You see, I accidentally walked into a lamp and I’ll thank you very much not to roar with laughter as there was actually blood oozing from my head and it still hurts.
Instead, why don’t you tell us about your unfortunate incidents regarding attacks from seemingly innocent furnishings and household appliances.
See you on Monday.
Oh! Oh!
ReplyDeleteMy need to be FIRST was eclipsed by my worry over our Mistress.
ReplyDeleteWhere are those houseboys? I blame them for this horrible accident.
Are you OK? Do you wish me to plug in the Vodka Fountain? I'm still cleaning it out after your anniversary party, but you just let me know what you need.
Ouch! that's gotta hurt
ReplyDeleteA little over Zealous with the self defence moves perchance?
Might I suggest a Bex and a good lie down?...
Feel better soon....
I once had an awful argument with one of These.
ReplyDeleteAs I picked it up to put it back on the shelf after re filling... The little buggers base shattered and a shard of glass slashed right trough my pinky finger. Trip to the hospital and 6 stitches later... And all I wanted was another drink when I got home... but not from that nasty little bitch thank you!
[fluffs pillows]
ReplyDeletePlease rest!
Not to worry! As per usual practice, the pillows have covers to protect them from The Mistress' precious bodily fluids!
Screaming like Prissy in "Gone With the Wind" the time that a pan of frying bacon caught on fire and watching flames go up the vent a hood. Too bad, I really liked that house.
ReplyDeleteOnce punctured the base of my index finger by the corner of a sharp formica covered table while on my way to answer the door. I didn't think anything of it until I reached the door and the guest pointed out that I was spewing blood all over the place. I actually fainted from the blood loss. It severed a blood vessel. I still have a crescent shaped scar on that hand to remind me of the tragedy.
ReplyDeleteI hope you have no permanent injury.
if you tell me there was a 3 way bulb in it i'll scream.
ReplyDeleteGet well soon!
ReplyDeleteWow, Ayem8y. That's one bad cut!
I've stubbed toes on bed posts and coffee tables and sofa corners. I once had a hotel bathroom sink cabinet attack my knee as I was getting ready to entertain a guest. It hurt like a mofo and I cussed for a full minute! Luckily, the injury was minor and didn't put a hamper on the planned activities.
Would you like a bag of frozen peas for your head? The only reason there are peas in this house is for medicinal purposes.
ReplyDeleteThe lamp must be in league with Lulu's chairs... it's a conspiracy of furniture.
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, if it makes you feel any better, I once walked into a parking meter in view of an office full of people. Yes, I was waving at them at the time.
Sx
BITCHES: As my head is not pounding nor bleeding anymore, Mistress MJ will now respond to your comments.
ReplyDeleteBOXER: Oh! Oh!
My need to be FIRST was eclipsed by my worry over our Mistress.
Where are those houseboys? I blame them for this horrible accident.
Are you OK? Do you wish me to plug in the Vodka Fountain? I'm still cleaning it out after your anniversary party, but you just let me know what you need.
Your almost being hit by a car trumps my light fixture mishap.
It would have been a sad day in the blogging world had both of us shuffled off this mortal coil at the same time…
Sad in that the others would have been left high and dry without the vodka fountain.
PRINCESS: Ouch! that's gotta hurt
A little over Zealous with the self defence moves perchance?
Might I suggest a Bex and a good lie down?...
Feel better soon....
Can you mix Bex and vodka?
PRINCESS: I once had an awful argument with one of These.
As I picked it up to put it back on the shelf after re filling... The little buggers base shattered and a shard of glass slashed right trough my pinky finger. Trip to the hospital and 6 stitches later... And all I wanted was another drink when I got home... but not from that nasty little bitch thank you!
*crosses “Little Whizzer Novelty Peeing Boy Liquor Dispenser” off “must-have” list*
XL: [fluffs pillows]
Please rest!
Not to worry! As per usual practice, the pillows have covers to protect them from The Mistress' precious bodily fluids!
I am thinking of putting my “precious bodily fluids” on eBay.
TB: Screaming like Prissy in "Gone With the Wind" the time that a pan of frying bacon caught on fire and watching flames go up the vent a hood. Too bad, I really liked that house.
Mistress MJ keeps a fire extinguisher in the kitchen as she is not known for her culinary skills.
I’m glad you lived to tell the tale.
Darling, I do hope you're feeling better. Once, while dancing, I blammed into a chandelier (I'm a big guy,) knocked the metal shade off which then smacked a drunk passed out on the floor and busted his cheek open. He wouldn't wake up, so the hostess stuck a tampon on the wound. Fortunately, I was uninjured, and isn't that what counts?
ReplyDeleteAYEM8Y: Once punctured the base of my index finger by the corner of a sharp formica covered table while on my way to answer the door. I didn't think anything of it until I reached the door and the guest pointed out that I was spewing blood all over the place. I actually fainted from the blood loss. It severed a blood vessel. I still have a crescent shaped scar on that hand to remind me of the tragedy.
ReplyDeleteI hope you have no permanent injury.
How dreadful!
I’d always thought of Formica as friendly.
I’m a fainter too, by the way. They have special instructions at the lab to lay me down first and use the child-sized needle on me.
NORMADESMOND: if you tell me there was a 3 way bulb in it i'll scream.
Worse.
It was the last ugly light fixture in the house.
When I moved in, I had to replace all the light fixtures due to their hideous appearance.
I hadn’t gotten around to replacing this one yet and just the day before I had been eyeing it and saying, “That HAS to go and SOON.”
I am certain it knew the score and was getting revenge.
EROS: Get well soon!
Wow, Ayem8y. That's one bad cut!
I've stubbed toes on bed posts and coffee tables and sofa corners. I once had a hotel bathroom sink cabinet attack my knee as I was getting ready to entertain a guest. It hurt like a mofo and I cussed for a full minute! Luckily, the injury was minor and didn't put a hamper on the planned activities.
Like you and AyeM8y, Mistress MJ was getting ready for guests when this happened.
Is there some relation?
Perhaps it’s best that I stop socializing.
ROSES: Would you like a bag of frozen peas for your head? The only reason there are peas in this house is for medicinal purposes.
I’ll give peas a chance.
SCARLET: The lamp must be in league with Lulu's chairs... it's a conspiracy of furniture.
Anyhow, if it makes you feel any better, I once walked into a parking meter in view of an office full of people. Yes, I was waving at them at the time.
Like Lulu’s chairs, this light fixture is ugly. And evil.
Too much of a coincidence.
I am hoping your accident was pre-YouTube.
PEENEE: Darling, I do hope you're feeling better. Once, while dancing, I blammed into a chandelier (I'm a big guy,) knocked the metal shade off which then smacked a drunk passed out on the floor and busted his cheek open. He wouldn't wake up, so the hostess stuck a tampon on the wound. Fortunately, I was uninjured, and isn't that what counts?
ReplyDeleteOh hello Peenee…you snuck in.
Were you swinging on the chandelier, per chance?
The tampon was a stroke of genius.
Mistress MJ suggests keeping Kotex pads on hand for even bigger mishaps.
I've stood on one of these in my bare feet. The Pain was exquisite.
ReplyDeleteI once bent down to get some ice cubes from out of the freezer and as I rose up I banged my head on the opened fridge door above. I saw stars!
Hope you're feeling better soon.
I walked into a glass door on my first day of work as a rich bitch's personal assistant. She was having some b grade celebrities over for lunch and me spurting blood all over the shag pile was not part of the entertainment. I was handed a band aid and a packet of frozen peas.
ReplyDeleteDuring the lunch of the guests whispered to her that I would probably sue if there was any scarring so I was given an early mark to go get stitches
MITZI: I've stood on one of these in my bare feet. The Pain was exquisite.
ReplyDeleteI once bent down to get some ice cubes from out of the freezer and as I rose up I banged my head on the opened fridge door above. I saw stars!
Hope you're feeling better soon.
Ouch!
Mistress MJ once fell on her head and saw stars.
All I could say when folk huddled around to check on my condition was, “It’s just like in the cartoons!”
NURSEMYRA: I walked into a glass door on my first day of work as a rich bitch's personal assistant. She was having some b grade celebrities over for lunch and me spurting blood all over the shag pile was not part of the entertainment. I was handed a band aid and a packet of frozen peas.
During the lunch of the guests whispered to her that I would probably sue if there was any scarring so I was given an early mark to go get stitches
And I bet she had you right back on the job the next day.
The bitch.
At the former condo I was vacuuming the dining room and decided to move the table. Mind you a 6-light chandelier hung above the table with dangling crystals. In my Joan Crawford 'mad at the dirt' mode I forgot I was beneath it and konked myself in the forehead to near black-out mode. I saw stars for a few minutes.
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better. Did you teach that lamp a lesson?
MICHAEL GUY: At the former condo I was vacuuming the dining room and decided to move the table. Mind you a 6-light chandelier hung above the table with dangling crystals. In my Joan Crawford 'mad at the dirt' mode I forgot I was beneath it and konked myself in the forehead to near black-out mode. I saw stars for a few minutes.
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better. Did you teach that lamp a lesson?
Did you have a crystal embedded in your forehead?
At least it would have been a conversation piece and a hit at the disco.
I shall teach that light fixture a lesson by ripping it out of the ceiling as soon as possible.
Although I’m having second thoughts now about replacing it with a chandelier.
You know in cartoons when someone steps on a rake and it pops up and smacks them in the forehead? Hilarious, right. I was gardening and carelessly put the rake down and when I turned around I stepped on the tines, it swung up and cracked me in the forehead. Nothing bleeds like a head wound, it was horror film epic. Unlike some of you I am not a fainter because I had to get myself to the ER for stitches.
ReplyDeleteKELLY RED: You know in cartoons when someone steps on a rake and it pops up and smacks them in the forehead? Hilarious, right. I was gardening and carelessly put the rake down and when I turned around I stepped on the tines, it swung up and cracked me in the forehead. Nothing bleeds like a head wound, it was horror film epic. Unlike some of you I am not a fainter because I had to get myself to the ER for stitches.
ReplyDeleteYowch! That’s like something from a Road Runner episode.
Was it an ACME rake?
Good evening MJ,
ReplyDeleteStopped by to say that I hope you're feeling better. And from the look of things you seem to have things well in hand. Good day.
KARL: Good evening MJ,
ReplyDeleteStopped by to say that I hope you're feeling better. And from the look of things you seem to have things well in hand. Good day.
Mistress MJ has bounced back with a little TLC and a lot of vitamin E cream.
Thank you for checking in, Karl.
I once tripped and fell backwards onto a cucumber.
ReplyDeleteKAPI: I once tripped and fell backwards onto a cucumber.
ReplyDeleteWe at the Infomaniac Medical Centre have seen your type before.