Monday, October 15, 2007

Baby Pic Compo

A long, long time ago, before you were the hideously deformed bitches that you are today…

Exhibit A: Piggy

… you were all cute wee babies and children.

So let’s have a look at you then, eh?

Infomaniac is pleased to announce our first ever Baby Pic Competition.

You have until midnight Pacific Standard Time on Friday, October 19th to email your baby pic(s) to me. (That’s 8:00 a.m. UK time on Saturday, October 20th.)

My email address is in my Blogger Profile.

Let’s make this easy for you…

It doesn’t have to be a baby picture, specifically. You can submit any photograph of yourself up to 10 years of age.

On Monday, October 22nd, I’ll post all your photographs. However, on that day I won’t be identifying which baby pic belongs to which Infomaniac reader. That’s up to you to determine. I’ll ask you on October 22nd to match the bloggers to their baby pics.

But that’s not all!

You’ll also be asked to vote on that same day for who you think is the cutest baby/child.

And best of all? There’s prizes!

Prizes will be awarded for:
1) Person who identifies the most Infomaniac readers to their pics correctly.
2) Infomaniac reader voted by you as cutest baby/child.

Obviously, the cutest child prize will NOT go to Piggy

Winners will be announced on either October 23rd or 24th. Don’t pressure me, bitches.

So get rummaging through your shoeboxes full of photos and send me your pics soon!

Note 1: Only frequent commenters (regulars) on this blog qualify to play. Ask me if you’re uncertain, by email.

Note 2: I won’t be posting tomorrow on Tuesday, October 16th so that everyone gets a chance to see this and so that you are forced to stare at cute wee MJ for as long as possible.


  1. 'Cute wee MJ'?

    You having a fucking laugh?

    Anyway (fave word), I don't have any pics of me as a young 'un, so I'm excused.


    I'll be sending you one of Tazzy though!

    and Yay! First!

  2. PIGGY: Ahem.

    What do you mean you don't have any pics of you as a young 'un? I've posted that pic of you in your frilly dress and patent leather shoes.



  3. Fuck you were an ugly trog.

    Ill see what I can do though my scanner is a cunt.

  4. KNUDSEN: Your dog Cunty managed to send me his photo so maybe he can do the same for you.

  5. KNUDSEN'S DOG: Oh pardon me, Cunty. I forgot you're a bitch.

  6. 'An ugly trog'

    I couldn't have said better, myself.

    I think Knudsy deserves a lollipop.

  7. I also notice that 'MJ Cowgirl' (how very appropriate) is almost cartoon-esque.

    Was the real-life version too much for the parents? Needed to soften the image?

    *right clicks for later*

  8. And as for that fringe...

    I almost felt sorry for you. But only almost.

  9. And....

    Clicking on the pic to enlarge it for closer perusal...

    You were a bit of a mong, weren't you?

  10. And I see the freakish neck-growth was an early starter.

    Good thing those nasty trousers distracted the eye, eh?

  11. What a surprise to see an early pic of you with your mouth open. Start as you mean to go on, eh?

    And Piggy, I'm not surprised that you haven't got any baby pics - camera's hadn't been invented when you were a nipper, had they?

  12. Actually, I have no baby pics due to the fact they were all destroyed when a rabbit chewed through the main power cable - causing a fire which destroyed the house.

    Next door's budgie died of fright too.

    Okay, so that's a lie. I don't have any because I never took any with me when I left home.

    But trust me, I was angelic. And I'd have won this compo.

  13. As for MJ - I still want to see one of the earlier pics when she still had two heads.

  14. They didn't have cameras when I was a baby.

  15. They had cartoonists though.

    And those people that do paintings with their feet.

  16. PIGGY: As a matter of fact, Knudsen does get a lolly as he is the first to send in a baby pic. So get off your lazy arse.

    As for the fringe, sadly my hairstyle hasn’t changed since then.

    And as for the rest of your comments, shut the fuck up and send me those pics.

    IVD: My mouth was open because I was channeling Patsy Cline.

    I’m sure you were born with your gob agape.

    KAZ: Surely you could do a rubbing from the hieroglyphics on your cave wall.

  17. Is that Patsy Cline screaming as the plane went down?

  18. GEOFF: I sentence you to a month in country music hell for that remark.

    And where's your baby pic, smartarse?

  19. I bet there will be plenty of sepia photos entered.

    What a great idea, I was a beautiful baby - is there a prize for that?

  20. FROBI: Sepia? In Piggy's case, most definitely. Though I believe it was the camera obscura that was used in his day.

    Get over yourself and send me the baby pic. We'll let the people decide.

  21. I was a male model in my infancy, so all photos are held with my agent.

  22. GARFY: Give me his number.

    My people will speak with your people.

  23. Are we allowed to submit more than one picture?

    I believe I can fulfil both the baby and nekkid bum picture requirements with this.

  24. she's asking for pictures of you as a baby, not selections from that 'photo essay' you did back in college of desparate homeless men, 'shot. although given the forum i can understand the confusion.

    do daguerreotypes count?

  25. I have this Ace photo of me as a baby but my scanner's fucked.So i cant share @ the moment.......(however) think a 1 foot high jonny depp in a nappy & you get the picture..........

  26. I'll send ya a naked baby pic to sure you why everyone thought I had three arms.

  27. Piggy's baby pics can be viewed in The Natural History museum London at their newly opened exhibition.

    "Freaks Of Nature"

    In fact the museum had to pay exorbitant prices to get them off the Mongolian black market.

    *searches for pics of SID*

  28. Is this your paedophilic tendencies coming out MJ?

  29. MJ you did a great job at photoshopping out that ankle chain and monkey.

    Well done!

  30. We could always photoshop them back in!

  31. Poor MJ...photoshop was popular today.

    Yes do Piggy!

    Don't forget the tin can?

    WV Pigatagh

  32. Please.

    Or a broken vodka bottle?

  33. RIMMER: Do as you please. I may use one or both.

    No, it will not fulfill the naked bum requirement. You must, as a new male Infomaniac reader, send me a pic of your bare adult arse. Get it to me asap or you’ll be disqualified from all future compos.

    FN: Daguerreotypes? Are you trying to give me mercury poisoning? Is it because you want me out of the Knudsen Nation?

    TONY: You have until early Saturday morning to get your scanner repaired.

    Hop to it. “Johnny” on the spot.

    KNUDSEN: Got your baby pic.

    You were a big boy, weren’t you?

    SID: I managed to get some baby pics of Piggy from Barnum & Bailey as well.

    CONNIE: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that if you send me your ugly baby pic.

    And Tatas too.

    PIGGY & SID: You filthy, dirty, vile, disgusting BASTARDS!

    BOTH OF YOU!!!

    I’ve seen what you’ve done to me on your blogs.

    I have nothing further to say to either one of you.

  34. Because of you, I've got to see Inexcuseable tomorrow. * tuts * Thanks.

    She's got a scanner...

  35. IVD: Scan your knob while you're at it to satisfy CyberHoor's insatiable curiousity about the size of yer lad.

    PIGGY & SID: I'm still not talking to you.


  36. Awww...what a cute baby pic, MJ! Worthy of being on baby food jars or soft toilet paper!

  37. That's a picture that should be on the side of a milk carton (MISSING).

  38. That's a picture that should have a big 'NSFW' warning before we see it.

    We could have been eating and vomited.

  39. BINGOWINGS, TATAS & PIGGY: Shut up bitches and just send me your baby pics.

  40. MJ, I deeply regret that posting I did about you.

    Forgive me?

  41. But you haven't given me a proper wake.

  42. You don't deserve a proper wake.

    I'll be holding a séance here later this week.

    Details to follow.

  43. Will there be spooky lollies?

    I suppose I'd better think about posting something before they all start complaining.

    Will you be posting something new too, MJ?

  44. PIGGY: I may put you in charge of refreshments at the séance.

    No, I won't be posting something new today. If you had read Note 2 in my posting, you would have known this.

    But what with your failing eyesight, I can't expect you to have noticed.

  45. TATAS: Just shut it and get that blog of yours up and running.

    *still waiting for Tatas' ugly baby pic*

  46. Fuck off you moaning Whore. The more you push me the longer it will take for that fucking blog to get set up.

    And for ugly! I was no fucking ugly baby.

    Now stick that in your pipe and smoke it bitch.

  47. Tatas was born a boy.

    Following an accident in the kitchen when is willy was accidentally chopped off, 'he' became 'she' as she said the word 'ta-tas' and waved as the wee winkle as it flew across the kitchen.

    This is a true story. Connie told me so and I believe him.

  48. Hey MJ...This afterlife is GREAT!

    I can see every thing you do now, especially when your on your own!!!!


    Anyone got any requests??

  49. Cheeky Cunt..Baby Jesus has a lovely surprise for you after that religious website you faked.

    He wasn't impressed.

  50. TATAS & PIGGY: That explains Tatas' hairy body.

    Her body's probably still pumping testosterone.

    DEAD SID: Do as Piggy says and shut the fuck up.

    I'll deal with you later, believe me.

    By the way, your wake/séance is being held here on Thursday.


  51. Okay, DEAD SID...

    If you can see everything I'm doing, what am I doing now?

  52. PIGGY: I was asking Dead SID, not you.

  53. She's sitting on a butt plug typing.

  54. Sorry MJ,I was just helping evil spirits prepare Piggy's future torture equipment by giving it a wee shine.

    I even asked his soon-to-be-out-of-work Guardian Angel, to paint a wee pink pig on his willy guillotine,small as it is.

    Just for him.

    Oh and you were naked,eating your lunch.


  55. TATAS: Unlike you, I don't use that particular orifice as a playground.

    DEAD SID: I'm pleased to see you've found meaningful work in the afterlife.

    Yes, I WAS eating my lunch naked! Did you like the way I peeled back the sausage casing?

  56. Is a wee shine a shine using urine as a polishing agent?

  57. MJ: I suppose you have to keep your orifice free so you can carry on talking out your ass.

  58. RIMMER: I'll wait for Dead SID to answer that.

    TATAS: No, I keep it free because I rent it out to the Symphony when they're in a need of an extra wind instrument.

  59. MJ: As long as you don't follow through.