Monday, December 10, 2007

Book-A-Minute

No time to read?



A CHRISTMAS CAROL (as told by Book-A-Minute)

Ebenezer Scrooge:

Bah, humbug. You'll work thirty-eight hours on Christmas Day, keep the heat at five degrees, and like it.

Ghost of Jacob Marley:

Ebenezer Scrooge, three ghosts of Christmas will come and tell you you're mean.

Three Ghosts of Christmas:

You're mean.

Ebenezer Scrooge:

At last, I have seen the light. Let's dance in the streets. Have some money.


I’ve just finished reading The Religion by Tim Willocks at 640 pages…



… and World Without End by Ken Follett at a whopping 1111 pages...




Where was Book-A-Minute when I needed it?

Which book would you like to condense down to a minute’s read?

And try your hand at it yourself, if you like. Write a quick summary for us of a book you’ve read…if you’ve got a minute, that is.


37 comments:

  1. I like the way you assume yer readers read books, somehow I doubt it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "The Interpretation of Murder" by Jed Rubenfield.

    Sigmund Freud goes to New York, wets himself, says all the murders happen because everyone wants to shag their mother.
    (529 pages)

    ReplyDelete
  3. The Bible.

    Your going to Hell.

    I'm not.

    ReplyDelete
  4. KNUDSEN: Like you, my readers enjoy short books with lots of pictures.

    KAZ: Would you read this dressed only in your flimsy “Freudian slip?”

    SID: The Bible?

    It’s the greatest Irish book of all time.

    ReplyDelete
  5. All of Dickens condensed into one minute.

    "More?"

    "No, fuck off, a minute's plenty."


    ...actually I'm quite happy watching tv adaptations of the Classics now. Life's too short.

    ReplyDelete
  6. GEOFF: Have you been to Dickens World yet?

    Because who wouldn’t want to experience the sights and SMELLS of 19th century London?

    ReplyDelete
  7. The Bible

    O.T.

    I hate You.

    Well I hate you too. And you're going to like it.

    Yes, Dad.

    N.T.

    I love You.

    I love you too.

    *That's better.*

    ReplyDelete
  8. JUN: Welcome to Infomaniac!

    I feel all sanctified now.

    Can I get an amen?

    ReplyDelete
  9. AMEN BITCH!!!!!

    Read? You've gotta be joking, I have a house and garden to contend, and with Connie and our two inmates I've just about got time to throw up a few posts(not garden posts either) and wipe my ass.

    Now fuck off and get back to your book.

    ReplyDelete
  10. TATAS: I see your point.

    Your posts really do look like they were thrown up.

    Doesn't Connie wipe your arse for you?

    ReplyDelete
  11. No, but we went to the old Dickens Centre when it was still in Rochester. It went a couple of years ago which leaves the castle and the cathedral as the only places worth visiting in the city. Unless they've now got a blue plaque on Kelly Brook's old house.

    There's a bookshop in Rochester which captures the smells of 19th century London.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I quite like the pop up edition of the Kama Sutra.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Geoff: Sorry to correct you but Rochester isn't a city but is part of the Medway Towns which was proposed to become a city. They got turned down.

    After all why should the capital of Chavs, Chatham, become a bloody city?

    BTW I used to live ten minutes up the road from where Dickens World is situated.

    MJ: My book is The Lord of the Rings.

    Oooh pretty ring.

    I'm hungry.

    Aaaaaaaaah.

    ReplyDelete
  14. GEOFF: Regarding the bookshop smells, you're a step ahead of me.

    See tomorrow's posting.

    GARFY: I bet it makes something else pop up when you read it.

    Could you arrange to have yourself photographed in the various poses and post these on your blog?

    CONNIE: Lord of the Cock Rings, in your case.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Watership Down:

    Right then, we're off to find a new home.

    How about here?

    Nope, those Neo-Nazis can fuck off.

    (Late) Ah, this seems like a good spot? Now I'm horny! Who brought the wo...fuck!

    Let's ask them over there.

    Fuck! What's up with little Kim Jong Il, what a prick.

    Hey now! Settle down. No? Ok, take THAT then, fucker!

    Yay, we win! Now about that shag...

    ReplyDelete
  16. Here's my summary of World Without End in 13 words:


    Exactly the same plot AND characters as Pillars Of The Earth. The End.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Great! Now I've got to read TWO books?

    ReplyDelete
  18. RIMMER: Thanks for the translation as I don't speak Lapine.

    CB: Exactly, but with a special guest appearance by The Black Plague.

    ReplyDelete
  19. MiddleSex by Jeffrey Eugenides. Wah wah...true story about a hermaphodite bla bla big cry baby using big words. You need a dictionary for every other word. Good story, way too hard to read.

    ReplyDelete
  20. WAITRESS: Apparently hermaphrodites want to be called "intersex" these days.

    I can't keep up.

    ReplyDelete
  21. The Collected Work of E. E. Cummings
    Ultra-Condensed by Samuel Stoddard

    i j(ust !
    b0.u )
    g a ne w &
    ht..

    t
    YpE
    w

    r
    iTe
    r

    : buti(twon)tma

    r-p-o-p-h-e-s-s-a-g-r

    ke cap
    i,tal;
    lett Ers -





    THE END

    ReplyDelete
  22. RIMMER: Ooo, you snuck in there, you dirty dog.

    I hope this includes Tom, the ballet as well.

    ReplyDelete
  23. RIMMER: p.s. SID's "v" button on his keyboard is busted, resulting in typing not unlike that seen in your example.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Carrie, by Stephen King:

    Plug it up, Carrie White!

    Why am I so weird? Oh, it must be my raving loony, religious nut mother.
    Bugger: I'm covered in pigs blood. That'll teach me for going to the prom with someone else's hot boyfriend.
    Oh well, I think I'll kill everyone with my insidious mind powers.
    Shit: Forgot to turn off the 'Hail of Stones', now I'm dead, too.

    ReplyDelete
  25. IVD: And, like Carrie, did your classmates throw used tampons at you when you got your first period?

    ReplyDelete
  26. The Big Book of Braille.

    . .. ... ::: .. .... .....
    ... ..:: ... ....::: .....

    :: ...::

    :::!!!

    ReplyDelete
  27. The Bumper Book of Non Verbal Communication.

    Wink Wink

    Cross leg.

    Nudge,wink,nudge nudge.

    Roll eyes.

    Cough.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Piggy's Autobiography.

    cunt

    The End

    ReplyDelete
  29. DIY for Beginners

    Ah

    Fuck it!!

    Phone a joiner.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I like the pop-up bible, I'm I the only one who gets aroused when Lot gets raped by his daughters?

    ReplyDelete
  31. MJ: Lord of the cock ring? Connie is more of a king when it comes to cock.

    ReplyDelete
  32. SID: As much as I hate to admit this, you are both funny and clever.

    Too bad, though, about your fat arse.

    And the fact that you can’t see “Wee SID” when you stand nekkid in the shower.

    KNUDSEN: I don’t think you’re alone.

    Everybody elses’ copies have the pages stuck together.

    TATAS: Caulking?

    Connie’s handy with the DIY?

    ReplyDelete
  33. Bit you? you need more of a bitch slapping.

    ReplyDelete
  34. bollocks, BITE. I knew what I meant.

    ReplyDelete
  35. TATAS: "I knew what I meant."

    You're the only one who does.

    ReplyDelete