Miss Daisy was supposed to assist in the punishment but she’s been lured away for tea by the charming Mr. Ginro…
As Mistress MJ is preoccupied, you may go elsewhere for your blogging jollies and come back again on Wednesday or you may stay and chatter amongst yourselves.
Many times Beast and Mistress MJ have been asked to incorporate their separate book clubs into one.
But we could never come to an agreement on which titles to select and it was a source of constant argument.
Mistress MJ & Beast quarrel in “Scenes from a Stinky Duvet”
You see, Beast likes Chick Lit and Mistress MJ likes Dick Lit.
Beast enjoys nothing more than to chit chat about single, urban women and their man troubles as they shop for shoes and sip cosmopolitans ….hmmm.. sounds like we're describing a day in the life of CyberPoof.
Whereas Mistress MJ would rather discuss homoerotica; tales of backroom bumfun and blowjobs…hmmm…sounds like a night out with Mssrs. Frobisher, Hardhouse and Kapitano.
Needless to say, it’s been a constant power struggle between Beast and Mistress MJ as to which titles will be selected for their mutual book club.
Until now.
Today we’ll all be reading “Things You Can Do While You’re Naked.” This book is a guide to doing everyday activities in the nude.
Beast, put your frilly pinny on and serve the canapés while I gather everyone ‘round to discuss today’s selection.
Please turn to page 113 to read the Book Club study questions.
1. What everyday activity do you perform while you’re naked?
2. What would you like to do while you’re naked that you haven’t already done?
Beast, for example, likes to vacuum in the altogether…
Oh and just one more thing. Participants in our Book Club must be naked!
Thank you. Help yourself to tea and canapés as Beast comes around with the serving tray.
Mistress MJ was pleased to find a bevy of new houseboys under the tree this Christmas…
But trouble is already brewing.
Expectations were high as she packed them off to the kitchen to prepare her turkey dinner. But when she poked her head in later to check on their progress, she found them sipping cocktails and tittering; heads craned toward the table…
She strode toward the table and was greeted with this abomination...
Marching angrily into the adjoining room, she found another group of houseboys, aprons asunder, lazing about watching telly…
Then up in her bedroom there arose such a clatter, she hurried upstairs to see what was the matter…
That’s it. You’ve seen enough. Obviously Mistress MJ has no control over this new crop of houseboys and she’s beside herself with worry.
Mistress MJ will be busy unwrapping her new houseboys for the next couple of days.
But don’t think she’s forgotten you. She’s made sure that Beast has a fresh bunch of bananas and there are sausages for the rest of you…
For those of you high-maintenance bitches who require entertainment while we're away, Infomaniac is pleased to present the Del Rubio Triplets. Because nothing says Merry Christmas like the heavenly intonations of three sexagenarians in mini skirts and go-go boots.
This clip is taken from Mistress MJ’s favourite Christmas show, Pee-Wee's Playhouse Christmas Special. Before the Del Rubio Triplets appear, you’ll see a few seconds of Pee-wee Herman with Cowboy Curtis (played by Laurence Fishburne).
Enjoy!...
If you’re in the neighbourhood, drop by on December 26th for your Filthy Friday fix.
Mistress MJ is away for the day. Normally, The Infomaniac Dancers would fill in for her but they’ve booked a few days off to perform at Radio City Music Hall on a double bill with The Rockettes.
Our friend Vicus, sensing my quandary, came to the rescue with a bit of festive fun to keep you entertained while I’m away.
Vicus tells me he’d like to have his baubles licked by Nigella Lawson. I found his confession rather shocking but after watching this clip, you’ll understand why he feels that way.
Viewers of a sensitive disposition, look away now…
And before you go, Infomaniac wishes a happy 50th birthday to that caffeinated Bostonian bitch, Rich.
Mistress MJ is knackered, having spent yesterday ensnared in the hustle and bustle that is Christmas shopping. Shopping for your pressies, I might add.
The hazards of leaving your shopping this late include getting stuck in queues and crowds and, it turns out, being poked in the behind with a tube of gift wrap.
And the traffic was a bitch, especially trying to transport a harem back in my sedan for Garfer.
Mistress MJ is now ready to receive her gifts from you lot.
"There's nothing certain in a man's life except this: That he must lose it." -Aeschylus
We all have to go sometime but exactly how will we go? Quietly in our sleep?
Some of us will expire in more unusual ways, as I discovered whilst reading Wikipedia’s List of Unusual Deaths…
1322: Humphrey de Bohun, 4th Earl of Hereford was fatally speared through the anus by a pikeman hiding under the bridge during the Battle of Boroughbridge.
1649: Sir Arthur Aston, Royalist commander of the garrison during the Siege of Drogheda, was beaten to death with his own wooden leg, which the Parliamentarian soldiers thought concealed golden coins.
1947: The Collyer brothers, extreme cases of compulsive hoarders, were found dead in their home in New York. The younger brother, Langley, died by falling victim to a booby trap he had set up, causing a mountain of objects, books, and newspapers to fall on him crushing him to death. His blind brother, Homer, who had depended on Langley for care, died of starvation some days later. Their bodies were recovered after massive efforts in removing many tons of debris from their home.
On 24 March 1975, Alex Mitchell, a 50-year-old bricklayer from King's Lynn, England, died laughing while watching the Kung Fu Kapers episode of The Goodies, featuring a Scotsman in a kilt battling a vicious black pudding with his bagpipes. After twenty-five minutes of continuous laughter Mitchell finally slumped on the sofa and expired from heart failure. His widow later sent the Goodies a letter thanking them for making Mitchell's final moments so pleasant.
Caution: Viewing the following "killer clip" may cause death...although Mistress MJ lived through it without so much as a mild guffaw. Killer bagpipe scene begins around 2:04…
What about you, bitches? How do you expect to die?
Catastrophic asteroid strike? Lockjaw? Frightened to death by faeries? Choking on a cheesy Wotsit? Pitchforks duel? Imprisonment in Mistress MJ’s oubliette?
A peek at ‘the week that was’ with a handful of Infomaniac’s readers.
Nota bene: SATANIC CRAMPS FROM HELL prevented Mistress MJ from creating a more detailed Blogging Roundup this week. Well that and the fact that certain bitches wouldn’t shut up while I was trying to write it yesterday.
Now on with the show.
WW & DONN:
First up, we turn our attention to the Great White North where Canuckleheads WW and Donn get their first taste of VEGEMITE…
Needless to say, alcohol was involved…
CLICK HERE for the sordid story (with pics!) of Vegemite experimentation and debauchery….
I have no idea what Old Knudsen was railing on about this week.
I just wanted an excuse to post this picture of him…
ANONYMOUS BOXER: Boxer conducts an interview with her Chihuahua, Paco in which Paco opines on the $14 billion bailout plan for U.S. automakers and the pay raise for federal judges…
Word has it that Barbara Walters has seen this video and asked Paco to “sit!” for an interview but he told her that her people will have to get in touch with his people.
Welcome to Infomaniac’s First Annual Christmas Office Party!
It’s early but this party is already SWINGIN’!...
Obviously, the colour theme for this party was inspired by IVD.
By now you’ve worked up an appetite so let’s make our way over to the nibblies table.
Once again, I regret leaving IVD in charge of décor. It seems ORANGE is the colour du jour!...
RANDOM CHICK's radioactive cheese casserole
More orange food as XL brought Cheetos…
CARNALIS baked a CAKE. Don’t click the cake link. Oops, too late.
We ask that you exercise caution in eating the following dishes:
GARFER’s pork scratchings…
Made with contaminated Irish pork.
And stay away from BEAST’s offering… “Ma Beastie’s Chickpea Curry.” It’s ALWAYS a risk!
WHAT ARE THE OFFICE FASHIONISTAS WEARING?
OLD KNUDSEN makes a grand entrance in his rubberized codpiece…
CYBERPOOF, when you said you’d be wearing orange shoes, this is NOT what we were expecting…
Head cropped to prevent humiliation
CyberPoof told KAZ she should leave the Doc Martens at home and try a pair of stilettos. It all went so horribly wrong...
WW showed up in his Perry Como slippers and penguin pyjamas as he has a bad case of the dreaded MANFLU!...
PLENTY OF FUN AND GAMES!
Anyone want in on the card game with MISS SCARLET AND DAISY?...
Who doesn’t love a game of Naked Twister?...
WHERE’S THE PRESSIES?
EROSWINGS has something for everybody!...
And everybody wants to find Eroswings under their tree.
XL says, “Unwrap MY package first, ladies!”…
Time spent waiting by the hearth in the lobby for Saint Nick to deliver really paid off for HARDHOUSE!...
SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!
DJ BETTY starts us off with a little Val Doonican…
Well done, Betty. Looks like your choice of tunes has caused that wallflower GINRO to loosen up and get down with the boss’s daughter…
RANDOM CHICK is taking requests…
HARDHOUSE finally works up the courage to ask KAPITANO…
“May I have this dance?”
TONY gives an impromptu “Wellies Dancing” lesson…
Does anyone want to play with BEAST’s tiny organ?...
WHO’S ZOOMIN’ WHO?
DONN’s “date” Monica Bellucci has him where she wants him…
Looks like somebody’s feeling spunky after their operation, eh Donald?
SUDDENLY THE PARTY TAKES A NASTY TURN!
Uh oh. Somebody’s had too much to drink…
Poor BEAST. Won’t someone throw his stinky duvet over him to protect his modesty?
MAGO steals Post-it Notes from the stationery cupboard and is punished by Mistress MJ…
HEFF gives the boss the finger…
PONITA mistakes the washing machine for a Jacuzzi…
INNER VOICES mistakes a potted plant for a toilet…
I think Ponita may have hung some mistletoe on this.
ANONYMOUS BOXER and LEAH are slugging it out over Old Knudsen…
The plantar’s punch really did deliver a punch to SAVANNAH…
Punch drunk
MANUEL arrives late to the party without time to change out of his waiter’s uniform. Already in a state of exhaustion, he hurriedly gulps down a triple Irish whiskey and promptly passes out…
You’ve seen Manuel’s arse…now see his navel!
1) Manuel’s navel 2) Manuel’s arse (who hasn’t seen it?) 3) Manuel’s bowtie cutting off his circulation
AND JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT COULDN’T GET ANY WORSE…
Infomaniac is saddened to report that GEOFF has been taken to hospital after an incident in the photocopying room…
No new posting ‘til Saturday so KNOCK YOURSELVES OUT, BITCHES!
