Shut up and click it
Mistress MJ has been busy all week knocking herself out for your entertainment.
A Christmas office party, Geoff’s birthday, and now she’s preparing Monday’s Blogging Roundup.
She hasn’t even had time to come round to visit you yet this weekend.
It’s time you lazy bitches did something for HER for a change!
So what’s it going to be then?
Yay! First!
ReplyDeleteBonbons, MJ? Some champagne, perhaps? Breakfast in bed?
Where the hell is everybody???
ReplyDeleteHelloooo....
I'm guessing everyone has gone off shopping or wenching or some such Ponita, lol.
ReplyDeleteNo point visiting my place MJ as there's nothing new there, and I don't feel much like writing anything yet.
I'll bring you some flowers and then massage your legs for you.
i shall butter your toast
ReplyDeleteI've got Christmas shopping to do.
ReplyDeleteQuit moanin' and knit yourself a jumper or something.
I'm about to move house. If and when I get back online, I shall come and give you a massage...
ReplyDeletei'll bend over backwards...does that help?
ReplyDeleteI will do the laundry. I will even wash Mr Beastie's stinky duvet...
ReplyDeleteSx
I shall protect you from that brain eating zombie and the killer clam.
ReplyDeleteI will kill Old Knudsen for you.
ReplyDeleteI shall bring you a cold glass of Guiness with a gherkin on a stick.
ReplyDeleteI'll put the DVD Miracle on 34th street on for you
ReplyDeleteI was going to offer the usual: fluffing your pillows. It seems the gentleman has taken care of that task.
ReplyDelete[tearfully and unsuccessfully searches want ads for new pillow fluffer employment]
xl...you are a little closer to me...and every woman needs a good fluffer ;)
ReplyDeleteI will massage cream into your hanging heamariods
ReplyDeletePONITA: Breakfast in bed?
ReplyDeleteI have houseboys for that.
*presses trap door button*
Next!
GINRO: I'll bring you some flowers and then massage your legs for you.
So this is your idea of a leg massage?
*wisks Ginro down trap door chute before it has a chance to close after PONITA*
CARNALIS: i shall butter your toast
Or a bit of crumpet?
GARFY: Quit moanin' and knit yourself a jumper or something.
Shall we turn Infomaniac back into a knitting blog?
FAMULUS: If and when I get back online, I shall come and give you a massage...
ReplyDeleteIf and when?
Talk about non-committal!
*opens trap door and laughs maniacally as Fammy joins GINRO and PONITA*
DAISY: i'll bend over backwards...does that help?
We’ve all seen what you can do with a stage all to yourself and a brass pole.
I suppose if you can pick up hundred dollar bills with your teeth whilst bent over backwards and deposit them into my piggybank, then yes, it helps.
SCARLET: I will do the laundry. I will even wash Mr Beastie's stinky duvet...
What miracle product do you have that can remove the stench?
KNUDSEN: What about lemurs?
ReplyDeleteCan you protect me from lemurs?
KNUDSEN-IMPOSTER: The real Knudsen would have said “Ka-Chow!”
KAZ: I shall bring you a cold glass of Guiness with a gherkin on a stick.
How about we just insert a pickle up an Irishman’s arse instead?
*glares at GARFER*
CYBERPOOF: How about a miracle on MY street?
XL & DAISY: Get a room.
BEAST: I will massage cream into your hanging heamariods
I will insert the pointy end of my shoe up your arse.
I'm not familiar with that movie. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteAh, Madonna in rosis, a little prickey I guess ... Chinese take away food, coffee and the sofa. I can offer to silently sit at the desk and catch any pantoffel, book or other object thrown at me. If you hit me you win a hot-water-bottle.
ReplyDeletemj...i never tried it with my teeth but i can do it with my toes...does that help?
ReplyDeleteit's entertaining...or so i have been told...
Mago an elephant strength tranquilising dart may be more useful :-)
ReplyDelete*Struggles up to the trapdoor entrance by standing on Ponita's shoulders and lifting himself so his eyes are just about level with the floor*
ReplyDeleteNo, actually I was thinking more on the lines of...
*Ponita collapses under the weight of Ginro who suddenly disappears from view*
*Voice carries up from the cellar, echoing slightly*
ReplyDeleteOoooh look Ponita, what are all these bones doing down here?
Ginro, there must be a man eating monster down here! Eek!
ReplyDeletePhewfff! Guess I'm safe, seein' as how I'm not a man....
*notices Fammy sprawled on the floor amongst the bones*
*grabs Fammy's hand, scrambles onto Ginro, and attempts to climb out of the cellar*
Ladies first, Ginro... didn't your ma teach you anything?
BITCHES: *tosses the lot of you into the oubliette*
ReplyDeleteGoogle it, you lazy bastards.
I will give you a weeks free office visits to your nearest chiropractor. that bad man seems to have done something horrible to you; you're all wrung out like a dishrag there, lying next to the giant clam. on the bright side, you can now look down and see your own ass.
ReplyDeleteNATIONS: *trys to stuff Nations into oubliette but Nations gets stuck due to her gigantic gazongas*
ReplyDelete*reaches up and grabs one of Nation's gazongas, hauls herself and Fammy out of the oubliette, leaving everyone else to fend for themselves*
ReplyDelete*sorry, FN... it was all I could reach...*
***plays calming whale song and wofts josticks about****
ReplyDeleteBah! Humbug!
ReplyDelete*Nations gazongas are so big, especially after Ponita's little escapade, they stretch down to within eyesight of Ginro*
ReplyDeleteIs that braille on those gazongas?
And I think these bones are the remains of bitches that displeased MJ! Does anyone want some soup?
BITCHES: I don't suppose any of you care that Mistress MJ has SATANIC CRAMPS FROM HELL and therefore cannot go outdoors in the first snowfall of the year and a rare bright and sunny day?
ReplyDeleteNor go swimming or horseback riding.
AND has to write the Blogging Roundup?
*wraps chain from incense censer around Beast's neck*
I knew something was up, you're in a right foul mood *his voice echoed up from below*
ReplyDelete*Gathers all the other bitches together in the oubliette who each pick up a pair of bones and start Morris dancing*
GINRO: *calls in firing squad to eliminate Morris dancers*
ReplyDeleteHow am I supposed to get any work down when you bitches won't shut up?
*butters another crumpet*
ReplyDelete*adds (non-red) jam*
I have just seen an advert on the tv for feminax Ultra , which will have you riding a horse and a bike and smiling a lot with your girly chums......adverts never lie
ReplyDeleteTell your aunt Flo hi from me.
ReplyDeleteFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFF
ReplyDeleteFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFFFUCKOFF
Daisy, thanks for the generous offer! I can now cancel my application at Wal-Mart (redneck oubliette) for seasonal work!
ReplyDeleteI will return your used tampon
ReplyDelete**holds it at arms length and drops in on your floor**
I have decided to donate my tweaked and oiled nasal hair for your delight and delectation.
ReplyDeleteIn some societies the said hair is venerated alongside fragments of the true cross.
I trust that you will curate these fragments of sacred DNA with due reverence.
So what’s it going to be then?
ReplyDeleteUm. Do your houseboys need any maintenence?
XL: *ignores XL as he’s talking to DAISY as if this is some sort of chat line*
ReplyDeleteHARDHOUSE: Beast was asking for it!
GARFY: *picks up tampon and flings it across room at Garfer*
KAPI: My houseboys would like an oil change and a lube job.
mj darling...lay back a little...stretch your legs out and put them on something for a few minutes...now breathe my dear one...let daisy take the pain away momentarily...
ReplyDeleteDid Mistress MJ page me? I still have ringing in my ears from the Everclear at the office party...
ReplyDeleteMJ, two Robax Platinum and a couple belts of something alcoholicly potent should do the trick.
ReplyDeleteOf course, you will probably be asleep soon but you won't feel the cramps and will have a good rest!
Try hots packs on your belly and lower back (at the same time)? That has always helped me when the f*cking cramps from hell attack.
I can sympathize, dear MJ.... I truly can.
*hands MJ pills and drink*
*sneaks out the back door with Fammy in tow after giving MJ her meds*
DAISY & XL: Have you split up?
ReplyDeletePONITA: *self-medicates with painkillers and Godiva*
Ahhhh…the winning combination of chocolate and alcohol.
oh shit xl...were we together...i gotta get more sleep...
ReplyDeleteI'll try to get you the tres cool bed in the picture.... **searches ebay***
ReplyDeleteDAISY: Sleep?
ReplyDeleteIs that what you two are calling it?
BOXER: You're a pearl of a girl.
You do not want to be called "crampy" I guess? Do not know whether I asked you before, but do you own a cramp-ring? MAybe not ...
ReplyDeleteUg. What the...
ReplyDeletePonita, how did we get out of that hole? Did you really... And did I get a face full of... and...
Wow.
We should do this more often...
*insane grin appears to be superglued onto face*