Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Office Toys

Cubicle warfare! Based on the Warwolf from the 13th century, this mighty Trebuchet, when completed, is 26” long x 18” wide x 9” tall — it is capable of hurling a ball of soft modeling clay over 20 feet! In lieu of modeling clay, what would YOU put in it?

Everyone needs a break from their busy day at the office. So let’s have a look at a few time-wasting “productivity/creativity-boosting” workplace toys.

Here, for example, is a typical toy one might find on the desk of a stressed-out office employee…

Squeeze the base of the Popping Martian and his eyes, nose and ears pop out!

I have a similar squeeze toy called the Popping SID. Squeeze the base and a wee willie pops up. Good for about 30 seconds of fun. One minute if I’m lucky.

Now let’s have a look at some of the toys we might find on the desks of our very own Infomaniac readers.

Here’s an amusing little item you’ll find on Tazzy and Piggy’s desk. In fact, this toy was modeled on them!

Speeding Grandads!

Watch as OAP’s Tazzy and Piggy speed by on their way to Tesco’s to stock up on pork scratchings. Oink!

SID is none too pleased about having to purchase a magnetic cross trainer to work off his fat arse and bulging belly.

But while he’s at work, his USB Rat Race desk toy does all the work for him!…

Simply plug the USB Rat Race into a USB port, and as you type he pedals away. The faster you type, the faster he pedals. Not only does this rodent do all your exercise for you, but he also keeps count of how many words you've typed, and displays them on a little LCD screen.

It’s no surprise that IVD has a Staples Easy Button on his desk, is it?…

Reliable sources tell me he has an Easy Button on his bedside table as well.

Our resident Dane, CyberPete, can often be found clock-watching at work so he’s installed a Lifetimer on his desk…

The Lifetimer counts the days until your next holiday, lunch hour, home time, and the weekend.

The Lifetimer also times how long it has been since you started your job or last had sex.

England’s fave postie, Smunty, is usually on his feet traveling door-to-door to deliver the mail. But in those rare times when he can put his feet up, you’ll find a talking Postman Pat on his desk…

C’mon into the back of my van, fellas!

Smunty has carried the Postman Pat theme home with him and into his bedroom…

Now over to you, Infomaniac readers. Do you have a favourite desk toy? Tell us about it.

And on a related topic, be sure to visit Tazzy and Piggy as they invite you to post a pic of your desk in Desktop Time!


  1. Thomas the Tank Engine would be a good bedspread for Piggy.

    I think I can.

    I think I can.

    Yeah, right.

  2. Right now that clock says 12 days to go

    Gotta love the clock yeah?

    What's on your desk MJ, a Mike Branson dildo?

  3. I see Postman Smunty is giving Carly a lift in his van.

    And interestingly, his duvet cover pictures him as he actually is when he's on the bed!

  4. I have one of those pens that has a sexy chap on it (similar to Piggy).
    When you turn it upside down you see him nude.

  5. AWA: Or is it because Thomas is short and stumpy like Piggy?

    CYBERSLAG: I’ve a squeezable pint of Guinness.

    Can’t find it at the moment. My pussy must have rolled it off the desk.

    PIGGY: Notice that Smunty doesn’t leave room for Carly on the bed.

    He’d scooch over fast enough to make room for you and Tazzy!

    KAZ: I guess you don’t get much writing done then, what with your pen always upside down?

  6. Piggy has a circus tent as a duvet.

    I just fire darts at your photo MJ.

    Best stress-coping activity ever.

  7. SID: The same duvet that was used as your nappy when you were a baby?

  8. I would load up the trebuchet with the coffee grounds and tea bags that my cunting co-workers leave in the sink for someone else (their moms???) to clean up. then i'd hurl the disgusting, sodden mess at random directions into the cube farm and watch the mayhem begin.

    where can i get one?

  9. Fuck me MJ going back to youth?
    Poor cow must have needed something but deprived totally of her childhood
    so had to post this lot. Just wait TATAS will be up and running shortly.

  10. desk toys? pfh.
    loaded .45, baby, cocked and locked.

    *bites end off cigar, spits, adjusts balls, farts*

    actually, that's in my nightstand. next to my copy of Penthouse Variations 6 and my Cowboy Curtis action figure (with rare removable hat!)

    you think I am lying.

  11. "Just wait poTATAS will be up and running shortly."

    *Away hopefully*


    Rip her eyes out poTATAS!

  12. Tatas darling, dont listen to that mong. He only ever tells half of what it should be.

    Rip out her eyes AND each of her silvery grey pubes one by one.



    Insert matchsticks into each of the open pores on her cellulite thighs, the acne craters on her neck chin and face, then send her out for halloween in the guise of 'PinHead' from 'Hellraiser' to scare all the kiddies.

    She probably scares them anyway (fave word), but it'll enhance their terror.

    Especially with that neck making her appear like ET PinHead!

  13. Steve the Pillager3:18 PM, October 09, 2007


    ET Pinhead.

  14. MJ hasn't got pubes. So she says.

  15. It's stubble, Connie.

    Silver stubble.

    Split ends too.

  16. You seem to be the expert.

    Maybe she needs to use Wash and Go?

  17. Well I've heard a wash would be a good start.

  18. Cheeky twat. HER, obviously.

    It might help to chisel off the overlaying crust first, though.

  19. Doesn't soaking in milk soften crusts?

    Oh yes, that's bread pudding.

  20. I imagine her crack resembles bread pudding.

    Out of date bread pudding.


    *wonders if the draught blows pretty green spores into the atmosphere*

  21. What about a mouldy creme brulee?

  22. P&T: I don't listen to anyone else but myself.

    Connie loves Tata's bread pudding with all that extra CREAM.

    *licks lips*

  23. Oh come on.

    Connie signs out and the only one helping me is SID. Keep up bitches.

  24. Lazy bastards aren't they?

    Is that tattoo on yer arse?

  25. SID: No it's on my left shoulder. If it looks like it's on my ass then your dreaming buddy or you need glasses.
    Silly twat.

  26. It's still a bit red...is it fresh or have you been trying to scrub it away?

  27. Cheeky fuck, it's a fresh one and I have no regrets what so ever, looking forward to the next one (If Connie allows me)

  28. And what, pray tell, is it?

    A butterfly?

    A bird?

  29. Here goes (don't be saddened by it)

    My Nan died on the 4th Nov last year and I inherited a broach that I've had put into the design of my tat in memory of her. I had it done on her Birthday 1st July this year.

  30. Did you get a discount because the tattooist was still training?

  31. You unruly bastards! I can’t turn my back on this blog for an instant without you sullying its contents! Tatas, I see that in the absence of your own blog, you’ve taken over MINE. Dirty bitch. I am stunned to see that the others are encouraging your bad behaviour. Connie, control your bitch. And SID is right, Tatas. That tattoo looks like it’s on your freshly-spanked arse. Maybe Connie HAS been trying to discipline you after all. Smunty, you’re starting to sound like SID with that girlish giggle. Most unbecoming in a so-called Viking. Piggy, come on over and wax my snatch. SID, you can supervise Piggy. Come closer to inspect. *hopes SID gets a pube stuck in his teeth*. FN, my Cowboy Curtis wants to play Brokeback Mountain with YOUR Cowboy Curtis. And Chaucer’s Bitch? You can get your trebuchet here.