Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Book Sniffing

I’m a book sniffer. I love the aroma of used bookstores and old books.

So at last they’ve made a perfume and room spray with me in mind.

The creator of “In The Library” says it smells like an “English Novel taken from a Signed First Edition of one of my very favorite novels, Russian & Moroccan leather bindings, worn cloth and a hint of wood polish.”

I’m hoping it really does smell like old books but NOT like a library. I don’t know about your public library but mine smells like wet raingear, rancid old tramps and farts.

Are you a book sniffer? Would you wear a scent that smells like old books? If you wore the scent, what kind of person would it attract to you? Or repel away from you? What would happen if you sprayed it on?


  1. The feel and smell of a book is something wonderful. I've got some old ones - couple that are well over 100 years. Something about thinking about the other people that have read this book before and that will later in years.

    I try not to fart too much around such books, but hey.....

    Oh yeah - YAY FIRST!

  2. I LOVE the smell of old books. (Hell, i'm doing a PhD in Old Books.) I would wear something that smelled like moraccan leather, to be sure. I don't like flowery perfumes.

  3. Not only do sniff books old or new but sometimes I lightly tongue them and scrap the pages gently with my nails.

    fuck yer a weirdo.

  4. Libraries are hotbeds of sexual tension. They are the perfect place to indulge in speed dating and discuss favourite sexual positions over the complete works of Tolstoy.

  5. NWT: I don’t like to think too much about the (filthy) other people who've handled the book.

    Do you think you can catch the clap from an old book?

    CB: Since you have such a passion for old books, I’d be happy to bind you to a musty copy of Boccaccio’s Decameron and let our readers take turns flagellating you.

    Tell me when you finish your PhD so I can yell, “Is there a doctor in the house?”

    I like to crack myself up that way.

    KNUDSEN: Mind you don’t get a paper cut on your tongue.

    If you’re lucky, you’ll lap up a silverfish when you run your tongue along the binding.

    GARFY: Your potential conquests might be impressed if you whip open your copy of the Pop-Up Kama Sutra.

  6. Our local library smells pretty fresh. The one in Charing Cross Road, upstairs, used to smell of urine and BO. They should have sold nosegays on the door.

  7. i sniff menus.....and wine lists......and aprons....and well I have said too much.....

  8. Smunty sniffs (and licks) old porno mags.

    Does that count?

    *goes back to silence*

  9. GEOFF: It’s high time we resurrected the nosegay.

    It would be more attractive than my current method of avoiding foul odours … inserting a Vicks Inhaler stick up my nose.

    MANUEL: Use this idiosyncrasy of yours as an entrepreneurial opportunity.

    You could make your fortune by developing a “scratch ‘n’ sniff” menu!

    PIGGY: *faints from the shock of finding the unlinkable Tazzy and Piggy back on my blog*

    *brought back to senses by Geoff's nosegay*

    Smunty sniffs and licks old porn mags?

    It only counts if it’s gay porno.

    It’s Honcho magazine, isn’t it?

    *finds it odd that the linkable Smunty is silent lately*

    *assumes that Smunty’s preoccupied during this season with his overstuffed sack*

  10. ***Sniffs the unlinkable Piggy***
    Ewwww brussel sprouts , kippers and high notes of preperation H.

    Am I alone in NOT liking the smell of musty old books

    I will just leave then

    ***switches lights out***

  11. BEASTLY: Switching the light out won't stop us.

    Our path is lit by the blue flame of Piggy's brussel sprout farts.

  12. Actually I think that you like the sniffing the glue in the binding. It's hard to get a decent buzz on that stuff..perhaps it's time you moved up to Jet Fuel..besides, hanging around the Airport is a lot more exciting than watching the cheapskates peruse the germ encrusted old books in that human cesspool (HAZMAT level 5) book store.
    The place is LITERALLY crawling with bacteria


  13. HE: Diptheroids can survive for many weeks in dust and on dry fomites (BOOKS, toys, pencils, etc).

    Glue sniffing? I prefer inhaling nitrous oxide from a mask à la Dennis Hopper's character in Blue Velvet.

  14. The Decameron?! Flagellation???

    *quivers with excitement*

  15. CB: Silence! Or I'll flog you with a dog-eared copy of Swinburne's "Whippingham Papers."

  16. Not sure about the musty smell of books. Does it match the cobweb infested gash of yours?

  17. Me loves me books too.

    And the smell.

    It makes me go all Dewey.

  18. CONNIE: It can't be any worse than the bionic stench coming from the Convict-Tatas Manor House.

    SID: All the time you spend browsing the 158.1 section doesn't seem to have paid off for you.

    Speaking of old Melvil, it was Dewey's birth anniversary (born 1851) yesterday.

  19. Yes, I like sniffing old books. New ones just aren't as fun.

  20. BILLY: And it can't be any fun at all with Amazon's Kindle and the Sony Reader.

    RIMMER: If you feel that way I won't tell you about the other things I enjoy sniffing.

  21. I like the smell of new books too...I prefer hardcover, leatherbound ones, but a simple new paperback will do just fine.

  22. Fuck no. I wanna smell like a ripe whore, not a moldy book. I would only use something like this as a novelty gift. If that!

  23. AWA: That must be why your mama always said, "Get your nose out of that book, young lady!"

    WAITRESS: Please keep your legs together.

    Your perfume appears to be working.

  24. MJ: Like you keep yours together.

  25. I am definitely a book sniffer. And, I spend so much time among books, I probably smell like an antique one. Of course, at my age I’m almost an antique so I’d probably only attract another antique book sniffer.

  26. TATAS: I'm a lay-dee.

    ssNICK: Look at that, will ya...there's books behind your head! Have you been sniffing those?

    There's probably an association of antiquated antiquarian book sniffers you could join.