A word to those bloggers who don’t find themselves listed on the Roundup this week…
I’m still knackered from the party but I’ll strive to do better next week. Perhaps I need to hire help to compile this list. Unfortunately, my man slave had the week off.
Now let's get on with this week's sordid lineup...
TAZZY AND PIGGY:
Cute Wee Pigster and his Superhero
Tazzy and Piggy spend a weekend at Alton Towers amusement park with Steve and Carly, The Smunts.
Stevey: Rent boy
“Be gentle with me, fellas.”
Taz and Pig have since checked themselves into therapy to recover from the experience.
For Tazzy and Piggy's side of the story, visit their blog.
STEVE AND CARLY (THE SMUNTS):
The Smunts really are Cunts
Steve and Carly relate their version of a weekend at Alton Towers with Tazzy and Piggy.
I’m jealous because that fag hag Carly had the thrill of seeing Tazzy clad only in a towel. On a scale of 1-10, Tazzy rates an eleven on the Phwoar Factor.
On the other hand, I wouldn’t really want to be Carly as she had to play the role of “fluffer” to keep Steve hard for Tazzy and Piggy…
Read both Taz and Pig’s account of the weekend and the Smunts account. Then make up your minds for yourselves as to which story is the more believable.
The truth is out there.
TICKERS:
Tickers exposed
Tickers revisits his old flat in Cardiff and recounts how he exposed himself from his bedroom window.
MAIDY:
Try not to look so excited
Psycho Bitch whinges throughout the entire week.
Would someone please induce her labour?
You’d think she’d be thrilled that her man Geo is back. Perhaps she’s sulking because she’ll have to share Geo with Tazzy and Piggy and now Frobi too.
GEO: (SHOOTING 4 FUN)
TANK you for finally posting something, Geo.
Geo’s big gun
FROBI:
Frobi asks us, “Do you like the picture above? It was sent to me by the lads of the 2nd Royal Tank Regiment! for some reason they seem to think I'm a single, 18-year-old blonde called Debbie!”
I have to say I’m surprised at Geo for sending this saucy pic to Frobi.
PADDY:
Paddy: Finland’s finest Fenian
Our Paddy dragged himself painfully through the week after a weekend of drinking and clubbing.
The agony and the ecstasy.
TONY:
Yorkshire’s Polish Prince eats Rag Pudding in a greasy spoon. I had to Google ‘rag pudding.’ You Brits and your odd cuisine.
Then off he went in search of culture (in Oldham) as he attended a production of ‘Look Back in Anger’. Tony manages to anger the Jimmy Porter character.
"That will give you something to be Bloody Angry about,” mused Tony as he left the Theatre.
All that and he managed to visit his Mum in Burnley!
But wait! Tony’s holding a competition! You have to choose which photo is the pic of Tony and if you’re correct, you get to decide what your prize should be. The fucker rigged it so I couldn’t win.
OLD KNUDSEN:
Isn’t one of these a useless tit?
Genetically modified weemen, selling his spare parts, sailor boys, and much more. Knudsen (Old Bitter Balls) delivers.
EDDIE WARING:
Eddie contemplates the indignity of death on the bog.
GEOFF:
Geoff (Contains Mild Peril) reviews 'Shaggy Blog Stories: A Collection of Amusing Tales from the UK Blogosphere.'
And pays tribute to all the girls he’s loved before.
Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, such a pair of teasers
Mamma mia, does it show again?
I mean the women, not the geezers
BETTY:
Witness Betty’s frightening hallucination involving Val Doonican and puppet pigs Pinky and Perky.
KAV:
You’ll recall how Geoff and Betty had new windows fitted last week?
Well life gets even more exciting in BlogLand as Kav gets a new garage!
HE (HOMO ESCAPEONS):
HE asks what we’d order for our last supper.
WW (SNIPPETS FROM SPACESHIP ORION):
Portrait of the sports writer as a young blogger
(photo illustration by Homo Escapeons)
WW has been ordered to return to Earth to cover the World Women’s Hockey Championship.
MUTLEY THE DOG:
Mutley deals with a crazed spammer, then relocates from Wales back to sunny Bridport.
AWAITING:
Areola Borealis
Our lovely lady Awa needs cheering up.
Old Knudsen offered to sex her up but she turned him down.
So go on over there and give her some love.
FARMER GILES’ COCK BLOG:
Lynda asks for a peek at Farmer Giles’ cock on The Woman Who Only Wanted Me For My Cock - Part Seven.
PRU (PRUNELLA DE VILLE):
Pru’s cousin Edith provides photodocumention of a midsummer’s night argument between Jessica Alba and her boyfriend Cash Warren.
KAZ:
Nurse Kaz informs us about the risks of leaving our homes.
Most accidents requiring hospitalisation (38%) occur in the home.
And the safest activity at a mere 1% of accidents? Vist Kaz to find out. And get out your charge card.
FIRST NATIONS:
FN takes a trip down memory lane to her life in the Seventies.
Caution: Don’t read the bit about the anal fistula if you’re eating your lunch.
INEXPLICABLE DEVICE:
IVF’s had enough coverage for one week so let’s skip over him.
VICUS:
Looks like there was room for Geoff and Betty on Vicus’ list of Welcome Wagon hosts but no room for the likes of me.
Let’s ignore Vicus then too, shall we?
CHELLY:
Chelly (However) fights the urge to take up pole dancing.
Go for it, Chelly!
And finally...
NEW CUNT OF THE WEEK
“How’s it goin’, eh?”
Welcome Alasdair!
Look what we’ve got ourselves here… another Canuck!
Alasdair lives in Canada’s Northwest Territories.
He likes to get his cardio system going with outdoor sports and viewing porn on the Internet when not watching wildlife documentaries.
Credit goes to Alasdair for creating the new title of our weekly newcomer segment, now known as “New Cunt of the Week.”
He doesn’t have a blog so if you want to know more about him, ask him yourself here in the comments section. If you don’t hear from him right away, it’s because he’s out sled dog mushing or snowshoeing or ice fishing or building an igloo or whatever it is they do on the Tundra.
Give Alasdair a warm Infomaniac welcome.
ha I'm first
ReplyDeleteGeo you cunt. You got in there as I was typing.
ReplyDeleteI don't have anything to say. I just wanted to be a cunt and beat all you other cunts to it.
I can go to bed now.
Please forgive me, there is always room for a foulmouthed, misanthropic sociopath on my PR team.
ReplyDeleteWhy do weemen turn into leezers when I offer to sex them up? just ask Eddie what they missed out on. Now I know more about that new cunt Alasdair, why did he have to be Canadian?
ReplyDeleteI'm just popping over to find out where Taz was wearing that towel.
ReplyDeleteSeeya later!
HAHA Im 6th!
ReplyDeletere;my Rag Pudding Caper , the nice thing about England is that you only have to travel a few miles & its like a foreign country.
Strange Sounding place with strange sounding names....
Rag pudding is almost as vile as tampon pie.
ReplyDeleteFancy a slice Alasdair?
Bugger me! Whilst romping throught the '70's with FN, I managed to miss another two parties.
ReplyDeleteI actually like the sound of rag pie! might make one
ReplyDeleteRag pie - sounds like another name for a Rainbow Kiss.
ReplyDeleteMy stories the real one - those poofs are all lies.
Oh, and do stop dribbling on Taz - it's a waste of good fanny batter and he's only got a little willy anyway!
GEO: Yes! Away from us for months but still on top of your game.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, IVF fancies you.
EDDIE: Geo’s only 3 hours ahead of us in Philly so it’s going to be hard to stay one step ahead of him.
Unlike those lazy Brits who are sleeping while we’re still up.
VICUS: What’s my task then?
KNUDSEN: Eddie? Surely not. Just because he cross-dresses doesn’t make him a poof.
KAZ: I’ve had cross words with Carly who didn’t snap a pic of the towel-clad Tazzy.
Apparently she went all slack-jawed and started drooling and couldn’t focus or hold the camera steady.
TONY: And full of people with strange sounding names like … Tony. And Piggy. And Tazzy.
IVF: Alasdair’s probably still sleeping. I think he’s about 7 hours behind you lot.
And he probably lives so far north that the sun doesn’t rise all winter.
TICKERS: You may have missed out because you were too busy being buggered.
FROBI: Rag Pie would make a delicious addition to “Frobisher’s Cuntry Kitchen.”
STEVE: I can’t verify the size of Tazzy’s willy but big or small, I’m sure it’s gorgeous.
And at least it’s straight, unlike your bendy bit.
"I’m jealous because that fag hag Carly had the thrill of seeing Tazzy clad only in a towel. On a scale of 1-10, Tazzy rates an eleven on the Phwoar Factor."
ReplyDelete...truer words....! carly, i don't know who you are but you are my hero. DID YOU GET PHOTOGRAPHIC DOCUMENTATION????????????
*feels faint at thought of tantalizing taz tittage; has a lie down*
...wait wait wait. just read comments (from a prone position)
ReplyDeleteYOU DIDN'T GET A PICTURE?????
you are no longer my hero.
but i do want your autograph.
Yay, I made the list two weeks in a row!
ReplyDeleteHow did you find a piccie of me and my pole MJ?
PS: did you see that Corrie special last night? Steve and Liz singing GNR's "Sweet Child of Mine"!!
FN: I don't know that either one of us would have been any more prepared than Carly was to photodocument the Taz tittage.
ReplyDeleteI probably would have swooned and fainted and used the camera to break my fall.
Maybe if we beg the poofs, they'll post pics for us.
CHELLY: Where did I get the pic of you with the pole?
It's all over the Internet!
I forgot about the Corrie special.
Aw, thanks, MJ!! You are the bestest!!
ReplyDeleteI am still sorting through a ton of crap...but hopefully be feeling much more bitchified soon.
I can vouch for Knudsen, he let me watch from the wardrobe while he knocked the granny out of Gobbling Granny.
ReplyDeleteAnd about the cross dressing, I thought I explained all that. I was just preparing for a role in a movie about transvestites just in case I ever decide to become an actor and get offered a role in a movie about transvestites.
AWA: I don’t want you to feel fuckered up anymore.
ReplyDeleteEDDIE: Is that how the Gobbling Granny’s eye got knocked loose out of its socket?
No need to get so defensive over the cross-dressing. I understand there’s a big demand in L.A. for pantomime dames.