about YOU.

    ISTVANSKI: Dot must be so proud.

    DAISY: Buncha Hoosiers.

  12. Punishment? Community service at the Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service cleaning "yogurt" stains off things.

  13. I'm very quickly becoming an Otis. I'm not saying I have a problem, but I donated blood last week and it was frothy with a wedge of lime on the side.

    Good times.

  14. omg MJ you have no idea...really...seriously...stay away from the corn in indiana my friend...

  15. Community service at Fag, Hag is an interesting idea...but what about advertising him as goods? He's got a certain smoldering look in those drink-addled eyes of his...

  16. XL: I’m considering a posting on stain removal.

    I’m plagued by yogurt stains, in particular.

    MAXI CANE: *gives Maxi’s arm a wee prick (not THAT kind!) and sucks*

    Hold still you Irish bastard, I’m thirsty.

    DAISY: Oh no! It’s “he who walks behind the rows”!

    KAZ: No wonder you’ve taken to the bottle.

    KAPI: Better make it a double.

    LEAH: As I recall, you ran off with our switchboard operator and now you want Otis the Drunk?

    You’re insatiable!

  17. walks hell...they live in that shit! they have little corn hats...corn shoes...and don't get me started on the little spuds they grow between the ears!

  18. only two cases of beer in a day?


    a drinking buddy and myself sat down to see who could drink more one week.... after the fourth day of processing beer and tequilla (with breaks for passing out in the driveway/street occasionaly) we deemed it a draw.... still on the fifth day we kept going and going and going....

    otis simply needs a drinking buddy....

  19. wheres knudie? i bet they would get along swimmingly!

  20. Well, if I had to see those ears in the mirror everyday, I'd be a drunk, too.

    Save your money Otis for plastic surgery!

    Another orange shirt! Otis and Titantwat below must be Dutch!

  21. So that's why IDV is such a good movie date?

    He holds the big gulp for you.

  22. I second IDV's suggestion of a citizen's arrest from Flaps McGee down there.

  23. Yeah, knew more than one Otis.

  24. DAISY: But isn’t it Oklahoma where the corn is as high as an elephant’s eye?

    VOICES: Everyone needs a drinking buddy.

    I count myself lucky on that score.

    Mine, a magnificent poofter pal, has the martini mixed and in my hand the moment I walk through his door.

    Old Knudsen is either out fighting Fenians or feminists.

    Or he could be spending the weekend in the arms of George Clooney.

    EROS: This particular orange shirt looks like prison issue.

    Orange is not my colour so I do my best to be a law abiding citizen for the most part.

    CYBERPOOF: When he’s not busy DOING a big gulp.

    NATIONS: Can you get me his autograph?

    T-BIRD: You’ve given them a name?

    How endearing.

    What do you call yours?

    MAGO: Knew?

    Past tense?

    Where have all the Otises gone?