Happy Hallowe’en, Bitches!

(cleek to make beeg)


Which pair of you emailed this photo of yourselves to me?

Or is it just one of you and some rent boy you’ve picked up?

Right. Since you won’t own up to it, I’ll ask the others to tell me who is pictured above and what the hell they’re doing.

As for me, I've some baking to do…

IVD’s Ancestors

Hallowe’en. A day to honour Infomaniac’s favourite resident witch, Inexplicable DeVice (IVD).

Infomaniac brings you a never-before-seen photograph of IVD’s ancestors: a witches’ coven in Norfolk, England.




IVD’s tea grannies



Now can you see where he gets his good looks?

Rimshot Exposed! – Part Two

In yesterday’s arse pic auction, you lot bid so creatively and fiercely that today I must post the pic of Rimshot’s bare arse.

Rimshot has officially joined the other Alluring Arses of Infomaniac.

I have nothing further to say. I’ll leave the comments up to you, bitches.

Ready?

Remember, you asked for it...









BONUS PHOTO!



Rimshot in the 80s!…

Rimshot Exposed! – Part One

“Cutest Baby” blah blah blah



As you know, male Infomaniac readers who are new to this blog must submit a photo of their bare arse to me. It is required of all of you.

I’ve published an updated posting of your Alluring Arses. Here you may view the delightful backsides of Alasdair, Eddie Waring, Old Knudsen, Piggy, Spikey, Tazzy, Tickers, Tony and WW.

Not every male Infomaniac reader’s arse is represented but that’s because some of you shy fellas requested privacy. I respect your wishes and won’t publish them for the other pervs here to drool over. However, I’ve created a wallpaper collage of the private pics for my own personal enjoyment.

Anyway (Piggy’s fave word) along comes a new reader by the name of Rimshot. Like every new male reader, Rimshot is required to email me a pic of his bare arse. He does so promptly.

I have in my possession a photograph of our Rimshot, showing him from behind, face turned toward the camera, with his bare arse on display.

I’m holding an auction today. If I get enough bids, I’ll post the pic of Rimshot’s arse on Tuesday.

What are you willing to give me to see the photo of Rimshot's arse? Cash? Oh that’s too simple but if you must.

Or is there something else you’d give to see him nekkid?

Get creative, bitches, or you won’t see his bare botty at all.

What’s a pic of Rimshot’s arse worth to you?

Start the bidding!

Find Your Felonious Ancestors

The Old Bailey Proceedings Online makes available a fully searchable, digitised collection of all surviving editions of the Old Bailey Proceedings from 1674 to 1834.

Use the “Name Search” to track down your whoring kin.

Or enter colourful, archaic language into the “Keyword Search” feature.

I’ve highlighted my favourite bits in the sodomy case of George Duffus…

George Duffus , was indicted for assaulting and committing in and upon the Body of Nicholas Leader , the unnatural Sin of Sodomy , on the 9th of October last.

Nicholas Leader depos'd, that being at a Meeting house in Old Gravel lane, the prisoner, after Service was ended, came to him, and seeming very religious, began some Discourse in commendation of the Minister, and of what he had then preach'd; by which means (3 or 4 Sundays successively) he insinuated himself into the good Opinion of the Prosecutor, and invited him to drink with him at Mr. Powels, in the Minories; when he askt this Evidence where he might hear of him another time; who told him, at the 3 merry Potters, at the Hermitage. That then the prisoner promis'd he'd come and see him the first opportunity, which in a few Days he performed. The prisoner staying late with the Prosecutor, and telling him he lived a great way off, desired the Prosecutor to let him lie with him that Night, which he granted. After they had been in Bed a little while, the Prisoner began to kiss and embrace the Prosecutor, thrust his Tongue in his Mouth, called him his dear Friend, and got on his Back; but the Prosecutor resisting, threw him off 3 or 4 times, telling him if he would not be still, he'd turn him out of Bed. The prisoner then seizing the Prosecutor by the Throat almost strangled him, turned him on his Face, and forcibly entred his Body about an Inch; but the Prosecutor still strugling, threw off the prisoner once more, and prevented the prisoner from making an Emissio Seminis in his Body; but having thus forced the prisoner to withdraw, he (the prisoner) emitted in his own Hand, clapping it on the tail of the Prosecutor's Shirt. Saying, Now you have it! That he had then turned the prisoner out of Doors, but for fear of disturbing his ancient Grandmother, who lay Ill in the next Room. That the prisoner told him next Morning, he need not be so concerned at what he had done to him, for he had done the same to several others, naming in particular a Cabbin Boy. That the Prosecutor got a Warrant from Justice Tiller, and went with it the next Sunday Morning to the Meeting aforesaid, where the Constable whispering to the Prosecutor, and afterwards going to the prisoner, and sitting down by him, the prisoner being conscious of Guilt, and suspecting some Design, immediately took his Hat and went out, and they followed him, which he seeing, began to run; but they pursuing, and crying out stop him. soon overtook him and carried him before the Justice. The prisoner cry'd, entreated for Mercy, and begg'd they would not expose him to open shame; adding, they were all Sinners, and it was hard for a Man to suffer for the first Fault.
Mr. Powel depos'd, that he first saw the prisoner at a Lecture, which was no sooner over, but the prisoner coming to him, with a very devout Face, began his Discourse with some lavish Encomiums on what the Preacher had just delivered in his Sermon; telling this Evidence he should be glad to drink with him any other time, but it being the Lord's Day, he (having a very tender and scrupulous Conscience) did not care to go into a Publick house. Upon this they made an Agreement to meet as this Evidence's Father's House (in the Minories) on the 12th of Oct. last, where, after some Religious Discourse, the prisoner laid that his Wife was gone out of Town, and he having a pretty way home, desired to lie with him; which this Deponent (taking the prisoner to be really a sanctified Member) agreed to. They had not been long in Bed, before the prisoner began to kiss this Evidence, and take hold of his Privities, saying, How lean you be!Do but feel how fat I am? and then convey'd this Deponent's Hand to his (the Prisoner's) Secrets. Soon after (as the Deponent was lying on his Back) the prisoner got on him, and keeping him down, thrust his Penis betwixt the Deponent's Thighs, and there emitted. He afterwards told this Deponent he need not be troubled, or wonder at what he had done to him, for it was what was very common, and he had often practised it with many others; at the same time desiring the Deponent to act the same with him, but he refused, replying, he was a stranger to all such Practices and telling him, if he had known before, what sort of a Man he had been, he would not have lain in the same Bed with him. The Spermatick Injection not being proved, the Court directed the Jury to bring in their Verdict Special .








I can’t help but think that the George Duffus case described above involved the ancestors of Piggy and Smunty the Cabin Boy.

So go on now. Look up your own thieving ancestors. Or just find us some lively language in the proceedings and report back.

Ginger Cavemen

A new study reports that Neanderthals had fair skin and RED HAIR!

The ginger gene has been discovered in DNA taken from the fossils of two Neanderthals.

Behold … the shocking evidence!



Homo neanderthalensis Piggy

(article via Hercules)

Bush Lover

We know you voted for Satan but we still love you, Maidy.

Tit For Tat

I denuded the shelves of this shop to bring our Baby Pic Compo winners the finest prizes my money can buy. Yes, I depleted their stock.

Yet I still needed more prizes. Luckily, I had a Plan B…




The gift machine that ate all my quarters




Feel blessed that I care so much about you that I would spend more on the postage than the actual value of the prizes. That’s how much I care.




Because you’re worth it




When you receive your prizes, look for the “Made in China” label for assurance of quality products...







And now, let’s have a look at what crap, erm, prizes you’ve won.




GRAND PRIZE WINNERS – TAZZY AND PIGGY



The collective brain cells of Yorkshire’s favourite poofs won the grand prize for matching the most baby pics to the bloggers.

Everyone is jealous of your accomplishment … especially Smunty, who (trust me on this) is seething.

Tazzy and Piggy, you’ve won the following fabulous prizes!…


STICKY STARFISH




Toss the 4-inch "Sticky Starfish" against any smooth surface and watch it tumble and flip all the way down. Sticky starfish is washable with mild soap and water to regain stickiness! Will not stick to carpet, clothing or hair. Ages 5+.


I got you a pink one.

Warning! Choking hazard.





MINI TEN PIN BOWLING SET
*not exactly as pictured. Yours is not the “glow in the dark” edition*




This Mini 10 pin bowling set is the perfect gift for a couple of BOWLING ALLEY SLUTS…









TINY FEZZES





2 tiny fezzes with elastic chin straps. One for each of you.

Because everything looks good in a tiny fez!

We’ll be expecting you to wear your fezzes bowling.

Or join in on the fun with other fez-wearing hipsters…








CUTEST BABY - RIMSHOT






Rimshot, the so-called “Cutest Baby” will have hours of fun with his prize.


In keeping with his German heritage, Rimshot wins the Windup Hopping Lederhosen.







Wind up these 3-inch hard plastic short trousers and watch them hop about!

Bavarian folkpants with a mind of their own.

POOFIEST BABIES – CYBERPETE AND SMUNTY STEVE

CyberPoofter



The Danish Pastry will enjoy good clean fun with the Mini-Peter Water Gun.





Perfect for water sports!

Besides, it has his name on it!





Baby Smuntypants



Smunty Steve will receive a deck of "Hot Guys" nude male playing cards.





Poker night with the boys will never be the same!




When Smunty finally outs himself and runs off with one of his “poker buddies,” Carly will come after him Lorena Bobbit-style.

That’s when 10 feet of "DO NOT CROSS" Police Line non-adhesive tape will come in handy…








Eventually, Smunty will land in prison for drunk and disorderly conduct. Without Internet access, he can write to us with this fluffy pink ballerina pen…








Note to winners: If you do not wish to claim your prizes, your prize will automatically go to our loser, Frobi.






Hello? ‘Any Junk’? Just back the lorry up at the winners’ doors and unload whatever rubbish is in the back. Thank you.




Enjoy your prize packages, bitches! You’ve earned them.

WINNERS of the Baby Pic Compo!

It’s time to announce the winners of Infomaniac’s Baby Pic Competition!




The grand prize winners for matching the most baby pics to the bloggers are TAZZY AND PIGGY! They had more correct answers than any of the rest of you lot so bow down to their greatness.

Here are the correct answers…



THE BOYS:



Baby #1 ... TAZZY



Pudgy, pudgy, pudgy, pudgy, pudgy, pudgy, pudgy, pudgy, pudgy, pudgy.

Which part is pudgiest? The face? The arse? The moobs? Discuss.

The Smunts, SID, and Kaz all guessed Tazzy correctly.

CyberPete and Frobi thought it was SID. No doubt because of the fat arse.

Rimshot thought it was CyberPete.

And IVD thought it was my fellow Canuck, Homo Escapeons (HE). Sure, this is the land of cold and ice but NO ONE needs an arse that pudgy in Canada to get through the winter! I’ve seen baby seals with less blubber!







Baby #2 ... SID



No votes for “Poofiest?” What’s WRONG with you people? Clearly this is a poof-in-training!

The only one who correctly identified SID was Kaz. Well done, Kaz. If he had turned around, the rest of you would have noticed the fat arse in the making but I guess you were distracted previously by Tazzy’s wide load.

Tazzy and Piggy thought SID was HE. THAT is an insult to Canadians.

CyberPete thought it was Old Knudsen. Probably because, like Knudsie, SID has old, bitter balls.

The Smunts guessed it was Frobi while Frobi and Rimshot thought it was IVD. Tee hee.

IVD said, “It's Smunty, although it could easily be CyberSailor.”

Little SID receives MJ’s vote for “Baby I Would Most Like to Breastfeed.”







Baby #3 ... CYBERPETE



Those who know a Danish poof pastry when they see one are Tazzy and Piggy, The Smunts, Kaz, and IVD.

IVD said, “It’s CyberSailor but I want it to be Smunty the Cabin Boy.”

Well apparently SID and Frobi wanted it to be Smunty the Cabin Boy too as they BOTH said it was Smunty!

SID said, “Without a doubt Cabin Boy AND the poofiest.”

And Rimshot thought it was Tazzy!

*MJ pauses to catch breath and get back up off floor from busting a gut laffing over all the above wrong guesses*






Baby #4 ... SMUNTY STEVE



This little lady has poofter written all over him, wouldn’t you agree?

Smunty was spotted correctly only by Tazzy and Piggy.

CyberPete was under the illusion that it’s Connie while SID thought it was CyberPete.

Frobi said it’s Old Knudsen while Rimshot thought it was Frobi and IVD thought it was Rimshot.

Kaz said, “It’s IVD. And he’s both the cutest AND the poofiest.”

What’s with the bucket? Is he collecting money for a sex change?







Baby #5 ... OLD KNUDSEN



Lil Ole Knudsie was the baby most of you guessed correctly. Correct answers came from everyone except CyberPete who thought it was Rimshot, and Frobi who thought it was Tazzy.

He looked like a feisty little scrapper even back then, didn’t he?

I bet he bit his mam’s nipples off.







Baby #6 ... INEXPLICABLE DeVICE (IVD)



This wee witchy from Norfolk was the blogger who received the second most correct guesses.

Several of you spotted our fave witch right away, even without seeing his scrawny legs. Correct answers were from Tazzy and Piggy, CyberPete, The Smunts, and SID.

However, Frobi thought it was Rimshot, Rimshot thought it was Smunty, and Kaz thought it was Frobi.

Surprisingly, he received only one vote for “Poofiest.” That, of course, was from CyberPete.

What’s with the furry dice, IVD?

This little fella would go on to become the blogger with the most cavernous mansnatch. Who knew?






Baby #7 ... FROBI



Beauty and the Beast.

I recognized this little imp even without his wig on! And sans a handsome Spanish cabana boy at his side. And Tazzy and Piggy, CyberPete, and IVD recognized him too.

However, the Smunts thought it was Rimshot, SID thought it was HE, Rimshot thought it was SID, and Kaz thought it was Connie.

Wanna tell us what monkey business you’re up to, Frobi?







Baby #8 ... CONNIE THE CONVICT (at left)



Correct guesses for Connie came in from Tazzy and Piggy, SID, and Rimshot.

CyberPete and IVD both guessed it was Tazzy. Because of the vest, right? Tazzy always wears that horrible brown and white stripey vest and this was an early indication of fashion faux pas to come.

The Smunts thought it was SID. Why? Because of his poor taste in wallpaper?

Frobi said CyberPete and Kaz guessed HE.

Is little Tatas giving you a lap dance in this photo, Connie?







Baby #9 ... HOMO ESCAPEONS (HE)



The only Canucklehead boy in the bunch, our HE was guessed correctly by The Smunts, Frobi, Rimshot, and FN.

HE was mistaken for Rimshot by Tazzy and Piggy, SID, and Kaz.

CyberPete mistook him for Smunty.

FN and I were particularly thrilled by the retro kitchen.

And the gaping gob indicates a natural-born raconteur.






Baby #10 ... RIMSHOT



Some of you thought Rimshot was Connie! Those who guessed this is Connie were The Smunts, Frobi, and IVD.

Tazzy and Piggy thought it was SID. I guess Taz and Pig were thinking of that goofy baby photo of SID that he posted long ago… this one…



CyberPete guessed that Rimshot was HE. SID said it’s Frobi. And Kaz figured it’s Smunty.

A newcomer to Infomaniac, Rimshot turned out to be a real crowd pleaser. More on that later.








THE GIRLS:



Baby #11 ... CARLY



Cheeky little Miss Carly (catch that mischievous glint in her eyes) was guessed correctly by CyberPete, SID, and IVD.

Frobi guessed her as FN, while Rimshot and Kaz said it’s Tatas.

Smunty was threatened with physical abuse if he didn’t vote her as Cutest. If that crazed, teeth-clenching pose is any indication, it looks like she was ready to bite Smunty’s todger off even back then.

*frankly, I think she looks a little deranged*






Baby #12 ... KAZ



Excuse me, Kaz, but does it snow in Manchester? On Coronation Street, it only snows there once a year, on Christmas Day.

Anyway, Kaz was guessed correctly by CyberPete and Rimshot.

Although CyberPete will be getting a kick upside the head for saying, “No 12 looks like a photo of my mother. The coat is fabulous! That said, my mother is 63 years old.” Way to go, CyberStupid.

Tazzy and Piggy, SID, and IVD guessed incorrectly by saying it’s FN, The Smunts and Tatas said it’s MJ, and Frobi said it’s Tatas.

Tatas, who can always be relied on to bring the level of conversation down a notch, suggested that’s a vibrator under the snowman’s arm. Well, Kaz…is it?





Baby #13 ... FIRST NATIONS (FN)



The blogger above doesn’t have any baby pics so instead she’s sent a representation that closely depicts her upbringing

Those who guessed correctly were CyberPete, Rimshot, and Kaz.

The Smunts said it’s Tatas.

Tazzy and Piggy, SID, Frobi and IVD all guessed it was Kaz, probably because I’m always pointing out that Kaz has a bottle.

FN, enlighten us more on your first beer, if you wish. Was your first the best?






Baby #14 ... TATAS



You can see right from the get-go what a wailing, crazy bitch this one would grow up to be.

Tatas was correctly identified by Tazzy and Piggy, SID, and IVD.

The Smunts mistook Tatas for FN, while Frobi and Kaz thought it was Carly.

CyberPete and Rimshot had the nerve to suggest that it’s me! How very dare you!

What are you doing in that pic, Tatas? Digging a hole to bury your future husband?

Looks like quite a load in those nappies, too.







Baby #15 ... MJ

Photo removed.

Yes. MJ is “The Knicker Flasher.”

I was correctly identified by Tazzy and Piggy, SID, Frobi, IVD and Kaz.

CyberPete got it horribly wrong by guessing I’m Tatas, The Smunts said I’m Kaz, and Rimshot said I’m Carly.

All of you failed to mention how adorable I am. Points deducted.







CUTEST BABY:

Most of you vain bitches voted YOURSELVES as Cutest Baby.

But credit goes to Frobi and IVD for seeing the beauty beyond their own noses.

Therefore the winner of the “Cutest Baby” title is …


RIMSHOT!




Having said all that, Rimshot the Rimmer voted for himself. Conceited Kraut.




POOFIEST BABY:


It was a tight race in the Poofiest Baby category.

Baby #3 was in the lead but at the last minute, an email came through from First Nations (FN) that would change the course of history.

The result? A TIE between #3 CyberPoof and #4 Smunty Steve in the Poofiest baby category!



CYBERPETE!



Looks like he’s on his way to a Pride Parade, doesn’t he?

Get beat up in school much, CyberPoof?




SMUNTY STEVE!



Smunty’s shoulder-baring, Flashdance-style, come-hither look reeled in the little boys from all over the seashore.

And with that sexy, windswept hair, who could resist?

Is that an exposed nipple?



In fairness, prizes will go to both these winners.

But I’d like to hear more from you about this. Suppose we held a “Poof-Off” where one tries to out-poof the other. What would they have to do to prove their poofiness? And who would win?




Wondering what delightful tat the winners will receive? Stay tuned Friday when the poxy prizes in all categories will be announced.

Thanks to all you bitches who submitted photos and to those of you who participated in the compo. You were ALL adorable babies and children. What the fuck happened?

Baby Pic Compo

Get your votes and answers in today and tomorrow (Oct. 22 & 23) in our Baby Pic Competition!

INSTRUCTIONS:

Below you’ll find photos of 15 different Infomaniac readers when they were wee babies and children. The baby pics are numbered 1 through 15.

Choose as follows:


1) Match the number of the baby pic to the Infomaniac reader. Try to guess as many as you can.
2) Who’s the cutest?
3) Who’s the poofiest?


Prizes will be awarded in all 3 categories. i.e. Whoever matches the most bloggers to their baby pics wins the grand prize. The bloggers voted as “cutest” and “poofiest” will also win prizes.

*IMPORTANT* : Email your list of answers to me. (Email address is in my Blogger Profile.) Please don’t leave your list of answers in the comments section. However, feel free to leave comments!

UPDATE!: At the request of that thick Dorset mong Smunty, I’m adding this alphabetical list of the 15 bloggers who submitted their pics:

BOYS:

Connie (Convict)
CyberPete
Frobi
Homo Escapeons (HE)
Inexplicable DeVice (IVD)
Old Knudsen
Rimshot
SID
Smunty (Steve)
Tazzy

GIRLS:

Carly
First Nations (FN)
Kaz
MJ
Tatas


Are you ready? Boys are shown first, followed by girls…


THE BOYS:


Baby #1 ...





Baby #2 ...





Baby #3 ...





Baby #4 ...





Baby #5 ...





Baby #6 ...





Baby #7 ...


If you click on the pic, you’ll see that the larger of the two creatures is our blogger; the other critter being a monkey




Baby #8 ...


Our blogger is the boy on the left




Baby #9 ...





Baby #10 ...







THE GIRLS:



Baby #11 ...





Baby #12 ...





Baby #13 ...


The blogger above doesn’t have any baby pics so instead she’s sent a representation that closely depicts her upbringing



Baby #14 ...





Baby #15 ...

photo removed


Answers and winners will be posted on Wednesday, October 24.

Good luck, bitches!